rich joke ...

I met an awesome person on the subway this morning. Suddenly, a buddy's phone rang so loudly that all the passengers heard it: Grandpa, that grandson called you again. . . . Grandpa, that grandson called you again. . . . Grandpa, that grandson called you again. . . . . I saw that buddy slowly took out his mobile phone and answered: Hey, Dad, what's up? . . .

Freshmen begin military training and stand in the military posture in summer. A boy in the class fainted. His classmates surrounded him, and some knowledgeable students shouted in the outer circle: pinch people, pinch people.

A female classmate who is closest to the boy thought for a long time, made great determination and accurately pinched the man's penis.

During the first military training, the instructor ordered: "Lift your left leg and stretch forward!" I stretched out my right leg because I was nervous, and my left leg was next to each other. The instructor was very annoyed and shouted, "Which boy has both legs up?"

In junior high school, a classmate was notorious for farting. ..

Take 2.3 as an example.

1. The girl at his desk is very interesting. Once a man farted, the girl was very angry, and then she asked him.

"Did you fart?" The man didn't admit it at first, and then the woman said, "If you don't admit it, I'll tell the class."

Men get nervous and admit it. As a result, the woman said, "What are you going to do if it stinks?"

Then the man ... began to inhale deeply and tried to suck the fart back into his stomach. ..

Our math teacher is fierce and serious. When he fart in an exam, the teacher passed by. This is the whole class seeing our deadpan teacher in three steps and rushing to the window one step at a time, fanning the wind with their hands and panting towards the window. ..

3. He farted loudly ... and then he thought of an idea: move the stool on purpose to make some noise when farting.

As a result, he didn't get the time ready, so he moved the stool loudly in class, and then the whole class quieted down and heard an unusually loud "shh ~" ..

My father has gone to work in other places, and his term of office is coming soon. One day, when he went out, he returned to the office and found that last month's salary was gone, and he put it in the briefcase in the office drawer. So at lunch, my father said this matter earnestly, hoping that the thief could return the money himself, and finally added: "In fact, fingerprints can be found on the briefcase." I didn't expect my dad to go back at night, and even his briefcase was gone. . . .

A high school classmate (male) took the initiative to chat with me online, as follows: How are you doing? Me: Not bad. He: I like you for a long time. I love you. I panicked: Oh, no, it's too sudden. Stop joking. He: Let's get married. Me: ... He: Get to the point. Can you lend me 500 yuan? You shit ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ shit ~ ~ ~ turn!

This is what my brother told me. One night, one of his buddies got drunk and fell asleep on the side of the road when he got home. When I didn't come home at night, my wife didn't trust to call and ask where it was. The buddy said that in Hong Kong, his daughter-in-law heard that she was drunk. On the phone, she asked if there were any landmarks around. The other end of the phone said there was a XX hotel. Then his wife took a taxi to find him, took him home, undressed him, threw him on the bed and fell asleep. When my brother woke up in the morning, he forgot all about the evening. He found himself in bed with a naked woman. He got up, got dressed, took out hundreds of dollars from his wallet and threw them on the bed. Get out ~ ~! ! ! Then his wife woke up. ...

A true story. At a class reunion, I heard A say that a girl in our high school was expelled because she was pregnant. She's amazing. She doesn't know about birth control pills? A: ... I: I don't know-_-//. A: It is said that her body can no longer fight. C: My younger sister is so avant-garde now. Then call the father in charge of the child. A: The child's father was killed in a group fight. Everyone:-_-//

On the eve of the college entrance examination for senior three, there are rumors that the pilots who apply for the exam don't have to take the exam, and many brothers yearn for it. However, it is rumored that the physical examination is extremely strict, so the school specially organized a primary physical examination on campus. When the client died, he was confident in his physical fitness, so he signed up for a physical examination only to be the first to go back. When he came back, he squatted at the back of the classroom and took out a cigarette. When it was brushed off, it went to comfort him ... what happened? Weight ... Shit, you are too fat! ? No, they think I'm too light. How much do you weigh How much do they charge? At least 100 ... and then squeeze out a few words through my sad teeth: I wish I hadn't pulled out that bubble this morning. ...

