100 to find a particularly funny joke. If you have posted here n times, you don't have to post it again!

Peggy accidentally ran into the boys' swimming pool and all the boys stared at her. ...

At this time, Peggy walked along the pool and found something different. He grabbed a sign and covered the key parts. ...

At this moment, the boys laughed!

Page felt strange, and later found that the sign said "only men", so he quickly changed his face. But when she changed her face, the men laughed louder. The result is ... the sign says "two meters deep".

There was a playboy who married a country girl .. On their wedding night, the bride and groom were sent to the bridal chamber, and soon the playboy was carried out and sent to the emergency room. ...

Mother-in-law: What's the matter with you?

Bride: ... I don't know. He invited me to dinner. ...

I want to eat with my hands. It is impolite to go to the kitchen to get chopsticks. ...

But I'm worried that he will laugh at my vulgar eating with chopsticks.

Disgraced, so I changed my knife and fork. ..

In a monastery on a high mountain, there lived a group of pure-hearted nuns. Usually, they have to ride bicycles down the mountain every day to buy materials for people's livelihood. ...

Suddenly one day, the old nun couldn't stand it. She called everyone together to give a lecture and said, "Riding a bike down the mountain will still shout." ..

[I put the bicycle cushion back! ! !

Anyway ... I went to the movies with a good friend ... I was waiting in line to buy tickets.

A stranger came up to us. ..

He explained his purpose ... he said, I'm sorry, miss,

I made an appointment with my girlfriend, but I was late.

Can you let me jump in line to buy tickets? Of course I won't at this time ...

He had to ask the lady in front again ... Miss, can you let me? "

"Sorry, I'm in a hurry ... the young lady agreed at once.

However, the young lady added ..........

You can only stick it behind me, not in front of me.

Fish: Last time I went out to play with my girlfriend, I was exhausted. ..

Xiao Yang: Really? You hit someone?

Fish: No, it's "gaining" a "human life". ....

Hot potato-a thorny problem or situation that is difficult to handle or unpleasant.

The police found that someone was going to throw himself into the river and immediately went up to stop it.

"Stop that now, have what difficulty I want to distinguish method to solve for you. The police persuaded a very depressed man.

"It's no use, one can't escape the trick of fate." The man shook his head sadly and said.

"But anyway, saving people always has its meaning. Why don't you say what's on your mind and see how you can tell? 」

"In fact, this is a very good ending. Two years ago, my wife eloped with my best friend. " The man told the past in a faint voice.

"It's been so long," interjected the policeman. "I think you have forgotten and forgave them. Why can't you commit suicide easily? 」

"You're right, Mr Police. The man who is still frowning said, "The problem is that my good friend called me yesterday and said that he would return my wife to me. 」

narrowly/barely escape with one's death

The husband came home and found that his wife was having an affair with his best friend, so he shot them and was convicted of murder himself.

The next day, the news made the front page, and the neighbors were talking about it. A neighbor of the couple who lives upstairs expressed his opinion and said:

"Fortunately, it happened on Friday, otherwise the situation would be worse. 」

The neighbors said disapprovingly, what could be worse than these two dead and one prisoner?

"Because if her husband comes back on Thursday, I will die! Wouldn't it be worse? " The neighbor upstairs said.

Accuse of rape

Today's trial was a rape case. The victim is the daughter of a senior government official.

The prosecutor asked the victim if she could recognize the criminal who raped her. She pointed to a young man in the dock and said, "That's him, yes, that's him. 」

So the prosecutor asked her again, when did the rape happen?

The victim pondered for a while, and then replied, "That was last January, February, March, April and May ....."

The most shocking toilet literature

An old joke, a boy looked at the toilet in the water and muttered:

"Son, it's not that Dad doesn't want you ..."

The difference between big and small

The bachelor married his wife at the end of last year. Everyone knows that Mrs. Wang is handy, especially the actress, who is famous far and near.

One day, a neighbor passed by his house and heard the conversation between the couple in the room.

Bachelor: "You are too young to fit in. 」

Mrs. Wang: "Try again! People are also very hard. 」

After a while, the bachelor said, "No! It hurts! 」

Mrs. Wang: "Good! Let me put some oil on you! 」

Then the bachelor gasped and said, "Oh! Oh ... "

The neighbor's heart beat faster and his forehead sweated. He thought it was bold of the newlyweds to do it in broad daylight.

This kind of thing, I didn't even know that my head was sticking out a little, and the bachelor couple found it.

