Short joke script

I have a few here, you can pick and choose, just delete the following.

Zan Baba

A: Let me introduce it to you.

This is necessary.

My name is A. ..

My name is B.

I am a crosstalk performer.

I'm also a crosstalk performer.

Our family lives at Huaihai North Road 174.

Our family lives at Huaihai South Road 175.

Our family lives on the third floor.

Our family lives on the fourth floor.

Three generations of our family live together.

There are four rooms under one roof in our house.

A: My dad is an old revolutionary!

B: My father is old enough!

A: My father joined the army on 1937.

B: My father joined the army in three or six years.

A: My father participated in the Huaihai Campaign.

My father also fought a big battle there.

A: My father has made meritorious military service.

My father was decorated.

A: My father is a platoon leader.

B: My father was the company commander.

A: My father is in the Seventh Column of China People's Liberation Army.

My father is ... the head of the Kuomintang.

A: Oh ... Long time no see. Is your father a soldier?

B: Oh ... I've been talking for a long time. Your father is a communist!

Now I understand.

Now I understand more.

My father is a good man.

My father is a bad man ... whose father is a bad man?

A: You said it yourself.

My father is now a member of China People's Political Consultative Conference.

A: Oh! Then you must have heard from your father about his experience in the Huaihai War?

B: Then you must have heard from your father about his experience in the Huaihai War?

A: Often.

B: Often.

A: I'm not bragging. There are countless stories about my father's heroic deeds!

B: Yes, if it weren't for my dad and them, your dad wouldn't have started this war!

Hey ... just ...

B: What?

Let's tell you the story we heard from dad today.

B: recreate the battle scenes of that year.

A: Then I'll represent my father.

B: Then I also represent your father.

Why do you represent my father?

B: I don't want to represent my father.

A: It doesn't matter. Let's better and more vividly reproduce the battle scenes of that year.

B: All right.

A: That was during the war years.

Forty-two years ago today

A: It launched the Huaihai War, which shocked China and foreign countries.

B: My father's side is also called the Battle of Xu Mu.

My father said the battle was world-famous.

B: My father said that the length of the front line is unique.

A: The fighting was fierce.

B: fierce fighting.

A: I shoot.

Shoot me.

A: I bomb.

Throw it to me.

A: I hit the machine gun, dadada. ...

The machine gun hit me, dadada ... can I stand it?

A: What are you talking about anyway?

B: Yes, can't the two armies fight?

He is still reasonable. Father said, south of the Yangtze River, the first strategic goal is Xuzhou, and the victory of capturing Xuzhou and liberating the whole country is in sight.

B: My father said that Xuzhou is also a strategic and military location of the Kuomintang. Once it falls, the life and death of the party and the country will be in jeopardy.

A: So we mobilized 600,000 troops to participate in the war.

So we called in 800,000 troops for defense.

A: We have hundreds of millions of migrant workers to feed.

B: We-we caught a lot of able-bodied men to make up for it.

A: When going out to war, the people gave a warm farewell, and gongs and drums were loud.

B: When we were on the defensive, the people closed the door, and the chicken barked at the dog!

A: We use large-scale mobile warfare and panic attack warfare.

B: We use railways to form a point two line.

A: We are the strategic policy formulated by Chairman Mao.

B: We are the defensive measures arranged by President Jiang.

A: Our General Front Committee is Comrade Deng Xiaoping.

Our commander is Mr. Du Yu Ming.

A: We have Chen Yi, commander of the Third Field Army.

B: We have commanders of the 7th Corps of Huang, Huang and Huang.

A: We still have ... my father.

We still have my father.

My father has a son.

My father also has a son.

I am my father's son.

My father is my son ... blind!

A: Don't talk nonsense.

B: didn't you force it?

A: We are ready for the battle.

B: We're ready.

A: We held a battle meeting in CPC Central Military Commission.

We stayed up all night at headquarters.

A: At the forefront, we are mobilizing before the war. Hold a swearing-in meeting.

