A hundred words of ancient and modern jokes are embarrassing

A hundred words of old and modern cold jokes that are embarrassing

The blowfish showing off its power is a kind of cold joke.

The puffer fish is angry

The puffer fish is very angry. Once, a pufferfish was playing under the bridge and accidentally bumped into the bridge pier, almost smashing its head. So, he glared and opened his cheeks, cursing the bridge pier for not having eyesight and bumping into my head. Other fish tried to persuade the puffer fish, but instead of listening, they acted in a show of authority. It distended its belly, raised its fin spines to sharp points, and stood motionless on the water surface, pretending to be dead.

At this time, an osprey swam over quickly and swallowed it in one bite.

So called

A businessman paid a visit to the county magistrate for the first time. The county magistrate thought that he was old, so he respectfully called him Laoxian.

The businessman returned angrily, and his son quickly asked why. The businessman replied: That dog officer bullied me too much. He should have called me Mr., but he said something else. What was his name? Mr. ?, obviously the words of a frivolous person. So I called him back without being polite.

When his son asked what he was called, the businessman replied: He should have been called "Old Parents" (in the old days, the county magistrate was called "Parents Official"). I also cut off the last word and just called him "Old Father". !

After Fan Zeng

Fan Zhizhi lived near the capital and lived a wealthy life, but he was lonely and had to rely on drinking to enjoy himself.

One day, after getting drunk, he violated the ban on walking in the capital at night. Magistrate Bao went to court to question him: Did any of your ancestors hold high officials?

Zhizhi said: Yes! I am the prime minister. Descendants!

Bao Gong asked: Who among your ancestors was the prime minister?

Fan Zhizhidao: It’s Fan Zeng!

Bao Gong laughed out loud. , said: It is not clear whether Fan Zeng and you are dozens of generations apart. How can we say that we are ancestors? Order 20 big boards. Onlookers laughed.

Poems about mocking restaurant meals

A boss was very stingy and only served a plate of sliced ??meat to a private school teacher, which was both thin and scant.

The gentleman sarcastically said in a poem: The master's knife is sharp and sharp, but the mistress's hand is light and loose. When cut into pieces, it is like paper, and when loaded lightly, it does not weigh much. Suddenly a breeze started under the window and blew into the sky. He hurriedly sent people to look for his trace, and he had already passed the twelve peaks of Wushan Mountain.

There was a guest who stayed for a long time and the owner hated him very much. One day, the guest was invited to the door to take a leisurely look, and suddenly he saw a bird as big as a chicken on the tree. The owner said: I will get an ax to chop down the tree, and catch this bird to feed you. The guest said, "I'm afraid the birds will fly away when the tree falls." The master said: You don’t know that this stupid bird often cannot fly when the tree falls!

Full of ink

A Jinshi once drank a bucket of ink. Everyone praised him and said: This can open up ideas for writing articles.

A friend of the Jinshi followed the same example. After drinking the ink, he boasted to his guests: Alas, there are some literati nowadays who don’t have any ink in their chests, but they often recite poems and compose essays, describing strange things and strange things, making those who know them laugh. Our reputation is also damaged. The guest knew that he had nothing in his stomach, so he pretended that he would pay a high reward, took out a fan and asked him to write a poem. But he said: I'm afraid there's too much ink in my belly, and the little fan can't hold it. Use your fingers to dig your throat and vomit out all the ink you drank. The throat gradually feels damaged, the ink is gone, and blood seeps out and drips. The guest was shocked and asked the reason. He said: My heart and liver were also vomited out.

Tongsheng plucks his beard

There was an old boy who failed to pass the exam many times, so he took the exam again this year. In order to maintain his youthful appearance, he plucked out all his gray beards. He looked in the mirror and pointed at his beard roots and said: If you don’t let me in for the exam, I won’t let you out! ;