Short jokes in English

1. Mike: Mum, I want to watch TV.

Mum: There is no electricity tonight.

Mike: Then let's watch TV with a candie on .

Mike: Mom, I want to watch TV.

Mom: There is a power outage tonight.

Mike: Then let’s light candles and watch.

2.The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings ." replied the little girl.

Fish Net

"Can you tell me what the fish net is made of, Ann?" the teacher asked.

"Tie many small holes together with ropes to make a fishing net." The little girl answered.

3. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for her two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You are such a good boy," my mother said proudly. "Here's your two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady?"

"She's a candy seller."

4. I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

I just bitten my tongue

"Are we poisonous?" a young snake asked its mother .

“Yes, dear,” she replied, “Why do you ask?”

“Because I just bit my tongue.

”

5. A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle -aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

Falling Woman

During rush hour, I hurried to New York's Luxury Center Station Catch a train. Approaching the door, a fat middle-aged woman rushed from behind. Unexpectedly, she lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her inertia made her close to my feet. I was about to help her, but she got up on her own. She calmed down, winked at me, and said, "Do beautiful women always fall at your feet? ”

6. He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

He is such a big shot

-- There are 1,000 people under my uncle.

-- He's such a big shot. What does he do?

-- A gravekeeper.

7. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter , the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

They are brought directly from the United States

An old Chinese woman came back from visiting her daughter in the United States not long ago , went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars given to her by her daughter. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked each banknote to see if it was counterfeit.

This approach made the old woman very impatient. Finally, she couldn't bear it and said: "Believe me, sir, and please believe these banknotes. These are real US dollars. They are directly from the United States." "

8.my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

My dog ??doesn't Literacy

Mrs. Brown: Oh,

Honey, I lost my precious puppy!

Mrs. Smith: But you should put an ad in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It’s no use, my puppy can’t read. ”

9. Bring me the winner

——- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

Give me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster Only one claw.

--Sorry, sir, this one must have been in a fight.

-- Oh, give me the one that won.

10. Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s , 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell, "Get the kid."

Advice to "young people"

Here I want to give advice to those who will. A few words of advice for retirees. If you are only 65 years old,

Never enter a retirement community. Because everyone there is in their seventies or eighties or nineties. Whenever something needs to be moved, lifted or loaded, they shout, "Let the little ones do it."