In marriage, what should the husband and wife do when they start to doubt each other?

When people reach middle age, many friends around them have all kinds of crises in their marriages, some of which have fallen apart and some are still struggling.

A friend left a deep impression on me. She is regarded as a good wife. She never left when her husband was almost disabled in a car accident; When her husband failed to invest and owed huge debts, she chose to share weal and woe.

But not long ago, she insisted on divorce with her husband. She said, "When I find everything he said to me, I will ask it again. Really? When I realized this problem, I knew we were finished. "

So, you see, no wonder some people say that the most important and indispensable thing between husband and wife is trust. Once trust collapses, it's like time slipping through your fingers, which is gone forever.

So, how should couples solve the crisis of trust?

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First of all, self-reflection, self-reflection should not be too suspicious.

Influenced by some extreme official WeChat accounts, what "when a man pays more and more attention to his appearance, he is likely to cheat" and "when he suddenly starts to please you, it means that he may have done something wrong to you".

These one-sided judgments make naturally sensitive women more sensitive, and accidentally make up a drama about Chen Shimei abandoning his wife and children.

In the TV series "My First Half Life", Luo Zijun once bought shoes in a shopping mall and met her husband Chen with a beautiful young intern to buy a necklace. She killed her with the shoes she tried on, and she became very strange.

In fact, Chen took an intern to pick out a gift for a client, but Luo Zijun's performance embarrassed everyone. After that, I still didn't trust her, so I went to Chen's company on the pretext of killing her. I just saw the intern wearing a necklace around her neck and decided that she was a mistress who destroyed other people's families.

Actually, the intern's necklace was given by her own boyfriend. Luo Zijun's paranoia not only made a big joke, but also was humiliated and uneducated by interns in public.

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Admittedly, from a certain psychological point of view, some sixth senses are more accurate. However, specific problems need specific analysis. As a wife, you need to bring in the comprehensive judgment of your husband's character, work and personality.

Trust comes from psychology, but it must not be created out of nothing.

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Then, calm down and think about whether you are wrong in this crisis.

I have a friend who married a well-qualified husband and engaged in seafood and aquatic products business. It is said that his annual salary is seven figures. Give her a mansion, drive a luxury car and buy a brand-name bag. In a word, whatever she wants, he will be satisfied within his ability.

But he never gave her a deposit, didn't transfer money to her, and even rarely gave her cash. He only gave her a credit card with a daily limit of 500.

When we heard the news, we all lamented that the rich woman was not good, being protected everywhere and having no dignity at all.

It was not until another informed friend revealed the truth to us that we suddenly realized. It turned out that two years before marriage, her husband gave her almost all the assets in the family.

Who knows, half a year later, once he needed some liquidity to replenish, only to find that more than half of his savings at home were empty. Only after questioning did she know that she secretly took money to buy a new house for her family, gave a bride price to her brother and bought a car for her sister.

When her husband found out, he had a big fight with her. He accused her of being selfish and ignoring the interests of their small family. She blamed him for being stingy and not loving her enough, so he didn't give up money.

Later, under the persuasion of everyone, she apologized to her husband, who also expressed understanding. But since then, she has no right to ask about the family assets.

Trust is easy to be destroyed, but it will not be repaired overnight.

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Finally, find out whether it is a crisis of trust or a collapse of trust.

To understand this, you need to understand your bottom line and whether you have hit the bottom. If you haven't hit the bottom yet, remind yourself to let bygones be bygones and warn each other not to do it again.

The trust crisis between husband and wife generally comes from two aspects: one is suspicion, and the other is that one party has a "criminal record".

It's easy to be suspicious, as long as both sides find a suitable time, two people sit down and have a long talk and untie the knot. The two will not only bury the hatchet, but also get closer.

This is a crisis of trust. If one party has a "criminal record", the trust of both parties may have collapsed.

For example, a person who treats feelings very cleanly. If the other half has deviant behavior, even if she can't bear this relationship and deceive herself, she can't hide the fact that trust has collapsed.

Because loyalty is her bottom line, and the other half has trampled her bottom line. Once the bottom line is trampled, eyes can ignore it, but instinct can't hide it. She can forgive for a while, but she will remember for a lifetime.