Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Guanzhong swordsman
Guanzhong swordsman
It is one foot and two inches long, wide at the front and narrow at the back, and weighs nine times. It's comfortable and safe to hold in your hand. This knife is the guy who has eaten with him for more than 30 years and is his pride.
As you can see, this is a brick knife for building walls and plastering. Yes, Qiqi is a migrant worker. In their place, people who can use this kind of knife are called craftsmen, which is much more awesome than bricklayers.
Three years ago, Ahai told the fourth brother of the contractor that his friend Qiqi would come to the team to make a living. The fourth brother was laying bricks on the wall. He picked up a brick in his left hand and glanced at it. He slammed his right hand on the brick and threw it gently with his left hand. The brick jumped gracefully in his hand and turned over. Then bang, a beautiful six was knocked down alone. He looked up at A Hai and said, OK, let him come. There are many friends, and everyone is working hard. Is he a craftsman or a coolie?
A Hai: Craftsman.
Fourth brother: craftsmen will start their wages, but
This remains to be evaluated.
On July 7th, Fourth Brother specially arranged him on the front wall. There is a door and two windows in front of the house in the village. Doors and windows must be on the line of four sides, which is technically difficult to do. Four elder brothers and seven seven each took a head to build by laying bricks or stones in the middle, and a line stretched out straight on the wall.
Online and offline, look at the cutter head.
This is a common saying of craftsmen. Bricks should be laid quickly and smoothly, neither higher nor lower than the line. No matter what you say, it's no use if the cutter head doesn't work.
When I got off work, the fourth brother put the last brick on and pushed it down with a knife. After taking the line, Zhui Er hung down and squinted at it. This is to see the flatness of the wall. The surface should be parallel to the line on the Zhui Er and the wall should be straight. The jargon is: school wall. I looked at my side and squinted at the July 7th side.
He jumped off the scaffold, took out his cigarette case from his pocket, and pulled out a cigarette for Qiqi: Master Su has worked hard, follow me and work hard, and I will give you a craftsman's salary. Pat him on the shoulder and eat quickly.
Yes, only craftsmen are called masters, and coolies are called by their first names. The voice of the fourth brother, Master Su laid Qiqi's position in the workers' circle.
Time flies, three years have passed.
In the past three years, Qiqi followed his fourth brother to the village on the south bank of Weihe River. With excellent technology, reasonable price and loyalty, he won a good reputation for his team on the north bank of Weihe River. Hebei craftsmen have become the nicknames of engineering teams, and houses built in Shili Baxiang are proud to be invited to their engineering teams. Whenever someone is holding a sea bowl at the door of his house, while sucking handmade noodles, he points to the house behind him with chopsticks: Look, this is the work of Hebei craftsmen. What was clearly revealed in that sentence was pride.
Today is June 29, the heat.
This year, the weather is very strange. It hasn't rained for over a month since the wheat harvest. I heard that the surface temperature in Xi 'an is nearly 70 degrees. Although there are few people in the village, the temperature will still be 389 degrees. The sun is like a big oven, burning this yellow land mercilessly. The wild dogs on the roadside slouched under the shade, sticking out their tongues, and the cicadas on the Populus tomentosa cried happily, which made people very upset.
Originally, the construction team had to stop work on such a hot day, but fourth brother really couldn't stop work. This time, the manned home is really not easy: men are ignorant and idle. When he was young, he sang Shaanxi opera for a few days and got used to a bad habit. He is lazy and greedy, and likes playing cards. This product is called Duan, ranking second, and everyone in the village is called Duan. Later, it was called homophonic, and gradually people called him Egg Two, which means lazy egg. This guy is a legend in the village because the money in his pocket never stays overnight. Anyone who pretends to be rich must go out surfing, playing cards or looking for a lady. In short, it will take all the money to stop. This is called a rotten bag. The woman went out to work, and he had no money to sell all the pots at home. He cooks with an aluminum basin and supports three bricks ... When he has no money to eat, his neighbors go to eat, so that when he comes to eat, others close the door to avoid him. It's not that I am reluctant to part with that meal. It's just that the goods are fattening. Why do they make ends meet? Do you have to be so lazy and shameless? Let your woman work outside and suffer? It is said that this kind of food can't be eaten by dogs.
It is said that in front of women, this family is impatient, their eyebrows stand on end, their cheekbones are slightly raised, and they scold if they disagree. This egg has various disadvantages, but there is one intimate place: good temper. Ten miles and eight townships are as big as the old man, and as small as the yellow mouth, the child calls him Egg Two. He is all smiles. She is obedient to women and obedient like a cat. It is difficult for him to have the same figure as Lutiha, but he has such a good temper. Although the family is poor, it also has a backer, and life is very hard. ...
