Three dangerous lines every day

I tell this joke today. It's not the problem now. It's about us, okay? Qing dynasty. The Qing Dynasty, regardless of the title, was the new magistrate of yutian county. When the magistrate of a county didn't arrive, all the people in Class Three were on tenterhooks in this county yamen. Why? In that society, speaking of new immortals, it's great! He will take his three relatives and six friends, relatives and friends, and "Hula" will take office at once, and everyone in the county government will brush down and use his relatives and friends. Everyone is on tenterhooks.

It's time to catch this magistrate, and the class three officers and the county government are all happy. At first glance, the magistrate of a county takes his official family with him and no one else. As soon as possible, there is no stranger in the official's house, only his wife and two young masters, the first is eight years old and the second is five years old. Alas, people are very simple. Let's see, ok! We can still work in a deserted yamen, and everyone is very happy. Come up and kowtow to this magistrate. "Congratulations to grandpa, congratulations to grandpa, congratulations to grandpa!" Everyone kowtowed and got up. The magistrate said, "Good, good! Everyone will give you a silver or two. " "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" What is this for? Say hello. Qing xing "inquire". "Thank you, sir!" As for his "inquiry", he has to take a step forward-"thank you, sir!" So-"thank you, sir!" . "Thank you, sir!" Everyone finished their visit to Ann.

The magistrate asked, "What's the ground like here?" "The ground is still very calm." Hearing this, the magistrate of a county was very happy. "oh! The ground is calm, well, I don't want any case from you! " What is a "major case"? When this new fairy takes office, it is time to show off. If you want several cases, you have to help me deal with them. I have to shake my authority. Hearing this, the magistrate said, "The land is very calm." "Then I won't ask you for any case. You know what? You have three days to find me three people. Of these three people, one is needed and impatient; Find me another slow temper; Find me another one who likes to take advantage of small things. Three days, if you find it, you will get a reward. If you can't find it? Everyone hits forty boards and goes down! "

The head of Class Three came down. Zhang Tou, two squad leaders, discussed with Li Tou: "Hey, Brother Zhang, that's great. Let's not handle the case. Let's find three people, ok!" Don't be confused. Is it easy to find three people? Might as well handle a case! ""why? " "Why? Quick temper, slow temper, greedy for cheap, do you know who is quick temper? Do you know who is slow? Can I ask when I walk into the street? Opposite came one, "Oh? This! Do you like petty gain? Then don't fight, then don't. " "hey! Yes! What should I do? " "What should I do? We're going to find it anyway. Go, go, go outside! Have fun. Where is the limit of three days anyway? "They are out.

Zhang Tou and Li Tou, this one said, "Go, go, let's play. Let's go to the theatre first. " They went to the theatre.

People look here: OK! The monitor of two county governments has come, so hurry to find the seats in front. The fourth row moved two chairs, sat there, sang "Yu Tang Chun" on the stage, and the two sat here watching the play.

In the third row in front of them, sat a man. This man, going to the opera, looks like this: his legs are crossed and he looks straight at the stage, his hands are moving and his head is still shaking. That's all. Both sides looked at him without going to the theatre!

Look at you two: this guy! Why is it so annoying? What is this? What is this?

He is shaking his head. Very good! After such a long time, a child came in outside. The child walked up to the man and said, "Dad, Dad, come home quickly, our house is on fire!" " "

Everyone was frightened when they heard it. The two leaders were also shocked. But what about this man? This is strength: children talk to him, don't look at children, look at the stage. "hmm? Is there a fire? Is it big? " "Big, big!" "Oh, that's great. Oh, where is the first east room and the first west room? " "Oh, all done! Hurry up, my mother told you to hurry back! " "Oh, great! Wait a minute, stay with me for a while, and let's go together after watching Yutangchun. "

Sitting next to a big man, he stood up and gave the man a mouth. "You boy! Too irritating! " "Hey? "I stood up." Why did you ... hit me? ""Ah, did I hit you? Hey! I don't want to hit you now. When you shook your head just now, I resisted hitting you! Your house is on fire! Why don't you ask the east room first and the west room first? What? After hearing Yu Tangchun? That's more like it? This! " "That ... that you tube me? Isn't my family busy, too? " "outrageous! "The theater is a mess!

Give it to two heads here!

