Couples' funny jokes

Couples' funny jokes, in our life, we often hear some classic sentences, and many sentences are also sung by everyone. Sometimes a simple sentence expresses many meanings. The following is a compilation of couples' funny jokes.

Couple jokes 1 1, wife: You promised me not to smoke, why did you smoke again? Husband: Then you promised to give me pocket money yesterday. You haven't given it to me yet. Wife: Don't you have any money yourself? With private money, of course I can't promise you. Husband: OK, this is my private cigarette.

2. Woman: Ah … Be careful, your ring hurts me … Man: No, that's my watch!

3. The aunt of the boarding school saw that the anonymous classmate was eating instant noodles for lunch again, so she advised them: "Always eating noodles without nutrition is easy to lose weight!" The girl replied, "Aunt, don't look at me thin. I often eat meat below."

Several female colleagues usually like to chat together, and once they talked about how accurate their sixth sense is.

5. Man 1: "What my wife and I talk about most is democracy. If my opinion is the same as hers, she will obey me. " If not, then I will obey her.

6. A couple was laid off and their life was very difficult. They finally waited for liberation and wanted to eat something good, but they didn't eat well for a long time and ate too much.

7. On the morning of New Year's Day, the wife suggested to her husband: "Starting today, the New Year must have a new atmosphere and must respect each other.

8. A gentleman strolled around with his new girlfriend and passed an aunt selling fruit.

9. The husband has a bad temper and always scolds his wife. When his wife avoided seeing him, he called his wife's cell phone and scolded her. Later, he wanted to quarrel, which made him sad and broke his money. It's not worth it.

10 one day, little Lise saw a short man staring at a hedgehog curled up on the side of the road.

1 1. In a village, when they heard that a mountain thief was coming, the villagers hid all the young women in the cellar.

12, Wang became the general manager of the company by his wife's nepotism.

13, a white couple got married for many years and finally had a child.

14, I get rid of the bad habit of swearing, and you get rid of the habit of hitting people easily, okay? "The husband repeatedly said yes, and finally added," From now on, if you call names again, I will beat you flat! The wife roared: "You are a fairy, I dare you!" ! "

15. At the dance, a lady kept staring at a man not far from her.

16. As soon as the season changes, my girlfriend suffers from amnesia. She doesn't remember buying new clothes at this time last year, and always feels that there is always one missing in the closet.

17, the wife suspected that her husband was having an affair, so she invited a detective to follow her.

Couple's funny joke 2 1, young couple getting ready for bed man: I'm on my way. Woman: I'm going. Man: I'm comfortable up there. W: I'm realistic. M: Well, it's up to you! Woman: alas! When can I have a big house and stop sleeping here?

2. Chat with my husband at night and ask: What if we all die and go to hell? Husband said: I will pray to God to let you go to heaven. I am alone in hell. The wife said: You have a conscience. The husband said, I'm afraid we are all married in hell. For me, spicy is a real hell. ...

Like an ant who loves him deeply, one day he said excitedly, "Dear, let's get married. Last time we were in after making love, I was pregnant with your baby! ~ ~ ~ ~ "ant thought, now that you have children, you should get married, although it seems inappropriate.

However, what a strong son he will have in the future. Others will get married ... nine months later, as the ant wished, he gave birth to a son. However, the elephant said, "Dad, I will take care of our mother and son this month and get us 100 Jin of bananas every day!" " The ant fainted on the spot ~ ~ ~ regret it ...

4. Wife: "Didn't you call me an angel before marriage?"

Husband: "Yes."

Wife: "Why don't you call me that now?"

Husband: "oh, dear, you should be happy." Now my mind is much more normal. "

A couple went home by bus, and the bus was caught in a traffic jam. My wife asked, won't you do something for me? Go talk to the driver and tell him to hurry up. I am late, and my husband can't help it. He went over to talk to the driver. The driver is depressed, you are so stupid. If you can hurry, your wife will be my wife.

