Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Sketches about one sentence
Sketches about one sentence
All lines
Guo Donglin: Yeah! So many people!
Niu Li: Disgusting!
Guo Donglin: It’s okay, my wife! Legal...
Oh, my married life is as sweet as honey. I have a daughter-in-law named Lili. I don’t get angry when I don’t quarrel. Look, you always feed me when there is nothing wrong!
(Niu Li took a bite of the apple)
Guo Donglin: Hum hum hum...
Niu Li: What's wrong?
Guo Donglin: You are so touching!
Niu Li: Huh?
Guo Donglin: No, I’m talking about the woman in the newspaper. Her deeds are so touching! Listen: every time she peels an apple, she first hands it to her husband's mouth.
Niu Li: Give it, give it!
Guo Donglin: (Take a bite of apple) That’s pretty much it!
Niu Li’s cell phone rang—text message sound
Guo Donglin: What’s the sound?
Niu Li: Short message.
Guo Donglin: Who is here?
Niu Li: Huh!
Guo Donglin: Hum hum hum...
Niu Li: What's wrong?
Guo Donglin: It’s her again, listen: every time she texts, she never goes behind her husband’s back. And when I reply to text messages, I always ask my husband for grammar and rhetoric.
Niu Li: Where are you boarding?
Guo Donglin: Prepare to board tomorrow.
Niu Li: It’s a text message from my dad! He said he had made dumplings and asked if we would go back to eat them!
Guo Donglin: Eat, eat, eat!
Niu Li: I just know how to eat! Look, look, look!
Guo Donglin: Yeah, it’s really my dad, so I won’t watch it.
Niu Li: Huh?
Guo Donglin: I don’t care who comes! Look at you, you are so petty! Can't you have some sunshine in your heart?
Guo Donglin’s cell phone rang—the sound of an incoming call
Niu Li: What’s the sound?
Guo Donglin: My phone number!
Guo Donglin: Hello? Hello! (To himself) Who is this that won’t talk after getting through?
Niu Li: Wouldn’t you know if you call me?
Guo Donglin: Yes, no need! What if it’s a scam call?
Niu Li: Humph——(looking at Guo Donglin with suspicious eyes)
Guo Donglin: What’s wrong? I didn't do anything! I don't even know who he is! Look at you, why are you looking at me?
Niu Li: Hey, I didn’t say anything. Why are you nervous?
Guo Donglin: You didn’t say anything, you are better than anything you say! Look at me! Still watching! I don't even know who he is! I didn't answer a single call. Still watching? Okay, okay, is this okay? I put it on speakerphone and all the calls come in and you're in control. Okay?
Niu Li: Okay, I’ll turn it on to hands-free too, and I’ll accompany you!
Guo Donglin: You don’t have to, I believe you!
Niu Li: No, we both believe in hands-free.
(Guo Donglin’s cell phone rings - phone sound)
Niu Li: If you regret it, you can turn off the speakerphone!
Guo Zi: What regrets do I have! Hello~
The other end of the phone: Hello!
Guo Donglin: (talking to himself) It’s a man.
Niu Li hammered Guo Donglin
Guo Donglin: Hey, who is it?
Third Brother: I am Third Brother!
Guo Donglin: Third brother! Didn’t you go to dinner with the clients of our company?
Third brother: Yes! After they finished eating, they were going to the karaoke hall to sing, and they asked me to accompany them!
Guo Donglin: Then go!
Third brother: Your sister-in-law is annoyed by this the most! I told her that we were working overtime together and she would call you later. Don’t let me know!
Guo Donglin: What should I say?
Third brother: Same as before!
Guo Donglin: Oh, it’s the same as before...
Niu Li: Guo Zi, what’s the same as before?
Guo Donglin: Our relationship is the same as before!
(Niu Li grabbed Guo Donglin’s ear)
Guo Donglin: Oh, you see, you always pull my ears, you have the ability to pull my hair!
(Guo Donglin is bald and has no hair)
Niu Li: Head...
(Guo Donglin’s cell phone rings again - phone sound)
Niu Li: Who is here?
Guo Donglin: How do I know? Sister-in-law, right?
Guo Donglin: Hello third sister-in-law!
Third sister-in-law: Is your third brother with you?
Guo Donglin: We are together!
(Guo Donglin wanted to leave, but Niu Li pulled him back)
Third sister-in-law: Then let him answer the phone.
