Humorous jokes are worthless.

Humorous jokes are essential for living and entertaining with friends, and life is much more interesting with them. Here are a few humorous jokes I arranged for you, hoping to give you some pleasure.

have no future

My mother often nags me; Your father never listens to me, otherwise our family would have been rich. Once again, I wanted to make my mother happy, so I voted and said, Mom, I will never learn from my father again. I will definitely listen to my wife and let her manage her money! My mother has a black line all over her face: worthless thing!

? There is something wrong with vision

Aunt Zhang took her husband to the hospital to have his eyesight checked. The doctor asked him to sit down and look at the chart. The doctor pointed to one and he answered one correctly. The doctor said your husband's eyesight was fine. Aunt Zhang said that he has been printing the eye chart in the printing factory for decades, but he still doesn't understand what you mean.

? Lottery station lottery

In the evening, you go to the lottery station to watch the lottery as usual. There are already a group of friends in the room. When the lottery time and number came out, this large group of people still patted their thighs as usual, some ugly, some swearing, but they didn't win the prize.

? New skills

The other day, my dad and I went to steal watermelons, and he was watching me. Suddenly, someone came. My dad pointed at me in the watermelon field and scolded me: come here, smelly boy, you can't afford watermelon at home, and you come to harm others' watermelon fields to see if I don't kill you.

The family quickly said, nothing, nothing. Children are very naughty. How can they not make mistakes? Come on, find some cooked ones to eat at home.

A tender kiss

Kissing is a charming expression of love. If an impulsive kiss represents the passion of young lovers, then a light kiss on the forehead symbolizes the deep affection of lovers. For the first lover, the first kiss is usually physical contact between you and the other person, except for the first embarrassing hand holding. This kiss will leave an unforgettable impression on both sides. A couple who know how to communicate with their lips can communicate with each other without too much physical contact; On the contrary, losing the desire to kiss your lover may mean that the relationship between the two sides is going downhill. So you should know how important a kiss is on your way to love.

However, you should also pay attention to the method of kissing. A proper affectionate kiss will make your lover ecstatic. Fans may wish to refer to the following methods.

1, to create a sweet kiss, the posture between two people, especially the posture of a man holding a woman, is the most critical link. The most touching and passionate thing is the tango kiss: the man gently holds the woman's back with his hand, and then slightly presses the woman about 25 degrees. If you look at your lover for about 5 seconds before kissing, you can better express your love for your lover. This kind of kissing can best give women a feeling of being protected, cherished and appreciated.

2, close your eyes and kiss slowly from back to front, which can give yourself and your lover more imagination. This kind of kiss with a hazy feeling can give the other person more sensory enjoyment and is full of beauty.

3. Besides lips and cheeks, the back neck, ear beads and forehead of women are the most sensitive sexy parts. In addition, kissing and touching her hair roots will not only show your tenderness and concern, but also bring her sensory pleasure and make her feel completely loved.

4. Stealing a kiss is the most surprising kiss for the other person.

If a woman gently clasps her hand behind a man's neck or caresses his hair when kissing, he will be very intoxicated with this feeling of tenderness.

6, to have a sense of rhythm, alternately using fast, fierce and slow kissing, it is easy to bring shock and unpredictable stimulation to the other party.

7. Because your mouth is in contact with your lover? Frontline? And there may be many kinds of bacteria, viruses and even parasites, so keep your mouth clean at all times. In this way, we can express our love to the fullest through kissing.

Kissing has not only emotional effects, but also unique biochemical effects. Deep kisses will make your heart beat faster, and each deep kiss will consume 3 calories. For a dramatic example, kissing 1000 times a month will make you lose 500 grams. Doctors found that kissing can exchange enzymes, and enzymes have antibody effects. In addition, in the third trimester of pregnancy and postpartum, the secretory glands of labial joints will secrete a sexy chemical, and newborns will also produce the same chemical on their lips, which will produce a feeling of intimacy through the kiss of mother and child.

There is no doubt that kissing is the most tender and delicate expression of human emotions. How can you treat it lightly!

Classic anecdote, small talk about women

1, claiming to be? Others? Some girls basically don't have to do anything, and some boys will help you do most of it;

Call yourself even? Or? Lotus root? Yes, at least half of the work can be saved;

Call yourself me? Or? Me? Yes, all the works are my own;

Call yourself sister? Or? Grandpa? Yes, even men's jobs are yours;

Call yourself mom? Yes, even the animal work has been done.

It is a one-night stand to have sex with a woman without spending money.

Spend 300 yuan to have sex with a woman is a prostitute.

Spend 0.2 million/200 thousand having sex with a woman to raise a lover or a mistress.

Making love with a woman with her life savings is husband and wife.

This shows that the more money you spend, the more stable the relationship between men and women!

3, women are benchmarks, holding up half the sky;

Women are antiques, the more you look at them, the more valuable they are;

Women are tigers and don't flinch;

Women are weak water and will never drown;

A woman is a flower, and she is the best master.

Those who obey women prosper, and those who don't obey women die;

People who bully women will come to no good end.

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