Let's be presumptuous.

One day, three ghosts met God while shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But there's another place! You said, let the people who die the worst go to heaven. So, the first ghost began to say: I was a cleaner before my death, and I worked very hard from morning till night! One day, I was cleaning the glass outside a building, which was the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude, more than 30 floors. Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But my survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously. Fortunately, I grabbed a balcony railing on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover. Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be doomed. A tent blocked me. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me! The second ghost said: I was a clerk before my death. Everything is fine. I have a wife. She is beautiful and has a great figure, but she is a little easy virtue. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing. I thought to myself: adulterer, you are dead! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor, I can't die if I fall! As a result, I saw that he was not dead and was caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house and went into the kitchen. I found that the refrigerator was big enough and threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I couldn't stop laughing for joy. Who knows, I had a myocardial infarction, and I laughed to death. The third ghost said: I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything bad! One day, I went to a female friend's house to hang out. No sooner had I finished than her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it. I don't understand. How did her husband know that I was in the refrigerator? He threw the refrigerator from 13 floor, and I fell dead with the refrigerator!

Mulan Poem

Chirp, Mulan flies a plane. What kind of plane does she fly? Boeing 747! ?

Ask the woman what she thinks and what she remembers. Women want to, and they can't afford to buy a plane. I saw a military post last night and needed bombers. There were 12, but I couldn't afford one. Grandpa doesn't have much money, and Mulan doesn't have gold or silver. She is willing to buy steel and build an airplane from now on.

I buy drawings in the East City, screws in the West City, glass in the South City and iron sheet in the North City. I said goodbye to my parents and stayed in the old garage at dusk, but I didn't hear the female voice called by my parents, but I heard the sound of iron rubbing. I bid farewell to the hangar and went to the barracks at dusk. I didn't hear my parents calling for a female voice, but I heard the general shouting hahaha.

Wan Li flew the plane, didn't he close the mountain? The hot air spread to the wings and the sun shone on the glass. The general is scared to death, and the soul of a strong man has flown.

Flying into the sky, the son of heaven is lying in a hospital bed. The director turned twelve times and gave them a slap in the face. Khan asked him what he wanted, but Mulan didn't want to go into the cell. I want to fly back to my hometown.

When parents heard the girl coming, they picked up the machine gun. As soon as Sister A heard that Sister Mei was coming, she raised her hand and raised her gun. I heard that my sister was coming, so I sharpened my knife and turned mentally retarded. I opened my cabin door, entered my plane cabin, took off my wartime robe, put on my flight suit, put on more grenades, and put a machine gun outside. When I went out to bury the bomb, my relatives and friends were surprised: it was twelve years before I knew Mulan was crazy.

The madman pedaled, the idiot closed his eyes, and they walked side by side. Who can say I'm not normal?

In high school, the whole school should wear school uniforms, and some students who repeat classes never wear them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes?

2. An art teacher is very famous. A newspaper has a big report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some classmates always told me that you are really good. You have published photos in the newspaper ..." A student: "Looking for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to take art classes.

In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. This classmate is in a daze and can't speak. The teacher said helplessly, "Will you?" I won't scream either! Classmate: "Cheep." "The teacher is sweating.

4. The entrance examination is coming soon. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on it. Let's answer the local minerals. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!"

In junior high school, a biology teacher once talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland, but no one in the class listened, so he got angry and said, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what African wildcats look like? "

6. In an advanced mathematics class, the teacher asked my brother, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? " The man deserted at that time. Without thinking, he shouted, "No cavities!" " "The whole class burst into laughter.

7. In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. The scientists did an experiment. They once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day is? " The classmate chimed in: "Is the chicken pregnant?"

8. In senior three, the geometry teacher is an old lady who likes to brag and is particularly annoying. One day in class, he said, "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study the problem together, and I pick up the car every time. " I accidentally asked, "Three rounds?" As a result, I was banned from geometry class for a week.

9. In high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought that we boys wouldn't listen, so she cursed, "What are you thinking?" I was at a loss and said inexplicably, "I miss you!" " "There was a long silence in the classroom, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and cursed: "you smelly rascal!" " "Illegal!

