Love humor joke short message

1, girls are terrible. If there are too many calls, she says you are always staring at her. There are fewer phones, and she says you don't care about her. You don't talk to her, she says you are too cold. If you talk to her, she says you have nothing to do all day. If you disagree with her, she will say that you don't understand her. If you apologize to her, she will ask you where you are wrong.

One day you met your ex and her (his) new love in the street, please don't be sad. My mother taught us from an early age: play with old toys and give them to others with compassion.

I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled together. You looked up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately ... woof woof woof.

4. Without a diamond ring, you can love each other as long as you are still there; Without deposit, I won't leave, as long as there is your unique love. Our love needs neither splendor nor wealth. As long as you are here, happiness is there.

5. The moon is not very round, but my thoughts are full of bows. Take my love as an arrow. Even if I am blind, I will go through the sun and shoot directly at your heart. Love you wholeheartedly!

6. Where is my captain? Without you, I will lose my way; In the vast sea, I will be swallowed up by the waves; I feel lonely in the starry night; Can you accept my invitation to be my captain?

7. Nowadays, women are too playboy, and their husbands often change. One is Lee MinHo, the other is Do Min Joon, the other is G-Dragon, the other is Jang Keun Suk, and now it is Song Joong Ki. Men are still the most involved, and they always like Hatano to take off his clothes.

8. New explanation of terms: In ancient times, there was a beautiful woman who liked to eat at night. Later, she ate too much and ate with a spoon. The more you eat, the more you eat with a big fork year after year, and women become fat and ugly. From then on, in order to alert future generations, people called the fat woman who ate at night a hag.

9. In order to show friendliness and kindness, the girls in one dormitory are ranked as Big Sister, Second Sister and Third Sister ... When the boys in another dormitory learned about it, they secretly ranked as Big Brother-in-law, Second Brother-in-law and Third Brother-in-law. ...

10, send a text message to tell you solemnly: I don't like you anymore! I don't like your smooth skin, your clear eyes, your slender legs, your moist lips, your black hair and everything! Because I have fallen in love with it deeply!

1 1. When we were in high school, we were having a geography class. The teacher reported a place name on it, and we answered minerals below. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!"

12. If boys don't know how to be nice to girls, you can refer to how to please grandma, which is generally feasible. Girls who don't know how to treat boys well can refer to how to make their children happy, which is generally feasible.

13, I hope this message can turn into a feather, float to your side and fall gently on your shoulder. When you pick it up slowly, you can see my invitation: let's have dinner together!

14, the father said to his daughter, "Do you know? Our maid is getting married next week! " The daughter said, "I'm so happy that this fierce woman is leaving us, but I don't know who she is going to marry?" Dad said awkwardly, "She's going to be your stepmother!"

15, if the ear itches, it proves that someone misses you; Your eyes itch, which proves that someone wants to see you; Your itchy lips prove that someone wants to kiss you; If your body itches, don't think about it. It's time for a bath.

16, "Girl, I think you are also good in bed. Otherwise, I'll marry you. How about I get rid of the money this time? " "Fuck off, what I lack is money, not stupidity!"

17, if you really love someone, you can recognize the familiar soul from thousands of people and fall in love with him again even if you change time and space and change your appearance.

18, colleague: "I hope a man can't stand his girlfriend's domestic violence and jump into the river, causing a sensation throughout the country." Then my girlfriend may suddenly understand that she wants to communicate with me in a gentle and MengMeng way. "Me: You think too much. Girlfriends usually say, look at that, don't listen to your girlfriend, and then die

19, Miss Zhao Si has been with Zhang Xueliang since she was sixteen. One year is adultery; It takes three years to derail; Sixty years later, it will become eternal love! This tells us that many things do not depend on what you do, but on how long you have been doing it.

20. Before dating, you must say that you are ugly. If you are a handsome young man, people will think you are modest. If you are really ugly, at least you can find another advantage, and that is honesty.

2 1, if * * stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I'd rather it was you. Till death do us part, I have no regrets! But it happened that * * didn't stipulate ... then forget it!

22. This world is too gentle for singles. You try your best to disturb couples on Valentine's Day, but no one in the world will disturb you on Singles Day.

