Funny quotes about the twelve zodiac signs

Funny Quotes about Chinese Zodiac Signs: If I give you the heaviest poop gift in history, you will definitely eat a pound of it. The following are funny quotes I compiled, welcome to read.

Complaining to each other about the pain of separation

Two twin maggots were separated at birth and did not meet again until they both turned into flies. The two held each other's hands and cried, telling each other the pain of separation. When I found out that they lived in the same toilet, I was even more sad. One of them shook his head and tail, and said with great emotion: "I live at the head of the toilet, and you live at the end of the toilet. I miss you every day and drink feces and urine!"

The toilet on the tip of the nose

A fly came back from a circle in the field, panting tiredly but excitedly boasting: "I have tasted delicious food from all over the world this time, sweet from the south and salty from the north, the eight major cuisines! I am going to do it too." Get a special report!?

The flies said with envy: What are you doing with the trend? China on the tip of your tongue is not, I want to make a toilet on the tip of your nose?!? The flies said proudly.

Bull

In order to maintain the number of cows in the pasture, a male dairy cow was raised among the cows.

But as time went by, the bull got old and began to feel a little weak, so the owner of the ranch bought a new bull to take on the job of maintaining the number of cattle. As for the old bull, since it had worked hard in the past few years without any merit, the owner continued to let it roam freely among the cows. One day, the owner went to inspect the pasture and saw the old bull panting and lying on the grass. The ranch owner approached and said, "When you get older, you should be more restrained and don't do so much." The old bull said innocently: Can't you tell the new one that I'm not a cow!!

The dog has something to say

Harry came home from the veterinarian , sighed, and said to his wife: "Our puppy is so pitiful! He always whined along the way, as if he had something to say to me." The wife glanced at the dog and shouted: "Fool, this dog may want to tell you that it is not ours!"

Overtaking

In a desert, there was a dog A man was riding a camel and walking on a road.

After a while, a car drove up from behind them. The man riding the camel got off and waved to the car. The car stopped in front of him. The camel rider said: "It's so hot when I walk in the desert. Can you give me a ride and let me enjoy the air conditioning?"

Driving The man Bryan replied: "Yes, yes! But what about your camel?"

The man said: "It doesn't matter, it will follow your car."

Bryan said: "Okay, then you can get in the car."

Bryan was driving at 60 kilometers per hour at first, and looking at the rearview mirror, the camel seemed to be keeping up easily. So he accelerated to 80 kilometers, and when he saw the camel, it still looked so relaxed.

He wanted to try the camel's ability...

He simply drove to 120 kilometers in one breath. Later, he asked the camel owner and said: "Is your camel really okay? I saw that it was already sticking out its tongue... "

When the man heard this, he nervously asked: "Which side does its tongue stick out to?"

Bryan said: "The right side!"

The man said: "Hurry up and drive the car to the left, it is about to overtake~~"

A parrot that is good at wrestling

Someone has a parrot, and this bird is good at wrestling , never met an opponent. One day, the man put a sparrow into a cage. The next day, the parrot was fine, but the sparrow's feathers were all gone.

The man smiled and put a magpie into the cage. The next day, he found that the parrot was still fine and the magpie's feathers were all gone. Others were surprised and praised him endlessly. To show off, the man put an eagle in a cage. The next day, the eagle was dead and the parrot's feathers were all gone. He immediately took out the parrot and asked about it. The parrot replied: "This eagle is too powerful. I can't defeat him naked!!" ?

The cunning rat

Su Zi was sitting to rest at night, and there was a mouse. Biting something. As soon as he slapped the bed board, the biting stopped, but it started again after a while. Suzi asked the boy to take a candle and shine it, and found that the biting sound came from an empty bag.

It turns out that the mouse was locked in the pocket and couldn't escape.

When he opened the pocket, he only found a dead mouse. The boy was surprised and said: "You were biting something just now, why did it suddenly die? It couldn't be the sound made by a ghost, right? That's all." He turned through his pocket and poured it out. The mouse scurried away as soon as it hit the ground.

Su Zi sighed and said: ?Cunning people can often survive in desperate situations! ?