6. A couple rode a bicycle to the street, and the wife left her husband behind. After waiting for a long time, the husband did not catch up. The wife stopped to complain: You are getting worse and worse now. Remember when you were not married, you caught up with me in less than ten seconds! Oh, oh, oh, health is not a problem, the husband replied: the problem is that I am too lazy to chase now!

7. The husband and wife quarreled. When the husband came home from work, he found his wife was not at home. Only a note was left on the table, which said: Lunch is on the cooker page 2 15, and dinner is on page 3 17. "

8. A couple who want to divorce went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the formalities.

On the way, suddenly, the husband said to his wife, "I beg you, just take my hand and put your head on my shoulder, and be happy, okay?"

The wife asked in surprise, "Why?"

The husband said shyly, "The woman coming in front is my ex-wife."

9. A couple went to the photo studio to take wedding photos. The woman wanted to take a theme wedding photo and asked about the price.

The staff said how much is this and how much is that.

The man listened impatiently: "Why is it so expensive?"

Staff: "The main reason is that clothes are expensive."

Man: "Then give us an Adam and Eve series."

10, female colleague, she was not convinced when we said she was a female Chinese paper. Today, I saw on the Internet that the best height difference between husband and wife is 12cm, so I told her. After listening to this, she replied, "Where can I find a boy with 160 like me?" .

1 1, the husband and wife lie down at night, and the woman holds her husband's tool and says, "Everyone has a watch number, but this thing has no good name. You can give him a number." The husband said, "If the fake person's name is Mr. Jiao, the real person should pay a dime, but he can be called Mr." The woman said, "Since there is a museum here, please invite him to sit down." After making love, the next morning, my wife vomited chicken and wine. The husband smiled and said, "I know you are Mr. Xie. What about your husband?" The wife said, "Mr. Wang is perfect, but he is a little soft-hearted and can't sit still."

The young couple are ready for bed.

Man: I'm on it.

Woman: I'm going.

Man: I'm comfortable up there.

W: I'm realistic.

M: Well, it's up to you!

Woman: alas! When can I have a big house and stop sleeping here?

My friend got married last year. She and her husband are both single parents. My friend has been living with her mother and her husband has been living with her husband's father.

After marriage, the young couple always quarrel, so the two in-laws always come to stop the fight.

In the long run, my parents got married, but my friend and her husband divorced, and suddenly the husband and wife became brother and sister. ...

14, Wednesday is here, get rid of fatigue Wednesday, life has a new starting point, get rid of depravity Wednesday, harmony between husband and wife is sweeter than honey. Don't indulge in a hard day, think about the stacks of money after hard work, and think about the kiss from my wife at home. Are you still tired?

Work hard! When I miss you, I dare not call you for fear of hearing your voice; Sadly, I always miss you, but I can't always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up my mobile phone and dialed the phone for you. Hello? Why not you? Dizzy! It turns out that my mobile phone is in arrears!

15, couples always wash clothes before making love. One day we quarreled, and my husband was embarrassed to talk, so he asked his son to tell me. Son: "mom, dad said the clothes were dirty and needed washing." Mom: "Tell your dad that the washing machine is broken." Later, the woman thought again and said to her son, "Let your father bring the clothes to wash." After a while, the son said, "Dad said he had washed it by hand." ……

16, Laoqi Xi has a son, and the couple are discussing what to name his son. Old seven said, "I've thought about it for a long time. What we expect in business is prosperity. Let's call it Zydron! " The mother was unhappy: "What's your name? My mother had it calculated. There better be a strong word in the child's name. I think Qi Dongqiang is still good, smooth and loud! "

The two men couldn't argue, so they went to an expert. The expert thought for a moment, sighed and said, "Well, what's so noisy about a name? Since you two can't argue, let's compromise and call it Zydron Dongqiang! " ! "。

17, most men before marriage are humorous; Married men are mostly reticent. Before marriage, men wait for women in restaurants; After marriage, women wait for men in the living room. Women have the best memory when they quarrel; A man's patience is the worst after marriage. When you are in love, kiss as soon as you meet; We bickered as soon as we met after marriage. Before marriage, men often give women blank checks; After marriage, men often write bad checks to women. When you are in love, life is beautiful; Life after marriage is miserable! Little lovers joke.