23. Once the old man asked the young lady for 50 yuan, but afterwards the old man took out 100 yuan. Miss can't change, say, come again, the old man is coming again. After that, the old man sighed and said, "Nothing. Fortunately, it's a hundred-dollar bill. If it is a thousand, it seems that today's life is here. "

24. Sister in the opposite building, I won't talk if you don't close the curtains, and I will endure if you walk around naked! But you come back from time to time every night, which makes me sleep irregularly. This is your fault!

25. On the train of pursuing love, you can enjoy many beautiful scenery through the window, but please don't miss it, because the terminal is the real destination. I hope I will always be your destination!

26. Just like he (she) set fire to the house where you lived for a long time, you looked at the debris and dust in despair. You know this is your home, but you can't go back!

27. Good temper is cultivated, and bad habits are cultivated. The one who can cure your temper is the one you love, and the one who can tolerate your temper is the one who loves you.

28. The advantage of a woman is that all the nervousness, anxiety, irritability, annoyance, impatience and unwarranted anger can be attributed to the arrival of her period.

29. If I don't eat dinner today, I will be too hungry to express my love to you ... Can I skip dinner today? Absolutely not! So yes, I want to say: I love you!

30. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a month now, which is basically equal to not smoking, but why don't I quit? Because I'm waiting, and when I have a girlfriend, she won't let me smoke, so I won't smoke. I think this is the only thing I can do for my girlfriend.

3 1, "Mom, have you seen my marriage certificate?" "You're crazy! You don't even have an object, where did you get a marriage certificate? " "oh! What if you hold a dog all day and say it's your grandson? "

32. There are two kinds of scammers on the Internet. One is a male liar who cheats a girl's sex in the name of "chatting", and the other is a female liar who lures a man to chat with her to kill time under the guise of "dating". Be careful not to be fooled!

33. Girls only look at looks when looking for boys, which is aesthetic; Boys looking for girls only look at their looks and are horny. Girls looking for boys only look at their breasts, that is, watching muscular men protect themselves; Boys looking for girls only look at their breasts, but they are still horny.

34, lovely you stole my love, stole my heart, I decided to sue you to the court, what should I sentence you? The judge searched all criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously passed: I sentence you to be mine for life.

35. I am an infatuated bluebird, willing to be injured at your gun. Even if you stride away, your laughter will warm my heart like the wind. If you turn around occasionally, you will find that tears have filled my eyes.

36. A female colleague said a truth this morning: I actually love a mature man who has gone through many vicissitudes. Because of a lovely boy, I can have one myself.

37. Don't always belong to single dog and single dog. You should be a single turtle by age, a single pig by size, and a single idiot by IQ.

38. If it is a mistake to be good-looking, I am all wet. If loveliness is a sin. I have committed a terrible crime. It's hard to be a man! You are fine, yes, you are not guilty … I envy you!

39. One? For diaosi, instead of spending a lot of time and money to please a goddess who doesn't care about you, it's better to pick a fat girl with a good temper and lose weight with her for a few months. Success losing 90 pounds is also a goddess!

40. Have you noticed that most luxury cars start with B? For example, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, Bentley and Bugatti. Who can tell me why?

4 1, warning all girls that when you are sitting in the co-pilot of a male friend, always fasten your seat belt and don't disturb-this looks like a big chest!

42. Honey, do you really want to meet? Then you have to promise: if I turn around and run away, don't pull me. If I faint on the spot, you should give me artificial respiration, remember to breathe hard.

43. What is the most mysterious part of a person? It's a man's chest. You never know what it can be used for! God replied: men's breasts are a limit, tell women not to be too small.

44. You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. It is said that people come into the world to find the other half. I finally found you through hard work, damn it! Only to find that our wings are on the same side.

45. I just ate out. The next table is a couple. The man feeds his sister intimately. Sister asked a sensational question: Honey, who else have you fed besides me? Tell the truth! The man held back for a long time and stared at his sister sincerely: dog!

46. What is love? Love means that you are innocent, and I am your protection; You are sad, I allow you to cry in my arms; You are far away, I am your destination, even if you don't need these, I make money, at least you can help me spend them.

47. A woman's anger is like shooting a gun. It's just a matter of time. After the explosion, sweeping the floor will be fine. Men are angry just like membership card points. It's no big deal to add a few points at a time, but if you score 100, you will get * *.

48. Do you know why I like you? The doll's face is funny, the panda's figure is stupid, his ears are lucky and his steps are funny. Best for you to see the exhibition.

