What should a seven-year-old child do if he is afraid of losing?

It is normal for children to be afraid of losing. My daughter is three years old. She got angry when she missed the ball once, haha.

In fact, I think children are afraid of losing because they are afraid of being denied and being laughed at. If the child can realize that the loss has no consequences or the consequences can be borne by himself, it does not constitute a denial of himself. Although he lost, he is still excellent, so he is not afraid of losing.

My daughter gets angry when she misses the ball, and then I will tell her that it doesn't matter. We can still eat delicious food when we miss the ball, because my daughter is a snack, and eating it is very tempting for her. Once, when my daughter was walking with a toy tray, some toys in the tray accidentally fell to the ground. As a result, she was very angry, threw the rest of her hand on the ground and sat down on the ground and began to cry. It is useless for you to wake her up at this time, because she is completely immersed in failure and self-denial, so I lured her up with food and gave her an orange, and then my daughter stopped crying. Then I told her that if you picked up the toy and it fell to the ground, I would give you an orange, and then my daughter began to play the game that the toy fell to the ground. Finally, when she puts it down completely, I will tell her that it doesn't matter if the toy falls on the ground next time. Just pick it up yourself. We are still a very good and capable baby.

What if a seven-year-old is afraid of losing?

I once saw a mother's sharing in the parenting group. The mother said that her 5-year-old son has been addicted to playing chess recently. As soon as their husband and wife are free, their son asks them to play chess together. Recently, however, the mother found that their son's heart of gain and loss was particularly heavy. If the sons win, they will be clamored to kill another set. If his son loses, he will be very angry, throw the chess pieces and say to them, "Stop playing, stop playing".

In this regard, she is very helpless. Their son is only five years old, and there will be more chances of failure in the future. We can't be emotional every time we fail. What can we do?

As parents, how should we guide children who are afraid of losing?

Find out the reasons why children are afraid of losing, and guide and educate them according to the reasons. Children are afraid of losing, generally for the following reasons:

1, inappropriate praise from parents

Claudia Miller and Carlo Dwek, psychologists from Columbia University, studied the psychology of praise in 1990s. They found that in the process of educating children, if parents praise their children's talents, such as intelligence, wisdom and beauty, children may give up their efforts because they feel good about themselves, and at the same time they will have a fear of failure.

2. Lack of unconditional love

If it is conditional for children to win the love of their parents (that is, they will love TA only if they win their parents, and they will not love TA if they lose their parents), then TA will take the gains and losses very seriously. Because, in the child's mind, TA thinks that as long as he loses, he is not worthy of being loved.

What should we do as parents?

1, praise specific events and praise children's efforts.

For example, if a child finishes his homework and you help him check it, and the child's error rate is very low, then you can praise him like this: "Baby, the quality of your homework today is very high, and the error rate is very low, which has made great progress than before. Mom is very proud of you. " Instead of casually boasting that children are "great" and "smart".

2. Encourage children when they encounter setbacks and failures.

Take chess as an example. If the child fails, don't laugh at him, patiently help the child find the reason for the failure and find the improvement plan together. At the same time, hug the child and tell TA, "Even if you fail, it doesn't matter. You have always been the favorite child of mom and dad."

Finally, I hope every child can get unconditional love and every precious parent can raise a confident child.

7- 12 years old is the second very important stage of children's self-awareness awakening and formation. At this stage, the guidance of parents will have a very important impact on the child's life!

There are many reasons why children are afraid of losing! There are two main reasons!

First, parents or people with parental images criticize their children too much in the process of raising them.

Many parents around me follow the view that children are proud when they boast, and they don't know their surnames when they boast. They think it is necessary to suppress and crack down on children in order to let them move forward steadily on the established track!

Psychologists have confirmed that if a person is often criticized, accused and hit, his self-confidence will be seriously frustrated; No opinion; No responsibility; Retreat when you are in trouble; Dare not try; In severe cases, there will even be diseases such as depression, autism and schizophrenia, and the most terrible result will even lead to suicide!

I remember reading a joke!

There is a ski resort that recruits ski instructors.

An old man went to apply!

The staff asked: Do you know skiing skills?

The old man replied: I don't understand.

Staff: Can you ski then?

Old man: No.

Staff: Do you know first aid?

Old man: I don't understand.

Staff: Then what are you doing here?

Old man: I just came to tell you, don't count on me!

It looks funny, doesn't it? Children who are criticized too hard may end up like this, shrinking, incompetent and irresponsible!

Second: praise too much.

Nowadays, many educational books and parent-child relationship theories advocate praising children! Adhere to the theory that good children are boastful! Parents can give their lives for their children, let alone praise them!

They always praise their children:

How clever you are!

You're amazing!

You're amazing!

You are really great. ...

This kind of superficial praise either makes children arrogant and conceited, seemingly arrogant, but in fact, they are boastful and have no real skills; Either children dare not try, dare not accept challenges, fear of losing, fear of falling behind, fear of challenges in everything, fear of not being able to maintain the beautiful fantasy of "you are great" in their parents' eyes. ...

Too much criticism is not good for children, nor is too much praise. What should we do?

First of all, the role of parents should be changed from critics to coaches.

In other words, in the daily interaction with children, parents should change the mode of criticism into the mode of counseling.

For example, children who want to muddle along can become more efficient! Children muddle along with their homework, and 20 minutes of homework can't be finished in an hour!

Parents: Tell me, son, what do you need to do to finish your homework in half an hour? And tell him what he can do when he is finished? What interactive programs can adults have with him? )

When we change the language mode to "how", we not only avoid accusations and criticisms, but also arouse children's positive thinking.

