Excessive presence in the workplace

1. Haven't been named among colleagues for a month? Feelings don't wait.

Xiao Dan and Xiao Li are newly recruited employees of the company this year. Xiao Dan has just been in the company for a month and has become the most popular person in the office. He is close to all his colleagues in the office, as if he were old colleagues who have worked together for many years. Colleagues are unfamiliar with Xiaoli, and some don't even remember her name. Xiaoli is very upset about this. Why is she unpopular in the office?

It turns out that Xiao Dan has a killer. She is good at asking for help from others. In the office, you will find that she always bothers others. For example, I asked others to give her some writing advice, let other female colleagues introduce good skin care products, and let people with parenting experience introduce her some parenting experience. Conversely, others began to trouble her, so her relationship with everyone became better and better.

Xiaoli, on the other hand, is doing her own work in addition to dealing with others at work, so her colleagues have a weak impression of her, let alone any interaction outside of work.

In fact, interpersonal relationship in the workplace is the basis of smooth work. In modern companies, more and more jobs need the cooperation of many people. Good interpersonal relationship is like a lubricant, which can help us finish the work smoothly.

Qian Zhongshu said in Fortress Besieged that the best way to fall in love is to borrow books. Because there is borrowing and returning, there is "going back and forth". In the long run, the two will be ambiguous. The way to build interpersonal relationships can also start with "trouble".

Therefore, from the perspective of psychological cognition of interpersonal relationship, this paper explains why "worry" is the catalyst of interpersonal relationship, and combines with workplace examples to talk about how to make good use of "worry" to improve interpersonal relationship and make yourself a popular workplace person.

2. Causing trouble to others is not causing trouble to others. Rational utilization will become a catalyst for harmonious interpersonal relationships.

To cause trouble to others is not to add chaos to others, but to seek advice and help from others under appropriate circumstances, so as to increase the interaction between the two sides and ultimately achieve the purpose of enhancing interpersonal relationships. For example, like a runner seeking running methods and skills, please ask a PPT master to give some advice to his PPT, and so on.

Then, why bother others, instead, it can enhance the goodwill of both sides? There are mainly the following psychological reasons.

1. Error effect: Appropriate underexposure can narrow the psychological distance.

The effect of making mistakes means that people tend to like real people, while people who are too perfect will give people an unreal feeling, which will cause psychological distance to others and make people afraid to approach and stay away.

And if we "trouble" others properly, others will find that you are not perfect and have many shortcomings, which will eliminate the psychological pressure of others and narrow your distance.

Psychologist aronson did an experiment. In a highly competitive lecture, there are two speakers with equal speech level. During the speech, one of them performed perfectly, and the other accidentally dropped the cup and needed help. Results In the final evaluation process, the speaker who broke the cup was chosen as the most popular player by the audience.

This experiment also shows that the lack of proper display can show the truer self and narrow the distance with others.

2. Exposure effect: The more familiar you are, the easier it is to generate preferences and affection.

Exposure effect is a psychological phenomenon, which means that people will have a good impression just because they are familiar with something. In interpersonal relationships, the more times a person appears in front of his eyes, the easier it is to have a preference and love for him.

Regarding the exposure effect, social psychologist Zalongz did an experiment. He showed the experimenter the school yearbook and made sure that the experimenter didn't know anyone in the yearbook. After reading the yearbook, ask them to look at other people's photos. Some of these photos appeared in the yearbook more than 20 times, some appeared more than a dozen times, and some appeared only once or twice. Then, let them rate how much they like these photos. The experimental results show that the higher the number of people who appear in the graduation yearbook, the higher the degree of being liked.

This experiment shows that as long as a person keeps appearing in front of him, the more chance he has to like him. When we disturb others, we are actually increasing the exposure, so we will increase others' goodwill towards you.

3. Psychology of Being Needed: Meeting the value needs of others.

Being needed is a very important psychological need of people. Many people feel the value of their existence by being needed. The best relationship in the world is to need each other forever. And disturbing others can make others feel their own value.

For example, your colleague is an excellent runner and often wins medals in marathon races of non-professional groups. If you ask him how to run and train, he will be very happy, because he can show his advantages and help you. So, although he is in trouble, his value has also been reflected, and he will thank you in turn.

4. Reciprocity rule: If you give others trouble, others will dare to give you trouble.

The law of reciprocity is that there is a reward for giving, a trust for trusting, and a trouble for trouble. If we give others trouble, others may come back to find trouble, so that our purpose is achieved, and there will be more interaction between us, thus making interpersonal relationships better.

There was an experiment about the law of reciprocity. He randomly selected a group of strangers and sent them Christmas cards. As a result, most people gave him a Christmas card in return. This experiment also confirmed the existence of the law of reciprocity.

For example, in the case of Xiao Dan mentioned at the beginning, she often bothers others, and in turn, others will bother her with some minor problems, so that the relationship between her and her colleagues will be established quickly.

