Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Ultimate Three Kingdoms funny key sentences

Ultimate Three Kingdoms funny key sentences

1. So, so, so, so~

2. My surname is Liu Mingbei, and my courtesy name is Xuande. I am the son of King Jing of Zhongshan. Because my family is in decline, I am very poor. . The most precious thing about my body is that I have the blood of aristocrats. It's a pity that my blood type is O. Every time I go to sell blood, it's very cheap. It's really bad.

3. Zhao Yun was shaking on a very long board (Zhao Yun rescued Adou on Changban Slope)

4. The rich man is the uncle, not the eldest brother ...

5. Zhang Fei: We are here to go to school. Can you please remove the Eight-Door Golden Lock Formation and let us go to school

Dean of Students: Who knows if you are the Yellow Turbans? The universities are sent to rob the school

Guan Yu: Yellow Turban universities are becoming more and more arrogant

Zhang Fei: Yes, as soon as you enter the school, they grab everything from teaching equipment, registration fees, and nutritious lunches. Ah, I heard that last time there was a school where all the male and female teachers and even the principal’s underwear were taken off

Guan Yu: It’s true or not

Zhang Fei: Of course it’s false

Guan Yu: HO, you can be a little more boring

6. Liu Bei: Mr. Guan, it’s okay if you like fighting, but you can’t have stones in your head. Brain stones are idiots. There are so many of them and we only have one. This is not a fight between three people, it is a siege.

7. Guan Yu: How can we not be in crisis? Ever since we were young, it has been the most critical situation now

Zhang Fei: It’s worse than going to the toilet without toilet paper. Crisis?

Guan Yu: Of course

8. Liu Bei: Sun Tzu’s art of war should be passed down from son to son but not from daughter to daughter... I will go to Tie Shikong Secondhand Bookstore and buy 100 copies for your sister~ (Liu Bei’s voice , words that hurt Cao Cao. )

9. Dong Zhuo: Obsessed, no, but I am a very simple person. I just want to harm others all day long. Isn’t this simple enough?

10. The breasts are all fake. Who knows if your admission notice is fake?

Zhang Fei: My breasts are real!

Guan Yu: This is not the point!

11. Ah Biao, my people belong to you, and my heart belongs to Zhao Yun, but now my soul has been stolen by Guan Yu. Abiao, I can't help you.

12. You work very hard to feed the chickens tea leaves. You work very hard, but the chickens can’t lay tea eggs. .

13. Zhang Fei (with an innocent look on his face): Brother, my chest is broken by a big stone, but your chest is broken by a big stone!

14. Fortunately, I have someone to sleep with me. I heard before that dogs have yin and yang eyes, but it turns out to be true. I kept seeing the piaos dangling in front of me. I was so scared. ! (Dong Xiaozhu)

15. I have an opinion, who wants to be called Xiaozhu? I am the great Dong Zhuoye, how can I be called Xiaozhu. Especially after I lost weight, my face became so thin again. (Dong Xiaozhu)

16. I want to hypnotize myself, that’s not beef, that’s not beef, that’s cow shit…! (Still Dong Xiaozhu)

17. Liu Bei: Third brother, you haven’t mastered Baguaquan yet, but you have mastered Baguazui.

18. Mei Niang: Hey, if you pretend to be stupid, you won’t remember your merits. Zhang Fei: Even if you pretend to be stupid, you won’t get a big demerit

19. “Yeah, my goal was successful, I am really a dog whose wishes come true!” (Dong Xiaozhu)

20. Female veterinarian: "My dear, everything is fine. Just check it out. Come on, let me give you a kiss."

Liu Bei, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Huang Zhong, and Ma Chao: " No!"

Female veterinarian: "What's wrong?"

Liu Bei, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Huang Zhong, Ma Chao: "Nothing"

Dog. Dong Zhuo: "You'll die if you kiss her, it's true.

Just let me feel better! Let’s kiss with tongues”

21. Zhou Yu: I heard that President Cao’s sneeze shook the world~

Cao Cao: President Zhou also yawned and set off huge waves~

22. Sun Shangxiang: This is my self-created external skill "Big Soldier Qi Condensation"

Zhang Fei: "Big Ice Cream"?

23. Zhang Fei: One mountain cannot tolerate two tigers, except one. Male and female.

24. Zhang Fei: Are you sure?

Liu Bei: Very sure.

25. Zhou Yu: I always feel that you will lie to our family. Miss.

Liu Bei: Don’t use your intuition. I have an intuition that you will lie to our class, Xiao Qiaoye. 26. Teacher: “Excuse me, the Abiao family is very busy with ancestor worship. The uncle, the fourth uncle and the seventh brother are playing cards, the third aunt, the sixth wife and the ninth sister are cooking, and the second nephew, five nephews and eight grandchildren are offering incense. Excuse me, how many relatives are here in the Abiao family? If you know how to do it, please raise your feet. Come on."...

