Driving school joke

A man and a woman are eating. Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me? The boy looked at the girl and went on eating dinner. The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me? The boy finally said: Love girls, and asked: Then how do you prove it? Suddenly, the boy took out thirty dollars from his pocket and asked the girl, do you have ten dollars? The girl gave the boy ten yuan ... the boy put forty yuan on the table for a while ... The girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me? Boys say I have been proved! ! ! Forty is just around the corner!

2. One day, the turtle's father, the turtle's mother and the turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of underwater chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener! Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it." "turtle dad:" good son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go and get back! Tortoise son: Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! " So, the turtle son set foot on the road home. Time flies in ................. Time flies. Twenty years have passed, but the turtle son hasn't appeared yet. Mother turtle: "Wife ... shall we eat first?" ? I was so hungry that I said ... "Father Tortoise:" No! We promised our son! Well ... wait for him for another five years, or let him go! "In five years, turtle son still didn't see him. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start. He took out the pie and was about to eat it ... suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree ... turtle son said, "shit!" I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years and finally got it! I hate being cheated! 」

3. A snack bar selling jiaozi had no business, so she went to ask Shi Gong what to do. Shi Gong said: You should find a fresh corpse, wrap its meat into jiaozi, and then sell it, so that business will be good, but tell their family not to eat this kind of jiaozi, or something terrible will happen. The boss tried it and the effect was really good, so she went to look for the body again. The next day, her son wanted to bring a lunch box, but he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it. As a result, he found a lunch box and took it. Unexpectedly, jiaozi was left by his father. He opened it at noon and took a look. Morning jiaozi 10. Why did it suddenly become five? He tried to cover it again, and then opened it to become two again! You know why? Because jiaozi stuck to the lid.

This story happened in an ancient temple 200 years ago. It was scary at first, funny in the middle and tragic at last. Think about it and see. Once upon a time, a ghost farted and died.

1. Hey, you stepped on my foot! I see, I stepped on your foot in front of so many people. Don't you think we are meant to be?

Hey, you stepped on my foot! Oh, you should be glad that I just lost weight recently.

Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: That's all right. I can stand firm.

Hey, you stepped on my foot! Don't worry, I won't stop you from getting off.

Hey, you stepped on my foot! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were down-to-earth too.

6. Hey, you stepped on my foot! Really? Then you wouldn't be so excited.

7. Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Sorry, just consider me blind.

8. Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: If you feel pain, shout it out!

9. Hey, you stepped on my foot! Do you still want me to say thank you?

10. Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Well, please move your feet and let me step on the ground. Have a nice day! The deer with a long neck said, "Little rabbit, I hope you can know how good it is to have a long neck." No matter what I eat, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. " The little white rabbit looked at him without expression. "Also, in summer, cold water slowly flows through my long neck, which is delicious. What a long neck! White rabbit, can you imagine? " The white rabbit said slowly, "Have you ever vomited?"

One day, the kangaroo was driving on a country road, and suddenly he saw the white rabbit in the middle of the road, with his ears and body almost lying on the ground, as if listening to something ... So ... the kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously, "White rabbit, what are you listening to?" "A big truck passed by here half an hour ago ..." "Wow ... amazing! .. how do you know? .. ""He is so fucking! That's how my neck and legs are broken .. "

The third time, a little white rabbit ran happily in the forest. On the way, it met a giraffe who was taking drugs. The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "giraffe, giraffe, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! " The giraffe looked at the drugs and the white rabbit, threw the drugs behind her and ran with the white rabbit in the forest. Later, they met an elephant ready to take drugs. The white rabbit said to the elephant, "elephant, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! " The elephant looked at the drugs and the white rabbit, threw the drugs behind him and ran in the forest with the white rabbit and giraffe. Later, they met a lion who was going to take drugs. The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why did you do something that hurt yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "The lion looked at the drugs and the white rabbit, threw the drugs behind him and rushed to fight the white rabbit. The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "why did you hit the white rabbit?" "It's so kind, it cares about our health and lets us get close to nature." The lion said angrily, "This bastard rabbit drags me around the forest like an idiot every time he takes drugs."

