English jokes are in progress

A player has not been in a good state recently, and his catch is unstable. While practicing passing and catching the ball, another player passed him a good ball, fearing that he would not catch it steadily, he shouted, "Catch it steadily!" " "

The ball hit him on the head.

I just heard him say, "With who?"

Premarital

Woman: You had a girlfriend before?

Man: ten years of life and death are two boundless, and I forgot without thinking.

Woman: Dead? How did you die?

M: At the end of my tether, there are thunder in winter and rain and snow in summer.

Woman: Oh, it's a natural disaster. So how did you get here all these years?

Man: His face is dusty and smoky, his hands are gray and his fingers are black.

Female; Alas, it's not easy. What was your first feeling when you saw me?

Man: Suddenly, it's like the spring breeze at night, blowing open the petals of ten thousand pear trees.

Woman: (blushing) Is it that good?

M: dross is not the essence of beauty, but painting is the spirit.

Woman: Flatterer-do you have an ideal?

Man: If he becomes Ling at the age of 20, he dares to laugh at Huang Chao for not being her husband.

W: What about you ... think about love?

Man: But through these clouds, how can I know which corner of the mountain it is facing? .

W: Do you like reading?

Man: there are twelve volumes of the art of war, with the name of the Lord on them!

Woman: Is this cow blowing too hard? You are so talented, why are you still single?

Man: Sister-in-law is not married. Lotus seed knows how difficult it is.

W: (laughs) If, I mean if, I promise to marry you, what will you do to me?

Man: A piece of ice heart is in the jade pot!

W: Can you promise not to be attracted to other women?

Man: Any trouble will cause trouble. My concubine has a deep heart.

W: I trust you for the time being, but I'm going to study in America. could you wait for me ？

M: After so many years, it should be a beautiful day in name only.

W: But. ...

Man: If you lean on the fence alone, there is no limit. It's easier to see when it's not!

W: But. ...

Man: Wang Fu, a long river, turned to stone and never looked back!

Female; Okay, okay, I'm afraid of you. ...

after marriage

W: After being married for so long, are you still thinking about your ex-girlfriend?

M: once the sea was difficult for water, it was always amber.

Woman: Then why did you marry me?

Man: I don't know the guests in my dreams, but I want to have fun in the afternoon.

W: Too many. We are at least husband and wife.

Man: husband and wife are birds in the same forest, and they fly separately when the disaster comes.

What do you think of our marriage?

Man: I woke up and looked at the Chu towel several times, but I was still chilling in my dream!

W: Is it that bad? Didn't you say your first impression of me ...

Man: A beautiful woman is like a flower in Man Chun Hall, and only partridges will fly around her.

Woman: That's not true, is it? you should ...

M: It's not surprising that it used to be dirty, but now it's dissolute.

Woman: All along, my friends wrote to tell me that I didn't believe it, but I didn't expect it to be true!

M: What I got from paper felt superficial, and I never knew it needed to be done.

W: Where did all your original dreams go?

Man: Let's change the floating name to singing in a low voice.

Woman: (misty-eyed) You, didn't you promise a piece of Bing Xin?

Man: I can't bear to see this thing. It was burnt to ashes.

Woman: Aren't you afraid of being laughed at by relatives and friends and reviled by future generations?

Man: I'd rather die holding a fragrant branch than being blown into the north wind.

W: Should I agree to break up?

Man: We are still brothers after breaking up. Why do we have to be close relatives?

W: OK, that would be great.

Continued: Men and women exchange first.

Before marriage:

Man: Are you so beautiful?

Female: In the evening makeup, there is bright snow, in the spring hall, moths are filed (Li Yu's "Spring House Spring")

Are you still in the ladies' room?

Female: Before the independent flower, listen to songs and draw boats.

Man: You are so beautiful, why don't you have a boyfriend?

Female: Spring breeze is the heart of first-class youth, and I can't help hating it (A Cloud in Wushan by Zhao Zong)

Man: You won't lie to me, will you? Didn't you say you have a boyfriend?