Teacher: "You all have cramps in your feet and you can't lift them up. Haven't I talked about this question many times? Okay, Liu Bei, Liu Bei, you will definitely do it, Liu Bei, Liu Bei, Liu Bei"

Liu Bei: "What did you ask just now? ”

Teacher: “What did I just ask? I asked, how many relatives came to Abiao’s family?” "

Liu Bei: "I'm not sure how many relatives came to their family, but I just heard that they have eight Sun Shangxiang. "

27. Xiao Qiao said: "You are hopelessly smart, but you will never understand me! "

28. Sun Shangxiang said: "Have you ever loved? "

Lu Meng and Zhou Yu (showing shyness): "Miss, please don't seduce me. ”

29. Dear heroes of the Eastern Han Academy, since you are here, let’s come in and meet you! (Zhou Yu)

30. Mushroom-scented banana cigarette-scented soap with coriander scent Perfume with the scent of champagne, incense burner scent, vanilla sausage scent, custard (Xiao Qiao)

31. My surname is Liu, my name is Bei, and my courtesy name is Xuande. I am the son of Prince Jing of Zhongshan. Some people also call me Bei Bei. , Liu Xuande is me, I am Liu Xuande, (hahaha) but no one calls me Ade (hahaha)

32. Swallowing tigers and swallows, obviously wolves, tigers, and swallows Ah~

33. Xiao Qiao said to Liu Bei: When you chase a girl, you must chase her until the last second. You must wait until the girl says to stop.

Then you can stop. Otherwise, you must be brave. Keep chasing, do you know?

Cao Cao: Got it!

Xiao Qiao: I’m not asking you

34. Feng Chu gave Liu Beisan Tips

Zhang Fei: There are three tips here, which one should I open first?

Everyone: What’s the donkey problem?

Zhang Fei: I just want to make sure first?

Feng Chu: You, people’s talents really cannot be forced. Isn’t there a sequence embroidered on the kit?

A, B, and C (Liu Bei showed Zhang Fei one by one), of course starting with Bing (everyone fell down)

35. Sister-in-law Abiao: Abiao, I can’t help you, my people It's yours, my heart is Zhao Yun's, my soul is Guan Yu's, and now my spirit has been stolen by Liu Bei again.~~~Ah Biao.~

36. Liu Bei (repair): There is This kind of longing will always appear without thinking about it

The first string is very loud (thinking); the second string is very loud (thinking); it turns out that every string is very loud (thinking)

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37. Liu Bei (repair): Stay. Or I’ll come with you...or you’ll come with me.

38. Zhang Fei: Even if time and space are destroyed, I will still love bravely (it’s rare to say something so emotional)

39. Zhang Fei: This meal is really rich. I was shocked.

Liu Bei: ...This is how you use "surprise"! ~

40. Tiramisu said: A sinful enjoyment will relax a lady’s tight belly

41. Li Ru’s response to the Five Tiger Generals, Liu Bei (repair) and Sun Shangxiang: What are you looking at? I don’t see how handsome he is!

42. Sun Shangxiang: Happiness is to have a secret that only belongs to two people

43. Cao Cao: Everyone has a friend

Liu Bei: Is it cholesterol?

Cao Cao: That’s wasted

44. Axiang: We will be classmates from tomorrow on. Are you happy?

Liu Bei (repair): Not bad

Axiang: Ah~~Only it’s not bad!

Liu Bei (repair): It’s the highest level, which is pretty good, plus est! (It's so cute)

Axiang: Actually, in my heart, your music is also the highest level and pretty good. Add est! (Shy and blushing)

45. Hua Tuo: I am happy for the treatment that is about to change history.

Zhang Fei: If you don’t talk about the key points, I will make you history!

46. Cao Cao: Hua Tuo, I really admire you more and more. I believe you will be famous throughout the ages.

Liu Bei (repair): I guarantee that he will definitely do it! (Everyone looks at him together) What? You can’t predict the future! (Guilty~~)

47. Sun Shangxiang: Which comes first, tomorrow or the future?

48. Liu Bei (editor): So tomorrow comes first, because Axiang and I have no future at all, so how can we come first?

49. Liu Bei (repair): Then, what is the only extraordinary opportunity for ordinary people! !

A Xiang: Ordinary people, the only extraordinary opportunity is (blush + move closer) to have an extraordinary love! !

Liu Bei (repair) os: Alas, Axiang, we are really destined to have an extraordinary love! !

50. Zhang Fei: As the saying goes, if you try today, you will suffer today! You have to cheat on today’s exam. If you don’t do it today, it will be too late!