Time flies, my son is 30 years old and my youngest daughter is married. Because the family is poor, my son talked about several objects. As long as he finally goes home, he will definitely break up. My son left Hangzhou in a rage and said that he would never enter the house again. ...
Women think about it, bite their teeth and be cruel: building a house, can't afford a commercial house in the city, can at least build a new house in the yard? The son is old, and the daughter has never been married and has children. It is ridiculous to squeeze the family into those two houses with less than 20 square meters. The family wants to get together for the holidays and doesn't even have a place to live. They must build houses and sell iron at the same time. If the son comes back with his partner, the new house will not be abandoned.
The woman found the fourth brother: I think the house you built for my west neighbor the year before last is good. I want to build a house after groping. Will you accept this job?
The fourth brother frowned: the work is ok, but to tell the truth. Where money goes, work goes, and brothers have to eat, right? The point is that you are an idiot. ...
W: Don't worry about that. I am in charge at home. I understand these rules. Sign the contract and pay according to the progress of the project. Don't worry, find another middleman to guarantee it.
Fourth brother: OK, that's settled.
The construction team moved in, dug the foundation, paved the ring beam and backfilled the yard. Everything is proceeding slowly according to the procedure. To build a wall, first put two gables next door, then build the partition wall of the room, and finally build the front and rear walls.
Women are really happy to see brick walls getting taller and different every day.
But it's really hard for these brothers. The main force just fell into the heat in those days. Qiqi and Ahai are standing on the scaffolding, each with a straw hat and a towel tied around his neck. They went to work in a sweat and were still wet after work. Sweat mixed with dust got into the neck under the straw hat, flowed through the chest, crossed the stomach and the sweat on the stomach merged into a small watermark, gurgled through the waist, gathered under the ball of underwear, and finally slowly evaporated by the body temperature and the sunshine outside, and sweated again. Repeatedly, the ball was
Support the shell and tie the steel bar. It's about to be capped
Top line pouring is commonly known as line pouring in the local area. This is a big event, and friends and relatives will come to celebrate. It should be as grand as weddings, funerals and weddings, and it should be called: paying food. On that day, all relatives and friends will bring a box of 3,000-ring red-headed firecrackers, a bottle of beer and a cigarette. This is called the tricolor flag ceremony.
Today is the day when the beam is capped.
June 29(th)
The woman asked the teacher of Yin and Yang the other day. The Yin and Yang teacher pretended to count with his fingers, and then flipped through the old calendar book at hand: Not bad, marriage, moving and traveling are all suitable, and the good day is 29.
After breakfast, relatives came one after another. The workers are still busy on the roof. A huge crane stretched out its forearm and used a big bucket to lift cans of concrete from the mixer to the roof. Yong Yong held the bucket and pulled the wrench next to it. The underground bucket opened from one side and the concrete poured down. Ahai spread it out first with a shovel, then leveled it in the back, and the roof slowly took shape piece by piece.
After two hours of hard work, the area of 103 square meters was finally completed. Several craftsmen are collecting noodles roughly with a grinder. Fourth brother climbed down from the ladder, wiped his sweat on his neck with a towel, and took a long drink from the cup. Firecrackers have been heard from below.
Suddenly, all the people in the yard flocked to Xiamen, gathered in a circle, roared away and ran to the side.
Fourth brother took two steps under the eaves. As soon as he saw it, the shopkeeper's daughter curled up on the ground, her eyes closed, covered in mud, and there were several obvious footprints on her waist and abdomen. The uncle standing by waved a kitchen knife back and forth and shouted, do you all bully me and think I'm easy to mess with from other places?
Relatives and friends nearby are talking: where is Guawa? What's there to discuss? Don't take the knife, or it will hurt people.
Young man, don't pose with that thing. Dare to touch it? Did you leave?
The fourth brother froze for a few seconds, and suddenly remembered what the manned woman had told him: This uncle is from Suide, northern Shaanxi, and he can't read. He and a group of fellow villagers came to Xi to hit the world. I am in the road business, dare to cheat and steal. A few years ago, I broke in because of serious injuries and spent seven years in prison. When I came out, it was a coincidence that I came together with my daughter and made this doomed love. After two months together, they got married in a flash, and a year after marriage, they gave birth to a big fat boy. At that time, it happened that the uncle had a loose hand and bought a house in the northern suburb of Xi 'an with his fellow villagers. As soon as the house was handed over, the key was not covered with heat, and the son-in-law folded it in again. The robbery and the second visit to the palace were repeated for four years. The shopkeeper woman couldn't see her daughter's pain, so she helped her decorate the house. There is no source of income at home, and no one helps her to speak to relatives and friends. After 8. 1 100 million, she finally decorated the house and moved in smoothly. Women take care of their grandchildren at home, do odd jobs to supplement their families, and their daughters go out to work. Although their lives are tight, they are also safe and secure.
