Classic slip of the tongue (non-original)

1. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup! (Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed until I sprayed the soup.

2. One day, eating in a rice noodle shop was slow and hungry. Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table!

The result is: boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! !

After three seconds of silence, the whole store burst into laughter and lost face under the table.

3. Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I held out four fingers and told my boss that there were three mutton kebabs.

How much did the boss take?

I held out three more fingers and said four.

Our general manager is surnamed Zhou. Once he called, I was driving, and when I was nervous, I said, Premier Zhou.

5. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone called my mobile phone once. Chicken head, are you in the pigsty? I was yelling at that guy.

6. Unit news, a leader said. I wish everyone good health. Stop, there is nothing to say.

7. When my parents quarreled, my father said something angrily. I want to get out of here!

8. I play basketball in high school. After getting the ball, A selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass it to him, but B threw it himself. As a result, A shouted angrily. I was really blind just now.

10. In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! The classroom was silent.

1 1. I just went to college for military training. The company commander didn't know where the accent was, so he called the password to drill to the left! Drill to the right!

13. A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied. Add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't replied yet!

14. Cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots. Go and dice the carrots!

15. When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say the year 2000, but when I got excited, I said that two thousand years ago, the examiner even sighed and said, Confucius' student.

17. The physics teacher talks about waves. This is a thick spring. I pushed it from both ends to see if it became thick (constipation).

18. Drink with leaders and others, raise a glass and say loudly: Let's die together! My brain was too hot. ......

19. Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

2 1. Once I went to the market to buy food for dinner, a Korean friend bought lettuce from 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change to the vendor, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair.

The peddler was speechless, and it took him a long time to answer-

I don't want your hair.

22. The manager usually tells smokers at the meeting. All smokers were strangled! !

24. One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother hasn't moved for a long time, and when my mother is in a hurry, she says so. Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table aside for two kilometers.

25. Once I booked a hotel for my boss, I wanted to ask if people had free internet access and other services. I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked the other party: Do you have any special services here? Recipient: What? Special service we are a regular hotel!

26. Old four got out of bed in the dormitory and looked for slippers for a long time. No, ask everyone. Why are my slippers?

27. When shopping, my friend suddenly exclaimed. Wow. * * Bookstore! I feel horrible. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters written on it!

28. When I was in college, I heard a girl order food. Master fried a plate of hot and sour shredded potatoes, not potatoes!

29. 10 minutes after class, the deskmate raised her hand and said, teacher, I want to go to the toilet.

The English teacher said unhappily. How old are you to go to the toilet?

After the impassioned speech by the trade union chairman, the last sentence reached its climax. Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

3 1. Have dinner with a group of friends

One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, and then stood up with a loud cry.

Brother! Not for sale!

I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale

At that time, more than a dozen people at our table were lying down.

Classic slip of the tongue jokes are hilarious.

Classic slip of the tongue jokes are hilarious.

1, I have a sister-in-law, who is only a few years older than me. Once I went shopping arm in arm with my aunt, and the result was found by the passing class teacher. I went back to tell my mother that I saw my puppy love. My mother asked me what happened that day. I silently thought about it and said, ask your sister ... my mother suddenly drew a mouth.

I suddenly have a stomachache after eating today. My classmates invited me to go shopping together. I said, "No, I feel a little sick." Classmate: "Really? I have long thought you are disgusting! "

The leader spoke on the stage for more than two hours. Someone couldn't bear it, picked up a paper ball and threw it in the past. The leader just looked up. At this time, his face changed, and he shouted: There is an assassin!

4. A patient went to the hospital to make an infusion bottle. When he was almost finished, he saw the doctor put another bottle on it. The patient asked why he had to make an infusion bottle. Doctor: You just won the lottery. Look: open the lid and you will get a prize. Let's have another bottle.

5. During the exam, the teacher handed out the test paper, and the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted, Teacher, I have it, I have it. As a result, the boy sitting next to her said, it's mine, it's mine

6. A Dai rode his bike to the street, crossed the intersection and spread his arms. When the traffic police saw it, they exclaimed, "Good palms!" A Dai waved happily and replied, "Comrades have worked hard!"

7. When the window for cooking and selling meat and vegetables in the canteen is 1 MM long, the master impatiently asks: What are you going to do? The woman thought for a long time and said, just beat the chicken. Shoot the chicken, chicken ...

I want to drink soda that day. I hurried to the soda fountain to talk about a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I said, "Boss, a bottle of fart water". Boss ...