When the couple saw their furtive neighbor, they all said in unison, "What are you looking at? Never seen anyone wear shoes? 」

The little nurse played a trick on the doctor

Three nurses in the hospital told how they played tricks on the new assistant doctor.

The first report said, "I stuffed cotton wool in his stethoscope."

The second man said, "I found dozens of condoms in his drawer and poked a small hole in each condom with a needle."

Subsequently, the third nurse fainted.

milk

One day, a lady got on the bus with a bottle of fresh milk in her hand. When the bus arrived at a big station, there were more and more people, so crowded that I couldn't breathe. ...

In a short time, the fresh milk taken by the young lady was squeezed away by the crowd, and the fresh milk was covered with her stockings. The young lady was furious: yuck! ! Don't squeeze! You've milked her.

Who is great?

Do you know what kind of man is the most arrogant in the world? Texas cowboys and Russian hunters!

One day, a Texan and a Russian hunter were drinking in a small bar in Siberia. It's snowing outside and it's warm as spring inside. Drinking and drinking, the two began to wrangle and brag to each other that they were the strongest men in the world; Blowing and blowing, the two men were so angry that they were about to fight. When the bartender saw something was wrong, he ran out to stop the fight and said, "You can't fight any more. Why don't you go out and do something alone, prove that you are the strongest person in the world, and the winner will be bought by me. 」

The Russian hunter said, "This is my territory. I'll go first. " Brave at once? Went out. After about half an hour, the Russian hunter came back askew, unkempt and bloodied, leaning against the bar: "Bring me wine, I won."

"Wait a minute!" The Texan said, "What did you do? 」

"I hit a polar bear with my bare hands! 』

The Texan walked out without saying a word; ……。

This time, after an hour, I saw the Texan stumbling back, dripping blood all the way and lying on the bar: "Come on! I will definitely win this time. "

"Wait a minute! What did you do? " Asked the Russian hunter.

The Texan proudly replied, "I bought a polar bear! ! 』

Desert camel

During the Iran-Iraq war, a captain was transferred to the front line of Iran as a company commander. When he arrived, he asked the Herald: "There are no women in this desert army. How do you solve your basic needs? 」

The messenger pointed to the camel tied outside the tent and said, "This is all the way! 」

The company commander said with a puzzled face: "Want to see? 」

Herald nodded. The company commander felt incredible.

After more than a month, the company commander couldn't stand his physiological needs, so he called the herald and said, "Take that? Camel, bring it to my room! 」

The messenger asked strangely, "take the camel to your room?" ? 」

The company commander replied, "Don't bother, just bring it in. 」

After about 30 minutes, the company commander came out wearily and said, "It's really hard to repair! 」

The commander asked inexplicably, "What are the company commander and the camel doing in the room? 」

The company commander said, "Of course! You too. 」

The messenger replied, "company commander, I mean that we all rely on this camel to drive us into the city to find women." 」

Maid a: "poor me, I have to keep saying" yes, madam; Yes, madam.

Maid B: "I am even worse. I have to keep saying "no, sir" every day; No, sir.

Man: "you take it off first, and I'll take it off when you're finished." 」

Woman: "I take it off slowly. You'd better take it off first." 」

Man: "That's it! Save time. Let's take it off together. 」

Woman: "How dare you? 」

Man: "It doesn't matter, it's all our own." 」

Woman: "That was fast! Stuff it all in, look out! Don't get your clothes dirty 」

Man: "well ... it's much more convenient with this dehydrator." 」

A male teacher in a girls' school flew into a rage in class: "I'm half tired above, but you don't move below."

I have paid so much back and forth, have I absorbed anything? 」

schoolgirl ..............

A man is willing to spend two dollars on what he wants for one dollar.

A woman is willing to spend a dollar on something worth two dollars, but it's not what she wants.

Women expect him to change after marriage, but he won't.

Men expect her not to change after marriage, but she will.

A woman has been worried about her future life until she finds a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he finds a wife.

Married men live longer than unmarried men, but married men want to die.

sunbath

One day, a girl went to sunbathe on the roof of a hotel alone.

Because there was no one else, she was naked.

Suddenly, when she heard someone coming up, she changed her prone position and pulled a towel on her back.

It was the hotel manager who asked her to sunbathe somewhere else. She asked impatiently why.

"Because you are lying on the skylight of the restaurant."

Who dies first?

A mother gave birth to twins, and they ate their mother's milk together, but there was not enough to eat, so two little bastards:

Everyone tried to poison each other and put poison on their fucking boobs. Guess who died.

Naturally, the baby's father died. . . It's so sad. . . . !

