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Funny and humorous blessing messages

Funny and humorous blessing messages

1. Americans: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood? Chinese: No. American: Then why does the Chinese character for "cup" come next to the character for wood? Chinese: Isn’t there a “no” next to “木”, so it’s not made of wood.

2. The chill comes quietly, because your cuteness is specially explained to you. Keep warm when going out to prevent influenza A, and sleep with your head exposed to avoid suffocating the pig's head. , there is nothing wrong with picking up a bone. I heard that this is how to supplement calcium!

3. The rich man is a man of great stature, with big shoulders and round waist, and a face full of flesh. This is software. There are two BMWs and Mercedes-Benzes each, and three villas, covering an area of ??100 acres. This is hardware. Thank you very much, welcome to patronize us.

4. Reporter: What are your hopes for this game? Player: When I dribble the ball smoothly past the opponent's defender and rush to the goal area to shoot, I hope that the opponent's goalkeeper suddenly cramps and collapses to the ground.

5. Old man, my wife went to heaven this year and last year. Today I am here to propose marriage, just to pray for a happy year. I have retired and am spending my time at home. I can’t spend all my salary every month. I want a wife to talk to, take care of each other and help each other. As long as the other person has nothing to worry about, I can get the certificate as soon as possible and the marriage will be completed.

6. SARS grabs jealousy, and people become jealous; Japan's nuclear radiation grabs salt, and people become "salt" princes; verify this "salt", lest the demon "salt" confuses the public; and fear that we will not care about each other. "Salt", there will be no "salt" to respond, only a thousand lines of tears!

7. God! Please send a watermelon for me to those guys who forget me, don’t call me, don’t send me text messages, don’t miss me, wish them a good meal, and then step on the watermelon rind while walking!

8. Many years ago, there was a popular computer virus called the "Millennium Bug", and news about it was broadcast on television and radio. After that, grandma never let us children touch the computer again because she was afraid of bugs crawling out.

9. I have been wandering around the world since I was a child. I am known as the Savage Butcher and have a prominent reputation in the world. I have no choice but to endure the pain of lovesickness and cannot enjoy the blessing of being single. Today I am looking for a daughter-in-law. I hope this girl will be gentle and graceful, and as warm as an old mother. Life is a long road, and I will not hesitate to kill pigs every year for you.

10. There is love for those without fate, money for those without love, strength for those without money, and heart for those without power. As for me, the only friend left with "heart", I sincerely wish you good food, good drink, and good health. Be in good health!

11. Do you know the latest abbreviations for "envy, jealousy, and hatred"? Let me tell you: "Huh~bah~bah!" My friends and children's shoes, isn't this too expressive, accurate and powerful?

12. Shot: Two men were talking on the roof of a high-rise building. Suddenly, man A said to man A: You are too Chinese. After hearing this, man A looked sad on his face and immediately turned around and walked away from the roof. Jumped down. At this time, Male C ran over and said to Male A: You scolded him too harshly.

13. Coke, burgers, and French fries are ready to jump off the building. Coke jumped down first, and there was still Coke on the ground at the bottom of the building. If Hamburger jumps down again, there will still be Hamburger on the ground at the bottom of the building. The French fries jumped off in the end, and together they became KFC...

14. I need a wife: I don’t have high requirements, I don’t want to be highly educated and have a good figure, I just want to be hard-working and be able to fulfill my filial piety, wash and cook. You must have everything you need, be able to carry heavy objects and repair computers. The above points must be kept in mind, and the secret code for communication is: Wife, where are you running!

15. If the mountain is not high, money will bring wisdom; if the water is not deep, money will bring wisdom. Money is important, but your body is more important. Your body is the capital of your career. I hope it will not be difficult for you, my friend, to make money. Take care of your health!

16. Noodles was bullied by steamed buns and asked Hanamaki to avenge him. Hanamaki met Doubao and mistakenly thought it was steamed buns, so he beat him up and came back. Noodles asked: Have you taken revenge? Hanamaki said: Don’t worry! The shit came out!

