A joke that makes your girlfriend happy or an interesting brain teaser.

1. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

After coming out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"

3. I found that my bike was flat when I went to work in the morning, so I wanted my mother to push it outside to refuel. As a result, I said, "Push out my tires." Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said, "Fill my car with gas!" "

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

5, the last toilet was convenient, and there was no paper. He said to his wife, "Bring me the paper-wiping donkey!"

6. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, and there are many men with three legs!" "

7. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!"

8. Colleagues argued with others and opened their mouths in a hurry: "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

10, reading a post while eating and reading a classic to my wife made her laugh to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or your brain will get indigestion!"

1 1, once asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his eyes were. He wanted to say 400 degrees, but when he said it, it became 400 watts, and his stomach hurt!

12, a leader of the Education Bureau checks the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

13. Many teachers were listening to a physical education student's internship class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank, and he abruptly uttered a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "

14, a group of students went to their home in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons to put in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to take a knife to cut it. I haven't been back for a long time. While wondering, he came over with a cut melon in his hand and said in a panic, I cut the pumpkin. Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even harder. It turned out that he had a melon in his hand!

15 There was a teacher surnamed Jiang in high school, who looked like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

16, a colleague, one day I had a flat tire while driving and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

17, go to McDonald's to buy sweet barrels, and finally it's my turn. I can't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" " "I didn't expect the waiter to say to me loudly;" Two rollers, four dollars! "

18, I met a long-cherished female helium who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close to her. She held back for a long time and said, "Take a shower, are there many men in it?"

19, once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out, "Husband! Check out! " At that time, the proprietress was nearby …

20. A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

2 1, once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?" "

22. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly:' I bought a house, only a dime (I forgot to say "blank") is about to be renovated. "The buddy said," Is there only one toilet? So where do you live? "

23. Our teacher stayed to do his homework. If he can't do it, he will copy others'. Then he went to the office to hand in his homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

24. A gentleman was particularly nervous on the day of driving test. The examiner embarrassed him and asked him to stop at a place with a fire hydrant on the side of the road. This Curtis said nervously, "Report the fire hydrant. There is an examiner on the roadside. No parking!" " "

24. The company keeps a dog named Xiaobai. One day, everyone teased the dog. Colleague A said to the dog with a biscuit, "Xiaobai, only you feed me in the whole office." Three seconds later, the whole office burst into laughter!

26. In the past, the examination teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine."

27. In junior high school, the teacher asked someone to translate "Who is this person"? A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

28. Yesterday, someone said to introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "Is it nice", but it turned out to be "cheap"? I hate myself.

29. I wanted to drink soda that day, and I wanted to say a bottle of soda to the boss of the cold drink stand. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I was anxious to say, "The boss has a bottle of fart water every time he comes."

30. I remember going to KFC with my friends once. When I was waiting in line, I muttered, a chicken leg burger, a pair of chicken wings ... it's my turn. I wanted to say "miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but the result was "calf, a hamburger" ... the whole audience laughed.

3 1. When I boarded the plane for the first time, the stewardess met me at the door of the cabin. When she saw me coming in with a ticket, she asked, "Which seat are you sitting in?" I replied, "I'm a Libra, and you?" The stewardess replied, "I'm Scorpio. I asked which seat you were in. " "

32. When I was a child, TV series Hunting and Rogue Tycoon were shown. An old lady in the yard said, "Hunting Rogue is on tonight."

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

34. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

35. Buy oranges, boss: 1 yuan 5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

36. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then came up with a cold sentence: if you drink too much wine, you will get more.

37. Junior high school art evening, grab the answering session. Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "Then I began to look at the topic and said," Now. . 。” At this time, a player scrambled to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I started (shit) still in my mouth, so why did you rob me? "

38. When I was at school, one day my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Fuck you." As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said "a man and a woman". Everyone laughed, and I was laughed for four years.

39. Once my classmate's mother called. I used to say "he's not here", but this time I wanted to say "he's out" and the result was: "he's ... gone"

40. When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

4 1. Everyone had a name tag in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. .

42. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were so many people on the grill, I was afraid that the boss couldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .

43. Have breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. We were just saying that they were wasting their time when two students who ate stuffing came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

44. One person scolds another person: "I really want to spit a bubble in your face!" "

45. There were many people in the car, and a fierce man shouted: Mom stepped on me.

46.ktv, ordering songs, a mm shouted: Give me a stick to cut "Double Jay" every week. .....

47. During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: Look at your side door ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. ....

When we were in junior high school, it was stipulated that we should wear school uniforms when raising the national flag. As a result, there are always some people who don't wear school uniforms or just wear pants or clothes. Before raising the flag every time, the headmaster shouted with a megaphone, "Some students don't wear clothes, some students don't wear pants, and some simply don't wear clothes or pants!" " "

49. A chemistry teacher and provost in high school made mistakes on purpose, and then asked a classmate to find out the mistakes. After the students answered with difficulty, the teacher said approvingly and seriously, "Good, you saw the teacher's flaw." Everyone was stunned. After class, the teacher just went out and the whole class burst into laughter.

50. High school algebra teacher: "Don't make any noise."

5 1. My junior high school teacher likes to devote himself to this topic ... "My bottom radius is 20 cm, and my height is 50 cm, so I ..." Someone below said "I'm a fool ..." The whole class burst into laughter. ...

52. In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the platform, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change!

53. In computer class, a classmate shouted when there was something wrong with his machine. "Network management, change the machine!

54. Take it once a day. "Rice, why hasn't my lady come yet? Hurry up. "

55. Just now, I was eating cream cake while reading this post. The gg next to him suddenly said, can you eat peas like this without growing cream ... suddenly caught a cold.

56. In the past, others visited menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll pour you some urine!" " "(I should pour some tea)

57. During my internship, I said to a teacher: Miss Chen, is your family name Chen?

58. Our university went to the factory for metalworking practice. The master said: For safety reasons, try to ensure that one male classmate and one female classmate have one bed. At that time, all the boys burst into laughter and the girls blushed. During my internship, I did almost all the lathe work for the girls who shared my bed. Finally, considering that she can't do anything, the master didn't check it well, so I advised her to practice. Who knows, she said, I'm used to letting you do it. At that time, I occasionally suddenly felt cold.

59. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, Teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~ ~

60. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

6 1. In primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I shouted "I won't marry (borrow) you" with all my strength. At that time, the students immediately calmed down.

62. When there is labor class in primary schools, it is usually weeding, so the teacher should remind us to bring hoes after school the day before. The next day, when the labor class was about to leave, the teacher asked, "How many people did you bring?" Hands up, hoe! "

There was a time when I especially liked to go shopping by bike with a MM in the dormitory. Dressed up, they got into the elevator together. Suddenly, I remembered that the car seemed to be flat, so I said to her, "Why don't you come with me to have an abortion first?" ~ ~ ~ days .......

64. Last weekend, at the gate of Hualian, someone who looked like a student asked me to donate money for love. My classmate just had 100 yuan in his pocket and no change at all, so he blurted out-"I'm sorry, I really don't have love!" "(I was going to say the change was gone)

65. Primary school students went to the army to give a condolence performance. The counselor read a letter "Dear Leaders". I probably saw a group of people under the stage, and my brain was hot and I said, "Dear martyrs!"

66. In junior high school, once, before the exam was over, the teacher said, Please put your desk on the test paper and you can go out. I laughed wildly, and it took the teacher and other students a long time to react.

67. I used to have peas on my face, which was medically called acne. I want to go to the hospital and say to the doctor with a registration form, "doctor, please take a look at it for me." I have hemorrhoids on my face! ! "At that time, the doctor's mouth and eyes were crooked, and his mouth was open for a long time, unable to speak. Everyone who saw the doctor next to him fell down!

68. When the plane landed. I heard the stewardess say this in a very gentle tone: "The toilet is descending, please don't get on the plane!" " "The plane is descending, please don't go to the toilet.