Of course, raising children needs teaching, raising and managing! Sometimes, children may do something out of line, even affecting their safety or health. At this time, necessary criticism is definitely necessary. However, parents must grasp the principle of criticism, only criticize behavior, not criticize children's identity and personality, remember to remember!

At the same time, there will be correct guidance behind the criticism, let the children know that I did something wrong, not that I have a problem, and tell them the correct behavior and practice!

Secondly, praise the child's behavior and details.

Praise children, starting with the details of behavior!

For example, children draw pictures

You can boast about the details: Baby, the color of this painting is really beautiful.

Baby, the little bee in this photo looks real.

You can also boast about your behavior:

Baby, mom has observed that you are really serious about painting!

Telling the truth, the process of children's growth is also the process of our parents' growth and cultivation. There are no perfect children and no perfect parents! Don't criticize your children or yourself. Make a little progress with your children every day, and you will be a better child and a better parent!

Hello, thank you very much for your invitation. My view on this issue is that children are afraid of losing. From the perspective of infant psychology, it is normal for children to lose.

No matter what happens, I always expect myself to be stronger, stronger than others and recognized by people around me.

But because the child is young and imperfect in all aspects, he doesn't know his own advantages and disadvantages. In front of others or in group activities, once he is inferior to others and loses to others, he will mainly show dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

Ordinary parents attach importance to shaping their children's personal qualities.

1) Cultivate children's ability to resist setbacks, although we should try our best to help children succeed.

However, parents don't have to deliberately remove some difficulties that will be encountered in all normal natural environments for their children in their daily lives. When a child is frustrated, parents don't have to participate immediately.

Why not leave it to the children to deal with the defeated indoor space and opportunities? For example, children build a skyscraper with Lego bricks, which can make people feel lucky. When they were about to succeed, the "building" collapsed and they saw the child's little expression of depression.

Parents had better not solve the difficulties for him immediately, but discuss with him, guide the child to think correctly, and then he will implement the treatment himself.

Children's ability to get rid of setbacks and subjective factors often come from the setbacks they have suffered. When his work experience is colorful, he can gain a lot of satisfaction and self-confidence.

2) Improve the frustration tolerance in group activities. In group games, children will experience some setbacks and unsuccessful experiences.

After experiencing this kind of unsuccessful pain personally, he will know himself as soon as possible, discover his personal shortcomings and the advantages of others, and develop his introspection and intelligence. On the one hand, he should learn to appreciate others, live in harmony with his partner and cooperate with each other;

On the other hand, in the mutual communication and specific guidance between partners, overcome difficulties and solve difficulties. This kind of exercise in the group is conducive to improving children's frustration tolerance.

Playing like this can help children regain their confidence.

1, let the children win

If children have a strong sense of frustration with reality, the game world is like heaven. The game is virtual, it can simulate all kinds of scenes in real life, even scenes that are impossible in real life, but it will not produce real consequences. Children can play all kinds of powerful or more controlling roles in the game and draw strength from them to cure their sense of helplessness in reality!

Happy play can vent and release all kinds of pressures and emotions accumulated in children's hearts. Stress can be released when the happiness factor in the child's brain is activated.

Parents and children play games together. In fact, there are some tips and simple principles. How do children win? Don't underestimate children's ability to distinguish between games and reality. If you want to help your child feel energized in the game, you must know how to show weakness! Play with children, don't be too strong, it's best for children to win!

Because in reality, when children feel particularly weak and have a serious lack of self-confidence, the difficulty is even lower. When he gradually has confidence, you can gradually improve the difficulty of the game according to his ability, confidence and acceptance.

2. Let the children take the lead

Let children dominate the game. In children's basic psychological needs, there are both demands for intimacy and some demands for autonomy. In real life, he is often in a passive and dominant position, and he has no ability and opportunity to be a master. He will lack control over the people and things around him. Therefore, let the child play a dominant role in the game and let him fully experience this sense of control, which can meet his independent needs.

3. Keep in touch

Playing games is playing games. Don't artificially add various utilitarian purposes to start the preaching mode. The purpose of the game is to establish contact with children, so that children have a better sense of security and psychological energy. When you establish a better and closer connection with him, in fact, many things need not be said.

In fact, one of the roles played by parents in the game is confrontation and the other is support. We should not only give him the strength to adapt to the difficulty of confrontation, but also deliberately show weakness in this process, so that children can relax and participate in the game more freely.

Hee hee hee, it doesn't matter, personally take the children to climb mountains, stand at the top of the mountain facing the blue sky and white clouds, shout loudly in Shan Ye, indulge in singing, get up early and run together, or swim in shallow water, recite Tang poetry and Song poetry together (this is the key point), sing duets, practice calligraphy at night, and so on. I believe that after a month and a half, the children will become strong, brave and smart [Come on] [Come on] [Come on].

You can't control it. With all due respect, the so-called education of children will not be influenced by your own will unless you have enough time and energy. You spend less than four hours communicating with your children every day, and the rest are busy all over the country. You only have a mouth that is not very good at arguing. How can we compete with the eloquence of the whole society? When children are rebellious, you can't even buy snacks in the street. Please be rational and recognize the reality.

Give him enough information to praise unconditionally and tell him that some failures are not shameful or bad. The most important thing is that no matter whether the child wins or loses, what he cares about is not that he can't do well, but that he is not valued by adults!

Seven-year-old children are afraid of losing, probably because they have had unpleasant experiences in this respect, and have been stimulated to a certain extent, forming a stress reaction. The solution is to find ways to eliminate stress response. For example, starting with the simplest game of scissors, stone and cloth, he stipulated that he would be rewarded if he lost, and then he slowly transitioned to the activities he was afraid of losing, and still stipulated that he would be rewarded if he lost, and finally he slowly transitioned to normal conditions.