Horror story

On a humid afternoon, in the quiet library, Adek was reading all morning and felt a little tired. He couldn't help stretching himself and accidentally bumped into the girl next door. The girl was shocked! Knocked over the drink on the table and got wet. Ade was embarrassed and immediately apologized to the girl: "Miss! I'm sorry! I scared you! I will take care of it. The girl turned her head and said to Ade seriously, "Classmate! Have some common sense! You just touched me. I can't fertilize, but you make me wet. You'd better clean it with toilet paper quickly! 」

Jiao Gang

A teacher takes an exam as soon as he finishes class, but the whole class scores are very low! ? The teacher asked why the exam was so bad! ! In ...

A classmate said, "I didn't watch it because I just taught." The whole class burst into laughter ~ ~ o ~ because the whole class heard "because of XX, it is XX."

drunkard

An alcoholic went out to buy wine. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of a sign posted in a hotel on the corner: [As long as you complete three difficult problems, you can have a free drink.

Notice of the Year of Wine! ! The drunkard saw that it was now or never, so he went in and asked the bartender to have a few drinks first. The bartender said, "You have to ask three people.

Problems and challenges? "

The drunk said, "All right." "First of all, you must finish this cup of tequila with pepper in one breath." "Second, our backyard.

A hippo had a toothache for a long time. You must pull out its teeth. ""Third, see the apartment opposite? There lived one.

A woman has not been satisfied for a long time, so you should satisfy her. "Drunk a listen to itch to try immediately, so he drank it in one breath.

That glass of tequila, suddenly he felt that the whole person was going to burn, so he rushed to the backyard in one go, and the hippo came out of the backyard at once.

After a while, the drunk rushed out and asked the bartender loudly, "Hurry up!" " Where do you think the woman with toothache is? "

Lao Wang: "I gave birth to five daughters, and our family can form a basketball team." 』

Lao Li: "I gave birth to nine daughters, so our family can organize a baseball team." 』

Lao Chen: "Cough! I gave birth to 18 daughters, so what team should I form? 』

Lim: "You can open a golf course. 』

The story of stone carving

A man and a woman are touching in bed. Suddenly, the woman's husband came back.

The woman said to the man, "stand in the corner quickly until I say you can move." . 」

After that, sprinkle some gypsum powder on the man. ...

The husband asked, "Why is there a plaster statue there? 」

The woman said, "I think Mrs. Johnny has one at home, and it looks good, so I bought one." 」

After getting up the next day, the husband said to the plaster statue with a piece of bread, "Eat quickly! I stood at Mrs. Johnny's house all night without even drinking a glass of water! ! 」

Strike up a conversation with sb

A man saw a beautiful woman in a bar and got up the courage to strike up a conversation.

But this man is very nervous, so he is tongue-tied.

He said, "Little sister, I, I, my last name is ... Wu, can, can, can I talk to you? Can I talk to you?" 」

The young lady's understanding answer: "impotence has nothing to do with it. Maybe there are other ways to cure it!" " 」

wedding feast

I went to a friend's wedding a few days ago and had a wedding reception. ...

When I arrived at the restaurant, someone on the same floor was eating a wedding banquet. Out of curiosity,

I looked at their bulletin board ... it said that "Yin" and "Mao" were married! !

I see that both the subject and the object look unnatural. ...

fight

In the back seat of the bus sat a row of students chatting under construction. When the car drove to Jingmei, a student from North China came up with her.

Brother. When the car drove to the new store, the younger brother of a woman in the north saw two dogs mating outside the car. The younger brother looked up and asked him next to him.

Sister: "What are they doing, Sister? 」

As a lady sister, of course, I am embarrassed to say that they are in XX to avoid teaching bad children, so I have to say to my brother, "They are fighting! 」

As a result, these words were heard by Jianzhong, the group sitting in the last seat, and they laughed. At this time, a woman's sister in the north turned over.

Staring at the students in the back row, one of them said, "What are you looking at? You want to fight! 」

compare

Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua like to keep up with the joneses very much. On this day, the two started a comparative career again!

Xiao Ming: "My elder sister is better than yours! 」

Xiaohua: "My elder sister is better than yours! 」

Xiao Ming: "My brother is better than yours! 」

Xiaohua: "My brother is better than your brother! 」

Xiao Ming: "My father is better than your father! 」

Xiaohua: "My father is better than your father! 」

Xiao Ming: "My mother is better than your mother! 」

Xiaohua carefully thought for a moment, and then replied:

"That's right! My dad also said that your mother is better than my mother! 」

Xiao Ming: "! @#$%&」

fodder

A young woman always goes her own way, even if she breastfeeds her children in public, she will never wriggle around.

