Selected language jokes

Student: "Can' Ba' and' Bei' be used together?" Teacher: "No."

Student: "Don't you have to fold it?"

2. Interesting interpretation of "things"

Explaining China's word "thing" to students, a foreign professor said: "People in China call objects things, and this thing and that thing are called things.

But people are not things, I am not, you are not, they are not, and all of us are not things! "

3. A new interpretation of the word "hui"

Son: "Dad, how do you spell the simplified word" Hui "?" Father: "There is a cloud under the herringbone."

Son: "Why?" Father: "At the meeting, just say what others say. This is called' conformity'. "

4. The true story of preserved eggs

Director Jia said excitedly to him, "Today, the trade union invoice watched the movie" The True Story of Api Egg "."

A young man smiled: "Director Jia, you are mistaken. This is the true story of Ah Q. "

"What? I read it wrong! ? I have been playing cards for decades. Don't I understand preserved eggs, go away? "

5. each other

Mr. Zhou took the business card handed over by Mr. Chen, looked at it and said, "Mr. Dong, I've heard a lot about you."

Mr. Chen took Mr. Zhou's business card and said, "Are you Mr. Ji?" Mr. Zhou is unhappy: "My name is Zhou. Why did you skin me? What have I done to offend you? "

Mr. Chen said, "My family name is Chen. You cut off my ear, so you won't be interested in me skinning you? "

6. Don't use words

A clerk wrote on the blackboard the words "It's on sale now".

A customer next to him said, "Comrade, you wrote' zero' in retail."

The salesman glared at the customer and said, "Come on, there is a vertical knife next to the word' no'!"

7. Poor English

A: "Your poor English must have caused you a lot of trouble in England, right?" B: "No, I'm not in trouble. It is the British who are in trouble. "

8. Don't look

When teaching Chinese abroad, the biggest headache is that it is difficult for foreign students to master exquisite Chinese grammar.

One day, after I tried my best to explain the different uses of the words "look", "look", "listen" and "hear" repeatedly, an international student happily made a sentence: "I saw your girlfriend when I arrived at school this morning, but she didn't look at me. I called her and she didn't listen to me. "

After class, another international student said goodbye to me and said, "Teacher, we will watch each other tomorrow."

I couldn't help thinking, "Don't look."

9. Newborn calf

Husband: "Today depends on how you educate your son. I care about him. He doesn't listen at all. "

Wife, "everyone else is afraid of you, isn't he afraid?" Husband: "I am a tiger and he is a cow." You forget that newborn calves are not afraid of tigers. "

10, the hammer is unbreakable

The pig slayer made a bet with the tea seller.

The pig killer said, "You can't break eggs with a hammer."

The tea seller said, "The hammer is broken!" The pig killer said, "The hammer won't break!" The tea seller was out of breath, so he brought an egg and smashed it with a hammer. The egg is broken.

Said, "Isn't this broken?" The pig killer said, "the egg is broken. I said I can't hit it with a hammer!" " "Then he pointed to the hammer.

1 1, angry words

Yao and Li met in the tea pavilion and had a good talk.

Li asked Yao, "May I have your name, please?" Yao said, "My last name is Yao."

Li Yue said, "But the handwriting is ominous, and next to it is the handwriting of a thief and a woman?" Yao listened to his words and turned to look at him. He replied that his surname was Li.

Yao replied, "But the word coffin is made of wood, and the word grandson's son is the first one?"

12, bet

In the stands, two strangers are arguing

"A team must win.

Write my last name backwards if you make a mistake! "A team must lose.

Or write my last name horizontally! ""What's your name? " "Tian, what about you?" "Wang"

13, German

A: "I talked to a German for three hours yesterday, but I didn't understand a word of German."

B: "You must only make gestures!" A: "No need! He speaks Chinese very well. "

14, even better.

There is a foreigner who is not familiar with China. He can only speak two Chinese characters: "Good."

"Better."

One day, the servant came and said, "I want to take two weeks off."

The foreigner said, "Very good."

The servant said, "Because my father is dead."

The foreigner said, "Better."

15, widow

Daughter: "Mom, in ancient times, the emperor called himself a widow. What should the queen be called? "

Mother: "silly girl, of course the queen is called a widow!" " "

16, beating around the bush

My little sister always beats around the bush, which often makes people confused.

My parents have been trying to get rid of her habits, but there is nothing they can do.

One day, my parents finally thought of a way.

Mother asked her little sister to play chess with her. If she loses, her little sister swears not to tell anyone. If she hits her mother, she will get a week's allowance. As expected, her little sister immediately made her father her strategist.

In the second half of the game, my little sister lost one after another and hurried to the strategist for help, but my father only said one word: "Qian."

Miss Jie was puzzled and asked for help again. Dad still said, "Thousands."

Finally, my little sister was so angry with her mother that she shouted, "unfair, my strategist betrayed me."

Dad replied, "Betrayal? When I say' money', money is stealing; Stealing, you have to think of' stealing is not as good as my old Peng'; Peng, will definitely want to go to Peng Zu; Peng Zu lived for 800 years, but in 800 years, Tie Guai Li just took a nap; Nap is sleep, sleep is sleep, sleep is death; Die in the emperor called collapse, in the governors called high, called pawn in Shu Ren. How can I say I betrayed you when I told you to move the chess pieces? " Little sister was speechless and repented.

