Happy ollie joke

Excuse me, can I have a moment of your time? We are doing a survey and want to ask you some questions. It only takes a minute, and we won't even ask your name, okay? The question we want to ask is:

Do you really think you will die?

Do you really think so?

Do you really think life will end one day?

Take your time, don't worry. However, time is one second short.

If you are like us, then you may not believe the fact that life will come to an end. We usually know what death is, but if it is our turn to face it, we are not so enlightened. We are like the Armenian-American writer William Thoreau, who wrote in his suicide note: "Everyone will die, but I always thought I wouldn't."

However, the shadow of death is always lingering. Although we try our best to suppress all kinds of thoughts about death, they will always jump out of our minds like Mao Mao Tou in the game of playing mouse. This must be because death is an unchangeable fact in human life.

Of all creatures, only we can understand that we will die and fantasize about eternal life. The combination of the two makes us crazy. Death makes us shudder, and life without a clear end (except on the cliff) seems meaningless. Undoubtedly, for this reason, human death is intertwined with some basic problems of philosophy.

These basic questions include: What is the meaning of life (we have to ask this question because life will end one day)? How does the consciousness of death affect our way of life? If you can live forever, will the meaning of life be very different? After one or two thousand years, will mankind fall into existential boredom and hope to end all this?

Do we have a soul-if so, will it still exist after the death of the body? What is it made of? Is there a difference between being noble and being humble?

Is there a time frame to cut off the cycle of life and death? Stay at this moment forever, is this "eternal life"?

Is there a heaven in time and space? If not, where is it? When will it appear? What are the chances of entering heaven?

Such questions prompted us to choose the philosophy course 50 years ago. But for better or worse, the professors let us think about other issues. They said that some technical details should be clarified before solving such a big problem. Think about the following questions: Did Bertrand Rosso confuse "possible inevitability" with "inevitable possibility"?

Huh?

At the same time, time is passing, and we are still born to die. Finally, we returned to these big issues in the courses of metaphysics and theology, ethics and existentialism.

But immediately, another obstacle came out: thinking about your own death seriously would scare people to death. How can we face death without fear and feel at ease? You can't leave your sight. Death is really desirable. No, I don't want it.

So what should we do?

How about telling a joke? There's no harm in it anyway.

Millie accompanied her husband Morris to see a doctor. After giving Morris a comprehensive physical examination, the doctor called Millie into her office alone. He said: "Morris is very ill because of too much pressure." If you don't do as I say, he will die. You should wake him up gently in the morning and make him a healthy breakfast. Always be gentle and considerate and keep him in a good mood. Just cook his favorite dishes and let him relax after dinner. Don't let him do any housework, and don't talk to him about your problems, which will only increase his pressure. Don't argue with him even if he criticizes or laughs at you. Massage him at night to relax him. Encourage him to watch sports programs that can be seen on TV, even if you miss your favorite programs. The most important thing is to make every effort to satisfy his whimsy after dinner every day. If you can do this every day for the next six months, he will fully recover. "

On the way home, Morris asked Millie, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you would die."

Somehow, the word "death" doesn't seem so unbearable when it comes out of Millie's mouth. That's the interesting thing about jokes: they can reveal shocking truth without making people feel anxious. It is for this reason that there are so many jokes about sex and death in the world. These two topics make us nervous.

Fortunately, we happen to know many jokes. In fact, we found that jokes can clearly illustrate the general philosophical point of view, and we even wrote a book like this. In that case, can jokes not only ease our fear of death, but also reveal to us philosophical concepts such as life and death, existence and non-existence, eternal soul and eternal punishment?

Of course!

This is a good thing, because now is the right time, both of us have just turned 70 recently, and we can face death squarely and explore the understanding of death by great thinkers, so we plan to stay as happy as possible. We will remove the cocoon and uncover the fog, not only to face death, but also to explore past lives and afterlife. We want to find some clues.