17. April Fool’s Day is here, you have fun with the people, you are a fool to entertain yourself, and a fool is to entertain others; you can work with ease, your thoughts are as wise as a fool, your wealth is like a fool every month, and your life is like a fool’s water. , enjoy the joy of foolish water, happiness and endless sense of foolishness!

18. The sea cannot be without its bottom, and the mountain cannot be without its peaks. Flowers cannot be without petals, and grass cannot be without roots. You can't live without money, and you can't live without companionship. Friendship cannot be without blessings, and blessings cannot be without faith.

19. On Sunday, a girl spent the morning online and got sleepy at noon, so she set the QQ automatic reply to "Well! What next?" and went to bed. After waking up two hours later, I saw a male netizen on QQ chatting animatedly with her!

20. One day the teacher assigned an assignment and asked students to write a proposal about ecological balance. There was a proposal that made the teacher dumbfounded. It turned out that there were only a dozen words written on it: cut down fewer trees and plant more trees, eat fewer animals and eat more vegetarian foods.

21. My brother is still single. Let me introduce you to a beautiful woman. Poor people talk about her every day, and rich people think about her every day. Recently, even Zike.com has a special topic for everyone to discuss her, oh , I forgot to tell you the beauty’s name. The girl’s surname is Wu, and her name is Aifa.

22. Manager: Ahua, you were late for work in the morning and left early after get off work. Isn’t that not good? Ahua: The road conditions are bad now and there are always traffic jams. I'm late for work, so I can't be late again when I get home from get off work, otherwise, my wife will criticize me!

23. I feel very sad that I haven’t received any message from you during the Chinese New Year. My heart aches when I think about you. I cut my veins with a banana, hit my head with an egg, and hanged myself with noodles. But even if you don't die, you can treat me to a meal and forget about it until you die.

24. You must be full of personality, you are the coolest on earth: drink heavily at Lushan Waterfall, sleep soundly in Cao Cao's ancient tomb; put onions in your nostrils to pretend to be an elephant, and interact with canine teeth in your mouth; tie a vine branch to your waist, and walk with a light crane step ;Children were frightened and cried when they saw it, and they were called interstellar monsters!

25. I can’t flirt with you now. I didn’t cherish you very much in the past. Now that I see so many people chasing you, I am really speechless. I am not resistant to radiation. There is really no salt in my house. You are the only one in my salt!

26. After military training, you have suffered, and crying for your father and mother is in vain. My back is no longer hunched, my legs are no longer bent, and I will no longer be lazy. I washed my clothes myself, and there was no one to remind me when I got up. Friends, you must know that we have grown up, we must be self-reliant and self-reliant, and we hope to achieve higher achievements at a new starting point!

27. After the tiger read the Three Kingdoms, he went to catch the wild boar! Seeing that there is no pig in the pig's nest, he strokes his beard and says: Empty city plan! When he turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap, he was shocked: a cruel trick! Suddenly I saw you again, and I was overjoyed: Yo! And the beauty trap!

28. Your lover should be as gentle as water and as sweet as honey; your opponent should be smart, capable, and strong; your colleague should be someone who works hard and has no temper; your friend should be someone with a pig head and a runny nose. Don’t After reading it, wipe your nose quickly and wish you happiness.

29. Smile and throw away "troubles" secretly; be happy and "pressure" quietly retreat; be beautiful and "sleep" gently follow; may you relax your body and mind and be happy again and again.

30. It’s half way through the Year of the Rabbit. Let’s take stock: Japan’s nuclear leakage, civil strife in Libya, rising oil prices and sky-high real estate prices, and melamine-dyed steamed buns! oh! You didn't do any of this. He's just too stingy and never invites me to dinner! Behave on your best behavior in the future!

31. It’s the New Year. What is a good year? Hello everyone, it’s really a good year! I also declare in advance: I will not accept gifts during the holidays this year, but I will also receive text messages when receiving gifts. It is my choice and I like it!