The two leaders said, "Look, you are really a man. Ah, look at you, that disgusting way of watching the play, shake your head! That's not enough. The house is on fire, and you still listen to Yu Tangchun. Is this more like it? " "Well ... I think this is already on fire. Isn't it still on when I go home?" "Nonsense! Go home and save yourself! " "It is too late for me to walk home from here." "I haven't heard of it, you are too outrageous!" "That he can't hit me? I am such a slow-moving person. "

"ah? Slow? Second brother! Lock him up! " "Wow! Collapse! " Lock the chain. He was stupid about the lock: "Why do you lock people up?" "Don't know? You will know in a moment! " "But you are wrong. If you have something to say, just tell him. Don't just go up and open your mouth. We are watching! " "ah! That's ... What he said went too far! I'll call! I am such an impatient person. " "ah? Quick temper? Lock him up, too. " "Wow! Collapse! " Lock this, too.

"yes! One for two! Go back to the yamen. " Two monitor, go to the opera, sent them back to the yamen and sent them to jail. "Ah! Surprisingly, our two brothers, on the first day, went out and found two. Hey, there is still a short man who loves petty advantages. " It said, "Come on, come on, bite off more than one can chew. Met in one day? What a coincidence! Let's talk about it tomorrow. I'm hungry. " "Hungry? We also ate here. Let's go, let's go. Let's have some snacks in the teahouse and teahouse outside. " "Go!"

The two brothers came out, found a big teahouse and went upstairs. At first glance, there is a table near the corner. Two brothers sit here, order some snacks, pour a pot of tea and drink tea here. Snacks haven't come yet. There is a fight in the northeast corner. The man said, "These are two heads. Everyone gave it and got it! " "When I heard this for the first time, you two quickly came to have a look: this table, sitting opposite this person. The two men sat face to face. This man is sitting here, like this: Look at this table, there are many sesame seeds on it. There are two people beside him: one is carrying a drawer of steamed bread, and the other is carrying a basket of sesame seeds.

You two asked for the first time, how did you get back to this matter? What about this guy? He has been here for a long time, drinking tea here. A steamed stuffed bun seller with a drawer came over and the man said, "steamed stuffed bun, is it hot?" "hot." "Come, come, come two dishes. Two dishes. " Here it is! "Oh, you go! Take the disc and get the money later. Go! " Of course the steamed stuffed bun seller left. He saw the steamed stuffed bun seller leave. There was a man sitting opposite, as if he didn't see anyone else. He picked up the steamed stuffed bun, turned it over, and drew a half circle at the bottom of the steamed stuffed bun with his little finger nail. It's over. Pour out the stuffing, put it in your mouth, eat it, then blow it out and put it on a plate; Draw another one, eat it, blow the drum and put it on the plate. Ok, there are four steamed buns on this plate. He eats two fillings, and a plate eats two fillings. After eating, put it here. The steamed stuffed bun seller came and said, "Steamed stuffed bun seller, you are wrong! Can I have my drawer back? You have to look at people, right? Watching people do business? This ... this, I won't argue with you, take it! " Hearing this, the steamed stuffed bun seller said, "Hey, is it cold? When the new drawer comes back, I will change it for you and come back for distillation! " Take it away. Go to the steamer, lift the pot and put it in. Pick up one of the discs, "huh? Why is the stuffing gone? " Why are you still doing this? Don't return this drawer or sell it! Put it here! "oh? Isn't this stuffing? " A look: good! Four without stuffing. I didn't catch him and didn't dare to ask him, so I left him alone.

Hey, I went upstairs to sell baked wheat cakes, and my business was oriented to small businesses. "Ah. Don't sell Rao cake to that man! That man, he picked my steamed stuffed bun to eat. If you go, you will be in trouble! Eat your half-cooked sesame seed cake, and he won't want it later. " "I haven't heard of it! Does he eat half a sesame seed cake? He wants to take a bite with money! " This nickname is "Wang Erlashi's hometown", which is quite dull. "I have to pay for a sesame seed, don't worry!"

"baked wheat cake! Sesame cake! Sesame cake! " He came to him and said, "Eat sesame cakes!" "Ah, come on, this guy! Two dishes. " Put it here. "Well, you go! Take the CD away and get the money later. " "Why for a while? You eat yours and stay here! " He just stood there. Just like this man who is standing here selling biscuits and looking at you, don't do this. He really has an idea. He picked up the sesame seed cake and said, "Do you want to make money for each other?" How much does it weigh? ""two. " "This baked wheat cake has two? Really, isn't this nonsense? "Throw it on the table. This dropped a lot of sesame seeds. Picking up another one, he said, "Do you have two biscuits? Ouch, heh! This is relatively small, this ... is there two biscuits? How can there be two or two? Isn't this amazing? "They smashed sesame cakes together, boom, boom ... all the sesame seeds fell off. This sesame cake has become a fire, and it has knocked such a table of sesame seeds. " No ... not enough weight, take it! "

"Take it away? Where should I take it? I sell sesame cakes? I am selling fire, huh? Give money! " "I didn't eat!" "Didn't eat? Why? I'm leaving. You eat sesame seeds? How did this happen? If you give a penny less, I will beat you today. " It's too noisy.