On one occasion, he and his husband took their children to a restaurant for dinner. The children were crying with hunger, and the young woman lifted her skirt to feed them.

The waiter came up to her and politely asked her not to breastfeed in public.

The young woman was furious and said, "Do you think breast-feeding is obscene? 」

"no! 」

The waiter politely pointed to the notice on the wall and said, "But it is forbidden to eat food that is not served in this restaurant. 」

A neat man enters a restaurant, orders food and sits down.

After a while, he suddenly saw a waiter coming with his order.

I can't believe I put my thumb in the plate.

He felt sick at once, and he managed not to have an attack.

Later, when the same waiter served it, he actually put his hand into the dish.

Finally, he finished his meal. He decided to report the waiter to the manager.

Of course, the manager also felt unsanitary and flew into a rage.

Just call this waiter and ask.

However, the waiter explained, "Sorry, I hurt my thumb.

The doctor said to keep warm at all times, which is why I did it. "But this.

The neat man was still very unhappy and said to him, "Do you want to keep warm?"

Put your hand in your ass! "Speaking of which, the waiter hurried back.

Answer: "yes, I just put my hand in my ass when I wasn't serving." 」

At the beginning of the government's opening to mainland tourism, many people from Taiwan Province province felt uncomfortable when they came to the mainland.

Fresh. A Taiwan compatriot went to the mainland and saw mainland women breast-feeding their children.

To the lactating women: "In Taiwan Province Province, all our children drink milk, but none of them."

Breastfeeding. "

The woman asked strangely, "Do children drink milk? Then who drinks your breast milk?

Taiwan Province people thought for a moment and said, "Oh! Mom's milk is all drunk by dad! "

Four thieves went to a house to steal at night. The eldest of them volunteered to explore the house first.

Road. When I got to the room, I couldn't see anything in the dark except that the hostess said, "OK, please come in."

Boss. "Thief boss was surprised, not good, she saw me. Run out and tell him.

The man said that the partner did not believe it. One of them said, "I'll go with you." After entering the room, only

Listen to the woman say, "I'm halfway there." The two men ran out in fright. Four people to discuss, simply

Go in together. This time, I only heard the woman say, "Finally everyone came in." The man asked, "I can't catch it."

? "The woman replied," Catch! " The four thieves turned and ran away in fright.

Note: "Grasp" means good in Shandong dialect.

Two bosses went to {} {}, and one gave 1000 and the other gave 2000 afterwards. These two chickens have a pair of heads in private.

Those who take 1000 are unwilling.

The next day, she went to her boss with 1000. The secretary refused to answer the phone: leave a message. ....

After a while, the boss received a note asking him why he only gave 1000. The boss wrote three items: 1.

The room is too big; 2. Insufficient water and electricity; 3.

Sanitary conditions are not enough.

After a while, the secretary brought back the note with three reasons: 1. It's not a big room.

The furniture is too small; 2.

It's not that there is not enough water and electricity, it's that you didn't find the switch yourself; Due to the busy business, the sanitary conditions are not good enough.

There is no time to clean.

The boss had to scrape together 1000. .........

Everyone knows that Ji Xiaolan is a quick thinker. .....

one day ...

When he wanted to find the emperor, ...

Be stopped by eunuch ...

Eunuch: I heard that Mr. Ji is a gifted scholar. ....

Can you write poetry? ......

Or I won't let you pass. ...

Ji Xiaolan can't think about it. ....

I wrote two poems. ...

Sanguang Tiandi ren

Four seasons, summer, autumn and winter.

Eunuch said ....

Aren't there four seasons in a year?

What about spring?

Mr. Ji looked at the eunuch coldly. ....

Say: Do you still have spring?

Once, the eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and told him to tell a joke.

Ji Xiaolan was asked to say: Once upon a time, there was a man. (long silence)

The eunuch couldn't help asking, what should I do next?

Ji Xiaolan replied: There is nothing down there!

A lady traveled to Barcelona, Spain, and came to the most famous restaurant there at noon.

Eat at the store. She saw a lady at the next table eating a long stick.

A food she had never seen before. This lady thinks it must be a specialty of Spain.

Be sure to try it.

She called the waiter and asked what material it was made of. The waiter said politely:

Ma 'am, that's a bullwhip. I heard that it was a bullwhip, and the lady quickly ordered a guest.

But the waiter said, "I'm sorry, madam, but all our bullwhip here is in barrels."

