Tell me some jokes ~

Question 1: What will fish do if there is no water in the sea one day?

Child A: The fish went to the river. (Thinking for a moment, continuing) Oh, no, what about whales? It's too big to get in. How thoughtful! )

Child b: change the stone. (The fish is vomiting blood ...)

Question 2: Where does the milk come from?

Child A: There are several mouths under the cow's stomach, from which it flows out. Are you sure that's a mouth? )

Continue to ask: How did coconut milk come from?

Child B: Coconut milk is goat's milk. That's too far, brother

Keep asking: what is goat milk?

Child B: Goat milk is yogurt, right? Don't drink at home, order bright milk. (What terrible logic)

Question 3: What is a child's face for?

Child A: It's for mom.

Follow-up: Do you miss dear dad?

Child a: for dad.

Keep asking: then who are you kissing your face for?

Child A: It's for mom. (Dad is in tears)

Child B: It's for sticker heads. Is your face a billboard? )

Question 4: Why does the child come out of the mother's stomach instead of the father's?

Child A: Girls come out of their mothers' bellies, and boys come out of their fathers' bellies. (what a fool)

Little boy B: Because boys are cute! (Little girls shout together: Boys are not cute! )

Question 5: What's the use of children's hair?

Little girl A: It's used to comb my hair.

Question boy B: What's the use of hair that can't be braided?

Child b: it's used to shave the hair of the barber shop. (Precious dedication)

2 nd kindergarten

Question 1: Why do people only have two legs?

Child A: Because we are not animals. Are ducks four-legged? )

Child B: You can't grow four legs. (this is the arrangement of heaven, the biggest)

Child C: (laughing to himself) If you have four legs, you will fight.

Follow-up: But can a four-legged dog run fast?

Child C: (in a daze) ... (All the children shouted: I run faster than a dog! )

Question 2: How can we make fat people lose weight immediately?

Child A: Eat diet cookies. (still smart)

Follow-up: you can't lose weight immediately after eating diet cookies. How can you lose weight at once?

Child A: Then don't eat diet cookies. (Are you kidding? )

Question 3: How can we make thin people fat immediately?

Child A: Drink milk. (Milk is not pig feed)

Child B: You can be a policeman if you eat too much. (The police are all fat? )

Question 4: Why did the balloon fly into the sky?

Child A: Because it is angry. If you are out of breath, can you call a balloon? )

Follow-up: Then why can't some balloons fly into the sky?

Child A: Because there is too little gas in it. (What nonsense)

3 rd kindergarten

Question 1: What animal has two feet and will wake you up when the sun rises in the morning?

Child A: Chicken, rooster. (Another child cries: Daddy Chicken)

Curiously asked: What is a chicken father?

Child: The hen is called hen, and the rooster is called chicken father. (It dawned on me ...)

Child b: mom.

Child c: the sun. (Khan ... The sun is an animal. )

Continue to ask: Does the sun have feet?

Child C: The sun has five feet. (Another child retorts: Seven, rainbows are seven colors. )

Question 2: What do you mean by gossiping?

Child a: it's just gossiping. It's a mess Add: We are talking now. (I still have self-knowledge)

Child B: Make a lot of tongues. (It's terrible ...)

Question 3: How to distinguish between men and women?

Child A: Look at the hair. Girls with long hair and boys with short hair. (A girl with short hair is crying next to her ...)

Child B: Peeping at him (her) to pee, boys standing, girls squatting. (This era is lewd ...)

Child C: Look at what socks he (she) is wearing. The red one is a girl and the blue one is a boy. (so innocent ...)

Child D: Look at its eyes. (so erratic ...)

Question 4: What happens if a stone is thrown into a fish pond?

Child A: Water will turn into waves. (……)

Child B: The fish will come up. The fishermen are very happy ...

Child C: A fine of five yuan. (Khan ...) No.4 kindergarten

Question 1: Why is Tangshan called Tangshan?

Child A: Because it is a mountain for drinking soup. (Really looking for meaning ...)

Child B: Tangshan is a hot spring and a place to take a bath. (irrelevant answer ...)

