Humorous jokes! collected works

1 Causes of Constipation A construction worker went to see a doctor because of severe constipation. The doctor checked and said, "It's very simple. Get on the bed! Then the doctor took out a wooden stick and gave the builder a good ass with all his strength. Grab another builder and throw it in the toilet! The builder wailed for a long time, and gradually his voice dropped and he gave a happy laugh. The contented builder went out of the toilet and thanked the doctor. The doctor made a prescription and asked the builder to get the medicine. As a result, he got a big bag of toilet paper. The female pharmacist kindly told him, "The doctor asked me to tell you to use toilet paper instead of cement bags after going to the toilet. "

2. Break up with your girlfriend "I heard that you broke up with your girlfriend?" "yes." "Why?" "I put him on a bed covered with roses ..." "Isn't that romantic? ! ""But I forgot to pull out the thorn! "

3. The mouse fights with the cat. The mouse pointed fiercely at the cat and said, I am married to the bat now! Our children will live in the air in the future! I'm not afraid of you anymore! The cat smiled and pointed to the owl in the tree and said, Look, my wife!

The police saw several young people running wildly in the street. Feeling something was wrong, he shouted at the back, "Stop." As a result, several boys ran faster, and Pol.ice reported the interception by bike. After a while, a group of policemen surrounded them and shouted, "Why are you running in the street so late?" I told you to stop. Why did you run? A young man panted, "Uncle policeman. . . . The dormitory will be locked in five minutes. . . . . . "

5. Have you ever met it? I once received a short message from a fraud company: Mom, I have no living expenses again, please call me quickly; I lost my card, please type it on my classmate's card, 430 1xxxxxxxxxx, small xx; I fainted directly after reading it. First, I am a man. Second, I'm not married! So I wasted a dime and went back to the past: son, mom told you about a marriage, so come back and get married as soon as possible!

6. How many gold coins do I have? The leopard proudly shows off, "Who can count how many gold coins I have?" The zebra heard it from a distance and secretly scolded, "What's so great about the local rich?"? Look at this set of imported clothes on me, and you will know that the origin is extraordinary! "

7. It sounds really dull and unpleasant. The driver's master played a tape with only an "ah", which was really boring and unpleasant. After listening for a while, I couldn't help it anymore and asked the master politely, "Are you listening to Jiangnan minor?" The master said excitedly, "This is my daughter practicing her voice. I want to hear it when I miss her. " I said, "Your girl has a beautiful voice." The host turned up the volume excitedly. ...

8. Proud couplets-Su Shi's famous sentence: Visit the West Lake, carry a tin pot, drop the tin pot into the West Lake, and cherish the tin pot; The bottom line: listening to physics is like looking at physics in the fog, ignoring physics.

9. This cabbage is brain-dead. One day, Chinese cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so it fell off one by one and disappeared.

Habits Eight years ago, I got into the bad habit of smoking and a roommate got into the good habit of drinking milk. Now, I am alive and well, and my roommate is dead.

1 1. I miss the days when I couldn't lie when I was a child. I had that kind of candy when I was a child. You don't have to buy it, you can exchange it with waste. One day, the candy seller called at the door, which made me greedy. I've been rummaging around at home for a long time and there's nothing to change. Finally, I squeezed all the China toothpaste into a bowl and exchanged the toothpaste box for candy. My parents brushed their teeth the next day and asked me where the toothpaste box was. I said calmly: I accidentally broke it and got a fat beating!

12, aunt education handsome boy took the bus yesterday, and a handsome boy was sitting next to him. Come up with a 40-year-old aunt. Standing next to the handsome guy, he began to say that young people nowadays have no quality and don't know how to be polite to old people. Aunt kept pumping ink, and after four or five minutes, the handsome boy's face turned red. He pulled out two crutches from his seat and let them out with difficulty. The whole car is quiet ...

13. Kissing my love in three places, two lovers whispering in the park. Man: "Baby, what's your biggest wish?" The woman said shyly, "My biggest wish is that you can kiss me in three places!" " Man: "This is no small matter. What three places did you say? Woman: "Paris, London, new york! "

14, the shadow of a person is the soul. "Have you ever heard of it? The shadow of a person is actually a soul. You can see people's condition by looking at the color of the shadow. " "oh? How to say it? " "If the shadow color is darker, it means that you are in good health and have a thick soul." "Well, if my shadow is very light? Explain that I am in poor health? " "No, that means your soul is weak (asshole)."

15, why on earth do I love you and you love him, but he loves me? Why on earth? Clue 1: One of them is a man and a woman. What about the other one, a man or a woman? Thread 2: shemale, both male and female. Thread 3: Why is this? Howl.

Car 16 was tanned. Take a walk with colleagues after work and pass by the boss's car downstairs. I think the color of the boss's car seems different from before (it may be dirty). Colleagues directly said it was the sun.

17, my hair fell badly from the root. I came to a shop specializing in selling shampoo and wanted to buy a bottle of hair growth shampoo. The shop assistant recommended me a shampoo that can completely improve my hair quality, saying that after using it for one month, I can guarantee new hair to grow from my hair roots, and I also made a promise of invalid refund. If I get the treasure, I insist on using it when I go back. Wash your feet with shampoo every time. After January, my hair was washed less and less, but my feet were covered with hair. I was very angry. I took the shampoo and talked to the clerk. The clerk leisurely pointed to the instructions and showed them to me: start with the roots. I'm speechless.

18, wife's plan The young couple had a child, and his wife taught the child to call him "Dad" every day. The husband was moved by his wife's selfless spirit. The child will finally be called "dad", and the husband will be so happy. In the middle of the night, the wife woke up her husband and said, "The child is calling dad." The husband got up to feed the baby with milk powder, and the wife woke him up in the middle of the night and said, "The baby called you dad." The husband got up again to change the baby's diaper. A few days later, the husband couldn't bear it anymore and said to his wife, "This child is nothing like me …" She was very angry and ran away with the child in her arms.

19, some things can't be enjoyed. * * * The ancient famous sentence said by the teacher: Being happy with others is the happiest in the world. The teacher told the students, "Everyone should learn to share your things with others." A classmate with excellent grades said, "I want to share my learning experience with you." Another student said, "I want to share your exam answers." The teacher said, "Some things can't be enjoyed." A girl said, "The classmate in front of me farted for us to share, but we couldn't enjoy it." The criticized classmate said, "I will fart in the future and enjoy myself."

20. Praise a couple for flirting. The woman said, honey, can you say something complimentary about me? M: ok. You are a crow flying in the sky, and I am a fox chasing on the ground. How's it going? Woman: Spoil, am I that ugly? Start over. Man: You are the white swan in the sky, and I am the toad on the ground. One day you accidentally knocked over your stool. Fell into my mouth. Wow, it smells good. Woman: (coquetry again) Hmm-you are so stupid. Are we all the same? Say another one. Man: You are a sow and I am a boar.

2 1 after watching the movie about Tang Bohu, my big target friend said to me, "I want to learn from Tang Bohu." After listening to this, I just wanted to admire his lofty goal, and he added: "Learn from him and marry eight wives."

22. What kind of animal do you become? It is best for a few friends to chat and be animals. Friend A: It's good to be a cat. You can sleep all day. Friend B: Be a good cow and be strong. Nobody is afraid, just pull the plow. Friend C: It's good to be a dog. You can wear skirts in the street in hot weather ... Friend D: I choose to be a wild boar. I'm not afraid of killing people. I can get a new wife every day.