Q: Who can tell me some jokes that are both funny and not vulgar?

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Once upon a time, there was a scholar who had a stupid son. One day, a friend came to visit the scholar. In order to show his talent, he decided to let his son entertain the guests, and specially taught him a few words: "If the guests ask you why our peach tree is missing? What did you just say? Let me cut and sell it? ; If he asks you why our fence is so messy. What did you just say? Destroyed by the chaos of war? ; If he asks you why our family is so rich, what do you say? Mom and dad earned it hard? ; If he asks you why you are so smart. What did you just say? Of course, our family has been like this for generations. ? "So the son went to entertain the guests.

The guest asked, "Where's your father?" The son replied, "I'll cut it and sell it!" " The guest was surprised and asked, "What about your mother?" The son replied, "The soldiers and horses are all useless!" The guest asks again: "Is there so much cow dung in front of your house?" The son proudly said, "My parents worked hard to earn it!" The guest asked angrily, "How can you say that?" The son proudly said, "Of course, our family has been like this for generations!" "

The rabbit went fishing and didn't catch it on the first day; Return home the next day; On the third day, when I was about to go back, a fish jumped out of the water and shouted, you idiot, if you use radish as bait again, I will kill you.

A gentleman has a toothache. He is timid. He said, doctor, try to make me brave. The dentist made him drink a catty of white wine: Do you still have the courage now? "Ok, doctor, I'll see who dares to touch my teeth!"

When I made a wish to God, God asked me what I wished for. I said: please take good care of the person who is reading the short message and wish her peace and happiness forever and all the best! Even if you accidentally fall into the river, you will find your pockets full of fish when you climb up!

Friends used to say you were a pig! You said corruptly: I am a pig! So friends call you a pig! For a long time, you finally couldn't help it. You yelled at me in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

After two generations of love became rich, he drove around the world, but just after he went out, his car was trapped in the desert. It seems that the donkey is still useful. Where can I find it? Come to think of it, communication is so developed, send a message to the donkey!

When the devil knocks on the glass in front of your window, the toad is crawling into your bed, the poisonous snake is rippling over your head, the earthworm is shuttling between your toes, and the centipede has climbed into your nostrils. Don't be afraid! I drove a snail to save you. Drive! Drive!

A student was caught by the headmaster when he climbed over the fence and walked out of the school gate. Principal: "Why don't you take the main entrance?" The student pointed to his coat and said, "Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road!" The headmaster said, "The wall is so high, how did you get over it?" The student pointed to his trousers and said, "Li Ning, anything is possible!" The headmaster sneered, "What's the smell on the wall?" The student pointed to the shoes and said, "Xtep, it feels like flying!" " "The next day, the students left the school from the main entrance and were seen by the principal. Principal: "Why don't you climb over the wall?" The student pointed to the whole body and said, "Anta, I choose, I like it!" " "The headmaster is furious, remember that students are more serious. The students refused to accept it. The headmaster sneered: "M-Zone, my site listens to me!" "

I heard that you accidentally fell into the garbage pit this morning and couldn't get up. Just then, an old lady who picked up junk stretched out her hand and pulled you up, saying that city people are really wasteful. They are just a little ugly and can't be abandoned ~ ~ ~

A timid patient was pushed into the operating room. He asked doctors and nurses to take off their masks. Doctor: No, that's the rule. Patient: Don't lie to me. I'm afraid I'll realize that something is wrong.

A customer in a restaurant is very dissatisfied with the lobster on his plate: why is this lobster missing a leg? Attendant: I'm afraid I was knocked unconscious in a fight. Customer: Go and get me the champion!

A bought a wig, put it on and asked his friend: Is my hair nice? Friend: It reminds me of one thing. A: Is it my heroism when I was young? Friend: No, I remember I haven't bought my mop yet.

The pig went to a job fair, and the boss asked him, "What can you do?" The pig said proudly, "I can do anything except two things." The boss said, "Shit, that's awesome! You can't do anything? " The pig said, "neither this nor that."

For you, I once secretly shed tears! I often ask myself, is it worth it? I can't tell if I like you right or wrong. I remember the last night of tears, I said to you with a knife: damn onions, I will never eat them again.

According to legend, happiness is a beautiful glass ball, scattered in every corner of the world. Some people pick up more, others pick up less, but no one can have it all. I am willing to give you some of mine to make you happier than me.

A gentleman often loses his wallet on the bus. One day, before getting on the bus, a gentleman folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope. After getting off the bus, he found the envelope stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and saw it. That was yesterday's envelope, which said: Please don't joke like this, it will affect his normal work. Thank you!

I can't eat in the morning because I miss you. I can't eat at noon because I miss you very much. I can't eat at night because I miss you crazy! I have insomnia at night! ! ! Because I'm hungry! ! ! !

God gave me a cornucopia, and it changed when I thought about it. I accidentally thought of you. Once it becomes you, I can't stop thinking about it and keep changing. In the end, you are all over the house, and I am worried: how to feed so many piglets?

A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course! We are not children for a year or two! "

Four mice brag: a: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

There is a sports meeting in the zoo, and ducks and crabs arrive together. The referee said, you can cut cloth with stones. The duck says, I can't win once. I came out with cloth and he came out with scissors.

Can I have two one-inch photos of you? The kind that is particularly clear. Then I will put it on my socks. When people see my socks, they will say with envy: Wow! Crocodile brand!

A lazy cat went crazy after a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse was very moved: Dear, why are you so kind to me? Hey, hey, cat smile: you will know if you are fat again!

Cause of failure

The captain is telling the new soldiers how Napoleon lost in the Battle of Waterloo. After listening to this, a soldier said to himself, "If you take a gun and a cannon, you can win the battle. How can a broken wheel be unbeaten? "

This is a true story:

Our family went out to play and had dinner in a small restaurant. There is no toilet in that restaurant, but my grandfather asked the waiter where there is a toilet. The waiter pointed to a public toilet. My grandfather thought he didn't need money, so he went in without it. The doorman shouted outside, "You have to pay!" My grandfather asked, "What money?" The doorman asked, "What are you doing here?" My grandfather stood in the toilet and said; "I will eat! ! ! "