Child C: It's very hot down there, so it's called Tangshan. Khan ... turned out to be a hot mountain ...

Child D: Who is Tangshan? (……)

Question 2: An old man lost a horse. Do you think the horse will come back?

Child A: No, because horses are playing on the road. (Naughty horse ...)

Child B: No, Marta can't read rings. I've never seen a horse walk to see the rings ...

Child C: No, mom went to marry another horse. What a romantic child ...

Child d: no, grandpa is not nice to the horse. The horse has gone to find a new owner. The reality is cruel, and horses need to jump ship ...

Question 3: Why does the aunt who gives medicine in the hospital wear a mask?

Child A: Because the dean is afraid that they will steal food. (Is the medicine delicious? )

Immediately, a child scrambled to say: Are those uncles with scalpels and masks afraid of their meals? (dizzy ...)

Child B: I'm afraid of drooling, because I have to pay attention to hygiene. Wearing a mask is to prevent saliva from flowing down ...

5 th kindergarten

Question 1: What's the difference between Coca-Cola and Pepsi?

Child a: the name is different. (This is even known to Martians)

Child B: The bottle of Coca-Cola is red, and Pepsi is blue. I know you're not color blind, good boy.

Child C: Pepsi has Jay Chou, and Coca-Cola has vanilla.

Child D: Coca-Cola is sour, and it will get angry if you drink it! (I will be angry, which means it is a special cola. )

Question 2: Why does the subway run underground?

Child A: Because the subway has the word "ground", it should be underground. I know someone who will answer this question.

Child B: The subway has no wheels, so it can't run on the ground. Do you have wheels? No? Really? )

Question 3: Is there a chicken or an egg first in the world?

Child A: Eat the eggs first.

Q: Where did the eggs come from without chickens?

Child A: ...

Child B: Hens come first, and then eggs are laid.

Child C: There are 30 eggs in a * *!

Surprise: What? Thirty eggs, right?

Child C: Because there are two old hens, each laying 15 eggs, there are 30! Hello, children, God.

Question 4: What festival is April 1?

Child a: mother's day.

Child b: Women's Day.

Reminder: March 8 Women's Day.

Child B: That's Arbor Day!

I can't help it: When is April Fool's Day?

Child C: It's 65438+1October 8th! (This ...)

Child D: I see, April 1 is the festival of uncle driver! (How did you come up with it, out of curiosity)

Question 5: How can we become beautiful?

Child A: Sticking cucumbers, my mother sticks them at home every day.

Child B: Stick papaya. My aunt always sticks papaya.

Child C: Paste the eggs! (It's really hard)

Child D: Sticking potatoes, my mother-in-law sticks her hand to me.

Little boy e: I've burnt mango skin! Is that you fooling around? )

Summary: One is more magical than the other, and DIY is really popular.

6 th kindergarten

Question 1: Who is the most beautiful person you have ever seen?

Child A: Zhao Wei!

Child B: Jolin Tsai!

Child C: I like He Jie! (A group of children booed: super girl, super girl! )

At this time, tough guy D appeared, just like reciting a jingle: super girls include Chris Lee, BiBi Zhou, Jane Zhang and Huang Yali ... (Many names that didn't make it to the final also appeared one by one, and the reporter was dumbfounded).

Kid E: It's Fan Xiaoyu from our class! (A little girl named Fan Xiaoyu punches out)

Child F: Jay Chou is the most beautiful!

Q: Jay Chou is a man. How can he look good?

Child F: Then he is the most handsome!

Question 2: Both chickens and ducks have wings. Why can't they fly in the sky like birds?

Child A: Because chickens and ducks are too heavy, they all have eggs in their bellies.

Child B: Yes, yes! If they fly into the sky, the eggs in their bellies will fall to the ground!

Child C: Birds can fly because their bones are hollow. (Good on-time answer, unexpected accident)

Q: Who told you that?

Child C: Mom said so. (This mother wants to praise)

Question 3: How can the poor get rich immediately?

Child A: Drive a Mazda. (Characteristics of Nanjing)

Child B: Open a supermarket. I also want to open a supermarket and take whatever I want.

Child c: work.

Q: Do you know what a part-time job is?

