There are jokes there.

My daughter is studying in a middle school. The dean said to all the students at the meeting: "The students in our school can say that they don't close the door at night!"

It's rare to hear the dean say a good word, and the students all beamed.

The dean went on to say: "I said that if you don't pick up the scraps of paper on the ground, you won't think of picking them up." When you don't close the door at night, I mean you don't want to close the classroom window before you go home from school. "

be late

Freshmen in our law school are often late because they are not familiar with the location of the classroom. A professor was particularly dissatisfied with the students' lateness and said that he would not accept any reasons. One morning, a classmate was late again. We were all worried about him.

The professor was obviously unhappy and asked his classmates why they were late.

"I'll queue up to buy your new textbook," she replied trembling.

Hearing this, the professor turned to the other students in the class and asked, "Then why aren't you late?"

announce

In order to make my daughter understand the importance of thrift and reduce unnecessary expenses, I asked her to record her pocket money every month. One day, at the time of bookkeeping, she said to me, "Mom, since you asked me to keep this record, I always have to think it over before I buy something."

I was very happy when she added, "I won't buy anything with a difficult name."

Call father

My cousin is three years old. One day, his father watered the flowers in the backyard and told him, "If anyone comes to see me, you should call dad." Soon, my cousin shouted "Dad" outside. His father ran out to meet the guests. The guests were puzzled and asked, "Why does this child keep calling me dad?"

help

An old lady was trudging along the road with two bags of things. I ran to help her deliver things to her home. When I arrived at her door, she held out her clenched hand and said to me, "Let's have a drink." Then she gave me something and went in. Later, I took a look in my hand and found it was a tea bag.

A sick parrot

My uncle's nagging parrot is ill and won't eat or drink. I took him to the vet, and after the examination, he said there was nothing wrong. The vet asked my uncle if there was any serious accident at home, which made the parrot very uneasy. My uncle said that the TV set had been repaired. "Get it back quickly," said the vet. Sure enough, as soon as the TV set was brought back, the parrot's appetite recovered.

gift

On my friend's birthday, I gave him a round inkstone with fine carving and high quality. A few days later, he praised my gift. "I use it every day," he said. "It's very thoughtful of the manufacturer, and the ashtray has to be covered."

Beautiful daughter

I saw an unusually beautiful two-year-old child in the supermarket. I can't help telling his father that he is lucky to have such a beautiful daughter. He smiled smugly, thanked me and left. Soon, I heard him say to the child from a distance, "Son, it's time to cut your hair."

school regulations

College girls protested to the school: "Why do the girls' dormitories close at 0: 30 and the boys' dormitories close at 0: 00/1?" The answer from the Academic Affairs Office made them leave with satisfaction: "Boys will send you back, of course, it will be half an hour late."

Earth home

An environmentalist was invited to give a speech at school. The first slide he showed was a photo of the earth taken by a satellite. The powerful narrative is: "The land that breeds all things, our home!" Suddenly a deep voice came from behind the dark auditorium: "Speak for yourself, earthlings!" " The speaker seems to have been hit with a sap.

Dialogue at the dinner party

When I was in college, I was admitted to join an engineering society. At the initiation dinner, my parents sat with the family of another new member. Her father is a scientist. In the conversation, he strongly praised those who worked hard, and said that no pains, no gains, etc. "If these children don't study hard today, they will have to refuel at the bus stop in the future." Then he asked my father's occupation. After a while, my father said, "I run a gas station."

a letter

In college, my daily life is the same: class, self-study, work, and then sleep. One day, I received the following short message, only to find out how long I haven't written home.