49. Go to the hospital for a physical examination with your boyfriend. His urine test showed high red blood cells. The doctor came to a conclusion and said, Pay more attention in the future and don't be too tired. Idiot boyfriend immediately replied: can't you wash dishes and mop the floor and do housework in the future …

50. "What time is it?" The guest asked the host. "Please wait a moment, we will know in a moment." The host walked to the piano and sat down. Then play an impassioned March. The neighbor quickly knocked on the adjacent window and shouted, "Are you crazy? It is already midnight 12 o'clock. "

5 1, I heard many people say that girls only look at looks, but this is really not the case. For them, unfamiliar people look at the appearance, and familiar people basically look at the heart. So, first of all, you have to have a face that makes them want to know you.

52. Candlelight reflects the throb of youth, and roses smell the connection of hearts. I prepared a romantic candlelight dinner for you. I wonder if I have the honor. Can you accept my invitation?

Students argue in the dormitory: which is better, love or corn porridge? It seems that love is beautiful, but it is not: after all, nothing is better than love, and a bowl of corn porridge is better than anything, so corn porridge is better than love!

54. When you meet a good opposite sex, there will always be some desire to be with the other person in your heart, but it is only an idea after all. You didn't touch it until you got to know it better. I will have imagination, smile and live my own life. Come so lightly, go so silently, meet briefly, and go their separate ways.

55. I would like to sit on the boat and go with the flow, in your heart. Fantasy floats to the place where the moon sets in the moonlight wave and stops in the harbor of love. Meeting place: at the other end of the mobile phone.

56. Don't bully a married woman because you don't know the quality of the man behind her; Never bully an unmarried woman, because you don't know how many men are behind her.

57. Li Shimin provoked Wu Meiniang, and Wu Meiniang slept with his son and took his country; Yongzheng provoked embarrassment? , crushed by her cuckold husband; Xianfeng angered Cixi, and the Qing Dynasty perished. You should respect the women around you and don't show off in an ostentatious manner with her easily! Coaxing is a good medicine! If you don't coax it, it will go out

58. Women are actually very modest. They always feel that they are not beautiful enough, so they apply all kinds of cosmetics on their faces to make themselves more beautiful. Men, on the other hand, just walk out and feel handsome enough to fascinate all beings.

59. A person can't write well, but he likes to write to others everywhere. One day, I saw someone holding a white paper fan and asking for an inscription. The man knelt down. He said, "just write a few words about you, why thank me!" " "The man replied," I beg you not to break my fan. "

60. My sister introduced a friend to my sister. Sister: He is very distinctive. Sister: What are the characteristics? Sister: Big, thick and hard. Sister: What-you hate it! Sister: I mean, he is rich and dull. ...

6 1, love is between my legs, love is after * *, vows are always before bed, and parting is always after * *! Commitment is like farting, it was earth-shattering at that time, and then it was pale and powerless!

62.a: "Do you know why there are more divorces in western countries than in China?" B: "It's not easy, because Cupid, the western god of love, is a little doll. Of course, the elderly under the moon in China are much more experienced!"

63. There is a warmth, which is the happiness of embracing each other; There is a language, and that is the joy of communication; There is a kind of happiness, which is considerate and touching; There is a feeling that you love me. I just want to hold hands with you until I get old!

64. I can't eat in the morning because I miss you; I can't eat at noon because I miss you more; I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily; I can't sleep at night because ... I'm hungry.

65. Love is a dish: put emotions into the pot of fate, sprinkle happy oil, pour happy sugar into a bottle of sad vinegar, add bitter salt and colorful peppers, and make the years miserable. When you have a variety of flavors, this dish can be served.

66. The wife bought a piece of pure white cloth to make an evening dress. She showed it to her husband who was studying happily and asked softly, "Do you like this cloth?" The husband casually replied, "Very well, our sheets are really old!" " "

67. Your ex is like a piece of shit. You finally lost it, but after a long time, it dried on the ground, gradually lost the smell of shit, and its appearance gradually turned into chocolate, so you couldn't help but pick it up and taste it. The result is still a piece of shit.

68. Women say that boys who like humor are actually like this. Boys with high face value are humorous when women lick their noses. Boys with low face value are funny! Hey! I see through this heartless world!