Niu Li pointed at Guo Donglin and hinted at him, meaning: Is it broken now? Let me see what you do
Guo Donglin: Wait a minute... Third brother... Third brother... Third sister-in-law and third brother have gone to the toilet! I'll call him!
Third sister-in-law: Forget it, I feel relieved if I am with you.
Niu Li: Okay! That's how you teamed up to deceive your wives, right?
Guo Donglin: What is cheating? What is cheating? A white lie!
Niu Li: What kind of white lie? This is open deception!
Guo Donglin: My dear, I wouldn’t dare lie to you even if you gave me ten courages!
Niu Li: I’ll tell you if you’re lying or not, I’ll just make a phone call!
Guo Donglin: Who to call?
Niu Li: Hello, Brother Lao Wang. Brother Lao Wang, I am Guo Zi’s lover Lily!
Brother Lao Wang: Lily!
Niu Li: Guo Zi hasn’t come back yet. He said he was working overtime with you, right?
Brother Lao Wang: Oh, yes, yes! We are together!
Niu Li: Then let him answer the phone?
Brother Lao Wang: Oh, Guo Zi went to the toilet! How about I ask him to go back to you?
Niu Li: No, just let him stay in the toilet!
(Guo Donglin stood up and wanted to leave)
Niu Li: Where to go?
Guo Donglin: I’m going to the toilet!
Niu Li: Stand there!
Guo Donglin: Who else to call?
Niu Li: Hey, Xiaosier! I am your sister-in-law Lili! (angry tone)
Little Si’er: Sister-in-law!
Niu Li: Guo Zi hasn’t come back yet. He said he was with you, right?
Little Si’er: Hahahaha!
Niu Li: Why are you laughing?
Little Si’er: Sister-in-law, don’t worry! Brother Guo is with me! Are you still worried?
Niu Li: Don’t worry! good! Then let your brother Guo answer the phone!
Little Si'er: Brother Guo...Brother Guo...went to the toilet? Sister-in-law, he went to the toilet! How about I ask him to get back to you?
Niu Li: No need! I feel relieved that he is in the toilet!
Niu Li: (hangs up the phone) Go to the toilet, do you have any new ideas?
Guo Donglin: Sometimes I talk about going to the cafeteria.
Niu Li: Eat...
(Guo Donglin’s cell phone rings again - phone sound)
Guo Donglin: Who is here? (Looking at the number) Oh, Xiaosi! Just look for trouble!
Guo Donglin: Hello, Xiaosier!
Xiao Sier: Guo Zi, where are you?
Guo Donglin: I’m at home!
Little Si'er: Come on, don't fool me! ! Let me tell you, my sister-in-law called, and I helped you get through it. Now put down the phone and go home immediately!
Niu Li: Look at me!
Little Si’er: Why is there a woman next to me?
Guo Donglin: Who is she...
Xiao Si'er: I don't care who she is, don't forget who you are!
Guo Donglin: Are you interested in looking for trouble? Can you please have some sunshine in your heart? I swear to God, I am one hundred sincere to you, one hundred sincere!
Niu Li: I am totally worried about you!
(Niu Li turned around and wanted to leave, but Guo Donglin stopped her)
Guo Donglin: Why are you going?
Niu Li: I’ll ask them! What about buddies, are we working together to lie?
Guo Donglin: (begging tone) What are you doing! Okay, okay, I was wrong, that's almost it. (Niu Li wants to leave, but Guo Donglin stops her again) (In an angry tone, she shouts loudly) Come back! ! ! (Teaching tone) If you use lies to verify lies, you will definitely get lies! (Calm tone) Yes, I was not with them. They lied when they said I was with them. But I was obviously at home, but you said I was not at home. Did you lie?
Niu Li: Isn’t it good for both of us if I lie?
Guo Donglin: It’s better for both of us! Honey! One sentence can accomplish something, one sentence can do bad things, one sentence can create a harmonious society. Would you like to be more sunny in your heart? Besides, if you ask people this way, everyone will answer like this!
Niu Li: Those little sisters of mine would never answer like that!
Guo Donglin: Pull him down quickly, it’s human nature, everyone does this!
Niu Li: Why is everyone like this? Absolutely not!
Guo Zi: OK!
Niu Li: Who should I call?
Guo Donglin: Feifei.
Guo Donglin: Hey, Feifei!
Feifei: Who is it?
Guo Donglin: Hello, I am your Brother Guo.
Feifei: Oh~Brother Guo~~~~ (very coquettish tone)!
Guo Donglin: I’ll sit down for a while.