32. Rain and wind often come in spring, waking up the leeks and onions in the vegetable garden. It makes me cry, and I am so frightened that I can only dream. I lazily drank two bottles of wine from Shatou and enjoyed the spring scenery with green onions. I hate that I am poor because of inflation.

33. A matchmaker takes a girl on a blind date and watches a handsome guy from a distance. Q: Is it possible? The woman answered: Is he willing? Answer: He takes a liking to you at first sight. After getting married, I saw a man with one eye and angrily asked the matchmaker, "I told you that he fell in love with you at first sight!"

34. There is no reason to love you. I just want to fall in love with you. My big kiss will not change my love, and my expression will be very calm? If you are free, just read on: look back at the first five sentences, the second word of each sentence, and read them together. If you feel calm after reading them, I will consider you ruthless.

35. I heard someone said that your mobile phone cannot receive text messages, so I sent you this message specially. If you receive it, please reply: "Yes, I just got it. Or is it yours..."

36. Dear friend, May Day is coming soon, let me remind you first. In order to carry out the name of Labor Day, you can come to my house to clean the toilet, and bring your lunch with you. Labor is the most glorious!

37. Light cigarettes often, and difficult things are not difficult; have a cocktail party to persuade, and work on public relations; play mahjong for a few rounds, and make a lot of friends; pat a horse, and your career will always move forward; text messages are the most important, thinking about you The most wonderful.

May everything go well for you!

38. The daughter pestered her father to tell her a story, but the father couldn’t help but ask: Do you want to hear a long story or a short one? My daughter said it was long. Dad said: Once upon a time, there was a mosquito buzzing. The daughter hurriedly said: I want to hear the short version, and the father said: He was beaten to death!

39. The purpose of losing weight is to one day be able to eat all the delicious food in the world. In order to achieve this lofty ideal of happiness, I decided: start eating now! Only in this way can you save enough energy to lose weight!

40. My friend said he has a durable dad who will take care of him no matter what happens; his friend said he has a durable girlfriend who won’t break up no matter how much we quarrel; and I only have a durable boss who will take care of me no matter what I do. No salary increase!

41. In the hot summer, text messages can bring you infinite coolness. I will give you a cup of Nongfu Spring, which is a little sweet (Nongfu Spring). A cup of coffee can relieve your worries. There are people outside the world, and there is a sky outside the world (Hongta Group) , your friend is shaking the cattail leaf fan for you behind you, how about it, is it great?

42. A conductor went to a restaurant to eat. When paying the bill after the meal, I called the waiter loudly: "Waiter, buy a ticket, buy a ticket." The dining customers and the waiter were suddenly stunned...

43. The professor in the law class gave an example: "A man came to my house. I caught him stealing something, so he killed me. Later, the police caught him and called him a suspect, so who did he call me?" The students said in unison: "Dead man!"

44. There are a lot of theories about the workplace, but they are basically just nonsense; they have their own true meaning, which can only be understood if you are careful; you must arrive at work on time, so your boss cannot be offended; humbly ask your seniors for advice, their experience is valuable; and if you perform well at work, you must also learn to compliment.

45. Marriage proposal: I am a zoo keeper. I have a humorous appearance that makes monkeys laugh. My neck can be as tall as a swan. My honest belly is like a panda. I have a house and a car. I also have a BMW in the zoo dormitory. You If you want to enter the park, please contact me.

46. Spending money is painful and painful. Living in every corner around me, paying utility bills is painful, buying daily necessities is painful, even sending text messages is painful; making money is painful and happy. , rolling back and forth in my blood, my head hurts when I work overtime, and my body hurts due to busy work. It would be great if I could get a raise!

47. The standards of a good man in the new era: a diploma, two languages, three bedrooms and two living rooms; four seasons famous brands, good facial features; no relatives, a monthly salary of 7,000; a well-rounded man, never smoke; very honest.