51. Cao Cao: You have also read Sun Tzu’s Art of War! (Surprised~) Sun Tzu's Art of War is a tactical manual that my ancestors of the Cao family worked hard and risked their lives to obtain. The ancestral teachings of the Cao family are passed down from generation to generation and are now locked in my family's new multi-safety peptide metal vault. middle. Brother Liu, although we are good friends, I must be cautious when asking you.

Liu Bei: Oh!

Cao Cao: How did you know the strategy inside?

Liu Bei: Yes~~~It’s written in the plan! ~

Cao Cao: ~~~~Ah hahaha~~ It was written above, how could I forget~~

Liu Bei: Sun Tzu’s art of war must be passed down from son to daughter...I Go to Tie Shikong Secondhand Bookstore and buy 100 copies for your sister~ (Liu Bei’s voice, words that harm Cao Cao.)

52. Zhang Fei: I’m afraid, Jiang Qian has already “disappeared”

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Liu Bei: Missing, it’s very serious

Guan Yu: Brother, of course it’s very serious

Ma Chao: For humans, they can fly without wings. It just means death

53. Zhang Fei: Brother, I don’t care if you are real or fake, whether you are boiled, roasted, fried, fried or smoked, you will always be me Zhang Fei The eldest brother~~~

54. Liu Bei (Hu Yanjue Luo Xiu): I know that my eldest brother is fake, but when I am the eldest brother, I am not fake (voice of a cultivator in Fengming Temple)

55. Guan Yu: I have been thinking about the phone call that led us to the bait. Why was Xiao Qiao calling Yun and then asking Yun to tell it to me.

Huang Zhong: Yes, why

Cao Cao: Because... (about to give a long speech)

Zhang Fei (interrupting): Yes, why, Why? Why?

Cao Cao (angry): I was just about to say it!

56. Guan Yu: Yun, your complexion is really bad

Hua Tuo: I agree, it is really bad, worse than healthy stool~~ (The rest of the people Nod solemnly in agreement)

57. Liu Bei (Hu Yanjue Luo Xiu): I think Yun is very unusual

Guan Yu: Brother, I think you are unusual... (than The action of making a kamikaze attack) Wula Baha! What is it?

Liu Bei (Hu Yanjue Luo Xiu) (cold sweat): Here we go again, I really don’t want to lie anymore (voice from the heart) Uh, this, just leave this to the third brother, the third brother will help me Well explained.

Zhang Fei (surprised): I, let me explain, oh, haha, brother, you are swearing (revised, the note shows: Xiami?) Wu La Baha, doesn’t it sound dirty? ah?

58. Teacher: Call your name now, Jiang Gan.

All students: Do it!

59. Cao Cao: Falling in love is like practicing martial arts. Only by finding the right martial arts secrets can you achieve unparalleled martial arts skills

60. Dong Zhuo said: You are so angry, find someone to calm down, you two. Turn around (to Li Ru and Mei Niang)

61. Dong Zhuo said: I am Dong Zhuo, the chairman of the board.

62. Wang Yun: It is best to rely on everyone to rely on others, and it is best to rely on oneself.

63. Wang Yun: Everyone who walks through will leave traces, everyone who lives there will leave behind neighbors,

Everyone who climbs will leave behind stairs

64 .Guan Yu: Sister-in-law (to Axiang) If you feel a shadow, don’t be afraid, it’s because there is sunshine behind you. However, we brothers are not afraid of shadows because we are the sunshine behind each other.

65. Zhang Fei: I am an unkillable cockroach (Zhang Lang).

66. Dong Zhuo: My good son! (Pay attention to the tone)

67. Grandpa: Hello.

Xiu: Dong Zhuo!

Grandpa: Dong, you are so big! Do you want to eat Brother Xiong’s food or pizza?

......

(After Xiu turned around and left)

Grandpa: Who is he?

68. Grandpa: 17 years ago, the alliance leader sent me to carry out a task

Xiu: What task?

Grandpa: Even if you tell me the secret, you won’t be able to remember it. Only people with amnesia can remember it.

69. Axiang: Since your Axiang is so smart, right? Should she be given a reward?

Oh, why is my Bei Bei blushing suddenly? I'm talking about rewards. Do you want to secretly kiss me again?

Xiu: No

Axiang: So you don’t want to kiss me at all

Xiu: Then do you want to kiss me?

Axiang: Hey, if anyone wants a relative’s home, they must ask first. It's really moodless.

70. Axiang: Bei Bei, I don’t care what the reasons are for us to separate. In this life, I am relying on you... Promise me not to be like my big brother and let me find you, okay?

Xiu: I will never let you find me. If I really won’t come, I will leave. Before I disappear, I will definitely call SIMAN for you...