10. In high school, I had my first labor class. The teacher was an old man and introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan." I immediately had a brainwave and immediately replied: "Looking at Chang 'an in the northwest, there are countless mountains. "The whole class laughed, the teacher was livid, and then I was punished for heavy work.

★ You don't know what dependence is until you drop your belt. ?

★ Format yourself just to delete you! ?

There are many ways to destroy friendship, and the most thorough way is to borrow money. ?

The secret of staying young is to have a restless heart. ?

★ What is romance? Send her 99 roses when you know she doesn't like you. What is waste? Just know that she likes you and send her 99 roses. ?

? ★ Rich people hold a money field, and those who have no money go home and get some money to hold a money field. ?

★ The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover. ?

★ Same bottle of drinks, convenience store 2 yuan, five-star hotel 60 yuan. Many times, a person's value depends on his position.

★ Men are most afraid of being said to be small, and women are most afraid of being said to be old. ?

★ It is the greatest sorrow for people to ask for something, give up, and get it at all costs. ?

★ When you know me, I don't know you; I know you when you like me; I like you when you love me; I fell in love with you when you left me. ?

Happiness is a comparative level, and you can't feel it until something is at the bottom. ?

★ One "take it" is better than ten "I'll give it to you". ?

★ The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to comment on the former. ?

★ Some things, knowing that they are wrong, must be adhered to because they are unwilling; Some people, knowing their love, have to give up because there is no ending; Sometimes, knowing that there is no road, we are still moving forward because we are used to it. ?

★ He is diligent and just fell in love with you; He is clumsy because he loves you deeply; He's calm, but he's tired of you. ?

Look back once in a while, or you will always be looking for it and never know what you have lost. ?

You are the master of words before you say them, and you become the slave of words after you say them. ?

★ The earth is moving, and a person will not be in an unlucky position forever. ?

★ Men's mission is sacred and firm: First, defend the motherland! The second is to listen to your own woman!

★ When we believe that we are already quite important to the world, in fact, the world is just ready to forgive our naivety. ?

Memory is like water in the palm of your hand. Whether you spread it out or hold it tightly, it will eventually flow clean through your fingers. ?

★ Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, and those who are afraid of debt are really poor. ?

★ When I was a child, I felt that my father was not simple, then I felt that I was not simple, and then I felt that my children were not simple. ?

★ The biggest sorrow of people is that they want something, but they don't give it up and don't hesitate to get it. ?

★ No matter how bad the relationship between a man and his wife is, the relationship with his mother-in-law is also good; No matter how good the relationship between a woman and her husband is, the relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor. ?

People make mistakes, mostly because they think too much when they should use their true feelings, and they are too emotional when they should use their brains. ?

Freedom is not doing what you want to do, but not doing what you don't want to do. ?

The most terrible thing in life is not that I don't know what tomorrow will be like today, but that I have watched it all my life, but I can't change it. ?

The degree of trust in a friend is not whether you smile at him, but whether you are willing to cry in front of him.

The world won't care about your self-esteem, people will only look at your achievements. Don't overemphasize self-esteem until you achieve something. Bill Gates?

Only those who can keep secrets can get more secrets.

★ Men can't say no, and women can't just say it. ?

★ When you can't help crying, keep your eyes open and don't blink. You will see the whole process of the world from clear to fuzzy.

★ Life is for career, not for care. Feelings are for maintenance, not for testing. ?

★ Women are divided into married and unmarried, and men are divided into voluntary marriage and forced marriage.

★ Life is a chess game, and I am willing to be a chess piece. Although my movements are slow, anyone who sees me will take a step back. ?

★ Playing dumb, doing well is called still water running deep; Well done, it is called deep. ?

★ In the face of facts, the more developed our imagination is, the more unimaginable the consequences will be. ?

People can't hide three things: cough, poverty and love. The more you try to hide, the more glass you are.

If betrayal is a kind of courage, it takes more courage to accept betrayal. ?

It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water. ?

★ Don't be afraid of temptation. If you resist, you are a good man. Failure to resist means that you are a good person ...?

★ The camel doesn't cry because it knows the preciousness of water; Girls don't cry because they haven't found anyone worth crying. ?