48. Two people were drinking. One of them drank too much and said incoherently: Now I see things from two levels. Another person quickly took out a hundred yuan note from his pocket and said: This is the two hundred yuan I owe you!

49. There was a group fight between rice and steamed buns. Rice had a large number of people and beat anyone who saw steamed buns. No one was spared! Zongzi was forced to the corner and out of frustration, he tore his clothes and shouted: See clearly, I am an undercover agent!

50. My friend, the weather is hot. I wish you to be refreshing every day (Jiaoshuang sanitary pads), work easily and count your wages, pay a drop of water in normal times, and have the Pacific Ocean in difficult times! (Pacific Insurance) Your hard work is 100% rewarded!

51. It has infinite magic power, which can make evil people turn to good, good people turn to evil, weak people become strong, and strong people become weak. Guess what it is? Most people answer: the devil. Correct answer: love. ——Everyone has forgotten the essence of love.

52. The rain of petals drifts by, leaving the heart of the flower to you; the wind blows through the four seasons, leaving the maple leaves to you; when the tide of the moon passes by, leaving you the joy; in the dead of night, leaving the deep blessings to you. Here you go, the weather is getting colder, take care of yourself.

53. I hope you will never meet a gray wolf, wake up early and see the red sun * be free and beautiful every day * the boiling ocean with lots of money, work leisurely and lazy, be unhurried and slow, and your heart will always be warm and prosperous. Be happy that everything goes as you wish!

54. The goat introduced the elephant girl to the mosquito. The mosquito had actually fallen in love with the elephant a long time ago and agreed immediately. But when Mosquito’s parents learned about it, they firmly opposed it. Mosquito’s mother said: Son, we can’t even afford an engagement ring!

55. A shooting star flashed across the night sky. I quickly made a wish, hoping that I could become more handsome. Unexpectedly, just after I made my wish, the shooting star came back with a "swish" and said to me: Brother! Are you trying to embarrass me?

56. Every time the skin comes into contact, there is always a strange feeling. Because your skin and fur are soft, they always make me itchy. I can’t help but rub myself against you. It takes me a long time to do this - I can finally eat the peach.

57. The little pig cried sadly, and the mother pig asked, why are you crying? Piggy said: I feel stupid. Mother Pig comforted her and said: Don't cry, the person reading this text message is stupider than the pig.

58. When China gets rich in the future, all foreigners will be allowed to take the Chinese Level 4 test and answer with a writing brush. If it is more difficult, they will be given a knife to carve oracle bones. The name of the paper is On Three Represents. When taking the listening test Play Jay Chou's songs and sing Peking Opera in the oral exam.

59. Basketball players were practicing shooting and missed ten shots in a row. The coach said, "Idiot! Look at me." He also shot ten times and still didn't make a goal. "Did you see that? That's what you just did. Shooting. ”

60. Xie Gong loves girls the most, and makes people haggard because of Yixiao. It is the beautiful scenery in the south of the Yangtze River, and I want to express my thoughts to Yao Qin. There is sentiment before the tune is formed, but sentimentality always seems to be ruthless. After the song, I don’t know if anyone is there. A new generation replaces the old one.

61. One day, a handsome guy was waiting for the bus at the station. He saw someone smiling at him. He thought he was very handsome, so he posed in a few poses, and his smile became even brighter. Suddenly an aunt said: Don't stand on shit, boy!

62. Her long and graceful hair, her piercing eyes, her straight and slender figure, and her fresh and beautiful smile. I feel happy when I see you, and depressed when I don’t see you.

63. As a professional goalkeeper, I really admire your professionalism. Yesterday at the class reunion, Lao Niu from across the table threw you a cigarette. Unexpectedly, you kicked the cigarette out, and it fell right into the teacup in front of Lao Niu.

64. Making money is hard, making money is really hard, making money is like climbing Mount Everest for the first time, the slope is steep and difficult; spending money is fast, spending money is really fast, spending money is like the water flowing upstream and downstream of the Yangtze River, That's fast and short. I wish you can make a lot of money every day and never spend it all!

