Are there any super funny jokes?

1, a penguin went to steal something, but was found. Surrounded by JC after the alarm, the penguin had a brainwave.

Pick up a yellow round shield. Walk past JC aboveboard

As a result, a bunch of JC swarmed and caught the penguin and beat it.

Penguin a face of innocence shouted:

"Why do you look at me? Why can you see me? I'm fucking invisible.

Didn't I become fucking invisible? "

2. Penguin GG and Penguin MM go on a date.

Penguin MM hasn't arrived at the date yet.

Penguin GG has

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Look left and right,

Penguin MM came and was very angry to see Penguin GG like this.

A slap hit the past.

Scold a way:

"What do you think NTMD is landing! ! You think NTMD is going to land! ! You think NTMD is going to land! ! You think NTMD is going to land! ! You think NTMD is going to land! ! You think NTMD is going to land! ! You think NTMD is going to land! ! You think NTMD is going to land! ! "

3. Today is Christmas. Penguin GG specially wore a red dress to date in order to please Penguin MM.

As a result, penguin MM slapped her again.

Scold a way:

"You TM is a member! ! ! You are the only TM member! ! ! You are the only TM member! ! ! You are the only TM member! ! ! You are the only TM member! ! ! You are the only TM member! ! ! You are the only TM member! ! ! You are the only TM member! ! ! "

One day Penguin GG went on a date and wore yellow glasses. When I arrived, I waited and waited for a long time, but Penguin MM didn't show up. Penguin GG is in a hurry. He called Penguin MM and asked, "I have been here for an hour. Why haven't you come yet? "

As a result, a slap in the face came and the penguin heard someone around him say:

"I'm not fucking you can't see! ! ! You can't see me! ! ! You can't see me! ! ! "

5. Penguin GG was shivering with cold after reading it.

Penguin MM is another slap,

Who the fuck told you to send a splash screen? ! !

Gorgeous department.

Every time Duan Yu succeeds in playing with a woman, his father always says to him earnestly, "Your sister!" Duan Yu's mother said before she died: In fact, you are not your father's own, and all your sisters can marry. Duan Yu said: Liar!

He didn't kill anyone with a knife after a drunken driving accident. I don't believe Gao can play the piano anymore.

Al Qaeda claimed responsibility for the theft of the Forbidden City. The stolen objects are seven dragon balls, which are aimed at reviving bin Laden.

After watching the TV series News Network for more than 20 years, the hero and heroine in it never held hands, hugged, let alone kissed, even though they dated in the same place on time every day. Compared with such pure love, which movie or TV series dares to claim to be pure love?

There are 952,400 college entrance examination candidates in Henan. There are 660,000 college entrance examination candidates in Shandong. 70,000 people in Beijing. There are 60,000 people in Shanghai. Tsinghua Peking University Fudan Jiaotong University Zhejiang University Nankai University of Science and Technology Enrollment Plan: 306 students in Henan. There are 329 people in Shandong. There are 2405 people in Beijing. There are 329 1 person in Shanghai.

If I were a deputy to the National People's Congress, I would definitely make a suggestion:

Use Alipay when paying taxes. When the government makes achievements or fulfills its promises, we will confirm the payment, otherwise we will get a full refund.

At that time, government officials would chase our asses and shout:

Dear, give a good comment!

Dear, choose me to serve the people!

Dear, here are the results, please check them, dear!

The white snake deliberately cheated by raining, pretending to be crazy and selling silly to send Brother Liang to flirt with her when she went to the 18th National Congress. The seven fairies got in the way, and the cowherd took the clothes of the Weaver Girl while she was taking a shower ... These stories tell us that at the beginning of great love, you must play hooligans first.

If brothers are like brothers and women are like clothes, then I am a thousand-handed Guanyin streaking.

The so-called naivety means that you can't hold back your urine and words; The so-called adulthood means that you can hold your urine, but you can't hold your words; The so-called maturity means that you can hold back your urine and your words; The so-called aging is that you can't pee, but you can hold your breath.

Yesterday, Chris Lee held a press conference in Changsha, Hunan. At the meeting, he responded positively to popular words and expressions widely circulated on the Internet for the first time, such as "Long live Brother Chun". Chris Lee said, "Believe it or not, you will all die." Many reporters present shed tears of emotion!

The deskmate changed the QQ name to "before your father died" and added our class teacher.

So the class teacher's QQ often prompts:

Your father asked to be your friend before he died.

Your father invited you to play in the parking space before he died.

Your father gave you a QQ show before he died.

Your father stole your food before he died.

Your father reported you before he died.

Your father forwarded your Weibo before he died. . .

The fiercest: Your father left you a message before he died.

Teacher: "Students, if you feel stupid, please stand up." The students looked at each other and dared not stand up. Only one person bravely stood up. The teacher said, "This classmate, do you think you are stupid?" Student: "no, teacher, I just don't want you to stand alone!" " "

Xiaoming won the scratch-off lottery. Go to the counter to receive the prize. The winner asked him whether he wanted twenty dollars or an apple. Xiao Ming thought that of course he wanted to make money, so he said he wanted twenty dollars, so the man took out a knife and cut the apple into twenty dollars.

The leader of the cannibal got a disease. The doctor said, "It is caused by eating too much meat. Eat more plants." From then on, the cannibal leader made a decision: don't eat ordinary people, just eat vegetarian food! !