Parrots

There is a bird lover who especially likes parrots. , one day he passed by a bird shop and found a parrot being auctioned. He saw that the parrot had beautiful fur and decided to buy it, so he shouted: "I am willing to pay 10 US dollars to buy this parrot!" Then someone shouted the price. :? I am willing to pay 20 dollars!"

The bird lover did not want to give up the parrot, so he shouted another 30 dollars. But another voice seemed to be against him. , didn’t stop until the bird lover shouted 200 yuan? The man was very happy to buy the parrot, but he suddenly thought: I spent so much money to buy this parrot. If it can’t talk, then I won’t Is it a big loss? So he took the birdcage and asked the boss: "Boss? Can your parrot talk?"

Then he heard the parrot yell: "Can't talk?!" ?!Who do you think was bidding with you just now?!?! ?

Humorous New Year’s messages for the twelve zodiac animals

1. Snake: This year is my birth year, I hope people Please support my work and wish everyone can have a good figure like me.

2. Horse: I wish everyone can become a thousand-mile horse, take the lead, and achieve success, ride more and don’t flatter the horse, and never do things carelessly.

3. Sheep: I hope everyone will drink more mutton soup and wear more woolen sweaters in this cold winter. I will provide people with spring-like warmth.

4. Monkey: In the new year, I will learn more skills and become famous like Wukong, and I will never be played like a monkey again.

5. Chicken: As the New Year comes, I will lay more eggs, lay good eggs, provide people with high-quality nutrition, and pay attention to building a good relationship with dogs, and never let the disharmonious situation where chickens and dogs are restless appear.

6. Dog: In the new year, I will still take care of the home and protect the yard for my master as always. Loyalty is synonymous with me, and I must never forget it.

7. Pigs: Eat and sleep, sleep and eat. I have had enough of this kind of life. I yearn for the life of a wild boar. In the new year, if I have a chance, I will definitely escape and see. Isn’t the outside world wonderful?

8. Rat: I wish everyone to have a higher vision and see farther in the new year. Don’t be short-sighted like me and remain an incompetent rat all your life.

9. Cow: In the new year, I hope everyone will eat more beef, drink more milk, be as strong as a cow, brag less and do more real work, and become an old scalper in the new era.

10. Tiger: New year brings new atmosphere. I hope everyone will take some time, find some free time, take your family and go to the zoo. I miss you every day.

11. Rabbit: I give people a message in the New Year: Never be proud at any time. Pride makes people fall behind. The lesson of racing with a tortoise will stay with me forever.

12. Dragon: Bless the descendants of the dragon. In the new year, we must continue to display the spirit of the dragon and horse, live like a dragon, but resolutely not be an earth dragon.

Husky

I have a husky at home. When I was feeding it dog food today, out of curiosity, I picked up a piece and tasted it. Unexpectedly, this guy looked at it affectionately. After glancing at me, he silently moved his body and made room for me by the rice bowl.

Clever Spider

A little fly accidentally bumped into the spider web. The spider quickly came over and wrapped it in silk, preparing to make a delicious meal. Unexpectedly, a fly flew over. A very large fly shouted sternly: "Little spider, what are you doing to my son?" The spider was startled, and when it saw the big fly it was about to break its web, and quickly sent the little fly over: "Don't mess around." , I saw that your son had no clothes on in the cold weather, so I knitted him a sweater to keep him warm. ?

Magic frog

There was a frog who had practiced magic and jumped happily into a forest. When he walked into the forest, he saw a bear chasing a rabbit. The frog stepped forward and said: "Stop, stop, stop! You are the animals I saw after practicing magic, so I want to make you three wishes." ! ?

The bear was very greedy. He said: "I go first, I go first! I want all the bears in the forest to become female except me!" Oh! The bear's wish came true.

Rabbit said: "I want a safety helmet." ?Dang! The rabbit’s wish came true.

The bear expressed his second wish: "Next time, I want all the bears in the nearby forest to be female, except me!" As he wishes.

The rabbit said calmly: "I want a motorcycle." ?The frog felt strange, why didn't the rabbit just ask for the money to buy a motorcycle? Regardless, the frog still promised the rabbit a motorcycle.

The bear finally said excitedly: ?Haha! My third wish is to make all the bears in the world, except me, female! ?Dang! The wish came true. The rabbit put on his helmet, started his motorcycle, and said his last wish: "I hope that bear is gay!!";