Depression wants to die. Who can tell me a joke?

1, the cat was forced to sit in the cordate telosma hair salon opened by the fox because of nightlife. One day, the mouse came to the hair salon to call the roll to keep the cat overnight. The cat swore to death, and the mouse was furious: I was chased to death at the beginning, but now I am a prude! ?

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I thought there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. * * An asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two! ?

3. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down. ?

4, a person always farts at work, and colleagues can't help but say: Can you keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there trembling. Colleagues asked him what he was doing, and he replied, I am tuned to vibration now! ?

5, someone riding a bicycle, heard passers-by yelling: go, go, go ... I wish I could sing: Oh, Ole Ole ... The voice plunged into the ditch, and passers-by scolded: Shit! I'm telling you, Hook is still riding! You deserve to fall to death. ?

6, carp and tortoise to get a marriage certificate. The clerk asked the turtle's age, and the turtle: 100.

Quasi-marriage

7. A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down and made a wish, then threw a coin into the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was surprised, then smiled and said to himself, "How wonderful!" ?

8. A couple are fishing by the river, and the lady always quarrels. After a while, the fish took the bait, and the lady said, this fish is really poor. The husband said, yes, just shut up.

9、? The science teacher asked, "Why is the body cold after death?" No one answered. The teacher asked again, "Nobody knows?" At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said, "That's because it's calm and naturally cold." ?

10, spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. The spider roared, "Why? Why is this? " The ant said timidly, "My mother said that people who surf the Internet all day are not good people!" " " ?

1 1. Xiaoguang is a diligent student. He used his part-time job in winter vacation to earn tuition. Help the butcher cut meat during the day and go to the hospital for internship at night. One night, an old woman died of an emergency? For the operation, Xiaoguang pushed her into the operating room. The old woman screamed in panic: "My God! You kill pigs. Where are you going to push me?

12, the male and female toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked "Who" loudly. The boy next door replied, "Lei Feng." ?

13, when a person got on the plane for the first time and wanted to throw up, the stewardess took an empty bag and went to get it when it was almost full, telling him "don't throw up". When I came back, I saw it everywhere. I asked why, and replied, "When I saw it was almost full, I took another sip, and everyone around me vomited ..."