Spring Festival joke

Mandarin is the most commonly used language in China, but people in different regions are influenced by different dialects, so it is often not so common to speak Mandarin, and even become "incomprehensible".

Does the influence of hometown dialect make you or people around you joke in Mandarin?

Remember that Tang poem? He Zhangzhi's Homecoming Book: "When a teenager leaves home, an old friend returns, and the local accent remains unchanged. When a child meets a stranger, he will smile and ask where the guest is from. "

The Spring Festival is coming, and we are going back to our hometown. Let's recall the familiar local accent and the laughter it once brought.

(1) How much is it for one night?

Middle-aged people go to eat jiaozi, but the boss doesn't sell it, calling him a rogue. Because he asked, "Boss, how much is a night's sleep?" It's not easy to eat a bowl of jiaozi.

(2) bp is not divided, and large pieces become shit.

When I first went to college, the class organized a party between teachers and students to enhance feelings. A classmate finally gave the teacher a large piece of watermelon. As a result, bp did not score. When he presented it to the teacher, he said, "Teacher, this shit is for you." When the teacher heard this, his face changed greatly, and you ate shit.

(3) If nl does not split, the substance will become urine.

Mr. Hua Lao, a native of Wuhan, said that he now lives in Fujian. When everyone is eating, he never dares to say to add some seasoning (urine) because he has been laughed at countless times.

(4) xs is indiscriminate and kills people.

In the dormitory, my classmates in Guangdong asked me seriously: "Are you dead? If you don't die, I will die first. " Actually, it's just waiting in line for a shower. She doesn't care. I resolutely let her die first.

(5) What are sh and ch?

A gentleman went to a restaurant for dinner and said to his boss, "What would you like first, boss?"

Boss: "What do you want?"

Jun: "Let's have something first!"

Boss: "Can you talk well? What do you want? " ?

A jun: "oh, why are you so picky?" Give me something first, and I'll order. "

The boss wanted to slap him. He was very wronged: "I ran a long way here and was dying of thirst." Nothing, just give me some boiled water. "

Poor man, tea is nothing.

(6) Aunt has no chicken.

When I was in college, my aunt in the canteen cooked for my classmates. Guangdong's classmate said, "Aunt, give me some chicken!" " "

Aunt said, "classmate, there are no chickens!" " "

The classmate said, "That's the chicken!" Aunt looked angry.

Students actually want juice.

(7) Male snails

At dinner, I ordered a plate of snails. A classmate in Zhuangxiang caught one and said it was a man, and another said it was also a man. The people next to you couldn't help admiring and saying, "You are amazing, and the mother of snail man knows it." That classmate added: "Yes, there is no right (meat) in it." Generous just know what he said is "this is empty".

(8) Central idea

My classmate is a Chinese teacher. Every time after class, he would sum up: "This article focuses on the west …", and then there would be a national Putonghua proficiency test. He actually said, "The central idea of this article is ..."

(9) That bag of shit

Everyone was having a good time when suddenly a classmate said, "Hey, bring me that bag of shit." Everyone was surprised. He added, "I wipe my mouth." It turned out that what he wanted was paper.