Stupid classic humorous jokes

1. A vegetable vendor injured an old woman while delivering goods by car. The old woman appealed to the court and he paid a large sum of compensation.

A few weeks later, his van hit an old gentleman, who also got a lot of compensation in court, and the vegetable merchant almost went bankrupt.

On Sunday, the greengrocer sat idle at home, and his children ran in angrily.

? Dad! ? Cried the child. Oh, no. Mom was hit by a station wagon.

The vegetable merchant suddenly burst into tears. He said in a very excited tone: Thank God, my luck has finally changed! ?

2. One day, several good friends met in the street. They came to the restaurant together, ordered food, and suddenly didn't want to pay. One of them said that we all use our own surnames to say this dish. You can eat what you say right, and you can't eat what you can't say. You have to pay. Everyone else said yes.

The waiter brought the food up. Jiang said first that I was a fisherman, and then I brought the fish. The surname Huang said that I was a weasel stealing chicken, and then I brought the chicken. Qin said I was Qin Shihuang who annexed six countries, and then I took all the rest.

As a result, there was only one surnamed Sun. When he saw that he didn't have to eat and had to pay, he said I was messing with the Monkey King, and then he lifted the table.

The girl and the young man met in the park through the arrangement of the marriage agency. The two chatted for a while, and the girl got up to leave.

The young man is very interested in this girl. Seeing that she was leaving, he was very anxious and quickly asked why.

Girl:? Although you look fine, your stomach is empty. ?

Boy:? Who says my stomach is empty? Before I came to the park, I ate a western meal and drank three glasses of wine. ?

4. A drunken reporter went to the newspaper and asked him angrily why he didn't publish his own news and kept pestering him.

An editor who is good at dealing with difficult problems patiently asked him to open the newspaper of the day, and then asked: Do you see any space in the newspaper where you can publish your news?

? No? The reporter replied.

? So it was not published. ?

A gentleman finally became famous, so he invited a painter to his home.

? I invited you here for no other reason than to paint a portrait of me. I hope you can try your best to capture my expression. ?

The painter stared at the gentleman's face for a while and said, I'm sorry! I can't draw cartoons.

6. The reporter interviewed an old lady! The reporter asked:? How to treat firecrackers casually in the city?

Grandma:? What else can I see? Just look through the window.

7. One day, the father of a distant relative passed away. Because I was short of staff and lived near, I was asked to help entertain. How can such a thing not help?

After that, my relatives came to me, held my hand and thanked me for my help and support. When I was excited, I said: As the saying goes, the rich hold a money field, and the poor hold a personal field. I, who has no one and no money, can only hold a crematorium ~ ~?

8. At dinner today, the washing machine was hanging on the balcony next to the restaurant. I asked my daughter: listen, baby, what is that?

The daughter looked disapproving:? Microwave oven for washing clothes.

9. Reporter: I heard that it is daytime in the Arctic for several months, so how do you spend it?

Eskimo: We fish! Of course, I will make out with my wife.

Reporter: What did you do in those dark months?

Eskimo: We don't fish.

10, when dating, the woman asked: Where do you live after marriage?

I live with my grandmother, father and stepmother.

Ask again: Is there a house?

A: Yes. . The old house of the last century, but

One more question: is there a BMW pick-up when you get married?

A: No, is a carriage all right?

Fuck you, I'd rather cry in a BMW than laugh in a carriage!

Prince William burst into tears?

1 1. In the army, the shooting competition ends, the bombing competition ends, and the comprehensive competition ends.

Their company commander was very angry and asked. As your company commander, I am very angry. What did you say?/Sorry? ?

All soldiers:? Change company commander! ! ?

12, a person walks into the supermarket and buys the following items: 1 toothbrush 1 toothpaste 1 roll of toilet paper 1 frozen dinner 1 box of popcorn.

The cashier said, Are you single? ; Are you alone?

The man replied:? How did you know? Because I only buy one copy of everything.

The woman said sarcastically:? No, because you are ugly. ?

13, in order to compete with QQ, I will develop a chat software called BB in the future.

When developing, others will advise you when installing the software? You pretend to be a b! ?

14. On a train, a pair of middle-aged men and women sat opposite each other, holding hands and talking sweet words, which really made me envy and hate.

After getting off the bus, I said to my husband: You see, people are so old and still so sweet. We've only been married for a few years, and you don't pay much attention to me, let alone hold hands and say what I want to hear. I envy them!

Who knows the husband said: envy? Can't you see they're not family? !

15, the bus is very crowded, and a thin man and a fat man are standing.

The thin man said that it is not easy to wait for an empty seat. ?

The fat man said:? You are better! Like me, I have to wait until there are two empty seats! ?

16. A handsome boy in the dormitory just learned to play the violin. Does it sound like scratching the bottom of a pot with your nails?

One afternoon, while he was playing the violin, the door was suddenly pushed open, and the aunt who checked the safety and hygiene came in and said seriously, Who is washing the pot? I wonder if electric cookers are not allowed in the dormitory? ! ?

17, one day you took tomatoes, watermelons and strawberries to the streets. At the crossroads, tomatoes were run over by a car. What did you say?/Sorry? Hahaha! Tomato sauce! ?

At another intersection, the watermelon was hit. You said: ha ha ha! Watermelon juice! ?

At the third intersection, you were knocked down by a car. Strawberry said. Hahaha! Scum! ?

18, one day, the school invited parents to visit the school. In the first class in the morning, the students say hello to the teacher and say, Good morning, teacher. ?

The teacher thought that students should also say hello to the parents present, so he said, There are parents?

Before the students could react, the parents stood up together and said, Good morning, teacher. ?

19, a boy bought a piece of bread in a bakery with two yuan. He felt that this piece of bread was much smaller than usual, so he said to the baker. This bread is much smaller than usual.

? Oh, that's all right. ? The baker replied? If it is smaller, you will carry it more easily. ?

After listening, the boy put fifty cents on the counter and was about to walk out of the shop. The baker stopped him: hey, you don't have enough money to buy bread! ? Oh, that's all right. ?

The boy said politely, "Less makes it easier for you to count." . ?

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