A fascinating joke

1 Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.

2. When the bull was running, he saw a cow grazing on the roadside and said to the cow eagerly, "Run, the expert is coming." Niu: "What are you afraid of when experts come? Aren't experts human? " Bull: "Experts are bragging now." The cow was startled when she heard this, so Huan Zi ran to the bull and asked, "Expert bragged B, you are a bull. What are you afraid of? " The bull said, "You really don't know. Today's experts will not only brag, but also pull eggs. "

3. In order to attract business, Hot Pot City wrote the following sentence on the advertisement of the cat-flapping lamp: "Self-help hot pot, each 30 yuan, free for children under the height of 1 meter." My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. Holding 30 yuan's money, she led 50 children in her class to Hotpot City.

4. A child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. millionaire said, you know your sister. Later, when my father died, I inherited all his inheritance.

5. A loyal party member died. God didn't want to accept the soul of an atheist in heaven, so he sent him to hell. A month later, the prince came sweating and said, "Take that man away quickly. He has trained almost all my children to be young pioneers! " God accepted, and after another month, the prince gloated and asked God, "What happened to that party member?" God said, "First of all, please call me * * ..."

6. Chatting with friends the day before yesterday. He has never had a girlfriend. I asked him why. He said earnestly that my love died as early as kindergarten! Then he lit a cigarette. I liked girls at that time. One day I bought some candy bars! She came up to me as if she really wanted to eat. I said I'll give you one, and you let me kiss you. She said yes! So I gave her one, but she ran away, and I never believed in love again!

7. The meaning of cup letters: A cup-airport: airport, B cup-barely: almost none, C cup-can do: not bad, D cup -Damngood: it really fits, E cup-ecstasy: very charming, F cup-fake: is it fake? G Cup-God: God …

Xiaoming asked his father to tell him a story. Dad said do you want to listen to the long one or the short one? Xiaoming: Dragon! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly that buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed … Xiaoming: Dad, you'd better make a long story short! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly, hum, bang!

9. Who has more loyal bodyguards, China or the United States? The United States * * ordered the bodyguard to jump off the 10 floor, and the bodyguard knelt down and said, "Come on, I have family." So the president of the United States gave in. China * * * ordered the bodyguard to jump, and China's bodyguard was about to jump without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have a family."

10, there is a tall coconut tree. There are four kinds of animals, orangutans, apes, monkeys and king kong. Who do you think will pick bananas first? Test your character.

The answer is: 1, and the monkey is the most typical 250; 2. Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; 3. Ape is the predecessor of Alzheimer's disease; 4. King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

1 1. When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone had a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and the damn diligent little man was killed.

12, hee hee and haha are good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."

13, the clearest sentence in listening comprehension in CET-4 today: Now please take out the tape and turn to side B to continue listening. . .

Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? Sister-in-law: Cake? I only have rice here. Beggar: Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!

15, a woman asked a man, "Do I look good?" The man said: You are like Mona Lisa's sister now. The woman said: Really, who is her sister? The man said: Janet Martha.

16, it is said that sandstorms have blown to Taiwan Province province. Many old people took to the streets, spread out their hands, looked up at the sky at 45 degrees, burst into tears, took a deep breath and said excitedly, 60 years, 60 years, and finally smelled the soil in their hometown.

17, my brother went to a primary school to play basketball and heard a junior girl ask a junior boy, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gives me 3 yuan a day, and 2.5 yuan is for you to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not? "

18, I had a chance to add clothes before me. I don't cherish it until I catch a cold. If God gives me another chance to start over, I will not hesitate to add all my clothes.

19, someone spilled oil on you and said to you: Don't worry, it's automatic! What would you do? Beat him for kidney deficiency and say to him, "Don't worry, there are six kinds of Dihuang pills to treat kidney deficiency and contain no sugar."

20. Three men went to the woman to propose marriage. Parents: Tell me about their respective situations. A: I have 6.5438+million; B: I have a mansion worth 20 million; The woman's parents are very satisfied and ask C, what do you have at home? C: I have nothing except one child. Now the baby is in your daughter's belly. A and B were speechless and left. This case tells us a simple truth, the core competitiveness is not money and houses, but in key positions, we must have our own people.