Therefore, don't think that "troublesome" others will cause a burden to others. When we grasp the scale of "noisy", we can close the psychological distance between the two sides, form the interactive result of "noisy", and finally help us to establish good interpersonal relationships quickly.

Third, skillfully use the panoramic perspective thinking mode, master the three tricks of "worry", and make yourself a popular workplace person.

Although bothering others can strengthen interpersonal relationships, we must make good use of trouble, otherwise it may be counterproductive and boring. How can I disturb others? You can use the panoramic perspective thinking mode.

Panoramic perspective thinking mode is one of the thinking modes put forward by Charles Munger. It refers to the wisdom of thinking from a high angle and seeing through the relationship between related structures of things in order to make the best decision. The advantage of this mode of thinking is that it can avoid seeing only one-sided problems and making one-sided decisions or actions.

For example, when we "trouble" others, we can refer to the panoramic thinking model to find out the best "trouble" method-choose the best trouble time and the best "trouble" scope, and choose the best "trouble" method at the implementation level, so as to really play a "trouble" role. For details, please refer to the following three tricks:

1. Choose the best time to disturb others and avoid boredom.

Panoramic thinking emphasizes thinking from the overall situation. Our first step is to consider the overall time and determine the reasonable time to disturb others, that is, the time when others are not in a hurry.

In McKinsey's Law of Time Allocation, the author divides working hours into four quadrants according to their importance and urgency. According to this classification of working hours, if we want to disturb others, we should try to disturb others when they are not in a hurry. After all, people are under increasing pressure in an emergency and have no patience to distract themselves to help others.

Then how to judge whether others are in a state of emergency? There are two possible methods:

Judging whether it is in a state of emergency through behavior observation.

We can judge whether we are in a state of emergency by observing the behavior of others.

For example, if we observe that a colleague keeps ringing the phone and walking back and forth all morning, we can judge that he may have many urgent tasks today, so at this time, try not to disturb others.

Judging whether it is a state of emergency by observing facial expressions.

Another way is to judge whether you are engaged in emergency work by observing facial expressions.

People's expressions and moods are interlinked. If the facial expression is dignified or frowning, it means that there may be many urgent tasks to be done today, so try not to disturb others at this time.

Through the above two methods, you can avoid being disgusted by others by adding trouble at inappropriate time, and choose a reasonable "trouble" time to let the other party have the psychological space to accept your trouble request.

2. Trouble others in the optimal range and stimulate their goodwill.

The best trouble range means that when you trouble others, you should choose the good range of others to trouble. Because each of us wants our own advantages to be recognized and praised by others, if we disturb others' advantages, we are actually recognizing his advantages, and others will thank you for your recognition in their hearts, thus having a good impression on you.

Ming Franklin, the inventor of the lightning rod, is very good at discovering the strengths of others, asking for help and bothering others to improve their relationships.

On one occasion, Franklin really wanted the cooperation of a member of the Pennsylvania Legislative Yuan, but the member was a hard-working and hard-hearted person. At this time, he didn't try to please him. Franklin knew that there was a rare book out of print in the congressman's private library, so he asked the congressman if he could lend it to him for two days. The senator agreed, and in the next two days, a miracle happened. Franklin said, "When we met again, he spoke to me (he had never done this before) and was very polite. Later, he also told me that he was always willing to serve me. "

Franklin troubled him by discovering the advantages of others, made him feel the sense of value, and thus won the favor of members.

So how do you find out the strengths of others?

An important principle is not to look at others with prejudice, because everyone has advantages. As long as we can look at them without prejudice, we can find the advantages of others.

A psychologist once did an experiment. He asked a painter to draw two identical pictures. On the first day, he put a painting on display in a shopping mall, and wrote a sentence on it, please circle what you think is insufficient in the painting. When I went to see it the next day, the painter cried because the whole painting was a circle. On the third day, he put another painting on display in the same place in the mall and wrote, please circle the place you think is good. As a result, the whole painting is round.

This experiment shows that the quality of finding things depends on your perspective. We treat others in the same way. If we can look at them positively, we can find more advantages. In this way, we can find out the advantages of others, and we can give others trouble in these aspects.

3. Ask for trouble, ask for help, and interact in the best way.

In our work, we can often see that some people can do the same thing well when seeking the support of others, while others come back in vain without the help of others. This is actually a problem with the way they take it.

Then what kind of help is the best way? There are four principles:

Principle 1: Good reason.

Seek help from others for good reasons, otherwise it will be like looking for trouble and being rejected. Sufficient reasons mean that when we ask for help from others, we should tell them clear reasons instead of just asking questions, which makes people feel very surprised.

Just like the example of Xiao Dan mentioned at the beginning, when she gives others trouble, she always tells them clear and sufficient reasons. For example, when her proposal needs advice, she will say that it is my first time to do it, and there are still many unfamiliar places. I hope everyone can take a look at it for me and give me some advice. And if she puts it another way, without giving a reason, ask someone else for advice directly, others will be surprised and wonder why I should help you.

Principle 2: emphasize the advantages of others.

Everyone likes to be praised and encouraged, and we