Guo Donglin: Hey, Brother Guo, what is Brother Guo! Feifei, it’s like this. Your sister Lili didn’t go home after get off work. She said she was working overtime with you, right?
(Niu Li looked at Guo Donglin proudly)
Feifei: Well... yes, we work overtime together!
(Niu Li instantly turned into a disappointed look)
Guo Donglin: Please let her answer the phone!
Feifei: Wait a minute...Lily...Lily...Oh, why are you going to the toilet at this time? Brother Guo, Lily is in the toilet! If you have anything to do, tell me!
Guo Donglin: (laughing and crying) No need, I feel relieved when she is in the toilet.
Niu Li: (very disappointed) Oops! how so!
Guo Donglin: Let me tell you? Just one sentence, they must be doing it for our own good!
Niu Li: If you can’t, call Aunt Li! I just believe Aunt Li!
Guo Donglin: What should I call Aunt Li?
Niu Li: Do you want to fight?
Guo Donglin: Don’t look for trouble!
Niu Li: (seizes Guo Donglin’s cell phone) If you don’t want to hit me, I will! OK, tell me now!
Guo Donglin: Hello! Aunt Li! Hello, I am Guo Zi.
Aunt Li (voiced by Huang Yang): Oh, Xiao Guo!
Guo Donglin: That’s right, Aunt Li, this Lili didn’t go home after get off work and said she was working overtime with you, right?
Aunt Li: No!
(Niu Li looked at Guo Donglin proudly, while looking at him, making gestures with her hands, and saying: Yo, yo, yo yo yo, yo yo yo yo yo yo...!)
Guo Donglin: Hello, Aunt Li! That’s okay!
Aunt Li: Hey, Xiao Guo, Lily has gone to the toilet. How about I ask her to call you back later?
Guo Donglin: No, Aunt Li, thank you! (Looking proud)
(Guo Donglin imitated Niu Li’s gestures and said: Yo, yo, yo yo yo! Yo, yo yo yo...)
Niu Li: (Yes) Crying) Ah~~~How could this happen? (Disappointed again)
Guo Donglin: (help her with her hand) Come, straighten that hand yourself, what did I say? Just one sentence! One word can make things happen, and one word can make things bad. Can you be a little brighter in your heart?
(Niu Li’s phone rang again, Niu Li panicked when she saw it was Aunt Li)
Niu Li: Hey, Aunt Li! Quick, you say!
Guo Donglin: I don’t care!
Niu Li: What should I say?
Guo Donglin: Say whatever you like!
Niu Li: Hello, Aunt Li!
Aunt Li: Lily, where are you?
Niu Li: I’m at home!
Aunt Li: Yes! Don't fool me, Guo Zi called, he's so anxious, he's looking for you all over the world! You go home quickly, don't worry Guo Zi!
Niu Li: I am really at home!
Aunt Li: What the hell is going on?
Niu Li: That’s what happened. I was originally at home, but Guo Zi said that I was not at home. Let’s see if you can help us smooth things over. As a result, you were fooled!
(There was a bang, as if something fell, as if Aunt Li was old and was frightened when she heard this)
(There was no movement on the field for a long time, as if Niu Li was a little I’m scared, afraid that Aunt Li can’t bear being cheated and something happens)
Niu Li: (said fearfully): Aunt Li! Aunt Li, I'm sorry...are you okay?
Aunt Li: (as if getting up from the ground, saying slowly) Oh, I fell for this! As long as you two are harmonious, happy and safe, I'll be relieved!
Guo Donglin: Lily, I swear to God! I've never lied to you!
Niu Li: Me too, Guo Zi! I never lied to you!
Guo Donglin: From now on, we will both be brighter! From now on...
Niu Li: Yeah! Um! Um! ...
Guo Zi: Well, what, I’m hungry! It’s time to make dumplings. Let’s go home and eat them! Let’s go! quick! What time is it?
(Niu Li’s cell phone rings again, this time it’s not hands-free) (Guo Donglin helps Niu Li get dressed while Niu Li answers the phone): Huh? ah! ah? ah!
Guo Donglin: Huh? ah! ah? ah! ah? ah! (Imitates the braying of a donkey)
Lili: Oh, come on, stop making trouble! It was the call from the eldest sister.
Guo Donglin: Eldest sister? What's going on?
Niu Li: My eldest sister is married for the second time, and she has an ex-husband, you know, right?
Guo Donglin: Of course I know, that American.
Niu Li: Later, they divorced, and the Americans returned to China with their children, and now they are back with their children.