The cows in the cattle farm were killed, but our city only held a bullfight once a week. So now

There are no new goods now. But you can make a reservation for next week. "

No choice, the lady had to book a guest. A week later, she came to dinner on time.

Shop, this time it didn't take long for her order to be served, but when she lifted the lid, it was expensive.

The woman flew into a rage and called the waiter last time and asked, "I saw him last week."

That whip is three feet long, but why is mine less than seven inches today? "

The waiter replied politely, "I'm sorry, madam, but this week, the cow won."

Yes . . . "

There was once a famous third-rate writer Kong Xiangsheng in Chinese mainland, Guangdong.

After coming to America, I bought a two-story duplex villa in California.

I am afraid of the noise in the room facing the street. I hide in a room near the backyard all day.

Write something. So all three rooms facing the street are empty.

One day, Mrs. Kong said to Kong that since the three rooms in the front row were empty, it was no good.

If it is rented, Kong certainly agrees and writes a letter for his wife in person.

After the advertisement, I put glue on the quilt cover and put it in front of my wife's dresser.

On the square stool, tell your wife not to forget to post it.

Unexpectedly, when Mrs. Kong woke up, it was past the time to go to work in the city.

Sit in front of the dresser and dress up, and the wind will go out.

As soon as Kong Tai entered the subway, she heard several men whispering after being taken away.

Goo, she seems to be talking about renting a house. She heard a man.

He said, "Strange, why sell the front one?" A hole that hasn't fully awakened.

Mrs. Tai turned around and answered loudly, "My husband will need it later!" "

One day, an old nun took a bowl of her urine and asked the little nun to take it down the mountain for a doctor's test. ...

The little nun came over.

I accidentally knocked over that bowl of urine. She was afraid of being scolded, so she began to cry.

A passing woman saw it and told the little nun not to cry.

The little nun said that she accidentally knocked over the urine of the old nun for fear of being scolded. The woman said it doesn't matter.

She asked the little nun to take her urine to the doctor.

A week later, the old nun received the test report. The test report said that she was pregnant. The old nun exclaimed:

"Oh, my God!

Even radishes are unreliable these days! "

One hot summer afternoon, the sun was dazzling.

A beautiful woman was standing on the street with an arbor in her hand, as if looking for someone.

When Xiao Wang saw it, he took off his mouth and said, "Beauty is afraid that the sun will cover the sky."

Two missionaries were caught by a cannibal tribe in Africa, stripped naked and put into a cauldron full of water.

There is a raging fire burning down there. After a while, one of the missionaries burst out laughing. Another missionary, Jane

I couldn't believe it at this moment and asked, "What's wrong with you? We were cooked alive, and you still laugh! "

The preacher replied, "I just peed in the soup."

A girl walked into a bar and said to the owner, "I will do anything for you if you pay 200 yuan." "

The shopkeeper said, "OK, you paint the wall here." "

"Do you know the difference between a woman and a tornado?"

"Yes, they took all your things after some blowing."

Two priests go to work by bike every day, but one day, one of them doesn't ride a bike, so the other one

The priest asked him why, and the priest said, "I can't remember clearly." I think it was stolen. " "

Another priest told him to read the Ten Commandments. When he read "Do not steal", someone would admit stealing.

The next day, the two priests met again and the priest's car was found. "You found your car, you pressed me."

Did you keep your word? "Asked a priest.

The priest who lost the car replied, "well, not exactly." I recited the Ten Commandments. When I read "You shall not commit adultery", it seems to me that.

I remember where I put my car. "

"What do gynecologists and pizza delivery boys have in common?"

"They can smell it, but they can't eat it."

A man, a pig and a dog were caught in a storm and left on an island. Soon after, this man suddenly

I have a strong sexual desire, so I decided to fuck one of the animals. After some comparison, I chose pig as my choice.

Target, because pigs look cuter.

He grabbed the pig, fixed it at the stern, and took off his pants. At this moment, the dog suddenly jumped up and pointed at him.

Bite his ass hard. The man kicked the dog away, but the pig ran away, so he had to chase the pig.

Then fix it at the stern. He pulled down his trousers and was about to plug them in when the dog ran back and bit him.

Stock, he kicked the dog angrily for a long time, but You Zhu ran away, just like that, he repeated.

Catch the pig, the pig runs away again and again, and finally, the man is tired and falls asleep on the ground.

After a while, the man woke up and found a naked beauty standing in front of him. The beauty said to him, "I"

Be sent here to satisfy any wish you have, but only for one hour, and then I will leave. What is your wish?

Just bring it up "

The man thought for a moment and said, "Can you hold the dog for me for an hour and keep it from moving?"