B: We are busy dispatching troops.

A: We also made up a little quick pull.

B: We have had a jingle for a long time.

A: "In order to turn over to the front, the PLA are all heroes. Completely smash the Chiang dynasty. "

B: "Be a good official, be a good official, wear leather shoes, wear a watch and run around with chickens in your arms."

We like singing.

We like to hum a song.

A: "Forward! Forward! Our suns ... "

B: "I am as happy as a living fairy after taking a sip of opium ..."

A: At this time, the attack began.

The battle has already begun.

We won one victory after another.

We failed again and again.

A: The fighting is getting more and more fierce.

B: The encirclement is getting smaller and smaller.

A: At this time, we started a powerful political offensive.

B: We officials are most afraid of this move.

A: "Hey, Brother Jiang Jun, listen!"

B: "Look at your ears with cotton, but you won't listen."

Answer: "Can you hear the call of our PLA?"

B: "We can't hear you!"

A: I can't hear you.

B: I thought it was fake!

A: "Brother Chiang Kai-shek, you are also a suffering person. Don't work for Chiang Kai-shek. Come on. The PLA gives preferential treatment to prisoners. "

B: Don't come to this "Riglon". Our boss has said that if we go there, our life will be over! "

A: "This is a rumor. Many of your brothers are here. We welcome people who want to be soldiers, and we want to go home! "

B: "Is it true?"

A: "The PLA keeps its word!"

B: "Think about it!"

A: "Dad, are you hungry?"

B: "Dad, why am I not hungry? I only eat once every two weeks. "

A: "What did you eat?"

B: "I'm not afraid of your jokes, just eat a donkey's tail."

A: "Why don't you eat that donkey meat?"

B: "that's for the director."

A: "Come and eat with us. Meat buns are steamed. "

B: "Do you have garlic cloves?"

You ate a lot. "B's father, don't hesitate! Father A is waiting for father B. If father B doesn't listen to father A, father A will destroy father B. If B's father is destroyed, B will also ... Dad, dad, dad ... alas, they are all bypassed. "

A: At this time, the general attack began!

B: The decisive battle has begun.

My dad, they "Dangdang" three flares.

B: My father said, "Sweet potato, sweet potato, I'm a potato. Please come to reinforce. "

My dad, they blew the "da da da" signal.

My dad they "hum, hum, hum ..."

What's that noise?

B: Break through under the cover of planes and tanks.

A: You can't get out. My father gave your father a howitzer "Boom! Prosperity ...

B: Well ... my father gave your father a mortar "Fuck ... Mao, fuck ... Mao!" "

A: My father gave your father a shuttle machine gun "Dadada ..."

My father returned your father's rifle "Pawl, Pawl."

My father gave your father two bayonets. Kill! "

B: My dad returned your dad two daggers, "Jump! Poof! "

My father gave your father a Grenade.

My father gave your father a Grenade.

My father gave your father an explosive.

My father gave your father a gas bomb.

A: My dad shouted, "Comrades, go! March into the four modernizations! "

B: My dad shouted, "Brothers, hold on! Everyone has a panda color TV! " "

Was there a color TV at that time?

Your father has achieved the four modernizations. My father doesn't have a color TV yet.

At this moment, a bullet hit my father's right arm.

In the explosion, a shrapnel entered my father's hip.

A: The stretcher team braved the bullets to lift my father off the ground.

My father followed your father and covered him.

The villagers sent my father to the rear hospital.

B: My father rolled over and lay next to your father.

Why did your father come with my father?

B: Didn't your father give preferential treatment to prisoners?

A: "Are you here or not?"

B: "Yes."

A: My father looked at your father warmly.

My father looked at your father in shame. (looking at each other)

A: "pa"! My father slapped your father!

B: Pool! My father bit your father!

How does your father bite people?

B: How did your father hit people?

My father put a plaster on your father's wound.

B: My dad took a bite of the steamed stuffed bun in your dad's hand.

A: "Does the wound still hurt?"

