How does a pregnant woman accept her identity change from "child" to "mother"?

Six months ago, I was still a "child", doing whatever I thought of. Except for the difficulty of making money, there seemed to be no other difficulties. I didn't have to eat three meals a day on time, and I didn't have to eat when I was hungry. The timing of eating and sleeping is also random. Although I know that my life is very bad and my work and rest are irregular, I can do whatever I want and feel comfortable enough.

Work is also a guerrilla war. If you are not happy with what you are doing, change it. If you feel you can still do it, just work for a few more months. I never think about financial management, I just spend my salary as soon as I get it, basically every month. Although I am often poor, I am still very happy when I am poor, and happiness comes easily. For example, eating a long-awaited meal, buying a lipstick that I have been coveting for a long time, watching a newly released movie...

Maybe I was too willful when I was young, and I didn’t have much time to enter the society when I grew up. In the past 23 years, I have had too little life experience and experience. In the past 23 years, I have never worried about anything, and I don’t understand people with depression and anxiety. But suddenly something happened, which made me feel that my life had changed and I didn't know how to face it.

I found out I was pregnant six months ago. I was actually very happy, full of joy. I have been married for several years, and although I have never planned to have children, my relatives and friends will ask from time to time, many people around me get pregnant as soon as they get married, and I rarely use contraception, but why has there been no news? For this reason, I doubted myself. Is there something wrong with me?

Actually, my husband was not in a hurry to have a baby, and our family was not in a hurry. But as time went by and I watched other people give birth one by one, I finally couldn’t help but go to the hospital for a checkup. The result was endometriosis. The doctor said that it is difficult to get pregnant with this disease, and there is no medical treatment. The only way to treat this disease is pregnancy. If you don't want to have children for the time being, you can have surgery, but it will take three years after the surgery to have children. After discussing it with my husband, I decided to have a child. I tried hard for half a year but there was no good news. When I finally planned to have an operation, my mother stopped me. She did not support my operation because the disease was not a serious one. , the surgery was too hard on the body, and it took such a long time to recover before I could have a child. She suggested that I try Chinese medicine, but if it really didn’t work, I would have to do the surgery.

I went to a traditional Chinese medicine hospital at the beginning of the year, and the doctor’s examination revealed another disease: polycystic ovaries, which lowered the chance of pregnancy. I was very impatient at the time and worried about what I would do if I never had children. The doctor prescribed a bunch of medicines and I drank them all. I really didn't think about my life after having children from the beginning to the end. I only thought about curing the disease and was afraid that I would never have children in the future.

After drinking bitter Chinese medicine for a month, the good news finally came as expected. I was happy for a long time. I didn’t have any morning sickness at all in the early stage. I had a great appetite, I could eat and drink, and I felt very good. But the comfortable days didn't last long. As the fetus grew day by day, the joy of pregnancy was slowly washed away by the confusion about the future. I started to worry about how I would work after giving birth to a child. What if my husband’s salary would not be enough if he didn’t work to take care of the child at home. I worry about what I will do when I become bloated, have stretch marks all over my belly, and age several years. What should I do if my child is sick or crying?

The point is, I haven’t learned how to be a mature adult. I don’t know how to cook or do housework. How can I become a mother? How can I be a safe haven for my child and how can I take care of him? I don’t even have my own pursuit in life, so how can I cultivate him?

I started to be irritable, irritable, anxious, insomnia...

I often asked myself why I wanted to have a baby, and often regretted being pregnant, even though I knew in my heart that the baby was pregnant. It's not easy. I asked for it myself. I should accept him and shouldn't have such thoughts. But I'm really scared. I'm afraid that I won't be able to live well and have another child suffer with him. Every day after I had fetal movement was really painful. I was filled with regret, self-blame, guilt, fear...all kinds of emotions were intertwined, and I couldn't breathe. It was the first time in my life that I was so exhausted. , so listless.

My husband often enlightens me, walks with me, and tries to do things to make me feel good and amuse me. But anyone who has experienced it knows that it is useless no matter what others do at this time. I was very irritated, and looking at him trying to make me happy, I knew I couldn't continue like this, otherwise I wouldn't be depressed before the child was born and those problems were not solved.

After realizing the problem, I tried to change my daily life. I started going shopping, meeting friends for meals and drinks, watching aunts perform square dances, and watching TV dramas, so that I could be busy first and have no time to think. Those messy things. Although I don’t know if this method is right or not, after half a month of hard work, I feel much better and I will face anything with a positive attitude. This may be the power of emotions. When my emotions are good, my mind will naturally clear up. When there is a problem, you will naturally find a way to solve it, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and always asking "why" and "how".

When I write this, of course I will also have a headache, especially during the particularly difficult period mentioned above. I will still be a little scared. If I really don’t feel anything at all, it is impossible. People who have experienced suffering will still feel something even if they let go later. However, during the period when I was slowly getting better, I once again reconsidered the problems that were causing me suffering and considered them with a positive attitude. The gains were always great. Now I have written down all the solutions to the problems. In a small notebook, looking at them makes me feel at ease and comfortable. Maybe it won’t be easy to implement it then, but at least it makes me no longer confused.

I hope that pregnant women who are in the same situation as me can also adjust themselves and be in the best condition to welcome the arrival of their babies. Don’t give up no matter how difficult it is, come on!