The complete works of jokes selected from cold jokes

With the frequent use of the word "cold joke", its connotation is also changing quietly, and people unconsciously integrate it into some unique connotations. Used to highlight what you want to say. Next, I carefully prepared The Complete Works of Cold Jokes for you. Welcome to watch!

The complete works of selected jokes (hot articles)

1. After interviewing Guagua's happy family in Lu Yu, his family broke up. After Lu Yu interviewed Li Shuangjiang's excellent parenting experience, his son had an accident. Lu Yu divorced after interviewing Li's legendary love story. After interviewing the responsible husband and father who wrote this article in Lu Yu? Sister Bath is really a wonderful person, isn't she?

2. Schrodinger's Rolling: When a girl asks you to roll, you never know whether she is asking you to roll or come and hug.

3. Waiting for the bus with a colleague, she was drinking with a box of milk, and then the bus came, and a large crowd crowded on it. I was just about to squeeze in when I heard the sound of goods and shouted, "Oh, dear! My milk! My milk! My milk is all squeezed out! " In an instant, the carriage was quiet and silently pushed aside. I really don't know her!

4. Ma Yili English version: "It is easy to fall in love, but not easy to get married. This is worth cherishing. "

5. "You seem to have lost weight and your hair has become longer. Your back is so strange, I feel that I saw you in the last century. Then you call my name, and I want to laugh, as if I had just finished school and only waited for you at the entrance of the building for five minutes. " A paragraph I saw in a friend's dynamic burst into tears inexplicably.

6. When you live with your in-laws, you must pay attention to confidentiality. I finished my gynecological examination and put the results on the table, which was accidentally seen by my father-in-law. In the evening, my husband told me that he was quietly called by his father and scolded. Tell him to relax. He has only been married for more than a year. How could he put his daughter-in-law's cervix out? !

7. A woman is like a book. Most women only have three pages. The first page depicts a house, the second page depicts a car, and the third page depicts a ticket. God replied (female): But most men will publish books, and they are all books with only three pages. . .

8. It's easy to sneeze, but it's not easy to sneeze, and yeah.

9. Ma Yili debuted the first part: Although love is easy, marriage is not easy, and it is done and cherished. Netizen to the bottom line: forgiveness is easy, but a leopard cannot change his spots, so think twice. Horizontal criticism: Tonight we are all Mary. (appropriate)

10. Why do I feel that domestic stars are cheating and foreign stars are coming out? (bacteria cooing)

Complete works of selected jokes (classic)

1. My girlfriend said to me sadly the other day, "My cat died." I said, "Huh? Because of what? " She said, "I ate too much." I said, "No way, how much will you suffocate?" The girlfriend said, "I ate too much and accidentally sat down."

2. If no one even confessed to you on April Fool's Day, you really don't like it.

3. Let's spend a good time with the world of mortals and enjoy the wifi password!

4. I want to defend my classmates once: the young man worked hard in Beijing in 2007 and divorced because of his low income being looked down upon by Yang Xiaoyun; In 2009, my business failed and I lived in Shanghai. Abandoned by his girlfriend Guo Haizao after wearing a green hat. 1 1 I met a good girl, Tong, who was willing to get married naked, and was finally defeated by reality and divorced. It's hard to get back together now. What are you angry about?

5. "In the eyes of foodies, I will always be just a piece of meat." ? bacon

6. Experts interpret and cherish: "Harmony" refers to a man's sexual organ in ancient Chinese. Therefore, the vernacular translation of "just do it and cherish it" is: if your penis is done again, you must save it. ? This is the wife's most affectionate and effective comfort to the derailed husband.

7. At the reunion, someone asked me: The securities dealers in our class seem to be quite rich now. What is the reason? I said: The reason is very simple, because the CSRC stipulates that securities practitioners are not allowed to buy or sell stocks.

8. Daily life of young women traveling with guns. Some young literary women travel with guns. They dropped out of school and quit their jobs. If they want to visit Xiamen, they will contact a single young man in Xiamen to make friends with them. When they go there, they will live together. When they have had enough fun, they will go to Kunming. Friends with guns in Kunming are already waiting at the station. A year later, they traveled all over the country and the Great Wall. Their motto is, I've been here, I've done it, I've taken pictures.

9. On the subway, I sat next to a hot mom with a baby in her arms. She was so proud when she was breastfeeding that I couldn't help but peek. Suddenly, the child began to cry loudly. I thought he was hungry, so I pestled my hot mom and reminded her, "Feed him two bites." "Hehe", the hot mom looked at me coldly and said, "If you pinch my child again, I will slap you!" (Liu Sanbian)

Selected jokes (selected articles)

1. After graduation, classmate A had a few drinks, walked up to the girl who had a secret crush for four years and said to her, "Let me read your palm." Girl: "Can you read your palm correctly?" Said or stretched out his right hand. A studied it for a while and said, "Although palm reading is unreliable, I still saw one thing!" "The girl asked her what she saw, and he said," You, the five elements lack me! "

Xiaomei recently took a fancy to a dress and even thought about it in class. One day, the teacher was giving a lecture. Xiaomei is thinking about her skirt. Seeing Xiaomei in a daze, the teacher asked her, "Xiaomei, can you use it?" Don't eat hard or soft? This word constitutes a sentence. Xiaomei used her quick wits and said to the teacher, "Xiao Ming is very rude. No matter what I give him, he won't eat soft candy or hard candy!

I'm going for an interview today. Before I went to the new company for an interview, my wife suddenly told me about several people, such as Lei Jun, Zhou Hongyi and Ma Yun, and then asked me, do you know what their similarities are? I answered her because they are good at marketing? My wife shook her head and said no, because they are all ugly, so I believe you will succeed. You have capital.

4. Girlfriend is pregnant, discuss what to do. I teased her and said, "Whose child is it?" She squinted and said, "Don't worry, you are the most likely! ! "

After ten years of marriage, I have summed up a very important truth: it is much easier to apologize than to really change yourself.

I just saw a cyclist running a red light, and a heavy truck suddenly stopped beside him. The cyclist shouted to the truck driver, "Don't kill you!" "The truck driver was shocked and couldn't say a word? Shit, the supporting actor stole the protagonist's lines!

7. The economy has been in full swing for half an hour. Please explain to CCTV that Amazon sells fake cosmetics. The video of "biotherm Moisturizing Essence bought by Mr. Feng on Dangdang" on the inspection report 19 minutes was changed to the mall by Mao. PS: I'm really worried about your IQ.

8. Carved beef brisket comments: the concept is greater than the content, the cost performance is poor, and the rules are complicated. Most people eat 200 bowls of noodles, and no matter how rich they are, they will not be willing to eat. He/kloc-ate it in 0/5 minutes, which was very humiliating. This kind of shop can still have so many people to eat, which fully proves that Master Diao is a marketing genius.

9. "Bride" means to take it from the mother and then take care of her son, which is profound in China.

10. I have a big face, but I have lost ten kilograms recently. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt sorry for myself: "Look at this little melon face!" " My husband said bitterly, "That's your fucking face, sunflower!" " "

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