Boss of No.4' s first company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Not busy. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: I'm not busy because I can't work for the company more. What does the company want you to do? * Boss of the second company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Very busy. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are disorganized, you will be busy all day. What does the company want you to do? Boss of the third company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Not bad. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are irrational, there are "yes" or "no" places. What does the company want you to do? * Boss of Company 4: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Just finished. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are so inefficient, can't you check it after you finish? What does the company want from you? * Boss of Company Five: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Some of them have finished the inspection, and now they are doing something else. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are not systematic, won't you do something together? What does the company want from you? Boss of Company 6: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: I have finished all the work and am helping others. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you don't have a plan, won't you plan what to do tomorrow? What does the company want from you? Boss of Qilian: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Today's work is finished, and so is tomorrow's work. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you don't consider the whole, won't you help your colleagues solve problems? What does the company want from you? Eight company bosses: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: I have finished today's work and tomorrow's work, and now I am helping my colleagues. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are too pushy, your help is likely to cause laziness or stress in others. What does the company want from you? Jiulian boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Wait a minute, I'll think about it before I answer you. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: You are very arrogant. I keep asking you questions. Why does the company want you? Boss of the tenth company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tu Tu: I ... I ... No, I don't know ... how to answer you. After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you don't even know whether you are busy or not, what does the company want you to do? Boss of 11th Company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Fuck you, I quit ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Boss: Hey! If you have personality, our company won't let you go!

The fifth ant was walking in the forest when he suddenly met an elephant. The ant quickly got into the soil and stretched out a leg. The little white rabbit was curious and asked, What are you doing? The ant whispered to it: shh ... don't make any noise, watch me trip. ...

One day, the rabbit was writing in front of a cave, and a wolf came up and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?" The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper." The wolf asked again, "What topic?" The rabbit replied, "I'm writing about how rabbits eat wolves." The wolf laughed and said he didn't believe it. The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave and the rabbit continued to write in front of the cave. Then another fox came over and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?" The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper." The fox asked, "What topic?" The rabbit replied, "How does the rabbit eat the fox?" The fox laughed after hearing this, expressing disbelief. The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave. After a while, the rabbit went out of the cave alone and continued to write his paper. At this time, in the cave, a lion is sitting on a pile of bones and picking his teeth, while reading the rabbit's paper: the ability of an animal depends not on its strength, but on who is its boss behind the scenes!

One day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots here?" The boss said, "No", and the little white rabbit left. The next day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots here?" The boss said, "I told you, no!" " The little white rabbit is gone. On the third day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots here?" The boss is anxious: "How many times have I told you? ! Don't! ! ! If you bother me again, I'll pull out all your teeth with tiger pliers! " The little white rabbit was frightened and ran away. On the fourth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have tiger pliers here?" The boss said, "No." The little white rabbit asked, "Well, do you have any carrots?" The boss was really angry, took out the tiger pliers and pulled out all the teeth of the little white rabbit. On the fifth day, the white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have carrot juice here?" These eight people are in a mental hospital. One day, the dean wanted to see how three mental patients were recovering, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted its ass and said, "Chase it for me". The dean sighed. The third crouched there, touching the white rabbit assiduously. After reading it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, only to hear him say, "sample, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " Dean fell down and passed out. ...

The ninth rabbit and bear are squatting under the tree to shit. Bear said to the white rabbit, although you white rabbits are good-looking, you are in trouble! You can tell when it's dirty. That's disgusting! The little white rabbit said, look at what you said! Isn't it? Bear said, yes! Bear said as he grabbed the white rabbit and wiped his ass and walked away. ...

The tenth white rabbit and bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a pot. An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes. The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true. The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true. The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again. The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again. The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches! The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual. ...