Female: It didn't matter at that time to continue the frontier, showing tears.

Man: Oh, it's over. Are you sad?

Female: The past is empty, just like a dream (Li Yu's Midnight)

Man: spoony woman is heartless. Are you in love with him still?

Female: Holding the ribbon empty, I look back and hate Yi Yi (Li Yu's Linjiang Xian)

Man: (His face lit up) Are you lonely now?

Female: When the color enters a tall building, someone upstairs is sad (Li Bai's Bodhisattva Man)

Man: (eagerly) Can we make friends?

Female: (full of shame) Luoyang is waiting for you in the spring, but the flowers are flying like dragonflies (Ouyang Xiu's "Spring on the Jade Tower")

M: (laughs) Oh, that's good. Do you miss me?

Female: I miss you more recently (Nan Gezi of Wen)

M: Shall we have a heart-to-heart drink and tie the knot?

Female: Wu Xu's skirt is drooping and her face is flushed with wine (Ouyang Xiu's Lou Yuchun)

Man: Can you and I be together for a long time?

Woman: I rely on the east wind to blow my dreams, and I keep company with Lang all day long.

Really?

Woman: I'm exhausted for you, when the flowers bloom (text "Little Tears God")

Man: ...

Female: I miss you and hate the spring night (the article "More Leakage")

M: OK, OK. Don't get married unless you get married.

After marriage:

Man: (Telephone) Honey, do you miss me?

Female: Spotted bamboo branches, spotted bamboo skills, tears send acacia (Liu Yuxi's "Xiao Tears God")

Man: (Telephone) Really? Are you kidding?

Female: I have a red candle on my back and an embroidered curtain hanging down, but I don't know the dream for a long time (article "More Leakage")

Man: (Telephone) Really? I miss you too.

W: I just hope your heart is the same as mine. Don't miss it (Li Chi Ngai's Operator).

Man: (telephone) Sorry, honey, I'll be right back.

Female: Moonlight Screen Hates Yiyi (Mao Wenxi's Screen Hates)

(I found spider silk when I came back from a business trip)

M: You haven't been married long. How can you love someone else?

Female: It's a bad moment when people are away and Yan is empty (Ouyang Jiong's three-word order).

Man: Do you think I want to go out? Didn't I just scrape food for this family?

Female: The moon is bright and the flowers are pale, which makes you homesick (Ouyang Jiong's three-word order)

Man: Don't speak so beautifully. How are you getting along?

Female: The wind wrinkled a pool of spring water (Cheng Youwen's "Golden Gate")

Man: (suppressing anger) Who are you looking at?

Female: Two separated flowers are bound together in the morning and evening (Niu Xiji's Tea Son)

Man: Yes, yes, you hooked up with an ugly man like your neighbor! How did you hook it?

W: Let's go upstairs and watch the birth of the moon (Yan Feng has Throwing the Ball).

M: Well, it's quite poetic. How can you value such an ugly man?

Female: I remember the blue silk dress and pity the grass everywhere (Niu Xiji's "Life Search")

Man: Shit, am I bad to you, too? Don't I often call you?

Female: I can't see Jun Jun all day, but I look up and smell the joy of the magpie (Cheng Youwen's Golden Gate).

Man: Can't a woman bear loneliness?

Woman: Young, young, eat, drink and be merry as soon as possible (Yan Feng gave three orders).

Man: (speechless with anger) You, you ...

W: There are always thousands of customs offices in Qian Qian. Who should I talk to? (Liu Yong's "Lin Yuling"

So you regret marrying me?

Female: Luo Dai repents and is United, leaning on Zhu Lan to ponder (Wei Zhuang's "Qing Ping Le"

Man: Don't you miss our old days at all?

W: If you keep cutting, the reason will still be chaotic. Don't have a taste in your heart (Li Yu)

Man: Why are you still like this?

Female: The branches of red apricots are full of spring.

M: Did you take the initiative?

Woman: An almond came out of the wall.