The two leaders are coming. Hearing this, Huang Lao said, "You are really ... this is wrong! Ah, what's the matter Throw sesame seeds after eating steamed stuffed buns, you, this ... ""I tell you two ",he knows the county government," I have no money. " "No money? No money, no steamed bread, no money, no food! I ate all the stuffing. " "Hey ..." "What are you happy about? You are still happy, isn't this a bargain? " "Hey, yes, I ... I was born to take advantage of small things." "Love takes advantage of petty gain? Lock him up! " Lock this, too. "Go, go, go! Hey! This time, good, all three! "It was pulled back.

The magistrate of a county rose to the hall, and three classes of officials stood on both sides. Two leaders brought up: impatient, slow-tempered, and people who love to take advantage of small things. Let's talk about this. Hearing this, the magistrate of a county was happy when he heard that sesame seeds had fallen off the sesame cake. "Oh, dear! Guys, this idea. Rare! what do you think? Huh? Hey, you three admit to hitting people and punishing them! "

Afraid! "Sir, what shall we do if we decide to fight?" "If you admit to fighting, everyone will play eighty boards!" "ouch! So what should we do? Your majesty. Do we have to accept punishment? " "Benevolence punishment? Admit punishment ... where do you work now? " "We didn't ... didn't do anything." How did you do such a thing?

"We didn't do anything, we didn't do anything." "So be it, if you want to repent, come with me to my yamen. Give each person two pieces of silver to eat and drink every month. Admit the punishment for fighting? Say it quickly! "

"Sir, adult, we recognize punishment! Admit punishment, admit punishment! "

The two squad leaders said angrily, this is fun! He must admit the punishment! Recognize playing eighty boards; It's unfair to admit punishment, find a job and work here for two silver a month. Neither of them wants to. Magistrate of a county also see out, "you two each reward you two hundred and two pieces of silver. Leave the three of them in our yamen, you don't know, useful! " "You are impatient. Tell you what, you, just follow me as a policeman, you are my sidekick, and you follow me wherever I go. Because you are impatient, you follow me, so we won't delay business; Aren't you slow? It's simple. There are two young masters in my family-the first is eight years old and the second is five years old. You look after two young masters and children. You are a chronic person, don't worry about how the children grind you, understand? You like to take advantage of small things, eat sesame seeds and pick steamed buns. Well, you are the comprador in the yamen of our county. It's up to you to decide what to buy in our county yamen. You buy it. It's cheap. If you buy it cheaply, I'll give you two pieces of silver every month. " What's this called?

Good idea, magistrate of a county. Okay？ Unexpectedly, I used it the same day. How to use it? On the same day, a big official came from other provinces, and the magistrate of a county got the head of the city. This is called a meeting on business. As soon as I heard this, I quickly passed on this impatience: "impatient! Hurriedly ordered the sedan chair to be prepared outside. Prepare a horse and hold it on your head. Well, let's go out of town for a business trip. The sooner the better. " "Yes!" Come down right away. After a while, "go back with the adults, the sedan chair is ready!" " "The magistrate of a county also changed robes, on the sedan chair. If you are impatient, lead the horse and distract the idle people. Wow! Horse, sedan chair, come on! A few minutes later, I was out of town.

A look at the magistrate of a county is really good at employing people. Ah, this impatience, how nice! Don't put things off. Once out of town, damn it! There is a moat. This moat has such a bridge that cars are stuck on it. There are so many vegetable carts, dung carts, dirt carts, donkeys, horses and sedan chairs coming and going! It's stuck. It'll take half a day to get through. The magistrate of a county in the sedan chair was in a hurry. "Hey! If I knew we wouldn't leave this door! How long do you think it will take? "

This said this, impatient, "whoops!" As soon as I reined in, I jumped off my horse and said nothing. I took off my boots and socks and rolled up this trouser leg and got into the sedan chair. "Please get off the sedan chair!" The magistrate of a county doesn't know what it is. "Why?" "Did you see it? I'll carry you on my back and we'll cross the river together. " "Is that all right?" "Then why not? Please come quickly! Please come quickly! "

When ready, the magistrate of a county got off the sedan chair. Impatient so a squat, "come on, you! All right! Adults have been promoted! " I have to say something auspicious. I'm going to the river now, "sparse inside Hua, sparse inside Hua"-I'm going to the river!

