A story that uses witty and humorous language to resolve an embarrassing situation.

During the reign of Chu Xuanwang in the spring, the strength of Chu was so strong that neighboring countries dared not oppose it.

Chu Xuanwang heard that all the vassal States in the Central Plains were afraid of Zhao Xi's sympathy, and he was not in the mood, so he asked the ministers, "The vassal States are so afraid of Zhao Xi's sympathy. What is he really like?" After hearing this, the ministers were silent and didn't know how to answer.

At this moment, a minister named Jiang Yi stood up and said, "I'd better tell a story first: the hungry tiger went out to look for food and caught a fox. The fox said to the tiger, "You can't eat me. God sent me to be the king of beasts. If you eat me, it will violate the sacred will of God." If you don't believe me, I can walk in front of you and you can follow me to see if all the animals are afraid of me. The tiger believed the fox's life and followed it. Sure enough, no matter what wild animals saw them coming, they all ran away. The tiger didn't know that the wild animals ran away for fear of themselves. I thought I was afraid of foxes! "After Jiang Yi finished this story, he went on to say," Now the king has a thousand miles of land and an army of one million, and he has given the military power to Zhao Xi's shirt, so the vassal States are afraid of him. In fact, they are afraid of the king's army, just as all animals are afraid of tigers.

Laozi artfully said that Confucius was defeated

One day, Confucius visited Laozi and preached the Confucian idea of "benevolence and righteousness" to Laozi.

Lao Tzu said, "Mr. Kong, stop talking. Do you know? This is like a person who winnows the chaff and fascinates his eyes and can't tell the difference between the southeast and the northwest; Like a mosquito, I can't sleep all night. Benevolence and righteousness have disturbed my heart unconsciously, and there is nothing more harmful than this. Don't make people in the world lose their natural and simple nature. It's best to be as natural and obedient as the wind, cultivate virtue and stand on their own feet. Why do you preach benevolence and righteousness so hard? It's like drumming for lost children! White cranes don't need to bathe every day, and crows don't need to dye every day. It can be seen that black and white are their respective natural natures, and there is no need to justify them; There is no need to publicize the glory of reputation. For example, when the river dries up, many fish are trapped on the land, sucking moisture and moistening each other with saliva foam. It is not as happy as forgetting each other in the rivers and lakes. " Confucius had nothing to say after listening.

Confucius didn't say a word for three days after he came back from Laozi. His students asked, "Teacher, what did you advise when you met Mr. Lao Zi?" Confucius replied: "I really saw the dragon now."

dragons, together, become a form. Separation is brilliant literary talent. Swimming between yin and yang with the invitation of clouds, I can't close my mouth with my mouth open. What can I advise Mr. Lao Tzu? "At this moment, his student Zi Gong asked," Teacher, is it true that someone lives like a dead tree, moves like Kai Teng, sounds like thunder, and silence is as deep as an abyss? Can I go and have a look? "

Confucius replied," Well, just go and see! "

Zi Gong went to see Lao Zi in the name of Confucius, only to see Lao Zi sitting in the classroom, his feet spread out, entertaining him casually, and said softly, "I am old. Do you have any advice for me?" Zi Gong replied, "Sir, students don't give you any advice. I would like to ask you, Sir, although the methods of governing the world by the Three Emperors and Five Emperors are different, they are all very famous, but you think they are not saints. What is the reason? " Lao Tzu asked, "When young people come forward, let me listen to you first. What's the difference between them?" Zi Gong replied: "Sir, the students thought that Yao passed to Shun, Shun passed to Yu, Yu worked hard to control water, Tang cut Jie by force, Wen Wang obeyed Zhou Wang and did not dare to disobey, Wu Wang disobeyed Zhou Wang and refused to obey, so it was different."