B: "Eating steamed buns is much better."

A: "Here you are."

B: "What?"

A: "shrapnel on your ass."

B: "Here you are."

A: "What?"

B: "the warhead that was taken out of your arm."

A: "65 bullets, made in Japan."

B: "82 shells. Produced in the United States. "

A: "Dude, I have feelings in my heart."

B: "Dude. I feel ashamed, too. "

A: "We have to keep this thing."

B: "I'm sure it will be a souvenir in the future."

A: "May our children and grandchildren never have today again."

B: "In that case, I'd rather burn incense and make a wish every day."

A: "I think in the near future, the country will be unified, the nation will be rich and strong, everyone will live a good life, and every family will have refrigerators and color TVs."

B: "Yes, you must eat more meat buns. Let future generations remember today forever. "

A: "Come on, I'll leave you an address."

B: "ok, I'll give you a business card."

A: "Then you must come."

B: "Can my brother and I go?"

A: "This is called no discord, no concord."

B: "A friend in need has both bitterness and sweetness."

A: "We should have a good talk when we meet again."

B: "Bring two more bottles of good wine."

A: "I'll prepare something delicious for you."

B: "You don't have to go to too much trouble."

A: "I'll steam a pot of pork buns for you."

B: "I have a problem with steamed buns."

A: "What else do you want?"

B: "prepare two more garlic."

A: Hi!

This one is a little long, and the one below is shorter.

There is a new student in a class.

One day, the teacher asked him: How old are you?

Student: Excuse me, is the teacher asking where I am?

Teacher: Your age.

Student: Oh, does the teacher want to know my age last year or this year?

Teacher: nonsense, it must be this year's pull.

Student: Oh, do you want me to tell you now or after class?

Teacher: Now.

Student: Oh, do you want me to speak loudly or quietly?

Teacher: Shit, are you going to say it or not? Don't fool me!

Student: Say, why does the teacher want to know how old I am?

Teacher: Can't I ask?

Student: Oh, I can't answer that?

Teacher: Sweat to death ...

"Come on, come on, classmates, our topic today is to repeat antonyms. The teacher said, you pick it up, ok!

Teacher: It's a beautiful day today.

Student: The weather will be terrible tomorrow.

Teacher: I ate fish head yesterday.

Student: You ate the glans penis today.

Teacher: Wrong.

Student: Correct.

Teacher: I was wrong.

Student: I'm right.

Teacher: You idiot.

Student: I am a genius.

Teacher: You stand up.

Student: Let me sit down for you.

Teacher: The teacher told you to stand up. Did you hear that?

Student: The teacher told me to sit down, and I heard him!

Teacher: Do you dare not listen to your teacher?

Student: I dare not listen to the teacher.

Teacher: Do you know what you just said?

Student: I know I haven't said anything now.

Teacher: This classmate, I know you did it on purpose.

Student: That teacher, you know I didn't mean to.

Teacher: Are you no big or small?

Student: I am young and old.

Teacher: You are too young to learn well.

Student: You can't learn well when you are old.

Teacher: I don't want to talk about you.

Student: You want to talk about me again.

Teacher: Stop it.

Student: I will continue for you.

Teacher: I'm afraid of you. Can you stop?

Student: I'm not afraid of you. Go ahead, okay?

Teacher: This is the end of antonym practice.

Student: The synonym practice begins now.

Teacher: Are you finished?

Student: I'm endless.

Teacher: You are ill-bred.

Student: I am educated.

Teacher: Do you look like an educated person?

Student: Don't I look like an uneducated person?

Teacher: I am very depressed.

Student: Happy.

Teacher: I am very angry with you.

Student: You will be angry with me.

Teacher: Can you stop talking?

Student: May I not shut up?

Teacher: Go on, I won't take this class. I'll go.

Student: I will stop. I have to take this course. I will do it.

Don't look at this, it's actually quite short. I once performed in a primary school and it was very successful. I said both, which is good. Can you give me some advice?