First of all, let's take a look at what fictional means are used by civilized societies to deny the inevitability of death, especially through stubborn and well-organized religions. In particular, we should learn from Freud's theory, that is, how do we support our fantasy of eternal life by creating religion and fabricating catastrophe?

Then we'll talk to the Nordic philosophers in the19th century (why don't there be any philosophers on the Riviera who talk about death? ), listen to the great speech of the melancholy Danish philosopher soren kierkegaard, who thinks that the only way to transcend death anxiety is to experience death. In his view, all acts of suppressing death thoughts will only be counterproductive, and the only way for us to contact eternity is to accept the anxiety of nothingness. You can't be serious, Soren!

Then let's look at what the cold German philosopher arthur schopenhauer said. The concept of "world-weariness" is almost original by Schopenhauer, which simply means "the world makes me want to curse". So you might think that Schopenhauer hates death, but Schopenhauer, who has no passion for life, is completely indifferent to death. He wrote that "the death of an individual has no influence", so "our death … should have nothing to do with all mankind". 1

1 Arthur Schopenhauer, On death and its relationship with the indestructibility of our inner nature, Philosophical Writing (London: continuum, 1994), p. 287.

Cold attitude towards death? Arthur, it's really useless for you to say so. Our anxiety index is almost beyond the chart. Come on, we need to hear a joke from someone who doesn't care about death.

Ollie died, and his wife Lena found the local newspaper and asked for an obituary. The man who received her expressed her condolences and then asked her what to write in the obituary.

Lena said, "Just say' Ollie is dead'."

The man wondered, "Are these four words? You must want to say something else. After all, you have lived together for 50 years, and your children and grandchildren are full. In addition, if you are worried about the cost, I can tell you that the first eight words are free. "

"all right." Lena said, "Then write' Ollie is dead and there is a boat to sell'."

To pay attention to the philosophy of death, we have to mention the existentialists in the 20th century, who regard non-existence as the other half of existence-just like a couple in tune. Let's look at two philosophers, martin heidegger and Jean-Paul Sartre, who tried to think directly about death. Heidegger claimed that we need the anxiety caused by death to avoid falling into "daily life". In the "daily state", we are actually half dead and full of numb fantasies. Sartre, on the other hand, makes us think: only those lifeless beings have no death anxiety, such as doornails. The two masters warned us to be realistic. We also want to be realistic, but we can't always be like a shipwreck!

Let's put aside these heavy philosophical thoughts and take a break to examine a popular way of denying death: we comfort ourselves and we will always live in the hearts of people who know ourselves. This strategy actually assumes that the people we love have feelings for us, but this feeling does not necessarily exist.

Old Saul Bloom was lying in bed dying when he suddenly smelled his favorite snack floating on the stairs. He tried to get out of bed and slowly walked out of the bedroom with the help of the wall. He grabbed the handrail with both hands and finally walked down the stairs, panting against the door frame and staring at the kitchen.

On the kitchen table, there is a layer of paper towels with hundreds of snacks evenly spread on it. If there was no pain in his chest, he might really think he was in heaven. Saul smiled: This is the last love of his beloved wife Sophie. She wants to watch him leave this world contentedly.

Trembling, he reached for a snack and was suddenly slapped with a spatula.

"Don't touch it!" Sophie said, "These are for your dead relatives."

After this joke, we will be profound again. Let's see how paul tillich, a theologian in the 20th century, answered the question "When is eternity" (the answer is now). But "now" is constantly becoming "past". What is it now? It's just a fleeting thing

We felt that this book needed some real theories, so we explored the ancient Greek theory about the immortality of the soul. But before that, we must find out what we mean by soul, what is the difference between soul and mind, what is the difference between soul and mind and body, and what are the differences between these three things and zombies.

After studying Greek theory, let's talk about heaven and other worlds to go after death.