Lao Tzu said, "Young people come forward again, and I'll tell you how san huang's ugly emperor ruled the world, and the Yellow Emperor ruled the world, so that the people can agree. Parents don't cry when someone dies, and others don't criticize. Shun ruled the world and made the people compete. Women conceived and gave birth in October, so people began to have insignificant lives. Yu governs the world, making people's hearts changeable. People have their own thoughts, and killing people is taken for granted. They think that killing thieves is not killing people, and everyone is huddled together regardless of the world. Therefore, everyone in the world is panicked, and Confucianism and Mohism rise together. There was order at first, and now you are all grandstanding. What else can you say? I'm telling you, the three emperors and five emperors ruled the world. Although they ruled, they actually caused great confusion. San huang's wisdom, on the one hand, hides the light of the sun and the moon, on the other hand, damages the essence of mountains and rivers, and in the middle, destroys the operation of the four seasons.

Their wisdom is as poisonous as snakes and scorpions. Even insects and birds can't get peace, and they think they are saints. What a shame! "Hearing this, Zi Gong was frightened and uneasy.

In the dialogue with Confucius and his student Zi Gong, Lao Zi tactfully used metonymy, or used things as a metaphor, or borrowed from the past to illustrate that his "Tao is natural" came from Zhuangzi. The Fate of Heaven, because Zhuangzi is an important representative of Taoism, naturally stands in the position of maintaining Laozi's Taoist theory.

Laozi talks about Taoism

Confucius is 51 years old, and he has passed the age of "knowing his destiny". He has not learned Taoism yet, and his heart is a little anxious, so he went to Peiguo to ask Laozi for advice.

as soon as they met, Lao Tzu asked, "Mr. Kong has come a long way, and it's hard work. I heard that you are still a sage in the north. Have you also learned the truth? " Confucius replied: "Mr. Li (Lao Zi's surname is Li Minger) is really ashamed. I am in my early fifties and have no knowledge." Lao Tzu asked again, "Mr. Kong, I wonder how you seek Tao?" Confucius replied: "Mr. Li, I started to seek Tao through calendar arithmetic, but I didn't get Tao after five years." Lao tze asked again. "Mr. Li, what happened later?" Confucius replied: "Mr. Li, later I sought the Tao through Yin and Yang, but it took me twelve years to get the Tao." Please give me your advice. "

So, Lao Tzu said, "Mr. Kong, that's right. If Tao can be given to others like a gift, everyone will give it to the monarch; If Tao is given to others like food, people will give it to their parents; If Tao can be told to others, people will tell it to their brothers; If the Tao can be left to others, people will pass it on to future generations. However, these are impossible, for the simple reason that, because there is no definite view in my heart, the Tao will stay in my heart; And because the outside doesn't fit with the inside, Tao can't be implemented. If the leader from the heart is not accepted by the outside, the sage will not speak to the outside; When it is introduced from the outside and the heart has no opinion about it, the sage takes it to heart. Fame is all over the world.

don't take too much; Renyi is like a hostel where emperors used to stay. You can only stay for one night, but you can't stay for a long time. If you stay for a long time, you will be at fault. The cleverest people in ancient times all entrusted Tao to love people and proper etiquette, and lived freely in the realm of freedom. Living in a humble field and standing in a self-sufficient garden house, the so-called leisure is inaction; Simple life and self-sufficiency means not asking for others; If you don't give, you won't spend. Ancient people called this practice collecting behavior. The pursuit of a rich imperial secretary will not give up his salary; A man who pursues fame will not give up his reputation; A man obsessed with power will give up his power next time. When they master these, they feel fear; Once you lose these, you will feel sad again. These people have no opinion at all, and they can't see what they are trying to pursue. From the natural point of view. These people complain, favor, gain, give, criticize, teach, live and die as if they are being punished. These eight methods are the methods to correct people's behavior. Only those who adapt to natural changes and are not rigid can correctly use these eight methods. Therefore, people who are self-righteous can be upright. If he can't do this in his heart, his mind will not be at ease, and he won't get the word