Hey, the magistrate saw: Wow! This is impatient, impatient, and really does not delay things. Interesting! He walked on until he reached the middle of the river. The farther he went, the deeper the water became. He was worried that Grandpa County would get his boots wet. "Hey, sir, you're getting a promotion again." Hua, Hua ... "Sir, you are going to be promoted again!" Hua, Hua! Just cross the street.

"Sir, look at this, this ... this, you will be promoted again. No way! It's deep here, my Lord! You are simply, you have been promoted! " Well, the magistrate of a county can ride him! "Oh, yes! Please put your boots in front so as not to get mixed up in the river. " Ok, the boots are in the front. "Sir, what do you think of this? Do you think this is safe, sir? It doesn't matter if it's not next to each other. " Hua, Hua ... almost reached the other side, and the magistrate of a county was happy, "Hey! Be impatient, really don't delay. I'll give you two dollars later. "

"Thank you, sir!" Boom! Throw the master into the river.

Master hit the river, "ah? I said, how can I deal with you? What are you doing? " "I thank you!" "Thank you? Thank you for being so busy? " "Don't you know I'm impatient?" "Quick temper? Don't you just cross the river and thank you again? " "Yes, you know my impatience. You won't reward me if you cross the river?" "oh! You are really delaying the game, your clothes are all wet! How can this satisfy a business trip? Let's go! Go back and change! " "good! You come, I will carry you. " "Back what ah? They are all soaked, let's get together! "

Come back together.

When you get to the county government, look at it as soon as you enter this second door. Very good! The slow-witted man is sitting at the bottom of the hall steps in the sun. You can sit there in a daze. I wonder what he is doing. shake one's head

The magistrate looked at it. "Hey, slow temper, what's the matter?"

Turn your eyelids. "I want to do something." "What do you want? Why don't you coax young master? Where is the young master? " "Which one do you ask?" "Sir!" "Mr. Wang has gone to school." "Where's the second young master?" "Second young master ... fell into the well." "ah? Fell into the well? Why not catch it? " "For what? It's been half a day! " "wow! This is really ... wait, this! Send someone to catch it quickly! Oh, how do you say this? How can I use such a person? What a delay! Come on! Go to the cashier's office and get five taels of silver and buy a coffin! "

Speaking of buying coffins, this one is cheap. "Sir, this is my comprador job." "Oh, you go!" "That's right! Do you think it's cheap? " Take five taels of silver to the coffin shop to take advantage of it.

As soon as he entered the coffin shop, he said, "Boss, how much is a box here?" "Box size is different, there are four shakuhachi, four shakuhachi is four taels of silver. How about three feet six inches? It's three two five. If you have this two-foot-four one, it will be three or two. " "hmm? That is wrong. Four-foot-eight four-two, two-foot-four, should be two-two. How can you sell three or two? " "So ... the coffin is to let the big one not let the small one." "So ... who bought a small one? How gullible is it? This is four feet eight inches, isn't it? This three-foot-six, four-foot-eight is too big, and the two-foot-four is too small. Let's discuss this three-foot-six, shall we give it three or two lines? " "No, no! These three two five. " "The 325? Three, two, five is too much! Give three two two, three two three? " People say, "We don't bargain, nor does the coffin shop bargain." "Don't bargain and don't worry. I'll give you five taels of silver and change! "

Give the shopkeeper five taels of silver tickets. Where is the shopkeeper? I have to look for money in the cupboard. There is no one on the head, only the shopkeeper. "Here is your change." Manned, and then his silver ticket went into the accounting room.

Distressed by petty gain, the shopkeeper entered the accounting room. As soon as I saw no one around, I opened the 3' 6 big lid, picked up a small one, put it in this coffin, put the lid on, and put it under my arm, waiting for the change.

"This is your change!"

"bring it!"

"Hey, we'll send it to you!" "Don't send, don't send! I will! " How come? He is afraid of people. Look at that. I hitched and ran back to the county government. "Sir, I bought it back. Look, 325, is it cheap?"

Do you still care about being cheap when the children are dead?

"I have to! Here it is. Hey, loser! Big! Why is it so big? "

Hearing this, the love petty gain, "big? Look! " A dozen lids. "Don't you have any small ones?" Lift this small one.

Magistrate of a county a look, "wow! Why are you such a failure? Why did you buy two? " "Sir, that we didn't spend money! He didn't see it, I took it. " "Nonsense! What's the use? "

"ah! Master, it is idle to leave it, but busy to use it. This gentleman is going to die again! Don't buy! "

Liu Baorui performance handbook