Tell a joke.

Once I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " "... for the first time in two years, I heard the boss laugh so loudly.

I went to buy watermelon that day, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

The political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

In my junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go, someone will kill you." ……

Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

Me: "That's our physics teacher ..."

Classmate: "What do you teach?"

Me: "Chemistry ..."

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. ...

Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result is: "He's gone ..."

Another one, when we were in junior high school, we rang the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell rang and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced up from his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ……

My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

In computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine and shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " "The whole class is stupefied.

Someone went to my aunt's house before, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

I met a girl who I had been longing for for for a long time and came out of the bathhouse. I wanted to be close. For a long time, I said, "Are there many men in your bath?"

A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care. After a few commonplaces, he said, "Does your child eat human milk or yours now?" ……

That's a good donkey. Like the heart, the heart and the lungs. ...

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai all died by caesarean section!" " " ……

Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a MM in a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?" ……

Yesterday, someone said that they would introduce me to a girlfriend. I want to ask, "Is it beautiful?" The result said, "Is it cheap?" . Sweat to death ...

Senior college student, late for educational psychology ... walked into the classroom and glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. Senior sister prevaricated for a long time, saying "sexy and sexual theory", which is too difficult to talk about. "The whole class is messed up. The original title of the professor is: on reason and perception. ...

When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new material, saying, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."

When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out!" " "

One of our colleagues is on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet administrator, "I'm here for dinner!" " "

Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain is too hot. ...

My classmate Yu Jingbo wrote a letter one day, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: "The letter of dried cold rice noodles!"

After going back to the dormitory after the evening self-study, Lu Yu followed her all day, always wanting to strike up a conversation, but she didn't have the courage to go forward. Until the fairy mm wanted to walk into the girls' building, she gritted her teeth and stepped forward and asked mm loudly, "Classmate, are you a woman?" Later ... later, I enjoyed the white eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

When I was a child, my father watched me write a composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!"

My surname is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

When I first entered school, the whole class introduced themselves. A male student stepped onto the platform: "My name is You Yongzhi, and I'm from Beijing. I love playing chess! " Then I went down. The next one is a girl. The woman shyly stepped onto the platform and introduced herself with trepidation: "I ... My name is Shakuyaku ... I like swimming ..."

Mr. Huang loves revolution. In memory of the Red Army, he named his son Jun. One day, he sent his son to class. When he saw the No.8 bus stop, he shouted to his son, "Run Huang Jun, the No.8 bus is coming!"

Xiao Wang works in the personnel department on 10 floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the ninth floor. Today, Xiao Wang called the personnel department to find him: "Is Xiao Wang there?" The colleague who answered the phone said, "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel." Xiao Wang: "Ah? ! When did this happen? Why don't I know? I haven't had time to see him off yet? " "It doesn't matter, you can go to the following to find him ..."

Monday, February 30th is fine.

It's too bad the sun didn't shine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and drowned one in the water tank. I am sad.

Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown.

1. Subject: When ...

The child wrote: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look.

The child wrote: What are you looking at? I haven't seen

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

7. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible.

9. Title: Innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

10. Title: Sure enough

Children write: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: Yes

1 1. theme: ... first, then ... example: eat first, then take a bath.

Children write: goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

12. Title: In addition,

The child wrote: a train passed by, besides, besides, besides.

Teacher's comment: forget it if I die.

1. A woman bought breakfast with fake money, and the stall owner was annoyed. She said seriously, elder sister, even if you give fake money, it's at least stamps. Your money is actually painted!

You can forget the painting even if you take ten thousand steps back. You can draw ten pieces or five pieces, right? You also draw a set of seven!

3. Seven dollars is seven dollars, so don't say it. At least draw it in color, even with a pencil ~! Forget it, I can't stand it ~! Black and white is black and white!

4. You can't draw with toilet paper! It feels terrible. Even the toilet paper, I recognize it!

You have to trim the edges with scissors anyway. This one was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Well, I don't want to say burr either.

6. But you can also tear a rectangle! This triangle is unreasonable!

There is an old lady in a mental hospital.

Wear black clothes and hold a black umbrella every day.

Squatting in front of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor was dressed in black, took a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

The two spent a month in silence.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-

Are you a mushroom, too

There are five eggs in the refrigerator. The first said to the second: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible ~!

The second said to the third: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible, it's terrible ~!

The third said to the fourth: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao. ...

The fifth egg heard it: get out ~! Lao zi is kiwi fruit ~! ! !

One day, the devil took the princess away and she kept screaming.

Demon: [screaming at your throat] ... no one will come to save you ...]

Princess: [broken throat] ... broken throat ...]

No one: "Princess ... I'm coming to save you ..."

Devil: "Speak of the devil and he will come ..."

Cao Cao: "Devil .. Why did you call me ..."

Demon: "Wow ... seeing a ghost"

Ghost: "Shit! Was discovered .. "

Shit: "Ghost, can you see me ..."

Devil: "Oh, my God! 」

God: "Who called me? 」

Who: "Nobody called you ..."

Nobody said, "Where am I? Play dumb! 」

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me? 」

Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」

Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" 」

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... hey, there are so many people here. "

Many people: "I just arrived. Who are you? 」

Which one: "I'm not who."

Who: "He's not me."

Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」

Everyone said, "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun."

Lively: "What do I have to see? 」

God: "It's none of my business. