It's killing me. It's a classic humorous joke.

1. A playboy said to a beautiful girl who had dinner with him, "Would you like to have breakfast with me tomorrow?"

She replied, "Of course." .

Playboy said, "shall I call you or pat you with my hand?"

2. A friend said that the last time in the hippopotamus pool of the zoo, the hippopotamus showed its head because of the hot weather, when she heard a female voice: "My God! There is such a big frog! "

One day, when a young cook was killing a chicken, he prayed, "Chicken, please forgive my sin.". It's not that I want to kill you, but that the guests want to eat you. "

A customer quickly explained: "I don't want to eat you, I just ... to fill my stomach."

Xiaoli passed by and said with a smile, "It's not your fault. He lied to others like this when he was a child. "

4. Once the teacher was on the boat, the ferryman chatted with him about his age and asked him what constellation he was. The teacher replied that he was a dog, asked the month and said the first month. The ferryman then said with emotion, "I am a dog, too, but I am in December." Teacher Wang is the head of a dog, so he is called (taught) for life. I am a dog's tail, so I shake it all my life. "

The female secretary said solemnly, "Mr. Wang, I'm pregnant."

Mr. Wang continued to look down at the file, and then smiled faintly: "I have been ligated for a long time."

The female secretary stared blankly for a while and smiled: "I'm kidding you!" " "

Manager Wang looked up at her, took a sip of tea and said, "Me too."

6. Someone wanted to borrow a cow from a rich man, so he sent a servant to the rich man and asked him to send a letter to borrow the cow. The rich man accompanied the guests and pretended to read the letter for fear that the guests would know that they could not read. He kept nodding while watching, then looked up and said to the bearer, "I see, I'll go by myself later."

7. The relatives of the deceased said painfully to the doctor, "Please tell us the reason for his death."

Doctor: "After autopsy, it was found that he died of overeating."

Relatives: "Ah, didn't he realize this terrible consequence before his death?"

The doctor replied, "I forgot to dissect his head."

8. A vet has something to go out. Before going out, he told his assistant to remember to give medicine to an injured horse in the clinic. He said, "All you have to do is put a tube in the horse's mouth, then put the pills in the tube and blow into the tube."

Say that finish and leave. Soon, the vet came back and found his assistant lying on the ground sick. The doctor asked, "What's the matter?"

The assistant replied, "I didn't expect that horse to blow faster than me!" " "

9. A senior official went to visit the temple. I got up after drinking, and sang a poem from the Tang Dynasty: "I want to live for half a day."

An old monk laughed while listening. When the official asked him why he was laughing, he said, "You have to have a half-day leisure, but the old monk has been preparing for this for three months."

10. A young man approaches a girl he loves every day, but he doesn't have the courage to tell her.

One night, the two of them met again in the garden. The girl thought of an idea and said, "I heard that the arm length of a man is exactly equal to the waist circumference of a woman." Do you believe it? " Let's have a try! "

Young man: "wait a minute, I'll find the rope right away."

1 1. An eagle with severe burns just woke up from a coma. The doctor shook his head helplessly and said, "Salvation is saved, but it is impossible to give birth in the future!" " How did you do that? "

Eagle: I was in a hurry when I was hunting. I flew hundreds of kilometers and couldn't find the public toilet. I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the lavatory and peed directly in the sky. ...

Doctor: How is it possible ...?

Eagle: I didn't see a high-voltage line under it! ! !

12. One day my husband came home from work early, and as soon as he entered the room, he saw his wife lying naked in bed.

The husband asked, "Why are you naked?"

The wife replied, "I have nothing to wear!" " "

Husband: "Didn't you just go to the department store yesterday?"

My husband opened the wardrobe as he spoke, rummaged through the clothes and said, "I bought a bunch of clothes, shoes, pants, socks … Oh, my God! You even bought back the male clerk ... "