Guo Donglin: Huh?
Niu Li: The eldest sister wants to see the child, and the child wants to see the eldest sister, but isn’t the current eldest brother-in-law a bit petty?
Guo Donglin: I know him too well!
Niu Li: The eldest sister said she was going to see her child, so she came to us and asked us to help smooth things over!
Guo Donglin: What should I do about this? I'll answer the call when my eldest brother-in-law calls later! no problem!
Niu Li’s cell phone rang again
Niu Li: It’s coming, it’s coming, pick it up quickly!
Guo Donglin: Hello, who is it?
(Director Liu Jian personally plays the role of the eldest brother-in-law): I am the eldest brother-in-law!
Guo Donglin: America’s China?
(Niu Li hammered Guo Donglin)
Guo Donglin: Hello! Brother-in-law, what's going on? Oh~~ Do you want to ask, has the eldest sister come to our house? Here we go, just walked in!
Eldest brother-in-law: Where is it at your house? Then let her answer the phone!
Guo Donglin: Here we go again! Sister!
(To Niu Li) Have you seen the eldest sister?
(Twisted pointed at the toilet: Guo Zi! Guo Zi! That~that!)
Guo Donglin said to himself: So smart, you can learn it as soon as you learn it!
Guo Donglin: Hey, eldest sister has gone to the toilet!
Brother-in-law: Open the door!
Guo Donglin: Is it inappropriate for me to open the door when she is in the toilet?
Eldest brother-in-law: I mean if you open the door, I will be at the door of your house!
Niu Li: It’s over, here it comes! Come on, tell me you can do it well! Go ahead and do it yourself!
Guo Donglin: Not yet!
Guo Donglin: Go and open the door!
Niu Li: Go ahead and drive!
Guo Donglin: I beg you!
Niu Li: I beg you!
Niu Li: Rock, paper, scissors!
Guo Donglin: Rock, paper, scissors! (Guo Donglin produced scissors, Niu Li produced cloth, Guo Donglin won) Open the door!
Niu Li: You, open the door!
Guo Zi: I won! (Extend two and make gestures with your hands)
Niu Li: Whoever wins wins!
Guo Donglin: (opening the door) Brother-in-law, eldest sister is in the toilet.
Niu Li: The eldest sister is in the toilet.
Guo Donglin and Niu Li said in unison: The eldest sister is really in the toilet.
Eldest brother-in-law: Guo Zi, what’s wrong with you?
Guo Donglin: I always wanted to go to the toilet but never had time!
Niu Li: Hold on for a while, the eldest sister is in the toilet!
Eldest brother-in-law: Okay. Stop acting! Your eldest sister didn't come to your house, and there was no one in this toilet at all!
Guo Donglin: How do you know?
Niu Li hit Guo Donglin on the head again
Eldest brother-in-law: Do you know that your eldest sister’s ex-husband came back from the United States with their children?
(Guo Donglin shook his head, Niu Li nodded, then looked at each other, Guo Donglin nodded, Niu Li shook her head.)
Eldest brother-in-law: Do you know or you don’t know?
(Guo Donglin and Niu Li turned their heads together)
Brother-in-law: Okay, stop acting! Your eldest sister’s ex-husband came back from the United States with their children, but you didn’t tell me about it because you were afraid that I was being petty! Isn't this just a matter of children wanting to see their mothers and mothers wanting to see their children? Today I said I was going out for a meal, so I left in a panic, but I didn’t take my wallet! Guo Zi, it's not appropriate for me to go to this occasion. I mean, you two, look at it. Who can help me send this wallet?
Guo Donglin: Why give me a wallet?
Eldest brother-in-law: Why don’t you understand? We have to pay for this meal, we can’t lose our status in front of the Americans!
Guo Donglin: Brother-in-law, you are so bright! Brother-in-law, you are absolutely right! The two of us were talking about giving someone peace.
To give someone peace, the truth is better than anything you said! Right Lili?
Niu Li: You go to eat, and I will deliver this wallet.
Guo Donglin: I will deliver this wallet.
I don’t want to eat, I also want to see the American brother-in-law! No, I mean, no matter how you look at the American elder brother-in-law, they are not as good as the Chinese elder brother-in-law! (Patting Liu Jian) ??Let’s go together later. I go to the toilet.
Niu Li: Guo Zi’s phone number!
Guo Donglin: Pick it up for me and say I have to go to the toilet!
Niu Li and Liu Jian said in unison: Who believes it?
The three of them bowed to the audience together
(End)
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