Dear son:

Your mother and I were very happy when we received your last letter. Of course, we were much younger and more impressionable at that time.

father

misunderstand

Once a few foreigners came to China to play and happened to meet the Dragon Boat Festival, so they were taken to the river to watch dragon boat rowing and watch programs. After reading it, someone sent two stuffed jiaozi to foreigners to take home. A week later, foreigners wrote to thank them for their hospitality and said, "jiaozi with minced meat is delicious, but unfortunately, the lettuce is a little hard ...! "

Worship the elderly

At the beginning of school, the teacher asked all the children to design new year cards to commemorate the old age of the whole class. A child made a card with ingenuity, which read: "I wish you all happiness in your later years!" " "

Tong Yan tong Yu

In children's painting class, in order to stimulate preschool children's interest in painting, they often take the form of free play, and then let them explain the contents of painting one by one. So they are often forced to smile bitterly by children's childish words. One day, as an example, I asked Xiaowen, "What is this circle?" Xiaowen said, "It's an egg!" "Then why is there a diagonal line in the middle?" I asked Xiaowen, "That's because the eggs are going to break and the chickens are going to hatch!" " I asked inexplicably, "Why are eggs brown?" Xiaowen: "Because it is a tea egg!"

An interesting story about the girls' building

A girl went downstairs, and a boy shouted, "Spring, spring?" The girl upstairs poked her head out and said, "Who's that woman named Chun downstairs?" "me!" The boy answered loudly.

(mythical god) descended to earth

This is a true story that happened in the dormitory of senior year: Fage made a new girlfriend, and everyone praised how beautiful his girlfriend was ... One day, Fage sat at his desk alone and looked at his girlfriend's photo with envy, which really looked like a fairy ... His roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow photos to see the fairy who came down to earth, ready to be surprised; As a result, there was only one question after reading it: "When did you come to the world as a fairy ... did you land on your face first?"

I'm confused.

Xiaobai is going to kindergarten. On the first day of kindergarten, the teacher began to do an intelligence test, so she poured a basket of building blocks on the table to let the children play freely. I saw Xiao Bai arrange the building blocks in a horizontal row in front of him, then pushed them forward and shouted, "How stupid I am!" "

More people

A boy met a girl in the class on the way to take a bath, and thought he should say hello, but there seemed to be nothing to say, so he popped out: Are there many people in the bathhouse?

pay one's debt

In the late period of the Cultural Revolution, the village propagandists insisted on letting the poor farmer Uncle Li talk about the benefits of the Cultural Revolution. Uncle Li couldn't refuse, so he said slowly, "There are still some benefits to the Cultural Revolution. I have paid off the nine debts I owed before. " The propagandist was puzzled for a moment and asked what this meant. Uncle Li said angrily, "I still owe a debt."

watermelon

At noon today, I bought rice from the canteen. I dragged the rice basin in my right hand and half a watermelon in my left. I happened to meet a buddy and said, "Why are you eating at this time?" I looked at my watch, and the watermelon was stuck on the ground.

I teach teachers.

My son who went to school in the first grade came back from school. His mother asked, "Son, what did the teacher teach you today?"

The son said, "He didn't teach me anything, so he asked me,' What is one plus two?' "I taught him to say,' Yes, three'."

Jokes in the dormitory

I have a classmate. He never buys toilet paper himself. He just uses it and goes to someone else to get it. Once I saw him in my house with toilet paper. I was very angry and said to him, Why do you always take my toilet paper? Won't you buy it yourself? He said with a smile, don't be so stingy! Isn't it just a little toilet paper I'll give it back to you when I'm finished!

20 sentences that college students often say.

1. There you are! Rare, rare ...

Did you call the roll just now? (furtive)

3. Have you ever been cheated? A: Yes! Sadly, fortunately, I just passed ... no-yo-yo.

Lend me your notes to print!

I heard that A and B ...! @#$%^&； * Usually A and B are a man and a woman.

6. The class will be over soon ...

7. When did you arrive yesterday?

8. oh B again. oh ...

9. I'm still wondering if I can live. ...

10. Tell you what! That's cheaper ...

1 1. Any gossip?

12. Please help. ...

13. I don't understand! Sleeping ...

14. Wow ~ ~ ~ has become beautiful. ...

15. Where will you have your next class?

16. Have a boyfriend?

17. That professor is very reliable.

18. Oh ... I took his class.

19. Let's go. Go sing ...

20.let's go! Skip it! Skip it!

law

Students' identity can be judged by their reaction to eating in the school cafeteria, as follows:

When you see rat droppings or bugs in food—

It was the freshmen who screamed with fear.