The China Sixth Census Office counted the funniest names:, Lai (still male), Fan Jian, Ji, Xia, Zhu Yiqun, (thanks to parents' imagination), Pang Guang, Du Qiyan, Wei, Jiao Hougen, Shen Jingbing and Du Ziteng. First place: Shi.

Zhang Weibo, an IT person, registered the domain name "Weibo.com" with the same spelling as his own name at 1999. 1 1 years later, it was acquired by Sina on March 20 10. Sina's marketing department called him to discuss the purchase of domain names, and finally clinched a deal at a price of 8 million RMB. It's really the time to fight dad. Look at the good name given by dad. )

As the saying goes: rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests; But as the saying goes: the moon comes first near the water tower! As the saying goes: the prime minister can punt in his stomach; But as the saying goes, no revenge is not a gentleman! As the saying goes: if people don't commit crimes against me, I won't commit crimes; But as the saying goes, first strike is strong, then strike is strong! As the saying goes: a man is a man, he would rather die than surrender; But as the saying goes, a man can bend and stretch. . . . .

Today, I heard an eight-year-old girl sing, two tigers, two tigers, falling in love, falling in love. All men, all men, so perverted, so perverted.

Diary of bus driver: Today, I go to work as usual. An old man came over. I turned on the car radio: "Please give your seat to the old, the weak, the sick and the pregnant." After a while, the back was a mess, and many young people catered to the old man and insisted on giving him their seats. I wonder: Does this uncle look like Li Ka-shing? I have been driving for more than ten years and have never seen such a luxurious lineup. ...

Diary of a middle-aged woman: The quality of young people nowadays is really poor. An old man got on the bus and called on everyone to give up their seats on the radio. Young people full of cars don't even listen. Finally, a foreigner came forward. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I said to these young people, "Where are our traditional virtues?" A busload of people offered their seats to a foreign guest? "This sentence is really useful, and many young people have come forward.

Diary of a business youth: I finally got a seat today, but an old man came up. He stared at us as soon as he got on the bus, obviously looking for a seat. It's not that I don't know how to respect the old and love the young. We ran around all day and our legs were broken. No matter how young we are, we all know that we are tired. That uncle's hair is white and his face is ruddy than mine. But then a foreigner offered his seat, and we couldn't sit still. We cannot lose to foreigners. So I let my uncle sit in my seat. Although a little tired, I think it is worthwhile, at least making a little contribution to the dignity of the nation.

Diary of International Students: (The original text is English, I try to translate it) Today, I went to school by bus and slept with an old man. In our country, you can't give up your seat to a man, because no matter how old you are, you are still a man, and your dignity is inviolable. It's almost time for school. I stood up to get off. I didn't expect a woman to say something to everyone. Suddenly, several young people held me down and wouldn't let me go down. After a few stops, I saw that no one was paying attention to me, so I sneaked away and walked back more than three stops in the sun. I don't even know what's going on now

Diary as snow: Today, I dyed my hair newly. As soon as I got on the bus, I couldn't wait to see people's reaction. But everyone in the car avoided my eyes and pretended not to see me. Later, a foreigner stood up, and then almost everyone in the car stood up and insisted that I sit down without listening to any explanation. God, I'm only 18 years old. I will never dye this avant-garde color again. ...

In an exam, there was such a fill-in-the-blank question. The first half of the sentence was-Gaoshan said to the sea: "You are so broad, so vast, so passionate, so surging!" The sea said to the mountain: (). A student replied, "Thank you!"

The young man took his girlfriend back to his hometown in the mountains, pointed to an ancient tomb and said, "The soul of my ancestors lived in the tomb and has been guarding this family for thousands of years. Whoever dares to do harm to his children and grandchildren will become a spectre and seek revenge from that person. " That night, Zuling suddenly felt something and walked around the village for a long time in midair. Then Zuling had a dream and asked, "Who is Durex?"

Say to a MM: I want to sleep with you-this is hooliganism. ? However, if you say: I want to get up with you-you are Xu Zhimo. ...

Yesterday, when I was on the bus, I heard two women talking behind me. One of them suddenly said, "The chrysanthemum itches." At that time, my egg had an explosive pain. I was about to look back at a woman when another woman said, "I think cactus is easy to raise."

My deskmate in high school is a girl named Guan Xiong. Once her father took her to the company and met a colleague who introduced her as my daughter Guan Xiong. The uncle patted her father on the back and said with a smile, it turned out to be a daughter, hahahaha, I always thought Guan Xiong was a man, hahahaha …

My deskmate was very unhappy, so I asked her father who this person was. Her father said, oh, this is the lilac I often tell you about …

I saw a little boy and a little girl about three or four years old by bus today. The little boy said to the little girl, I think all the little girls in the world are red taro, and you are the beautiful sheep. ....

A few days ago.

Go for a spring outing with my little sister

There are two boys who are not familiar with each other.

++++++++

They have 1.

His little finger was cut off in half.

he said

When I was a child, I was playful and rolled my nails with a factory punch.

As a result, the little finger rolled off half.

+++++++++

My little sister looks very cute.

then

Absurdly say:

Then what do you use to pick your nose?

Pick your nose. ...

……

As a classmate of Mechanical Class 07-3, every time he is called "Mechanical Class 3", he will deeply sympathize with his classmates of Mechanical Class 8.

The monthly exam is over. . The ranking came out. . Out of respect for students' privacy. . The head teacher will not report in class. . He said. . "Who wants to know their own nouns, send me a message in the evening, saying that I want it. . I will understand. . "