My daughter goes to prison once a month and uses a lot of bags every time she goes. Soothe children: Make a good reform, and strive to go home as soon as possible and start a new life. The children and I are fine, waiting for you to come back.
I waited until my son-in-law came back and settled at home for half a year. I don't know where I heard that he went these years, and his wife was in a mess and was having an affair with someone outside. Is this tolerable? Since then, the family has been restless and the woman can't live. If she pays back the money she borrowed to decorate the house, she will go back to her hometown, out of sight, out of mind. As a result, this uncle was full of shit and had a big fight with his mother-in-law. The mother and daughter went back to their hometown to discuss that other people's houses were not car-scrapping, and they had to build their own houses in their hometown.
The woman urged her daughter: divorce, this son of a bitch is a baiwenhang and doesn't know him well.
Daughter: ...
A few days later, my daughter was flustered and missed her children. She sent a message to her mother and went back. The middle couple called several times, and the daughter said that he would blow up as soon as the divorce was mentioned, threatening to kill their whole family. The daughter was so scared that she knelt down and begged for mercy.
Come on, mom, it's important for us to escape and live. Don't let him really hurt you Whoops, I deserve it. This road is my own choice. Don't argue with him.
After listening to the phone, the crying daughter, the woman can only sigh, and then gnash her teeth and say, I just want to blow up that house with that son of a bitch. Why do we try so hard to make the house safe and get nothing?
Daughter: ...
The line is open today, and my daughter and uncle are here. The son-in-law gave fourth brother a cigarette early in the morning, exchanged a few pleasantries and went surfing on the street. What is this blink of an eye? The fourth brother was wondering, and someone was talking about it, saying that it was not too much for relatives and friends to spend 30 to 50 yuan on gifts, and 100 for 200 yuan was not too much. The daughter and son-in-law discussed whether to take 300 yuan, which not only gave her parents a long face, but also made us look good.
As a result, my son-in-law suddenly blew up: mom, it's a shame that I came to your house to break down, and now I have to pay for it. Are you out of your mind?
The daughter thought he was ugly and replied a few words. As a result, he grabbed his hair and hit him. Everyone was busy and found that when they quarreled, their daughter was beaten on the ground. Thinking that people were going to hit him, his son-in-law went directly to the kitchen and weighed a kitchen knife. ...
Hearing this, the fourth brother conveniently took out the gray knife from the toolbox on the courtyard wall and walked through the crowd to his children. Group 77 and Areva have also gone downstairs and followed up with their respective grey knives. Yong Yong and Li Guangtou also surrounded them with shovels.
Fourth brother stood in front of his third uncle, pointing a gray knife at his nose in his right hand, and sharply scolded: put the knife down! Supposedly, we shouldn't mind the housekeeping of the shopkeeper, but you are too fucking arrogant. Dare you touch that girl again? Look, I won't break your leg.
Before the words were finished, my uncle scolded: Fuck you. The dancing kitchen knife came straight at me.
The fourth brother tilted slightly, the kitchen knife split empty, the gray knife swung and tapped gently, hitting his wrist with the knife. Click, you can hear the sound of bone fracture, which is different from the sound of breaking bricks. At the same time, he put his right foot into his leg, suddenly raised his arm and hit his uncle on the chin. The goods fell backwards.
771 kicked a kitchen knife, and the crowd gathered around, killing him, killing the son of a bitch. ...
Suddenly, Egg Two came out of nowhere, shouting: Dare not fight, but dare not fight, and rushed up to stop everyone.
At this time, uncle got up from the ground, one hand hung low, the other hand wiped his chin, and suddenly pointed to Fourth Brother: Who the fuck are you? Stay out of my business, and I'll have you killed.
Fourth Brother: Ha ha ha, listen carefully, son. Ask Fiona Fang Wuli, Hebei grandpa four is me, I am a peasant worker, more loyal than you. Just you, dare to ask out? Well, in the storm, I will wait for you here by the Weihe River. You are still young, playing with a knife in front of me. Go and wrap your right hand, or your wrist will be useless. Be a coward, be a conscientious person, keep a low profile, and dare to hit other people's girls in the future. I will chase you to Xi 'an and waste you. flee;escape ...
Oh, oh, oh, the crowd is boiling
Egg 2 helped her daughter to the room, and the son-in-law glared at the fourth brother mercilessly, and walked out of the crowd with her left hand protecting her right wrist.
end
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