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The child had a conflict with his classmates. Should parents intervene?

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2022- 1 1- 1 1 19: 13

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"Mom, my deskmate often laughs at me. I don't want to talk to her."

"Mom, I always grab my eraser at the front desk!"

"Mom, why have my good friends ignored me recently?"

The boat of friendship between children is really "overturned" and it is hard to prevent. For children, what adults think is childish and ridiculous, just like the roof of their own world has collapsed, which in turn leads to listlessness and affects the normal learning state.

When Xiaoyu, a fifth-grade student, selected a virtuous teenager in the class, because a boy in the class had a conflict with Xiaoyu, the boy encouraged others in the class not to vote for her. In the end, Xiaoyu lost the election of Virtue Boy by only one vote, which caused her a great psychological blow.

At school, there are many similar phenomena. How to deal with the contradiction between classmates has become the biggest headache for parents and teachers.

Therefore, when children have conflicts with classmates,

Do parents want to get involved or not?

How to correctly intervene?

Should parents intervene in conflicts between children?

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The contradiction between classmates is very common in the process of children's growth. School life is the first step for children to grow up independently from home. Normal conflict is the touchstone for children to get along with others. Children gain experience in conflicts and disputes and increase their experience in dealing with others. If parents are not involved properly, it may lead to new problems.

1. If parents interfere too much,

The contradiction between children is not a big deal, but if parents intervene too much or too early, it is a kind of "crossing the border", which will make children think that solving problems is the responsibility of parents, not something they need to face. In addition, if parents overreact and get emotional, they may exaggerate the seriousness of the matter. In order to prevent this from happening, children may become more and more timid, afraid to take risks and play with their classmates again. What's more, some parents take extreme measures to deal with it, so children may learn to deal with interpersonal problems in a "violent" way.

2. If parents interfere too little.

If children have told their parents about their problems, but parents ignore them, it may also cause psychological problems for children. Children will think that no one cares about me, is wronged, and has no one to help me, resulting in frustration and loneliness. Some children may become sensitive and timid and choose to close communication channels with their parents; However, some children develop "their own way", solve problems and deal with interpersonal conflicts in inappropriate ways, and are prone to violent behavior.

How should parents handle conflicts correctly?

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1. Listen to the children's voices

Listen to children and accept emotions. When children have conflicts with their peers and are wronged, what children need most at this moment is the listening of their parents. Parents should first give their children a chance to release pressure. After the child stabilizes his emotions, he can talk to the child about what happened. Parents should learn to control their emotions and listen carefully. In fact, most of the contradictions between children are not contradictions that fight to the end. Listening to children's descriptions and objectively understanding the whole process of things are the basis for effectively handling contradictions among children. While listening, parents can empathize with their children's emotions, but don't rush to give advice, let alone reprimand their children with reproachful language. This will not only overlap minor contradictions, block the bridge of communication with children, but also increase the psychological burden of children.

Step 2 be absorbed

Put yourself in the other's shoes and find out what the problem is. There are two links in empathy here. First of all, I want to empathize with the child and imagine how I would handle the situation described by the child. Is there a better way? If parents are at a loss, it is difficult to propose a better solution for their children. If parents have a better way, it is necessary to think about what abilities and conditions children lack if they do so, whether they are in line with their mental and age characteristics, and so on. Then, it is to guide the children to put themselves in each other's shoes. Parents can review the situation with their children, and through role-playing with their children, let them experience the feelings of peers in different roles, learn to understand others, find out what they did wrong in the course of the incident, and learn to deal with problems from different angles.

3. Guide children to put forward their own solutions.

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Contradiction is the "nutrition" for children's growth. It is not a bad thing for children to have conflicts with their friends. Wise parents will make use of the situation to make the process of resolving contradictions a process of promoting children's growth. I hope that every wise parent will teach their children how to correctly handle contradictions and lead them to grow up healthily!

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Reprinted: Fujian Home School Education Cloud Platform