Over the years, Fred and Clyde have talked a lot about life after death. They agreed that no matter who died first, they would contact each other and tell him what heaven was like.

As a result, Fred left first One day a year later, the phone rang. Clyde answered the phone. It was Fred!

"Is it really you, Fred?"

"Of course, Clyde, it's really me."

"It's very kind of you to call! I thought you forgot all about it. Tell me about it! How about over there? "

"You won't believe it, Clyde. Everything here is perfect! We eat the freshest and delicious vegetables grown on the most fertile land in the world. We can sleep late every day, have an extremely rich breakfast and have sex all morning. Then have a nutritious lunch, and then continue to have sex in other places. Then have a delicious dinner, and then continue to have sex until you go to bed. "

"My God!" Clyde said, "heaven is wonderful!" "

"What heaven?" Fred said, "I am a rabbit in Arizona now."

At the end of this book, we will discuss near-death experiences, psychics, suicide and crazy new ideas on how to completely avoid death.

Wait, are you making a fuss?

Who said that?

I'm-I'm here. My name is Darryl Froomkin, and I live next door. I was walking my dog just now and heard your conversation. What I want to say is that death is simple, isn't it? First you live, then you die. It's gone. What else is there to say?

Really, Mr. Froomkin? Is death that simple? Then can we ask you a question?

Do you really think you will die?

The first part is death, so what?

Have you ever felt like leaving,

But you want to stay,

But you want to leave?

There must be something wrong with chapter 1

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Well, Darryl, we're still waiting for your answer. Do you really think you will die?

Of course, I know everyone will die. Frank Sinatra is dead. Norman mailer is dead. Not to mention Napoleon, Harry Truman, Genghis Khan and my wife's aunt Edna. So it is natural that I will die one day. I am sure of this, just like knowing that the apple will fall instead of flying.

Very good, Darryl. Well said. But to put it bluntly, we don't care about the academic viewpoint of 2 1 century that you agree with. We need the opinions of ordinary people, such as the ideas that sometimes come to us when we are sitting in the corridor. At this moment, do you really believe that life time is limited, and every second that passes now will be deducted from your life quota? Do you really believe that once time runs out, you will disappear from this world completely?

Huh? You hesitated, Daryl. We know this problem is unbearable, maybe we can help you face it.

We guess deep down, you don't believe that you will die. The reason is that you are a civilized person. You don't have to be ashamed of it-at least not yet. We humans just can't accept this obvious fact, so we always deny that we will die. In fact, with the help of social structure and customs, no matter what kind of civilized society we are in, we can easily face this matter.

Ernest Becker, a cultural anthropologist in the 20th century, wrote in the book "Refuse to die" that although we objectively know that we will die, we will still make up all kinds of lies to escape this devastating truth. Becker died two months before this book won the Pulitzer Prize, which can only be said to be a bad time.

The reason why we want to refuse death is obvious: the prospect of death is frightening! It will bring us ultimate anxiety and make us feel uneasy. It lets people know that we will only exist in the world for a short time, and once we die, we will never exist. Listening to the loud ticking of the clock, how can we enjoy life?

According to Becker, the only way for most people to cope with this situation is to use hallucinations, specifically, delusions. It is the most basic human desire-Becker thinks it is more basic than sexual desire, and it will give birth to the "eternal life system". This irrational belief structure makes us believe that we can exist forever. It has always been popular to associate yourself with a tribe, race or country that can last forever, become a part of them, and then enter the endless future. And through the method of artistic immortality, the artist foresees that his works will be immortal, so he will be immortal-stepping on the altar of a great artist, or at least, living forever in the signature at the bottom of a sunset landscape painting in the attic of his grandchildren.

The most advanced immortal system is enshrined in all religions. In the teachings of eastern religions, man is only a part of cosmic energy; Western religions tell believers that people will meet Jesus Christ after death. In addition, there is a less advanced wealth immortal system in the world. It sets a beautiful life goal for us. Every morning when we wake up, we say to ourselves: Make more money! So we don't have to think about the final death.

