English dialect jokes

1. The teacher asked the students to talk in English. A student begins like this:

Can you speak Chinese?

Sure, why not?

Then the students began to write their dialogues in Chinese.

One day, a tourist from the city came to a small village, driving on a country road, to see what the farm looked like and how farmers made a living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig in his hand, holding it high so that the pig could eat the apples on the apple tree. The city man said to the farmer, "I think your pig likes apples, but isn't that a waste of time?" The farmer replied, "What is time to a pig?"

3. One day, a tourist from the city came to a small village and drove on the road in the country to see what the farm was like and how farmers made a living by farming. City people saw a farmer on the grass behind his house, holding a pig in his hand and holding it high so that it could eat apples from the tree. The city man said to the farmer, "I think your pig likes apples, but isn't it a waste of time?" The farmer replied, "What does time mean to pigs?"

In a popular program on Chengdu TV, a long and sweet girl doll asks questions to anyone she meets in the street. If she answers correctly, she will get a red envelope, usually 10 yuan. This year's Lantern Festival reporter stopped two aunts in the same industry. The two aunts probably didn't recognize the little girl because they didn't watch TV much.

Q: Do you eat jiaozi during the Lantern Festival? A: No.

Ask again: then what to eat? A: Eating Yuanxiao is glutinous rice balls.

The reporter handed them a red envelope: congratulations, you got it right. Give them a red envelope. This is true.

Then the reporter walked away, but the camera didn't stop, probably to capture the reaction of the two aunts.

One of the aunts opened the red envelope and saw that it was real. 10 yuan. Glancing at another aunt's envious expression, she said, let's split up.

Another aunt nodded, and the aunt who took the red envelope took out 5 yuan from her bag and gave it to another aunt.

Or the program above.

The host asked an old man across the street, "Do you know whether the Wuhou Temple commemorates Li Bai or Du Fu?"

Uncle casually said "in memory of Li Bai"

The host said, "Ha, wrong, in memory of Zhuge Liang." Then I hurried away, leaving a crazy uncle.

(A cold brain teaser ...)

A program shot on location, the name of which I forgot.

The guest once invited was Joker Xue!

Let him pretend to be a passer-by and pick up a bag of papers, pass by somewhere, and then unwittingly ask him to put it down to see if there is any kindness.

Passers-by held him, and the camera secretly filmed from a distance.

Ok, here we go ~ Xue GG walked back and forth on that street n times! Things have dropped n times! But few people told him!

The result of the nth time is still the same. The director said: This place is no good. Let Joker Xue do the last test here, and then change places!

At this time, something brilliant happened!

There is a canteen on the street where Xue GG goes! There is an old girl sitting outside, knitting a sweater or basking in the sun! At this time, she growled a meaningful sentence: "Mom, there is a ping-pong rope in this doll's skull! Things are so tight that they fall. "

Xue GG seems to have heard about him, but he may not understand Sichuan dialect, and then someone in the camera heard this sentence, which is very classic.

"Oh, my God ..."

It's also this program

Once, a farmer's cow went crazy and ran out. Then he was finally forced into a corner of an abandoned clearing.

At this time, the armed police dispatched. They shot cows with guns, and then the TV station stood by and filmed.

There's a chance. The cow didn't respond. Got shot twice. The cow didn't respond. Got shot three times. The cow didn't respond. Shot four times. The cow didn't respond. Got shot five times. The cow didn't respond. Got shot six times. The cow didn't respond. Shot seven times. The cow didn't respond. Got shot eight times. The cow didn't respond.

Quiet. . . .

Then a leader who looked like an armed police turned to the camera and said, "Ah, they don't usually use this kind of gun. This gun has not been calibrated. "

The same program, this time the theme is to help people find jobs.

The protagonist is a middle-aged man. He is in his thirties. He used to be a comedian, but later they arranged for him to go to the barber shop for a haircut. The middle-aged man tried it on a customer. Unexpectedly, he washed the bubbles with all ears. The customer was very dissatisfied and told the manager.