A woebegone sophomore

It is juniors who are selected to continue eating.

Everything in the meal is eaten by senior students.

Immunity is increasing year by year!

"What's the matter? There are no bugs in the rice, so I can't eat it. " .

Yaner said, "No, just go to Nam Phuong Garden." (Nam Phuong Garden is a legendary black shop in Nantah)

The graduate student said, "Well, I can't help it. I'd better stay at school. There is no such food outside. " .

Boyi's result: "Why don't you turn yourself into a bug and climb together?"

Boyer retorted, "When you are enjoying yourself, you must bring some bugs of your own!"

Bo San pushed the mirror frame on the bridge of his nose and opened a manual ... The cover of the manual was impressively printed: reptile cooking encyclopedia! ! !

The doctor laughed and said, "I'll have a crazy rub with you tonight!" " "

The academician licked his belly and giggled: "Look, covered in bugs ... yeah.

I still want to eat ... yeah.

If it wasn't for the tick ... yeah. "

The doctor's wife just heard it and ran over and pointed to the doctor's nose and said, "Go home and cook for me! ! ! "

Hou Bo was in a hurry to pack her bags. ....

A cable is exposed in the corner of the suitcase. ....

Everyone's opinion finally reached the headmaster's ear. The headmaster came to the dining hall and said to the masters, "You are so outrageous. How can you be so rude to your classmates?"? Today, I will cook home-cooked meals for them. You should put more bugs in your meal and try to satisfy all the bugs. " .

The master said with a bitter face, "These are the most bugs we can catch. The source of bugs is really insufficient!" "

So the whole school launched the insect catching OK contest, the insect catching art week and the international insect catching 99 conference. ...

Teachers and students of the whole school seized the opportunity, and all professors, associate professors and postdoctoral fellows wrote < < Insect food and 2 1 century >: >, < < On the important role of insects in higher education > > A large number of papers with international leading level have made the number of SCI papers in our school reach a new level!

the last one

The last event of the school sports meeting is the teacher's track and field competition. Our geometry teacher came last, with a beautiful posture. The student asked mischievously, "Teacher, where have you been?" I saw the teacher raise his head and proudly said, "I kicked everyone out in front of me."

Anecdotes about bathing

I have a buddy who went to take a shower one day. After washing, he found a naked man sitting in a chair in the dressing room. He was very surprised because it was winter and the bathroom was very cold. He thought, this man must be lovelorn and masochistic. Just as he was about to get dressed with a sigh, he suddenly found that his clothes were not in the closet he had just locked. ......

Tsinghua University test questions

A question in Tsinghua University's "Pattern Recognition" exam "Try to identify the teacher in the following four photos" (60 points).

Ha, students who didn't attend class mixed in. It's 60 points.

Don't understand Chinese.

Once, I invited two friends to eat in the foreign students' canteen. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my food stamp. So I took out 20 yuan and walked to a student who was eating. I asked him in English if I could buy some food stamps from him, but he didn't respond. I asked him again in the Japanese I just learned, but he still didn't understand.

I am in a hurry. I pieced together a Korean word and made a gesture to show it to him. He was still blank. "Excuse me, can you speak Chinese?" He asked apologetically.

God, he's from China.

Impression of basketball game

The department holds orienteering basketball men's and women's competitions. When playing basketball, girls always huddle together to grab the ball. The shots are all one shot, two shots ... five shots, but they can't get in.

After the game, the teacher expressed her impression: "You girls played basketball, football (crowded together) and football (all scored only one goal and two goals)."

"Some animals"

When I was in college, there were few boys in my class. On Women's Day, as usual, they gave presents to all the girls in the class. The boys don't believe that only girls are privileged. They ask for a special meeting to choose a day as Men's Day. After discussion, it was decided that April 8 would be Men's Day. April 8 happens to be the "Day for the Protection of Minority Animals" formulated internationally.