★ When you are lovelorn, even if you see two straight rails, you can't help but imagine them as two lines of tears flowing to the horizon. ?

Julius Caesar, a Roman, had a great influence on Europe, Asia and Africa. On his deathbed, he said to the waiter, "Please put my hand outside the coffin for the whole world to see. A great Caesar like me is also empty-handed after death. " ?

★ When a person loves no one, he can fall in love with anyone around him. ?

The so-called love story is that you say something that you don't even believe, but you want the other person to believe it. ?

A mature person often finds that there are fewer and fewer strange people because everyone has difficulties. ?

★ Don't comfort me if you leave me, because every sewing will also meet the pain of puncture. ?

★ Fashion is easy. Let the value of your decorations exceed your intrinsic value, and you will be fashionable. ?

You can earn wealth in ways you don't like, or you can cure diseases with drugs you don't believe in, but you can't get happiness from people you don't love. ?

Among all gifts, women think flowers are the most valuable, because when men send flowers to women, they must overcome the shyness of walking in the street with flowers in their hands. ?

★ The heaviest topic between men is talking about their own women, while the easiest topic between men is talking about other people's women. ?

Knowledge is a kind of food. Eating too much will make people hungry. ?

★ The two people standing at the top of the mountain and the foot of the mountain, although in different positions, are equally insignificant in each other's eyes. ?

★ What makes us unhappy are trivial things. We can avoid an elephant, but we can't avoid a fly. ?

★ The arrival of the god of luck is often just because you take a look, think more and take one more step. ?

★ The so-called beauty looks three points and dresses seven points; The so-called temperament three points, talent seven points; The so-called gentleness is three points forbearance and seven points depression. ?

Philosophers are illegal. When you think about the same thing for more than five minutes and thirty seconds, you become a philosopher. ?

★ A man quitting smoking is like a woman losing weight. There will always be tomorrow. ?

★ Love is sometimes like the feeling of being drunk. Clear-headed, but out of control.

The next sentence is "Li Bai slept soundly" …

2. Under the sentence "Two heads are better than one Zhuge Liang", he actually filled in "the same smell" … The marking teacher immediately fainted …

3. Tao Yuanming's "Don't bend over for five buckets of rice", that classmate boldly wrote "Just give me six buckets" …

4. "If you are poor, you will be alone", and the next sentence is "If you are rich, you will have wives and concubines".

5. "Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse", and the next sentence is "Tortoise crawls by the river in Dongcun"?

6. "If the sky is affectionate, the sky will be old", and the next sentence "If people are affectionate, they will die early"?

7. "Glowing glass of wine", the next sentence is "a lot of money and beautiful women" …

8. "Looking back at that year, the iron horse of Jin Ge", the next sentence "Look at the present, pester and fight" …

9. That's enough! "Luoyang's relatives and friends are like asking each other", and the students said to "Please don't tell him" …

10. "If the relationship between two people is long-lasting," the students said, "It's time for two people to get married."

1 1. "I hate books when I use them", and the students are right that "there is not enough money at the end of the month" …

12. "Clear water gives birth to hibiscus", and some people wrote "Heroes come out of troubled times" …

13. "How much sadness can you have?" Students fill in "Like a pot of Erguotou".

14. This is amazing! "Rizhao incense burner gives birth to purple smoke, and Li Bai comes to the bathroom. When Xiao Li flies a knife, Li Bai becomes a little eunuch.

A student climbed over the wall into the school and was caught by the headmaster.

Principal: Why not go through the school gate?

Student: Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road.

Principal: How did you get over such a high wall?

The student pointed to his pants: Li Ning, anything is possible.

Principal: What's it like to climb over the wall?

Students point to shoes: Xtep, the feeling of flying.

The next day, students came in from the school gate.

Principal: Why don't you climb over the wall?

Student: Anta, I choose. I like it.

On the third day, students came to school dressed as gangsters.

Principal: You can't wear gangster clothes.

Student: No matter what you wear, Mason clothes.

On the fourth day, students wear vests to school.

Principal: You can't wear a vest to school.

Student: A simple person likes Deng Bao's clothes.

Principal: I want to write you down.

Student: Why?

Principal: M-Zone, my site listens to me.

Take your time! Very funny, I hope I can help you, hehe