The adventure began like this: one of my cousins had to work overtime on Sunday, and her cousin took a driver's license test that day, so she sent her 5-year-old son to my house to take care of me for one day. I was afraid of disobedience, so I went to the market and bought him a lovely little white rabbit. Ask me what the rabbit eats, and I will tell him to eat carrots and all the green vegetables. I had a good time with the rabbit and went to read a book. The rabbit soon finished eating the carrots, and when it was noisy, it went to the refrigerator to find vegetables. Who knows that only a part of the peppers in my refrigerator are green? If you make a scene, break the pepper and feed it to the rabbit. The rabbit won't eat, but it will eat when it quarrels. The little white rabbit was forced to hurry and kicked his feet wildly, so he pushed the fine sand spread in his nest into his noisy eyes. I was busy rubbing it with my hands. His hands were burning, and I burst into tears. I heard him crying badly in the study, so I rushed out and asked him what was wrong. He covered his eyes with his hand and kept crying: "The rabbit kicked me, and the rabbit kicked me." I thought the rabbit really kicked him in the eye. I was scared to death. I thought, if there is a mistake, how should I tell his parents? Busy calling 120. Then the doorbell rang. I opened the door and saw that it was my brother's classmate. I didn't have time to say hello to him, so I ran back to comfort him. I didn't pay attention to stepping on a piece of watermelon skin he threw around and knocked my head on the door frame and fainted. My brother's classmates quickly dialed 120, and then remembered some first aid knowledge they learned during military training. They knelt on the ground and tried to pick me up. At this time, my brother came back. When he saw this scene, he thought that his classmates were going to flirt with me, so he picked up one of his mother's pointed shoes and shone it on the unlucky man's head. Suddenly, blood gushed out. When the younger brother rushed into the kitchen and took the knife, his classmates tried to explain and ran downstairs desperately. At this time, Grandma Wang downstairs heard screams and looked out from the peephole of the security door. She saw a man running down with blood all over his face, and his brother was chasing after him with a knife. She was frightened and immediately called 1 10 to call the police. Originally, she had a slight stroke. In this panic, her hands and feet are even more clumsy. She suddenly sat on the ground and put positive pressure on the kitten's tail. The kitten jumped out with a sigh, knocked over a pot of soup, and flames scurried around. Grandma Wang picked up a bottle of water and poured it over, but it contained Erguotou that her wife had secretly hidden. So, while putting out the fire, the whole family called the 1 19 fire alarm. When my brother's classmate ran as fast as he could, he was bumping into an emergency doctor who was walking upstairs. As both sides were in a hurry, they rolled into a ball and fell down the stairs. At this time, my brother's classmates explained everything to him. But two doctors broke their arms. After waking up, I called my cousin and brother-in-law. Cousin is drinking water Hearing the news, she choked in her throat and rolled her eyes at once. Her colleague is busy typing120; When my cousin heard the news, he drove frantically to my house and ran three red lights. At this time, two ambulances and two fire engines have gathered downstairs in my house. The fireman was about to turn on the fire hydrant when his cousin's car suddenly came and hit it. Suddenly, the water flowed like a river. He turned the steering wheel again and ran into a police car that had just arrived. And in the back, several traffic policemen riding motorcycles are galloping, and then behind, it is the municipal facilities to repair the car. That day, it was like a Hollywood blockbuster playing downstairs in my house. According to statistics, only five ambulances were dispatched. I called one, my brother and classmates called one, two injured doctors called one, and my cousin's colleague called one ... You said there was another missing person? Don't worry, didn't my cousin come back from his driving school? The old coach in the car was so scared that he had another heart attack. Don't you need to order another one? I did it ~ the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" Boss: "Sorry, I still don't have it." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "The little white rabbit took out the money:" Great, I'll take two! "" " (

A little white rabbit is running happily in the forest. On the way, it met a giraffe who was rolling marijuana. The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe, Giraffe, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! The giraffe looked at the marijuana and the white rabbit, so she threw the marijuana behind her and ran in the forest with the white rabbit. Later, they met an elephant ready to take cocaine. The white rabbit said to the elephant,' Elephant, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself? Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! The elephant looked at the cocaine and the white rabbit, threw the cocaine behind him and ran in the forest with the white rabbit and giraffe. Later, they met a lion who was ready to fight the sea. The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?" Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! The lion looked at the syringe and the rabbit, threw the syringe behind him and beat the rabbit hard. The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "Why did you hit the rabbit?" It is so kind. It cares about our health and makes us close to nature. The lion said angrily, "This bastard rabbit drags me around the forest like an idiot every time he takes medicine."

(3) On the first day, the white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home. The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home. On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit, if you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you! (

4) In order to test the strength of the police in the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find them first. In front of the first forest, the American police spent a whole half-day meeting to make a battle plan, strictly divide the work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter the forest for carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed, the rabbit ran away and the task failed! Then it's the turn of the Hong Kong police. They sent 100 people and dozens of police cars to line up outside the forest. The leader shouted with a megaphone:' Rabbit, rabbit, you are surrounded, come out and surrender …' Half a day passed, but nothing happened. Flying Tigers entered the forest to search again, and the mission failed! Finally, there are only four policemen in China. They played mahjong all day. At dusk, a man walked into the forest with a baton. Less than five minutes later, he heard an animal scream from the forest. The policeman in China came out laughing and talking with a cigarette in his mouth, dragging a black bear behind him. The bear was dying and said,' Stop playing, I'm a rabbit ...'