What are some funny and meaningful jokes? One sentence is worth a thousand words!

Quote 1: The gap between old employees

In the investment account, there is an old employee who buys stocks with his monthly income and has persisted for 8 years. According to asset analysis, he only has a Xiali, the whole family rents a house, and his salary is poor. , current assets exceed 100 million;

A veteran employee of a well-known state-owned enterprise started to buy stocks with his monthly income in 2007. He persisted for 9 years without any bills. He replaced his BMW with bicycles, and his whole family slept in a bathhouse. His salary has always been very high. Diaosi, currently in debt of over 100 million...

Comment: They are all old employees, why is there such a big difference?

The secret of making money in Paragraph 2

Investor A: Why do I feel like I am not making money every year when I trade in stocks?

Investor B: Because you never keep accounts! My return rate from stock trading this year has exceeded 35%, and I have recorded it in my notebook for more than half a year.

Investor C: Tsk! That’s nothing, I made 780% this year and have been keeping accounts for two years.

Investors A and B: Wow! How do you persist with such perseverance?

Investor C: No! I automatically synchronized the stock trading records of the past 2 years.

Comments: It’s also bookkeeping, but here’s the secret to making money.

Interesting anecdote about blind date 3

"Do you have a car and a house?"

"No car, the house has just been demolished"

"What do you do for work?"

"I resigned. I used to be an investment consultant. Now that I have a robot robo-advisor, what do you want me to do?"

"Then What else are you talking about!”

“I’m from Shuibei Village”

“I hate it, why didn’t you tell me earlier!”

Comments: Shuibei Village this year Each household is allocated 200 million in demolition compensation, and the diaosi becomes a rich man. This is one of the funniest jokes.

The continuation of the funny story of dating 4

Miss: Do you have a house and a car?

Mr.: Yes

Ms.: What is your job?

Mr.: Professional stock investor

Miss: Then we are not suitable.

Sir, why?

Miss: My ex-boyfriend also owned a house and a car, but he lost everything after trading in the stock market.

Mr.: I had nothing before, and the house and car were earned from the stock market. Do you know where the difference is?

Miss: Where?

Mr.: Because I use an investment ledger, but he doesn’t~

Comment: Investment is risky, so be cautious when entering the market!

Jokes 5 The Consequences of Bragging

Class Reunion: Some people boasted that they had been cheated with 5 million, some said they used 20 million to cover their positions, and some lamented that their wife had lost 60 million in their fund. At this moment, A classmate called his father: Dad, stop playing golf and pull up the Shanghai Index. My classmate has lost money! The class beauty finally couldn't sit still anymore and took out her mobile phone: Godfather, lower the interest rate by 0.25 and lower the required reserve ratio. Even if she has a little food, her mother won't be able to rest assured.

At this time the boss lady came in: Don’t brag, our hotel’s mobile phone has no signal, who will pay for five bowls of ramen?

Comment: The consequence of bragging is, who paid for the ramen?

Quote 6: I am afraid of my girlfriend because of this

My girlfriend said that a sign of her maturity is that she keeps accounts every day. Out of curiosity, I looked through her account book and saw that it said: money was spent on October 1st, money was spent on October 2nd, and money was spent again on October 3rd... Damn... what a girlfriend It’s not scary, I’m just afraid that my girlfriend will keep accounts~

Comments: Some people are afraid that their girlfriends will cry, and some are afraid that their girlfriends will make trouble. This is the first time I heard that they are afraid of their girlfriends because of this.

Joan 7: The Summit Forum of the Animal World

Fox: This grape is too high and there are bubbles, so I won’t chase it.

Carp: If you want to jump over the dragon gate and become a real dragon, you must follow the trend and chase the rise.

Crab: Haha! Be careful! I specialize in making bubbles.

Frog A: You don’t know that there is a hidden world at the bottom of our well. It is a real value depression with great development potential.

Frog B: I have stayed here for so long, and the water here never rises. I don’t know how many daily limit boards it will take before I can jump out.

Frog C: Alas! Actually, I didn’t want to come to this place, but I accidentally stepped on the air and fell down that day.

Old Turtle OS: I will quietly improve my posture and make a fortune in silence.

Comments: Weird things happen every year, but the animal world’s summit forum actually has a look!

Quote 8: How to sleep like a baby

I asked a friend who is a stock trader: "Do you sleep well at night?" He replied: "Sleep like a baby." I am older Hu: "Brother, you are really awesome." He was silent for a long time: "I always sleep for a while at night, wake up in the middle of the night, cry for a while, and then fall asleep..."

I'm a bitch Said: "To tell you the truth, I have been sleeping like a baby lately. I look at the rankings and buy during the day, and sleep quite peacefully at night."

Comments: I believe that many people's biggest dream in this life is to have a baby every day normal sleep.

Diagram 9 The Zen Master’s Twists and Turns

Young man: Master, the real estate bubble is so big now, how can we save it?

Zen Master: If I hit you on the head with a salted egg and a raw egg respectively, would the raw egg hurt or the salty egg hurt?

Young man: The salty taste hurts!

Zen Master: Why don’t you find something serious to do when you are so idle?

Young man: Master, it was uncomfortable to fall in the past, but now it is uncomfortable to rise. Why is stock trading so hard?

Zen Master: Open the door and go where it came from.

Youth: Master, you mean to rekindle hope and chase your original dreams. If I want to become an excellent stock investor, I must have the courage to face the ravages of the market to train myself instead of passively escaping?

Zen Master: Time is precious, don’t delay me watching the master’s online live broadcast.

Comments: The explanation is very straightforward and there is no riddle. You really think too much.