9. I bought cold rice noodles once and went to another dormitory. When I came back, I found my roommate eating my cold rice noodles. When I came back, one of them said to me, how did you come back? Cold rice noodles are getting cold.

10, one night playing cards, a man mentioned his brother, and a beautiful woman said in surprise: ah! There's a brother above you! Man: Yes ... Beauty: Do you have a younger brother down there? The whole table is natural.

1 1, late at night, my daughter anxiously called her mother: Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! Mother comforted softly: silly child, be good, don't think the worst, something may have happened!

12. In college, a classmate surfed the Internet all night and went to bed in class the next day. The teacher said: Raise your hand if you don't understand. The gentleman raised his hand quickly, and as a result, he shouted: network management. The whole class burst into laughter.

13, I have a friend who just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, is very interested in "fighting dogs" and often plays jokes on others. One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

14, one day I was slow and hungry at the rice noodle shop, and finally I couldn't help but slap my table and growl. I was going to say that if I didn't go to the rice noodle shop, I would lift the table! The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "The whole store was silent for three seconds, and then laughter broke out under the table ... shame. ...

15, when I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

16, when I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and said, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."

17, I am impressed that the monitor of primary and secondary schools is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

18, playing basketball in high school. After A got the ball, I selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball, A shouted to pass it to him, but B threw it himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blind just now …

19, my parents quarreled, and my father said angrily, "I'll go out!" " "

20. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" (Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup.

2 1. My name is Zhu, and I am in the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" "At that time, crazy scold that guy.

22. Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

Interesting slip of the tongue quotations

Funny slip of the tongue 1, parents quarreled, and father said angrily, I'll get out of here!

2. I called a friend I haven't contacted for a long time and learned that he was suspended with pay.

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, Miss, how much are these shoes?

4, the chest bottom of the group, the chest bottom of friendship, and other chest bottoms that help me, thank you!

5, cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots: go, cut the carrots into diced meat!

6. Congratulations from the unit. A leader said: I wish you good health and have nothing to say.

7. It was convenient to go to the toilet last time, and there was no paper. He said to his wife, bring me the paper wipe!

I thought I was playing games all night. Go out early in the morning. There is nothing strange in the street.

9. In computer class, a classmate shouted when there was something wrong with his machine. Boss, change the machine!

10, the teacher told us: Be honest in the car for the spring outing, and don't always throw your head and arms out.

1 1. My colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how can apes exchange it with Japanese yen?

12, a teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard was not wiped. He was furious: Who is the farmer today? Don't even clean the blackboard!

13, the fourth person in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?

14, when I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

15, once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: Why don't you wear a condom when driving?

16, once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out: Husband! Have a look. The proprietress was nearby at that time.

17, two people bickered, and suddenly a person next to them came out and said, you are really full and have nothing to do!

18, in computer class, a classmate had a problem with his machine and shouted: boss, change the machine! The whole class froze.

19. Once I came out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out: Mom!

20. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure, and suddenly shouted: Your skin is so good, you still need a soothing treasure?

2 1, a person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: too much urine and too much wine.

22. The physics teacher said: This is a strong sense of spring. I pushed from both ends to see if there was any density (constipation).

23. Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, Premier Zhou.

24. Drink with leaders and others, raise a glass and say loudly: Let's die together! My brain was too hot.

25. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: two-legged toads are hard to find, and there are many men with three legs!

26, just went to college, military training, the company commander did not know where the accent was, shouting the password to drill to the left! Drill to the right!

27. The teacher asked me to do my homework. If I can't do it, I'll copy from others. Then I go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say: I copied it!

28. Once I asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his eyes were, he wanted to say 400 degrees, but when he exported it, it turned into 400 watts, and his stomach hurt!

29, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy!

30. One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: report to the meter, the examiner is normal!

3 1, when I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold!

32. An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring. What happened to him and his girlfriend? I am speechless.

33. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: Director Chicken, are you in the pigsty? I was yelling at that guy.

I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, boss, how much is Shakespeare? The boss froze on the spot.

35. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth: Do you think I grew up eating? I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

36. A colleague, one day when I was driving on the road, had a flat tire and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleagues said: the streets are full of abortions!

37. 10 minutes after class, the deskmate raised her hand and said, teacher, I want to go to the toilet. The English teacher said unhappily: How old are you to go to the toilet?

38. Colleagues argued with others, and they were so anxious that they opened their mouths: Do you think I grew up eating? I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

39. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (the Tang Priest who played a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: Mr. Tang, this question.

40. At noon, I forgot to charge my meal card, and went to recharge my aunt: My diamond aunt who gave me 100 looked at me for a long time inexplicably.

4 1, one of my classmates has been reviewing computer level 3. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car!

42. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup! (Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed until I sprayed the soup.

43. When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly: Manchester United lost and Beckham took two yellow boards!

44. I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. For a long time, she choked and said: Are there many men in your bath?

45. Our teacher is very good. One day, he said: Take out your homework, let's check the answers, cross the correct ones, and then write the correct answers on them.

46. I wanted to drink soda that day, so I quickly went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw the beer in front of me and said in a hurry, boss, a bottle of fart water!

47. I read posts while eating and read classics to my wife. She laughed to death, so she said to me: Look after dinner, or your brain will get indigestion!

48. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, Dad, come and sit down!

49. A friend went to the dumpling shop and asked how much a bowl of jiaozi was (for sleeping). Listen to the waitress. Bah! He cried and said, shameless!

I played games too late last night, and I was late for work this morning. The manager asked me why I was late, and my answer was: there were a lot of cars today, and the road was too blocked! The manager fainted on the spot.

5 1. After the impassioned speech by the chairman of the trade union, the last sentence reached its climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

52. In my junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, if you go there, someone will kill you.

53. When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new type of material, saying that the sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material. No, performance and functionality.

54. One day, he was as usual. Kicked a man and shouted: kick the dog's leg! Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, Dog kicks!

My classmate explained to me how to make a phone call. I want to ask if the person answering the phone over there is a real person or a voice, and I answer: is it a living person or a dead person?

56. During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: Look at your side light! One of my classmates whispered to me: only his bladder grows on his face.

57. On one occasion, the leader of the Education Bureau inspected the recess exercise. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced the dissolution, but in a hurry, he forgot the words and held back for a long time, shouting: Retreat! .

58. When a physical education student was practicing, many teachers took classes. He's too nervous. Finally, when he wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank and he suppressed a sentence: attention, attention! Flash!

59. The teacher handed out the paper, and the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted: Teacher, I have it, I have it! As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, it's mine, it's mine!

60. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!

6 1, I went to McDonald's to buy a sweet bucket, and finally it was my turn. I can't wait to say: Give me two rollers! I didn't expect the waiter to say loudly to me; Two rollers, four dollars!

62. School uniforms are required in high schools. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms. Once we got together, the students were all dressed untidy in school uniforms. The class teacher was furious: everyone who didn't wear pants stood up for me!

63. A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't replied yet!

64. The brothers in the dormitory watched Prison Break. When a man took out a blade from his mouth to kill someone, the boss suddenly jumped out: I'm K, and I can still talk and take it with my mouth hidden in the blade.

65. Our company will wait for the elevator to come downstairs after work. After the elevator door was opened, I saw that it was full, so I didn't go up. Then subconsciously tell another colleague who is playing games that the team is full.

66. Chatting with friends. Today is Christmas. Because I don't have a girlfriend, I complain to my friends. Finally, I said, I have to find a flower to have dinner with me tonight. My friend has given me more than a dozen question marks in a row. sorry

67. I remember that when KFC went out to spread its wings with fragrance, because I didn't see the advertisement, I heard it from others, and I always thought it was Liu Xiang who endorsed KFC. When I get to Ken, tell the waiter directly that I want Liu Xiang to spread her wings.

68. The president of our university used to teach us calligraphy. When talking about his own experience, he talked about wearing red in the animal year. He said, I didn't wear anything that year. As a result, the whole class laughed wildly.

69. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly: I bought a house and only needed a dime (forgot to say blank words) to decorate it. The buddy said: Is there only one toilet? Where do you live?

70. The geography teacher in high school is an old man. He asked us to take notes and said: zg is mighty and the whole class is speechless. Then the old fairy said: the natural zone is called the natural zone for short.

7 1, once my classmate's mother called, I said he was not in before, but I want to say he is out this time. The result: he left.

72. I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The devil asked me: Have you eaten? After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. Colleague replied: Yes, and you? I'm dizzy!

One day in biology class, the teacher put a pair of animal skeletons. Suddenly, someone shouted, this is just a bone-turning demon king. It's nothing. Knock twice and lie down. There was silence in the class at that time, and a cold wind blew.

