Please tell me some jokes, funny ones~

The following is what I collected myself, some of which have explanations.

1. Once upon a time, three bats went to a bar to drink. The first bat said: "Boss, have a glass of blood." The other two saw it and said: "BS you, what age are you, and you still drink the old taste." The second bat said: "Boss, a glass of lemon blood." The others Two bats laughed: "It depends on your taste." The third bat said: "Boss, a glass of boiling water."

2. The sperm said: "Oh shit!!!"

The sperm owner was gay

3. A hospital. The doctors and nurses were ugly. A patient went to have a tooth extracted and he bled to death...

4. Zeng Zhiwei wanted to I gave up my art and became a monk, so I came to the temple and asked the abbot to take me in. The abbot said that I had to pass two tests. One was to be a vegetarian for three months. Three months later, Zeng Zhiwei visited the abbot to ask for the second question. The abbot gave him a bell and asked him to tie it to his penis. He said that if you can see that all three o'clock of Ye Ye's eyebrows are exposed and the bell does not ring, I will accept you as a disciple. Then he called Ye Yemei, Zeng Zhiwei's bell rang loudly, and the abbot frowned and said: "Unqualified!" Zeng Zhiwei was dissatisfied: "I don't believe that all the monks in this temple can pass this test!" The abbot had no choice but to call out ten monks, Let the leaves show a little more, and sure enough, only Zeng Zhiwei's bell rang. It rang so loudly that the bell fell to the ground. When Zeng Zhiwei bent down to pick up the bell, the other ten bells rang...

5. A pervert, A money man and a homosexual die at the same time, and they both want to go to heaven. God told them that they must withstand the test on the way to heaven and change their bad habits before they can enter heaven. Otherwise, they can only go to hell. The three people set out to walk towards heaven. Suddenly they saw a group of beauties on the roadside. The pervert walking in front couldn't help but rush over to do something, but suddenly fell into hell. The other two people continued to walk forward, and suddenly saw a wallet on the ground, with a thick stack of banknotes vaguely visible. The money man bent down to pick it up. The moment he was about to touch the wallet, he remembered the tragic situation of the pervert after falling into hell, and he endured it. Stay greedy, stand up and walk the rest of the journey alone and ascend to heaven...

When money lovers bend over, homosexuals...

6. Manager Huang and B The lady has one leg. One day, Miss B gave Manager Huang a painting of a dead sheep underneath two pigeons. Manager Huang’s secretary couldn’t understand it and handed it to the manager. As a result, Manager Huang burst out laughing...

: "Brother (pigeon), my lower part is itching to death

7. Snow White takes off her clothes - name a drink

Sprite (B)

8. Men’s favorite day: January 31st. Most hated day: December 1st

31 days in one month, 1st day in 12 months

9. A tonic that is abundant in Shandong is so powerful that men can’t stand it, women can’t stand it, and men and women can’t stand it when they sleep together. A reporter asked, why don’t we use more of such a good medicine? The old farmer narrowed his eyes and smiled faintly but did not answer...

10. When new students entered school, two brothers named Mei reported that the elder brother was named Fengwu. Everyone said it was a nice name and asked how he got it. , he said: "My father had a dream the night before my mother gave birth to me. He dreamed of a phoenix perching on a sycamore tree, hence the name. "Everyone was amazed. When asked about his younger brother, the younger brother remained silent. Then the elder brother said: "My younger brother has hated the chicken crowing on the banana tree the most since he was a child..."

Chicken Bar (Ba)

One day in the car, a pretty girl suddenly yelled at a gentle and fair young man: "Rogue!" "It seemed that the young man was dishonest.

The young man felt aggrieved and immediately retorted. The two sides began to quarrel.

After a while, the girl cursed: "You are the big one. A gangster, you have been a gangster since you were a child. As soon as your mother gave birth to you, you never forgot to look back. ”

After hearing this, the passengers in the bus were silent for a moment, and then burst into laughter.

My colleague shook his head and said that this was the first time he had ever seen someone cursed like this. This was truly a scolding, unmatched by anyone.

After being scolded, the young man opened his mouth and could not say a word.

After hearing this, we all lamented that this was truly the most unparalleled curse in history. It was probably unprecedented and unprecedented. We all said that there was no harsher curse word that could be used to retaliate.

At this moment, I suddenly heard the man say something loudly. After everyone heard it, they fainted!

You looked at your dad several times a day in your mother’s belly!

The 8 most disgusting jokes in history, see which one you can endure. . . .

1. When I was a child, I was dishonest in eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: It has been hard for 60 years and there is no food. I never throw away the boogers I picked out

2. There was a rich man looking for a servant. The interview topic was to use the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using the toilet. The rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. .But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..."

3. A man saw a store There was a big sale, so I walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him and there was nothing he could do. The man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food and said, "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson, and the man spent another long time with her, but the result was still no result. I bought cat food without going home and bringing the cat with me. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it. He asked the salesperson, "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it?" "Yeah, it's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." 4. A man went to visit his grandmother with his friends. While he was talking to his grandma, his friend started eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finished them all. As they were leaving, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts," and grandma responded, "Oh! Yeah. ! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck the outer layer of chocolate.

Some people like the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot". One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again, but the waiter told him that it was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked in disappointment. "Sir, it's really sold out." You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at the table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost eaten his meal, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man He felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed at the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he was halfway through the meal. Suddenly he found a very small but full-furred one lying at the bottom of the casserole. The little mouse felt disgusted and vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was turning his stomach, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" It's the same..."

6. On this day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Can I give you a toothpick, boss?" "The boss sent him away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for toothpicks. The boss thought to himself, why did the beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He also sent him away, not too old, and again A beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said: "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat, and now only the soup is left." Can you give me a straw?

7. The eldest and second child were on a plane. The second child got airsick and kept vomiting. One bag was full of vomit, so the boss had to go get it. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason and the second child said: "I saw that this bag was also full of vomiting, so I had to drink half of the bag, but they all vomited."

”

If you haven’t vomited now, then I have to admit that you are a master, and then I am going to come up with a trick---

One day, the boss and the second child I went to the theater to watch a play again, and saw the two of them arguing over the development of the plot, and they made a bet. The boss pointed to the row of spittoons in front and said, "The loser has to take a sip of what's there." "Unfortunately, the eldest brother lost, so he frowned and took a sip. The two then bet on the following plot. This time, the second eldest son lost and saw the second eldest son picked up a spittoon and drank fifteen big gulps in a row. The eldest brother He was so shocked that he fell to the ground in admiration and said to the second child, "You are so amazing, you can actually drink fifteen gulps in a row!" The second child shook his head, "It's not that I want to drink it. The phlegm in that spittoon is too thick and I can't stop biting it!" ”