Classic animal funny quotations

My hobbies can be divided into two types: static and dynamic. Static is sleeping, dynamic is turning over. The following are my funny quotations, welcome to read.

The best mouse

One day, three mice were drinking together.

After a few glasses of wine, the three mice were a little smoked, so they began to brag about their abilities.

The mouse said, I eat anything.

With that, he took out a handful of rat poison from his pocket, chewed it, then took a sip of wine and swallowed it.

? Look! Am I great?

The second mouse BS said calmly, Your medicine is fake.

The mouse is angry: Don't say that everything is fake now! If you don't believe me, try.

The second mouse said:? I won't eat it. If there's a truth in it, I'm finished. ?

The mouse proudly said, Accept it, 0

Two mice shook their heads. Dare you drink Sanlu?

The mouse shook his head. Dare not! So what's your skill?

The second mouse said:? Hum! I dare to go any way.

After that, I put a mousetrap on the ground and strode over.

After he left, he looked up and said to the rat, How's it going? Am I great? Don't say my clip is fake. Go for a walk if you can. ?

The mouse shook his head. I believe these clips are real, and their spring clips are all closed, which didn't hurt you at all. It's true. ?

The second mouse said proudly, How's it going? Am I great?

The mouse said, Do you dare to walk around the streets of Shanghai during commuting hours?

The two mice shook their heads when they heard it. Then I dare not. No matter how fast I run, I will be crushed by the crowd. ?

Watching the two mice become dejected and despondent, the mice burst out laughing. Ha ha! You are still not awesome! There are also roads that you dare not take.

At this time, the two mice discovered that the three mice on one side didn't say a word when bragging, but drank one cup after another.

They are very strange: Third, why don't you speak? You have nothing to see.

The three mice looked up at their watches and said, I have nothing else, except that my wife will come on time and be fucked by me. ?

Two mice laugh? :? What is this? Even if you are afraid of your wife now, no matter how interested your wife is, can she not do it with her husband? (this classic HOHO)

Three mice said proudly: My wife is a cat! ?

be born prematurely

The rooster went on a business trip for a month, and when he came back, he heard that quail had nothing to do but grow old. The rooster became suspicious. Two days later, the hen gave birth to a quail egg, and the cock was furious. The hen hurriedly explained: premature birth!

owl

The zoo held a discussion meeting!

The host asked:? Can cats climb trees?

The eagle scrambled to answer: yes! ?

Moderator:? Please give an example! ?

The eagle said with tears. That year, I fell asleep, the cat climbed the tree ... and then the owl! ?

Farmers kill chickens.

A farmer is going to kill chickens tomorrow. When he feeds the chickens at night, he says to them. Eat quickly, this is your last meal! ?

The next day, the farmer found that the chicken was dead!

And left a suicide note: I took rat poison, you can't take it! ?

End of prayer

The rabbit met the lion unexpectedly in the forest! Little rabbit used his quick wits, pretended to be calm and stared at the lion with terrible eyes! Suddenly, I saw the lion kneel down with his hands folded! The rabbit saw it and said proudly, you know how awesome it is! ? The lion smiled faintly. You can eat after praying! ?

Panda's troubles

Panda men want panda women, and panda women fight hard and fight to the death. Panda man said angrily after his failure. We are all going extinct! ?

You can bear it if you want to be red. ......

When cooking, a crab pushes open the lid and says to you, "I'm hot!" " "Answer: If you want to be red, you can bear it. ......

Super humor, let me live again.

Pig: If I had to live again, I would be a cow. Although we are tired from work, we have a good reputation. We are just symbols of fools and slackers, and even call names? Stupid pig? .

Bull: If I had to live again, I would be a pig. I eat grass, drink milk and do manual work, but who has given me a credit or won an award? How happy it is to be a pig. After eating and sleeping, the fat one lives better than the fairy.

Cat: If I had to live again, I would be a mouse. If I steal my master's fish, I will be beaten half to death by my master. Rats can rummage through the kitchen and eat and drink, but people think this is excusable.

Mouse: If I had to live again, I would be a cat. He ate imperial grain and received official salary. He was supported by his master from birth to death. From time to time, we sent him fish and shrimp, which was very comfortable.

Eagle: If I had to live again, I would be a chicken. Drinking water to quench thirst, rice to satisfy hunger, housing and protection. As for us, we are wandering all the year round, windy and rainy, so we should always beware of stabbing in the back. How tired we are.

Chicken: If I had to live again, I would be an eagle. You can fly in the sky and catch rabbits and chickens at will. In addition to laying eggs in the morning, we are afraid of being caught and slaughtered every day.

Xiaobaitumai steamed bun

One day, the little white rabbit went to buy steamed buns and asked the boss when he got to the grocery store. Do you have 100 steamed buns? The boss said: No? The little white rabbit is missing. The next day, the white rabbit asked again: Is there 100 steamed bread? The boss said: No? The little white rabbit is missing. On the third day, the white rabbit asked again: Is there 100 steamed bread? The boss said happily. Yes ? The little white rabbit said, then I'll buy two steamed buns. ?

A group of cockroaches

This day, Sister Cockroach came back crying.

Dad asked:? What happened to my daughter?

Sister cockroach said:? Dad! Why do people call me a pest! Say with satisfaction

At this time, my brother came back, and he said happily, Dad! For the first time in my life, someone greeted me warmly! ?

Dad cockroach asked? Really? What did they say?

Cockroach: I just went out. When they saw me, they said, Hi? Insects (I guess I heard wrong, pests)

Panda's troubles

Panda men want panda women, and panda women fight hard and fight to the death. Panda man said angrily after his failure. We are all going extinct! ?

Revenge of the White Rabbit

It is said that since the black bear grabbed the white rabbit and stuffed it in his ass, the white rabbit has been bitter ever since!

One day, a magical frog jumped into the forest happily. When he entered the forest, he saw the male rabbit. The frog stepped forward and said, "Hello ~ I'm glad I just practiced magic! I want to grant you three wishes.

This bear is greedy. He said, "I'll go first! I want all the bears in this forest to become females except me.

When! ..... Bear's wish has come true.

The rabbit said, "I want a safety helmet." 」

When! ..... the rabbit's wish has come true.

The bear said his second wish: "once again, I want all the bears in the nearby forest to become females except me."

When! ... as it wishes.

The rabbit said quietly, "I want a motorcycle ..."

Frog feels strange ~ why doesn't rabbit wish for money to buy a motorcycle?

Anyway, the frog promised to give the rabbit a motorcycle.

The bear finally said excitedly, "Haha! My third wish is that all bears in the world, except me, become females.

When! ..... wish has come true!

I saw the rabbit put on his helmet, started the motorcycle and said his last wish: "I hope that bear is gay."

;