How to tell a cold joke?

Classic joke

1. A pig said to another pig, "People say we are pigs, let's break up!"

2. The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight-at the graduation job fair, someone said to him, "Sorry, buddy, you're blocking my cell phone signal ~"

3. Editor: You should write a miniature martial arts novel, which not only breaks the secular ethics, but also contains many years of grievances between Jianghu sects. At the same time, the plot is still suspense, and there are still many bloody things to come. The next day, there were only ten words in the full text: bald donkey! How dare you rob the teacher of originality ~

A freshman got his bag when he got off the train in Harbin. Frustrated, I saw someone waving to him not far away. By the time he got there, the man had disappeared, leaving only the wallet he had just pulled out on the ground. Freshmen hurriedly opened it and found that besides money, ID cards, bank cards, especially freshman registration cards, and other things were still there. There was a line of chalk on the ground next to it: Although life is difficult, thieves also have a way!

When I went shopping, I found a shop full of all kinds of clothes. On the glass at the door, there are stickers: big reward for opening a shop, high-grade suit 30 yuan, shirt 5 yuan. I am inexplicably happy: I finally caught up with such a good thing! So I rushed in, and I looked up at the moment I entered the door: dry cleaner!

6. I went to school to get my diploma today. When I was excited, I grabbed a passing buddy and asked, "Hey, what's the name of this school again?" The buddy gave me a hard look and said, "How should I know? I am only a freshman! " "

7. After a hard and busy day, I always have a little expectation when I go back to my nest to open the door every night-suddenly a person jumps out from behind the door and smiles and blindfolds me. Of course, it's impossible. If there is, it may be a thief! ~

8. At the beginning of freshman year, a buddy came to our dormitory with his luggage on his back. He asked the boss who slept in the lower berth, "No one lives in your upper berth, right?" The boss didn't care in a daze, and casually replied: "No!" Hearing this, the elder brothers tried their best to throw a big bag of luggage on the upper berth-as a result, there was no bed board on the upper berth!

9. One day, a man met God ... God suddenly showed great kindness and planned to give him a wish ... God asked ... Do you have any wishes ... The man thought about it ... I heard that cats have nine lives ... Please give me nine lives ... God said ... Your wish came true ... One day, this man was idle and bored ... He wanted to say death. ..