Jie Jin's quip to tide over the difficulties

Once Jie Jin accompanied Zhu Yuanzhang to fish in Jinshui River, and he got nothing for a whole morning. Zhu Yuanzhang was so depressed that he ordered Jie Jin to write poems. It's disappointing enough not to catch any fish. How to write this poem? Poor writing is undoubtedly adding fuel to the fire. Jie Jin really deserves to be a talented person. After a little thinking, he read aloud: "If you throw a silk into the water, the gold hook will be thrown away forever. If you dare not go to the emperor, long live the monarch only fishing for dragons." Hearing this, Zhu Yuanzhang was overjoyed. Jie Jin successfully weathered the storm

Fu Bi's envoy did not disgrace your life

During the years of Kangding and Qingling in Song Renzong, Xixia constantly invaded the frontier of Song Dynasty and launched many large-scale military attacks. The Khitan Lord took the opportunity to send envoys to negotiate the land issue in Guannan. These lands were cut to Qidan by the late Jin Dynasty and later recovered by Zhou Shizi. Injong sent Fu Bi to Khitan, indicating the attitude of the imperial court.

Fu Bi said to the Lord of the Khitan Kingdom, "We have been friends for four decades, so why do we suddenly request to cede land?"

The Khitan monarch said, "Your Southern Dynasties violated the Covenant, blocked the Yanmenguan Gate, increased pond water, repaired the city god, and registered the militia. What are you going to do? My courtiers asked for a military expedition to the south. I say it is better to send messengers to ask for land division. If we can't achieve our goal, it's not too late for us to send troops again."

"Have you forgotten the great virtue of Emperor Zhang Sheng in the Northern Dynasties?" Fu Bi said unhurriedly, "If the Emperor had listened to the generals in the Battle of Geyuan, none of the military forces in the Northern Dynasties would have escaped.

Besides, if the Northern Dynasties were friendly with China, the monarch would enjoy all the benefits, while the lieutenants got nothing. If you fight with soldiers, you will make the interests belong to your subjects, and the monarch will only bear the scourge of war. So those who advise you to fight are planning for themselves. Today, China has conquered Wan Li, and there are millions of elite soldiers. If the Northern Dynasties want to fight, can they guarantee a certain victory? If you win by luck, will the lost soldiers and horses be supplemented by the princes?

or will it be borne by the monarch? If the two countries are friendly to each other and keep in contact with each other, the annual coin (stipulated in the "alliance of the Yuan Dynasty", the Song Dynasty gave 12, pieces of silver and 2, pieces of silk to the Khitan every year, which is called the annual coin) will all belong to the monarch, and what benefits will the ministers have? "After hearing this, the Khitan Lord suddenly woke up and nodded. Fu Bi went on to say: "Blocking Yanmenguan is to guard against the Yuan Wu of Xixia; Increasing the water in the pond began with He Chengzhen, and it happened before the two countries made good communication. The city god was rebuilt because it was worn out; The purpose of registering the militia is to fill the vacancy, not to violate the Covenant. "The Khitan Lord said," Even so, the land of Guannan was handed down by our ancestors and should be returned to us. "

Fu Bi retorted:" The late Jin bribed the Khitan with Lulong's land, and Zhou Shizong regained Guannan's land, all of which were different generations of the previous dynasty. If we each want to recover our own territory, will it be beneficial to Qidan? "

After Fu Bi came out from the Khitan state, Liu Liufu, a courtier of the Khitan state, said to Fu Bi, "What if our state is ashamed to accept money and silk and insists on the separatist regime of 1 counties?"

Fu Bi calmly replied, "I told the emperor to guard the land for my ancestors, how dare I give it to others? What the Northern Dynasties needed was just taxes. I couldn't bear to make the people of the two countries die in the war, so although I didn't give the land of Qidan, I replaced it with more money and silk. If the Khitan insists on closing the land in the south, it is sincere to destroy the good Covenant between the two dynasties, and it is just an excuse. "

the next day. The Lord of the Khitan Kingdom called Fu Bi to go hunting with him. He led Fu Bi's horse close to him and said to Gong Bi, "If I get the land of Guannan, the two dynasties can enjoy happiness and reconciliation forever."