65. You have "Wisteria Flower" on your head, humming "Lu Binghua" in your mouth, and thinking about "Butterfly Love Flower" in your heart. Such a life is simply "born like a summer flower". It turns out that you are like this A cute little "Wildflower".

66. My dear, I imagine melting like snow (Meiji chocolate) in your arms, feeling your breath, and becoming one with you; dear, I was born out of love (Johnson & Johnson) Sleeping with you, I will accompany you in this life and will always be by your side; my dear, have you bought me the silk that I love so much?

67. Notice: The weather has turned cold recently. Your clothing needs to be improved. Keeping warm is the first priority. You must wear a coat when going out. Health and happiness are my wishes for you. (Warm reminder: Don’t wear crotchless pants when the weather gets cold!)

68. One day, a frog kissed a rabbit and ran away. The rabbit chased after him, and the frog entered the pond in an emergency. , and after a while, a toad crawled out, and the rabbit laughed: Haha: You must be allergic, little one!

69. I spent my life’s bet, doubled my efforts, had the courage to visit the thatched cottage three times, a speed that was hard to catch up with, and unparalleled patience. I trotted all the way and finally caught up on 717. You, my dear, I want to kiss you and tell you that you are the only one in my life!

70. I have experienced ups and downs since childhood. I ate poisonous snakes on barren mountains, slept in smelly moats, rode a tattered bicycle, and sang loud single love songs. I recite Amitabha and pray for a misty female guest to sit in my broken car and sing the song of husband and wife together.

71. I have a kitten at home, named Maomao. It scratches and bites people around me. I went to the epidemic prevention station several times because of injuries. It cost a lot of money, but I couldn’t bear to let it go. After throwing it away, the whole family had to avoid it and let it go, so there was hide and seek.

72. The old man bought a ticket for the local train, but got on the express train. The conductor said: "Uncle, you bought a ticket for the slow train. This is an express train. Please pay for it." The old man said: " Then ask the driver to drive slower! I’m not in a hurry anyway!” 73. Humility is more uncomfortable than pride at times, so I think it’s better to be realistic. Even for such a person, now penniless and in urgent need of your treat, you don't have to be humble and come proudly with your wallet.

74. You are really well-groomed and dignified. You like the sun and refuse to be dirty. You never steal from laziness and take advantage of hard work. However, even so, you can't steal my fish. Whose kitten is it?

75. Looking ahead at the mountains, heavy fog covers half of the sky. Looking back at the river, water has dried up for a long time and is hard to find. Looking up at the sun, it seems shy and hiding in the clouds. I have no choice but to Looking down at the earth, I found that there was an earthquake below, and I was floating in the wind.

76. Low-carbon life is great. It’s not ugly to have no car or house. If we don’t have a car, we are a family that reduces emissions. If we don’t have a house, we won’t occupy the land. There are many benefits to adhering to environmental protection, but you would be a fool not to do it if you know it. Text messages spread the low-carbon theory, and men are even more responsible.

77. A: "Let me tell you a cold joke!" B: "Okay." A: "This joke is very cold!" B: "I know, tell it." Silence In...B: "You tell me!" A: "I've finished speaking."

78. The day before the exam, the boy said to the class beauty: "You should wear less clothes for the exam tomorrow!" He asked in surprise: "Why?" The boy said: "This way the invigilator will only look at you, so we can cheat!"

79. May you look like a beautiful sheep and have a figure comparable to that of a sheep. Boiling Sheep, you are as comfortable as a Lazy Sheep, your youth is like a Slow Goat, your career develops quickly, your mood is like a Warm Sheep, your wisdom exceeds that of a Pleasant Goat, I am the Big Big Wolf who always misses you!

80. One house, two houses, green tiles, white walls, rows of fences outside the window, flowers and fruits in front of the door, your house is in the middle, brothers and sisters are all thinking about it, I wish you and your loved ones Yongankang, I wish you a safe journey! ;