74. Go home on weekends, get addicted to cigarettes after meals, and plan to go for a walk under the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, go have a cigarette! As a result, my father found a bag of white sand from me and gave me a good K.

In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. There are many people in the classroom in a self-study class. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! There was silence in the class.

76. I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays these days are too chaotic, I don't know the content of the order, so I ask: What are you?

77.MM told me that KFC's new flesh and blood are connected and asked me to take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two bloody ones, thank you!

78. I found that my bike was flat when I went to work in the morning, and I wanted my mother to push it outside to refuel. And I said, push my tires out. Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said: help me add some gas to my car!

79. College sister, studying educational psychology. Come into the classroom late. Glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. Senior sister has been saying: this is too difficult to say. The whole class is out of control.

80. Once, I went to buy breakfast. When I was waiting in line, I found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line, so I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, master, please give me a cup of steamed bread and two cups of soybean milk! For the first time in two years, I heard the boss laugh so loudly.

8 1, our company has a car to pick up and drop off at work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " I laughed until I got off the bus!

82. Xiao Zhang is going on a blind date. His mother said to him, go and clean your donkey's face. After a long time, no one saw it, but I heard the screams of Ou and Ou, so my mother went to look for it. As a result, she found him rubbing his donkey with tiles. The poor donkey was covered in blood.

83. There is another one. In junior high school, we all used electric bells to ring the doorbell at the end of class. Once, just after class, the bell rang and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced up from his seat and screamed, Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class!

84. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM: I just finished reciting the words. Help me write them down. MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, Teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him.

85. It's very cold. I want to buy some winter clothes and shoes and socks for myself. I ran to the clothing store. I like it when I see its style. I was going to ask what material it was made of. As a result, I opened my mouth What are the attributes of clothes? Is it a flash? I was shocked. I said something wrong and tried to cover it up. I'll immediately follow, how much gold to sell! Then, I left despondently, which was embarrassing.

86. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer doesn't work well, and it always crashes. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? Then MM said loudly, I'm so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold at that time, and I remember it clearly.

87. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there are many seniors on the grill, I am afraid that the boss can't hear me, so I shouted: Boss, five strings of bullwhip! Then there was silence. After three seconds, everyone laughed together. The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me what a bullwhip is, so I had to answer MM very, very quietly: a bullwhip is a cow's tail!

Classic original love quotations

1, everything I do is silent, bitter and sweet, and more is to chew my heartache.

2. Who hasn't suffered for that secret love? We always think that infatuation is very heavy, very heavy, the heaviest weight in the world. One day, we looked back and found that it had always been very light.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one. When we finally meet the right person, we should be grateful.

As long as you want it, as long as I have it.

5. Just because I feel that you are looking back, it reminds me of your dynasty and dusk.

6, self-esteem to the corner, take out all the good, you are still silent.

7. Loving someone is not having him, as long as you look at him silently in the distance, you will be satisfied.

8. A moment that should last forever is just a moment of melancholy.

When I was a child, my mother took me to see Snow White. Everyone fell in love with Snow White, but I fell in love with the witch.

10, it is more difficult to give up someone than to love someone, and it will be more difficult to forget him completely.

1 1. I have given everything I need, and I am willing to give it to you, except to let you know that my heart hurts.

12, sister, you have been practicing for thousands of years. Is it worth it for a Xu Xian?

13, the falling flower has a heart with the running water, and the running water loves the falling flower unintentionally.

14, the vast sea of people, you may often just be a supporting role in the story. I endured it for so long, only to find that I experienced only other people's stories. So, for an instant, I was young, but I didn't dare to resent it. I'm just not used to missing that young time and never looking back.

15, you have your pains, we have our pains, you have your blessings, and we have our blessings. Don't think that you are unfortunate, and don't think that others are happy. Everyone's life is different, and everyone's path is different.

16, let people walk into their hearts without knowing it.

17, I gave my heart to the moon, but the moon shone on the ditch.

18, I dare not expect too much. I just want to treat the present as forever and treat the present as a memory, bit by bit.

19, we go too early in every step. Fall in love before learning to love, break up before learning to understand, and end before learning to face.

20. Were we all so lonely then? Only oneself on the road, the sun and lilac secretly like, quietly raised their eyes to see.

2 1, I don't want to hang myself under your tree, because it will bring you trouble, but I can't help myself. Is it wrong to like someone?

22. One of the two luckiest things in my life is that time has finally exhausted my love for you. One day long ago, I met you.