A very serious question: I have been with my boyfriend for several years, and we broke up in the middle, all because I refused to go to bed. Now because of this reason?

Cohabitation before marriage is not legally recognized and has great potential dangers. Let’s share two examples first.

Case 1:

At the age of 29, Bibi was "finally" getting married. For Bibi, it has been a long journey. Because she moved into her husband's house when she was 18 years old, and lived there for nearly 10 years in a blink of an eye. Although they live together, their relationship is not really stable. In the past 10 years, her boyfriend had cheated on her twice, and Bibi had moved out three times, but she always returned to the beginning.

Unfortunately, at the age of 28, Bibi became pregnant and gave birth to the "golden grandson" that her parents-in-law had been waiting for. It seemed that everything was going well, but the biggest conflict happened at this time: when Bibi was three months pregnant, she started discussing marriage plans with her boyfriend, but they continued until the child was born, but there was still no resolution, because her husband's family and her husband My natal family has a completely different view.

The husband's family thinks: "Just go and get a certificate. Anyway, Bibi has lived in our house for 10 years. Everyone knows that she is our daughter-in-law. Now she is pregnant again. A pregnant bride." It will make people talk, so why waste so much?"

The natal family thought: "My daughter has lived in your family for 10 years and has been serving you. She has not given back to her natal family at all, and she is pregnant with your family's gold. Sun, what's wrong with asking you for a big betrothal and a small betrothal?" All etiquette and customs require compliance with tradition and cannot be omitted.

My father-in-law thought that my mother-in-law’s family was “critical and excessively demanding”, and even said angrily: “You have lived in our house for 10 years, and you still have to compare yourself to ordinary brides. What a joke!” Although the speaker said this! Unintentionally, Bibi cried very sadly: After living together for 10 years, no matter how big the trouble is, it is okay; when it comes to a wedding, every little thing is crazy.

Living together before marriage has its disadvantages. Love has long passed its shelf life, and when we get married, it doesn’t feel so romantic: We have already lived in our home, how can there be any surprise in marrying you? If you go to the temple, you will definitely deceive the gods, so why give out such a big gift?

Case 2:

The heroine Kaka said: "I originally planned to get married after a trial marriage. Unexpectedly, after living together for a year, I found that he had no intention of getting married at all. After questioning, he He said that he wanted to continue like this without any burden, so he ended up breaking up. "

The biggest risk of cohabitation and trial marriage is that the other party will slowly lose their "desire to get married." This is also the biggest reason why relationships break up.

Comments

We have the ability to repay the early consumption of materials. This kind of attempt and early consumption of marriage has obviously exceeded the repayment ability of many people, and the happiness of marriage has been prepaid. , all that is left is exhaustion and boredom. The intervention of various practical factors makes the two people feel that life together is boring. No wonder there are survey data showing that couples who get married after cohabitation are more divorced than couples who get married without cohabitation. More likely.

Foreign studies have found that couples who cohabitate first and then get married are more likely to encounter problems such as infidelity, alcoholism, and drug abuse after marriage than ordinary couples. The authoritative domestic violence agency in the United States also found that in cohabitation relationships, Violence is more common among couples than in marriages, and cohabiting couples are twice as likely to experience violence as couples. The proportion of those with serious violence problems is five times that of married people. Girls in cohabiting relationships are five times more likely to suffer from depression than married women.

In fact, among the population suffering from depression, cohabiting women rank second only to women who have been divorced more than twice. Cohabiting people are twice as likely to suffer from mental illness as all married people. In fact, cohabiting relationships are indeed relatively unstable. A nationwide survey in the United States found that cohabiting men are four times more likely to "cheat" than the average husband.

The main argument of many people who support trial marriage is to have a "trial marriage" for a period of time before marriage. It helps to adapt to each other and can improve the success rate of future marriages. Unfortunately, this is just a delusion. Surveys have found that couples who have lived together have a divorce rate that is 50% higher than the average couple.

