Mom's joke

1, go home at the weekend, get addicted to cigarettes after dinner, and plan to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a bag of white sand from me and gave me a good K.

After coming out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"

3. I found that my bike was flat when I went to work in the morning and wanted my mother to push it outside to refuel. As a result, I said, "Push out my tires." Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said, "Fill my car with gas!" "

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

5, the last toilet was convenient, and there was no paper. He said to his wife, "Bring me the paper-wiping donkey!"

6. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "a man with two legs is hard to find, and there are many toads with three legs!" "

7. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!"

8. Colleagues argued with others and opened their mouths in a hurry: "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

9. In computer class, a classmate shouted when there was something wrong with his machine. "Boss, change the plane!"

10, reading a post while eating and reading a classic to my wife made her laugh to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or your brain will get indigestion!"

1 1, once asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his glasses were, and he wanted to say 400 degrees, but as soon as he said it, it became 400 watts, and his stomach ached to death!

12, a leader of the Education Bureau checks the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

13. Many teachers were listening to a physical education student's internship class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank, and he abruptly uttered a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! "

14, a group of students went to their home in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons to put in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to take a knife to cut it. I haven't been back for a long time. While wondering, he came with a cut melon in his hand and said in a panic, "I cut the pumpkin." Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even harder. It turned out that he had a melon in his hand!

15 There was a teacher surnamed Jiang in high school, who looked like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

16, a colleague, one day I had a flat tire while driving and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

17, I went to McDonald's to buy a cone, and finally it was my turn. I can't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" " "I didn't expect the waiter to say to me loudly;" Two rollers, four dollars! "

18, I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. For a long time, I said, "Take a shower. Are there many men in it?"

19, once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out, "Husband! Check out! " The proprietress was nearby at that time. ...

20. A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

2 1, once my uncle saw my sister-in-law rubbing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

22. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly:' I bought a house, but I have to decorate the hut (I forgot to say the word' blank'). "The buddy said," Is there only one toilet? So where do you live? "

23. The teacher asked me to do my homework. If I can't do it, I'll copy from others. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

24. I took a colleague home and couldn't find the key. I exclaimed, "I can't find the key to open the door!"

25. Go to McDonald's and say to the waiter, "A box of colonel chicken!" (Colonel chicken nuggets are KFC's specialty)

Xiaoming went out and saw his uncle buying food. He said, "Laocai, where did you buy food for your uncle?" Xiaoming's uncle said, "The child can't even speak."

27. Fudge is walking in the street. Suddenly, it said, "My feet are so soft."

A boyfriend and girlfriend are walking down the street. The woman said, "My feet are so sore." The man asked, "Did you step on a lemon?"