Child C: I just help others and get paid. This idea looks beautiful. )

Child D: Driving a bus.

Q: Why can you get rich by driving a bus? (Really ...)

Child D: There is a box in front of the bus. Everyone has to put money into the car. It's full of money. (Sure enough! )

Child E: You can change the money into 1 100, and you will have money.

1. Dad told his daughter that she was often hungry when she was a child. After hearing this, the daughter had tears in her eyes and said sympathetically, "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?"

Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang your ancestor?" Mother said, "Because' ancestor' is the name of the deceased."

Tong Tong said: "Will those dead grandmothers be called' fresh milk'?"

Mother often says to Xiaomei, "You can't swing in a skirt, or the little boy will see the underwear inside!" One day, Xiaomei said happily to her mother, "Mom, I played on the swing with Xiaoming today, and I won!" " "Mother said angrily," didn't I tell you? Don't put on a skirt! " Xiaomei said proudly, "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear! "

4. One day, Xiaoming and his father went out to play. When it was time for dinner, his father took him to the door of a small restaurant. Xiaoming won't go in anyway. His father asked him why. Xiaoming pointed to the sign in front of the restaurant and said, "I don't want to eat urine fried rice ..." Originally, the sign read:

Urine.

fried rice

One day after school, a little boy asked him [Don't curse]. Mom: "Mom, where am I from?" Mother thinks this question is not easy to answer, but she wants to take this opportunity to educate her children and take cats and dogs as examples to seriously talk about the process of reproduction. After listening to this, the son said in a daze, "How did this happen? My deskmate said that he is from Shanxi! "

Xiaoming went to grandma's birthday party. When it's time to eat birthday buns, Xiao Ming asks, "Why do we eat this kind of birthday buns like ass?" They listened to the face big change. Then Xiao Ming opened the handbag, looked at the bean paste inside and said, "Grandma, look! There is also shit in it! " Everyone fainted, vomited and vomited.

7. On the weekend morning, my husband was still lying in the quilt, but his friend Tony came. I quickly said to my three-year-old daughter, "Quick, go and call Dad." My daughter looked at me, hesitated for a moment, walked up to Tony and timidly shouted, "Dad." ...

8. At night, the three-year-old elk was already lying in bed. He begged his mother: "Mom, give me an apple!" " ""The child is too late, and the apple has gone to bed. " "No, the little one may be asleep, and the big one is definitely not asleep! "

9. In the street, a little girl walked up to an uncle in police uniform. She looked it up and down and carefully asked:

"Are you policemen?"

"yes."

"Mom said that no matter what difficulties you encounter, you will get help as long as you go to the police, right?"

"Yes!"

"Well," the little girl raised one foot, "please help me tie my shoelaces."

10, an old guerrilla is telling the children a battle story. He suddenly asked a boy of 12 years old, "If you are a guerrilla commander, what actions should the guerrillas take to stop the enemy from using the railway?" The boy stood up and answered loudly, "We must quickly occupy the ticket office and burn all the tickets!" " "

1 1. The mother said to her five-year-old son, "Dad said he would hold a dinner party at home tonight to entertain a Yugoslav who has business contacts."

In the evening, the father and the guests stepped into the house, and the child ran into the kitchen and whispered to his mother, "Mom! Come and see, that lady is a man! "

12, "Students, who is the king of beasts?" The teacher asked.

"The director of the zoo." Little John answered.

13, "Mom, you don't love me."

"Silly child, mother doesn't love you. Who do you love? Your two mothers love each other. "

"Then why did you give birth to your brother, but not to me?"

14, once my mother took Xiaogang to the street, Xiaogang saw a man buying a hot dog. Because the word "hot dog" was written backwards, that is, from right to left, Xiaogang said, "Mom, I want to eat the dog's food." A word almost made the hot dog seller drop the oil bottle in his hand, laughing so hard.

15, once my father took Xiaogang to the street to play. Xiao Gang saw the name of a snack and asked, Dad, how can this snack be called "eating children"? Can children eat? When his father saw it, it turned out that the name of the snack bar was "Friends Friends Snacks" and it was written backwards. hahaha ......