Later, when the customer had a haircut, he found that his hair was itchy, and then he asked the manager why his hair was so itchy. The manager called his comrades to ask.

Words. The manager went to Guangpu, and the job seeker went to Trump.

Manager: How did you wash your customers' hair just now?

Middle-aged man: That's how I washed it.

Manager: What kind of shampoo do you use?

Middle-aged man: That's the bath water!

Customer: Why don't you use your used bath water to wash my hair?

Middle-aged man: No, no! ! ! It's seaweed shampoo. I lied!

As a result, the barber shop rejected him. He told reporters in dismay that he had to go back to work. The reporter asked him what is your job? He said it was dubbing, and then the reporter helped him find a recording studio in Chengdu to interview.

The studio manager spoke first and asked him how his dubbing skills were. Eldest brother said he was good at imitation, and then he imitated the dubbing of a foreign movie and came out.

Manager: Well, it feels good. The only drawback is that your Mandarin is not standard. You need to exercise. This is the foundation. No matter how good the feelings are, Mandarin is not standard.

Middle-aged people: Ann's Mandarin is not standard, and it may be mixed. My friends say that my Mandarin is standard!

Manager:-!

Middle-aged man: You may not have seen my real performance. I'll try again.

Manager: OK, I'll give you something to read.

Middle-aged man: I see!

Middle-aged people have begun: (very emotional) There are many athletes preparing on the sports field, including basketball, volleyball and ice hockey (table tennis). ..........

The brothers carrying the camera couldn't help laughing, and the camera kept shaking.

The same procedure.

At the Huanglongxi Fire Dragon Festival, the reporter interviewed a woman who danced dragons. Is there anything particular about dragon dancing? The woman said: Pay attention to sincerity and purity when dancing the dragon, otherwise it is blasphemy against the river god. The reporter asked by car: Sincerity, we can understand, is that pure? The woman replied shyly, that's because husband and wife can't do bad things in those days! Then there was a special W X voice backstage: Really? hahahaha ...

…

Chengdu TV once again filmed people who violated traffic regulations on the spot. It is the appearance of the host and the reporter hiding behind the tree to take pictures. When they find out, they will go out and show themselves. Hosted by Aunt Sun of Sun Jing (the so-called famous mouth of Chengdu TV Station).

Waiting for a long time. Finally, a battery car arrived, with three people in it. When the battery car came to the tree where they were hiding, the reporter and Aunt Sun suddenly dodged. The most classic thing is that I don't know which one shouted: Caught! With a scream from a woman sitting in the back seat, the driver of the electric horse was startled by several people who suddenly jumped out, and the car flipped over with a click, and three people grinned.

As a result, the reporter was scared and got up quickly. The man got up combatively and said, there is something wrong with him. He ate too much ... the reporter probably didn't react and kept apologizing. It was not until Aunt Sun and the man saw the reporter's lens at the same time that they came to their senses.

Man: You hid your paws there. What are you filming? It's scary to come out like this suddenly.

Aunt Sun said: I did it on purpose!

M: (very speechless)

Aunt Sun: Can you see where I am hiding?

Man: (speechless) I don't know where you are.

Aunt Sun: Of course I don't know. Third, I hid. How can you see it?

M: I can't tell.

Aunt Sun: You didn't get mixed up because you violated traffic regulations. If you are alone, you are not overloaded just now. If I scare you like this, you will have to cut it.

Man: (with a wry smile) Ouch, my sister, you suddenly rushed out like that. You scared me, too, even though I was driving a tank, especially when people came out with something on their shoulders (pointing to the camera). I thought it was a robbery. ...

Aunt Sun: Oh, your imagination is really rich.

M: Really, you can ask any one. Which one do you think is so scared by you? By the way, what the hell are you shooting? (I guess I thought I was going to be an extra actor, and I began to sort out clothes and shoot clothes. )

Aunt Sun: (The melon is up) That's right. Are we whispering? (I looked at the camera with special dementia, and it took me a second to react. It is wrong to start criticizing the senior. .............