17, why care?

Director Hu always writes wrong words, mispronounces, and is full of jokes, but he never learns with an open mind.

On one occasion, the unit held a commendation meeting, and he pronounced Feng Jianguo as Ma Jianguo, which caused a burst of laughter. He may be wrong again.

The secretary reminded: "There are two more points!" Director Hu wanted to correct it, but he was afraid of losing face, so he said with a straight face, "Don't laugh, it doesn't matter if you lose two points! They are all comrades-in-arms, why care about these two points? "

18, ginger is still old and spicy.

A teacher who teaches sociology made a humorous analogy: "Couples in western countries always divorce because their love for God is a baby.

Look at the old man under the moon in China. They are experienced, so China's marriage lasts longer. "

19, the old man lost his tooth.

The couple took their grandfather to the hospital.

The husband saw that the word "age" on the registration form was wrongly printed as "order" and said to the doctor, "the word" order "is missing a tooth."

"It's' tooth', the doctor said, because this is an elderly clinic!"

20, cat and dog language

American: "My dog can speak English!" " "

China people: "Can it speak English?"

American: "Yes, I asked it, what is the top floor of the house?" It will say' roof!' "

China: "This is normal. I have a kitten who can speak Chinese. " American: "Can it speak Chinese?"

China: "Yes, whenever I ask,' Where do we worship in China?'" "It will come back.

Answer' temple! Temple "

2 1, Dr. Qu Yuan

In history class, the teacher asked the same student, "Who is Qu Yuan?" "It's a doctor."

The students answered.

"Nonsense!" "What nonsense? The book says he is a doctor! "

22, numeric letters

There was a man who loved wine as much as his life.

One day, he received a letter from his nephew and opened it. It was full of * * * numbers: "99:8 179.79554+07954." 59954.8866666666

He read it again and again, but he still didn't understand it. He went to consult his math teacher, who looked at it and translated it: "Uncle, don't eat wine, it's wrong to eat wine.

If you drink two or two glasses of wine, you will either get angry or use force, and you will be crushed to death by wine.

Don't eat any wine. "

This is my nephew's clever use of homophonic numbers to persuade my uncle to give up drinking.

23, improvise

There is a woman who is superstitious and often takes apart Chinese characters.

On this day, she picked up the word "less" and asked how the marriage was. Without thinking, Mr. Wang said methodically: "Shao" is a sound and a member, and your marriage will be ready and your marriage will be complete! "The woman listened to the exultation, but she was afraid of the difficulties of her mother-in-law after marriage. Please dispel doubts again.

Mr. Xiezi flatters: "But please relax. My parents won't live long. My father was ... and my mother died first. "

The woman pleaded, "The old lady is still alive, but the old man is dead."

Mr. Hippo Chef said impromptu: "I was right. My father died before my mother, that is, my father died before my mother. "

24. The rabbit died in sorrow.

The son asked his father, "How do you say the idiom' The rabbit dies and the fox grieves'?"

Dad said, "If all the rabbits die, the fox will have nothing to eat. Can it not feel sad? "

Sad! "

25. Foreign sons

Doctor said: "All British people are younger than China people, and they all want to call China people their fathers."

"What's the reason?" Qing Zi asked. Doctor smiled proudly: "They call their sons sons sons, and we call our grandchildren grandsons. Our grandsons are their sons, so they should all call us fathers."

26. Better late than never.

A teacher's interpretation of books is quite new.

One day, I said, "It's not too late to mend." I said, "Death is also the name of the sheep, the name of the animal, compensation, supply, prison, prison. Together, even if the sheep is dead, it's not too late to offer it again.

This means that people don't have to kill live sheep for sacrifice. "

27. Sir

Do you know whether a man or a woman came first? B: There were men first.

A: according to what? I don't even know that. Isn't this strong evidence that our people are called Mr.?

28. Eat only one ton.

The young man decided to hold a wedding in his hometown.

The man's father sent a telegram to his in-laws in the city and asked, "How many people can come? Be prepared. "

My in-laws called back and said, "Not many people can go, just prepare a ton of rice."

He wrote "ton" as "ton"

Soon I received a telegram from the countryside: "The wedding was postponed for one month, because it was difficult to get a ton of rice for a while."

29. China is great.

After visiting China, an American friend said to the translator, "Your China is wonderful, especially in writing and language.

For example, "China defeated the United States" means that China won; "China beat the United States" means that China won.

In a word, victory will always belong to you. "

30, outnumbered.

There is a man who is ignorant, but always likes to show off in front of his children.

One day, his son came back from school and did his Chinese homework at home. When he wrote "there is a great disparity among people", he didn't know what it meant, so he asked his father.

When his father saw it, he reprimanded him in a lecture tone: "What's the matter, you are in middle school and still can't read?" That is to describe the sufferings of the poor in the old society. Many widows can't live any longer, so they have to hang themselves. This is the so-called "gap between more and less". You should use your head more in the future. "

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