18, one day, when I was reading the newspaper, my wife suddenly said that I should wear a pair of glasses. Computer TV every day makes my eyes really nearsighted. It seems that my wife is becoming more and more considerate to me. Thought of here, a warm current suddenly welled up in my mind. I said, "I'm going to the optical shop to check the eye chart when I'm free tomorrow." My wife immediately said, "Now she can test my eyesight." She pointed to the corner of the door and asked, "What do you see?" I replied, "One.

19, there was an old couple who had been married for ten years, and neither of them liked each other's shortcomings. The wife is dissatisfied with her husband's living habits, and the husband is always critical of his wife's figure. One day, my wife finally couldn't help saying, "What's so attractive about you?" Husband: "I have a talking elephant!" " "

20. A young couple had great distrust of each other. Every day you guard against me, and I guard against you. Mobile phone calls and messages must be strictly examined.

One day, while they were shopping, suddenly the man's cell phone rang. The man didn't dare to answer it after reading it, so he pressed it. Soon, the phone rang again, and his wife became more suspicious. She asked the man: A man?

Husband: No!

Wife: A woman?

Husband: No!

My wife couldn't hold her breath for a long time and shouted loudly: Don't pretend for me, it's not a man or a woman, then who is she?

My husband has a strange expression and smirked: Thai shemale.

Couples funny jokes 3 funny couples connotation jokes classic 1

1, I told my wife today that I wanted to go to the hotel to find a girl for a change.

The second-rate wife said, "As far as your skills are concerned, you still have to find someone else to major. Even if I can't win in my spare time, don't make a fool of myself outside. Save two dollars for my mother to go shopping! "

2. Sitting on a stool by the roadside with my wife, a beautiful woman came over and her husband's eyes were attracted. ...

The wife is angry: "What are you looking at? If you dare to touch it, I'll give you a hundred dollars! "

My husband blushed: "No, I'm not going ..."

Wife: "I'll give you 200 for this courage!" " "

The husband waved his hand again and again: "No, no ..."

The beauty came over and said, "Brother, feel it. We each have one hundred. "

3. Husband: Wife, I really want it.

Wife: No.

Husband: Honey, give it to me. I'm choking.

Wife: No, nothing.

Husband: I did all the housework this month. Give it to me!

Wife: That's more like it. Come on, buy it for ten dollars, save cigarettes.

Funny couple connotation segment classic 2

When Xiao Li's neighbor came home, he saw Xiao Li standing outside the door, so he went up to him strangely and asked him, "Hey, Xiao Li, what's the matter?" Cann't get in the door? "

Xiao Li smiled and said, "My brain is failing. I forgot my key!" " "

"Come to my house first." The neighbor said enthusiastically.

Xiao Li refused: "No, my wife will be back soon."

After the neighbor left, Xiao Li gently pleaded at the door: "Dear, please open the door, so I can't admit my mistake?"

Reading people is for face. Many times, they would rather be wronged than lose face in front of outsiders. The contradiction between husband and wife is big and should be solved at home. At no time should an iron gate separate them.

Funny couple connotation paragraph classic 3

The wife complained to her husband, "You don't understand a woman's heart at all, and you are always unwilling to tell me what I like to hear."

Sir: "well, just remind me what you like to hear."

Wife: "At least the name should be changed. Don't always call it' wife'. It is more intimate to call three words. "

Sir: "I see, old woman."

When reading each other's high spirits, don't say anything or do anything disappointing. You have to understand that happiness and happiness run together.