"I should spend more money."

Wealth can also let us enter another eternal tribe-the senior club of the powerful. Another advantage of wealth is that we can leave a part of ourselves-our money-to the next generation.

The next generation receiving gifts should be careful!

Bob found that once his seriously ill father died, he would inherit a large inheritance. He decided to find a woman to share this with himself. So one night, he went to the singles bar and met the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life.

The woman's natural beauty fascinated him. So he went up to her and said, "Maybe I look ordinary, but in a week or two, my father will die, and the $20 million legacy will be mine."

The beauty was very moved and went home with him that night. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

By worshipping money, we can achieve immortality in another common way: donate money to an eternal institution, and it is best for them to engrave your name on the front of the building; Or simply leave out the middleman and build your own monument.

But Becker said, if you think you can get rid of the illusion of eternal life by vowing to maintain poverty or middle-class income level, it is wrong. You may still be struggling for some secular goals that can make you believe that you will live forever. For example, you want to be a "fashionista" or a "moral gentleman", or you are a "person with character"-in fact, these are all the same thing. You still believe in some ultimate illusion, you are smarter than death, and you can surpass your humble and timid individual with some identity, which is "greater than life" and greater than death.

Becker believes that all kinds of hallucinations are maintained by civilization. Almost every civilization has developed an immortal system shared by human civilization. In fact, these systems are the basic functions of civilization. Without them, the anxiety about death will drive us crazy, civilization will not last, and we will return to the jungle world. Rejecting death is the survival strategy of civilization!

If you have the same illusion as other people in the same culture, it will be much easier to maintain the illusion, and it is best to have the same illusion as your family. Let's take a look at the illusion shared by Clara and her husband.

Clara went to see a psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, you have to help my husband. He thinks he is a refrigerator. "

"I don't think there is anything to worry about." The doctor replied, "Many people have harmless hallucinations, which will gradually disappear."

"But you don't know," Clara insisted. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light inside keeps me awake."

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"What the hell!"

However, the immortal system will make us misbehave. If we identify with an immortal system and give it the ultimate personal meaning, it will inevitably lead to opposition with people in other systems. This phenomenon is widespread in various religious conflicts, revealing a key problem: not all systems can be correct, so others' systems must be wrong.

But civilization also provides a solution to the opposite immortal system: kill those bastards! Once they die, they will not pose a threat to our sense of immortality. Hey, it really worked.

In the name of various doctrines and their eternal life system, people have set off countless bloody events, and there are countless records about these. Christopher hitchens's masterpiece "God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything" is a classic of the "New Atheist" movement, which completely records all crimes against humanity committed in order to maintain the dominance of their respective religions. But surrealist comedian Ai Mo Phillips only needs one story to tell it clearly.

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"You believe in the wrong religion. I was right. There is nothing to argue about. "

One day I passed a bridge and happened to see a man who wanted to jump into the river and commit suicide. I ran to him and shouted, "Don't jump, don't die."

"Why don't you let me jump?" He said.

"Because there are still many things worth living."

"Is there anything else? For example? "

"er ... are you religious?"

He said he believed him.

I said, "I believe it too! Look, we have something in common. Do you believe in Christianity or Buddhism? "

"Christianity."

"Me too! Catholic or Protestant? "

"Protestant."

"Me too! Anglican or Baptist? "

"Baptist church."

"wow! Me too! God baptist or Lord Jesus baptist? "

"The Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you an original Baptist or a reformist? "

"Reformist God Baptist Church."

"Me too. 1879 Baptist reformist or 19 15 reformist? "

"The Baptist Reformists in 19 15."

"Go to hell! You pagan scum! " I pushed him off the bridge.

Phillips has a shorter version (if you don't have time to read the above version):

The most difficult thing in life is to have to kill each other, because the person you love is the devil.