Remember to go to my uncle's house for dinner. My uncle personally cooked a table of dishes. When everyone was full of praise, my uncle said to my father modestly and politely, "Well, didn't I learn all my cooking skills from you?" . . . . How good can it be? . . . . . "

Wearing a black sweater with a big hole in the armpit will show your underwear. I am too lazy to sew. I think it's winter, so it's very clean. No one can see inside. I am an acquaintance in the dormitory, so I don't mind ... when I go out one day, I accidentally wear this dress, go shopping and try on clothes ~ when trying on clothes, I should carefully press my right arm and try not to show it. I tried n pieces, finally bought clothes and put them on happily. When I came back, I found that the wound was actually under my left arm. incision ...

Today, I rode my bike to withdraw money. I went to the bank and found that I forgot my card … I ran back and told my classmates to drop it. The card floated to someone else's dormitory … there was no one inside.

When I was in primary school, I had a stomachache in class and wanted to spray. I told the teacher to go to the bathroom and go to the bathroom to solve it. Who knows that an unknown classmate fucking stopped me and wouldn't let me in. I quarreled with him for a long time for no reason, and I felt that my pants were sprayed out ... Finally I entered the private room and dragged my pants for a long time, but I didn't spray them out at all.

I remember the first time I used a pen when I was a child. A classmate was so nervous that the pen tip fell into the ink bottle while I was typing ink. When the situation was urgent, he held the ink bottle high, turned it upside down and tried to pour it out. Tragedy happened, and all the ink fell on my face …

In junior high school, there was a volleyball court next to the football field in the school playground. It's useless at ordinary times, so I didn't hang up the net. One day the teacher hung up the net after playing a game, and then he didn't pick it up at night. After evening self-study, a buddy rode his girlfriend around the playground and died at once ... We didn't know until the next day because he had a checkered face ... This is a very gray mainstream. ...

It's very cold, and the door of the company is very narrow. I saw a female colleague swishing in front of me, and I tried to swish through it, but it got stuck. At this time, many people go to work …

Climbing up in the dark corridor of the library, I caught a glimpse of a man coming from the side, so I deliberately went to the middle to block his way. He said, sorry, and then I didn't move. He said, excuse me, I'll go back and tell him that you can see me? He was stupefied for half a minute, and when he reacted, he flew away, hahahaha …

In the first year of working in Sichuan, my boss and colleagues all said Trump. One morning, the boss came up to me and said, "Go downstairs to the store and buy a steamed stuffed bun for 20 yuan." I went downstairs and looked around, but I didn't see a shop selling steamed buns. There wasn't even a booth. Thinking that my boss is used to having breakfast in the company, I went out more than 500 meters and bought 20 pieces of steamed buns from Qian Qi. I thought to myself, this man actually eats steamed bread for 20 yuan, and four steamed buns for one yuan! Eating is really exaggerated. After buying, the boss said, "Where are the buns you bought?" I'm sweating and serving steamed bread. The boss collapsed and I said, "A steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun!" " "I looked at him in a daze. Next to a MM who is learning Chinese, she said with a smile, "It's not a steamed stuffed bun, it's a pack of paper, printing paper ..."

Go to the canteen to eat Lamian Noodles with my classmates at noon. I walked up to a buddy and found him still holding Lamian Noodles's chopsticks and his head moving rhythmically. . Just when my classmates and I were scared, we found that a buddy next to us was even worse. It was a pleasure to eat Lamian Noodles (the sausage-wearing one) with a stick ... As soon as I saw it, I pulled my classmates away and ate Lamian Noodles in this place where experts gathered. Too much pressure! !

Once my father took me to ride a bike. I'm bored in the back seat. I wonder if dad is ticklish at the thought of growing so big. . I put my hand under his armpit and scratched it a few times. My bike crashed directly into a nearby tree, and my father and I fell apart. ...

There has been a lot of news about the earthquake in Haiti recently. I remember one a few years ago. About my good friend. There was an earthquake in Taiwan Province province a few years ago, and we felt it here. I slept soundly and knew nothing about it. The next morning, I received a phone call from my friend, saying that her home was empty and she was the only one left. We didn't even know there was an earthquake yesterday. Later, she told me that her parents escaped with her sister that night. I forgot to wake her up. . .