"Since the Northern Dynasties were proud of acquiring land," Fu Bi replied humbly, "the Southern Dynasties are bound to be ashamed of losing land. How can a brotherly country be honored and humiliated? "

After returning from hunting, Liu Liufu said to Fu Bi, "Our Lord heard your talk about honor and disgrace, and he felt deeply. Now only marriage can be discussed. "

Fu Bi patiently enlightened and said, "Marriage is easy to cause bad blood in the future. I am married to princess royal, and the dowry is only 1, yuan. Where is it comparable to the benefits that the old coins have every year and will never be enjoyed? "

after Fu Bi returned to the imperial court, he reported the negotiation process to Injong, who agreed to increase the annual currency. Fu Bi once again to qidan.

the king of qidan said, "since the southern dynasties have given us new year's coins, the wording should be' offering'." the southern dynasties were elder brothers, where can there be a saying that elder brothers offered coins to younger brothers? "Fu Bi retorted.

"Then the word' Na' should be used."

Fu Bi doesn't agree.

The Khitan sovereign threatened: "Since the Southern Dynasties agreed to give me a large sum of money, they were afraid of us. Why not use these two words? If we go south in dispatch troops, won't you regret it? "

Fu Bi retorted in a very gentle tone: "The DPRK loves the people of both the North and the South, so how can it be afraid to change the past covenant? If we have to fight, we will definitely win the battle on the merits, which is beyond the knowledge of this envoy. "

The Khitan monarch added, "Don't be stubborn. This kind of thing has existed since ancient times."

"Since ancient times," Fu Bi argued, "only when Tang Gaozu wanted to borrow soldiers from the Turks, the gifts at that time were sometimes called" offering "and" accepting ". Later, the leader of the Turks, Li Pi, was captured by Emperor Taizong. Where can there be such a thing? "

Knowing that Fu Bi's determination was unchangeable, the Lord of the Khitan Kingdom personally sent people to the Northern Song Dynasty court to discuss the story of

"Being poor and not afraid"

It may be strange to many people to mention "being poor and not afraid". In fact, "poverty is not afraid" is the nickname of Zhu Shaowen, the founder of cross talk.

Zhu Shaowen is a poor scholar. He is knowledgeable and eloquent, and can answer ten questions at the same time.

once, he was caught in a heavy rain when he went to Beijing to take the exam, so he had to hide in a doorway for a while. In a short time, more than a dozen people rushed in. The owner of the doorway is a learned scholar. When he opened the door, he saw that many people in the doorway were dissatisfied, but on second thought, why don't I try the most knowledgeable among them?

So he made a couplet to the people who took shelter from the rain: "Who is the passer-by?" Just after the first couplet was finished, Zhu Shaowen told the second couplet: "Rain stops pedestrians, that is, pedestrians are east." On hearing this, the host found the bottom couplet quite appropriate, so he let Zhu Shaowen into the room and made a bowl of tea, saying, "Give me a bowl of tea." Zhu Shaowen thought, it's really enough to get a bowl of tea and make a couplet. So, I made a couplet: "Help yourself to a meal." Hearing this, the host asked his family to prepare meals. After a while, the food was placed on the table, and the host added a couplet: "There is no food but vegetables in the garden." Zhu Shaowen listened, looked out of the window and found a chicken in the chicken coop. So he rolled his eyes and said the next couplet: "Why bother to cook the yellow chicken in the cage?"

when the master heard this, he thought that this man was really good, so he slaughtered chickens and drank with Zhu. They drank until the evening, and when the master got tired of drinking, he made a couplet: "Listen to the jingle upstairs. What time is it?" Zhu Shaowen was not in a hurry, and Lele made a bottom line: "I only felt a bit of laughter and laughter in front of the class."

the host had no choice but to go to bed. Zhu Shaowen didn't stop until dawn. Suddenly, he went into the kitchen and took out a kitchen knife, sitting on the threshold and grinding it. When the master heard the sound of sharpening the knife, he looked at the window and was shocked. He said to Zhu Shaowen, "Why did you sharpen it with a knife?" Zhu Shaowen unhurriedly wrote the bottom line: "I would rather die for it.