Studies have also found that couples as high as 40 years old will never get married after living together. Cohabiting couples have an 80% chance of breaking up, and 40% of them break up before they even walk down the aisle. Another 40 will be divorced within 10 years, which shows that the reasons for supporting trial marriage are untenable.

So what kind of harm will it cause if you live together before marriage and the bride is not you?

1. Physical harm.

After living together before marriage and having children, many people will choose to have an abortion because there is no guarantee of marriage. First of all, you have to bear the pain on the operating table. Secondly, the abortion may be unsuccessful or too frequent, resulting in lifelong infertility. There are also some unmarried men and women who play the role of making a meal out of raw rice because their parents beat them up. But before making this decision, you must first be prepared not to need a bride price or a wedding.

2. Emotional harm.

Although many people are now very open-minded about living together before marriage, the vast majority of people must take true love or future marriage as the premise when choosing a partner to live with. Once they live together, especially after having had an abortion, and then being ruthlessly abandoned, this will cause a lot of emotional harm to girls. There are even some men who lack responsibility and suddenly disappear from the world after hearing the news of pregnancy from their live-in girlfriends. At this time, the girl must be so helpless - she dare not tell her parents about the pregnancy, and she has no shame to tell her friends. In the end, A man ran to the hospital and walked to the operating table. Faced with this situation, what we want to ask is: As a woman, is it necessary to hurt yourself in this way?

3. Damage to reputation.

When you start a romantic cohabitation, your friends, colleagues and the other party’s friends and colleagues will definitely know it. Once living together doesn't work out, your reputation is actually being damaged before you face a new relationship. If you meet some unkind friends again, making some sarcastic remarks behind your back, or giving you little shoes, will your new love be smooth sailing? However, life is like this, you have to bear the responsibility for the things you have done, we don’t care We can't control other people's words, but we can definitely control our own behavior. If you live together before marriage, others will inevitably judge you unobjectively through colored glasses.

4. The harm of love concept.

In the love stage, men and women who are deeply in love but fail to get marriage in the end will often have fear and confusion about love for many years after the relationship fails, and may gradually become leftover men. Leftover women. When you reach the age where you must get married, you will hastily find a partner for yourself, which is what everyone often calls "getting married for the sake of getting married." But will such a marriage be happy? If there is no cohabitation before marriage and just a pure love relationship, the harm suffered will be reduced by at least half, and the healing time will also be shortened by at least half.

5. The harm of outlook on life.

The most intuitive manifestation of the pessimistic mood of frustrated love is lack of energy or distraction in life, study, and work. In the unit, all leaders look forward to employees who are capable of working. The only result for being depressed is that they will no longer be reused or even be fired. At this moment, it is easy to be caught up in the double blow of emotions and work, and thus feel that the people around you are ruthless and unjust, leading to pessimism, and a few people may even have thoughts of committing suicide.

6. The damage of new life.

Only more than 20% of unmarried women would consider giving birth to a child after discovering that they were pregnant. For the latter, it is hurting a life that has not yet formed; for the former, after the child is born, he often does not know how to face his parents and the world, and usually gives the child away or takes extreme actions. Injuring a child with her own hands and believing that these acts of aborting or harming the child will become a woman's lifelong guilt. The behavior is too extreme and may even lead her to the path of crime.

So, why do people who live together before marriage have so many bad consequences? We know that sexual immorality is one of the most harmful behaviors. As the saying goes, "sexual immorality is the first of all evils", sexual immorality is very serious. immoral behavior. Moreover, the laws of nature cause evil to be the quickest and heaviest. Once we commit adultery, retribution will come quickly. In addition to causing career failure, it will also seriously deplete our marital blessings and make our marriage unhappy.

Living together without marriage is considered sexual immorality and will bring us great pain. Things like infidelity, domestic violence, depression, etc. mentioned above, and couples who live together have an 80% chance of breaking up. Most of them will not grow old together. It can be said that once you live together before marriage, you have almost said goodbye to a happy marriage. . Everyone must pay attention to this issue!

Both boys and girls must learn to protect themselves and love wisely. Living together will not give you points for getting married - trial marriages are risky, and you need to be cautious when living together.