Everyone! Does anyone have any funny jokes? Brother, I am in urgent need. Please donate as much as you have. Thank you.

A penguin wanted to play with a polar bear, so he walked from the Antarctic to the North Pole. When it spent 3 years walking to the equator, it suddenly discovered that it had not locked the door when leaving, so it spent another 3 years returning. Home locked door. Finally, it took the penguin 12 years to reach the North Pole and find the polar bear. The polar bear opened the door and saw the penguin and said: "Get lost, I don't want to play with you." 1. God knew you were thirsty and created water. God knew you were hungry and created water. Mi, God knew that you didn’t have a lovely friend, so he created me. However, God also knew that there are no fools in the world, so he created you by the way. 3. When Tang Seng took his three disciples to take a break, Tang Seng looked at Zhu Bajie and said angrily: "You pig head, you still have time to read text messages!" 8. When Bajie met Yue Lao, he asked: Damn! Yue Lao! Why were I separated from Gao Jia Yulan? Yue Lao said: She is a human and you are a demon. I am afraid that your child will be born a transvestite. 12. I saw you wandering around the supermarket that day. You put your hand into the machine that can check the price, and the result shows: Pig's trotters are 8 yuan. You think there is something wrong with the machine, so you stick your head in. I almost died laughing when I saw it: Pig's head is 18 yuan! 13. Frankly speaking, I like you very much. I am fascinated by your eyes, the way you walk, your happy expression, your cuteness and even the way you sleep! But what makes me most angry is that you don’t catch mice. 1. Dad: “You only know how to spend money, but do you know that money is hard to come by?” Me: “Why don’t you know? Every time I ask you for money, I have to listen to a lesson. . ” ~~~~ 2. If the money is spent, it is money, if not... it is paper... 3. My family lives in Loess Gaopo~ Oh, your family lives in the women's toilet~ 4. Why is love in the world? Things make people feel like vomiting after eating. ~~~~~~~~~~ 5. When dealing with a handsome person, be more chic than him; when dealing with a handsome person, just... ruin his appearance! approximately Driver, ask them to drive behind you, sometimes in line S, sometimes in line B."~~~~~~~~ 7. Question: Why is summer vacation longer than winter vacation? Answer: Because of thermal expansion and contraction~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8. All software that can only be installed on the C drive is shameful 9. The fighter in the iPhone, the tractor in the M8~~~ 10. Your mobile phone Cheaper than the phone bill 11. Dad loves me like a family member!! 12. There is no such thing as you in the world~~~ 13. If tomorrow is the end of the world, why do some people want to commit suicide today? Answer: Go to heaven. Position. 14. Question: What’s behind 228? What’s behind 85? Just give me the answer. ~~~~ 15. The restaurant ordered cucumber peel and egg soup, but what came out was cucumber peel + egg soup! ~~~~~~~~ 16. A key suddenly said, "I am Qu Yuan, I am" while walking on the road. I will be asking for a lock~~~~~~~ 17. There is a rumor in the world: Aunt Qiong Yao is going to write a story about Princess Princess - "Schwarzenegger"~~ 18. The inspiration is not Cao Cao, it comes as it comes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 19. One day I found that my mobile phone was missing. I searched my bag and every corner of the house to no avail. Then I fell to the ground depressedly, took out my mobile phone from my pocket, and sent it to everyone. Text message: I lost my phone~~~~~~~囧rz...... 20. I was holding a big rooster by the neck but didn't dare to cut. After hesitating for a long time, I strangled the chicken to death. ~~~~~~ 21. People! It’s important to be self-aware of each other! ~~~~~~~~~ 22. I started studying literature, but I have been in debt for 100,000 yuan, and I have been working hard for ten years. I saved 100,000 yuan at the end of my life. I didn't have enough to buy a house, so I invested in the stock market. The next year, I became depressed and became ill. The medical insurance said that it did not meet the regulations for serious illness, so I spent all my money in the hospital for a week, and I couldn't help myself. , take a pack of three deer, drink it, and die. 23. The two farmers play with the pig~ 24. There is no limit to the sea of ??learning, but there is no end.

25. What is above the Da Vinci Code? Answer: Da Vinci account.............~~~~~~~ 26. A passerby ran over and patted a child on the shoulder and asked him: Where is this place? The child replied Say: Here are my shoulders.....^0^ One day, there was a gummy walking on the street. She was walking and suddenly said: "Ah! My legs are so soft!" Once upon a time, there was a man named Yu. One day he was hungry and ate himself... A classmate named Xiao Cai, he I was walking on the road, and suddenly I was picked up... There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend. When they were walking on the street, it was very hot, so Mr. Banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down. There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear: "It's so cold!" After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out the fur on his body. Pulling it out one by one, he turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" One day, the mung bean jumped down from the fifth floor and bled a lot, turning into a red bean. It continued to bleed and turned into a soybean. ; The wound became scarred and eventually turned into black beans. One day, while walking on the road, Matchstick suddenly got into a car accident and his belly was broken. Before he died, he looked at his belly and said, "Oh, it turns out I am a bean paste bun." Matchstick suddenly felt that his head was very heavy. If it hurts, just reach out and scratch it, and it will burn you to death if you scratch it. Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. As he cried, he flew up... Once upon a time, there was a bird. He would pass by a cornfield every day, but unfortunately one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn. The bird flew. After that... I thought it was snowing and I was so cold... There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked... The little penguin asked his grandma one day, "Grandma, grandma, am I A penguin? "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong?" , but why do I feel so cold?" There is a hide-and-seek club, and their leader has not been found yet. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why does the plane fly so high without hitting the stars? What? "The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars will 'flash'!" A pair of corns fell in love, so they decided to get married. On the day of the wedding, one corn couldn't find the other corn, and the corn asked the popcorn next to it. : Have you seen our corn? Popcorn: Honey, she is wearing a wedding dress. One day, he was walking on the street with a medium-rare steak. Suddenly he saw a medium-rare steak in front of him, but he ignored him and asked: Why didn't they say hello? Answer: Because they are not familiar with each other... I would like to ask: Who is Mi's mother? ——It’s a flower because of “peanuts”. Who is Mi's father? ——It is a butterfly, and the country is "Butterfly Loves Flowers". Who is Mi's grandmother? ——It is a wonderful pen, because "a wonderful pen produces flowers". There was a fat man...jumped from a tall building...and turned into...a dead fat man...One day, a green apple was out shopping when he suddenly saw a red apple. Apple, he said to Red Apple... You have a crush on me, otherwise why would you be blushing... In the music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven. Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: "Do you understand music?" Xiao Hua: "Yes" Xiao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?" Xiao Hua: "Piano." Xiao Hong asked: When you stir the coffee, do you use your right hand or your left hand? Xiao Mei said: Right hand Xiao Hong said: Oh, hello It's amazing, it's not afraid of being burned, like I use a spoon.

Little A said to Little B: Digging...it's raining outside! ! Xiao B was very excited to see Xiao B: Yes, I saw you. Xiao Ming kept begging his mother to let him become an artist. His mother said, "You are still young, let's talk about it later." Xiao Ming did not give up and kept begging his mother. Finally, her mother couldn't bear it. Fa Biao said: "We are born red beans, we can't become artists (barley), give up!" The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic... "Brother, are we poisonous?" The big snake said: "Why do you ask? .?" The little snake said: "I accidentally bit my tongue just now." Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping together. Then one day, a truck suddenly rushed out and ran over Tomato A. Tomato B pointed at him. Laughing with tomato A [ha.ha.ha.ketchup~] Chocolate and tomatoes fought, and chocolate won. Why? Because of the chocolate bar~ 1. A man and a woman were having dinner. The girl kept asking the boy: Do you love me? The boy looked at the girl and continued to eat dinner. The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me? Boy. Finally he said: I love girls and asked: How do you prove it? Suddenly the boy took out thirty yuan from his pocket and asked the girl: Do you have ten yuan? The girl took ten yuan and gave it to the boy.. The boy gave four After putting the ten yuan on the table for a while... the girl asked the boy angrily: Do you want to prove that you love me? The boy said that I have already proved it!!! Forty is right in front of me! 2. One day, the turtle father, turtle mother and turtle son family decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pancake and two cans of sea chicken and set off to Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it’s finally here! They sat on the ground, took off their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, I discovered that I didn’t bring a can opener! Turtle Son: "...Then I'll go back and get it." Turtle Dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Your parents will wait for you to come back and have dinner together. Go back quickly!" Turtle Son: "You must wait for me to come back! Don't break your promise. Oh!" So Turtle Son set out on his way home... Time flies, and time flies. In the blink of an eye, 20 years have passed, but Turtle Son has not yet appeared. Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..." Turtle dad: "No! We promised our son! Well... wait for him for another five years, and if he doesn't come, we won't care about him!" It's five years in a blink of an eye Years later, turtle son still has no trace. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start. He took out the big cake and was about to eat it... Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree... Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would eat it secretly! Did you trick me into going back to get the can opener? I've been waiting for twenty After five years of waiting, I finally got it! I hate people for lying to me!" 3. There was no business selling dumplings, so she asked her master what to do, and he said: You need to find one! The fresh corpse is wrapped into dumplings with its meat, and then sold, so that the business will be very good, but the family members are told not to eat this kind of dumplings, otherwise terrible things will happen. The boss tried it and the effect was really good, so she went to look for the corpse again. The next day her son wanted to bring a lunch box, but he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it. He found a lunch box and took it away thinking it was his. Unexpectedly, the box contained leftover dumplings sold by his father. He opened it at noon and was surprised. In the morning, there were 10 dumplings, but why did they immediately become 5? He tried closing the lid again and opening it again, and there were 2 dumplings again! Do you know why? Because the dumplings stuck to the lid. This story took place in an ancient temple 200 years ago. It is terrifying at first, funny in the middle, and tragic at the end. Think clearly before watching. Once upon a time there was a ghost who farted and died. 1. Person A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: I know, there are so many people and I stepped on your toes. Don’t you think we are destined? 2. Person A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Oh, you should be lucky, I just lost weight recently. 3. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: It’s okay, I can stand firm. 4. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Don’t worry, I won’t delay your getting off the bus. 5. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know your feet were on the ground. 6. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Really? Then you won't be so excited.

7. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: I'm sorry, just think I'm blind. 8. Person A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: If you feel pain, just shout out! 9. Person A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Do you still want me to say thank you? 10. Person A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Okay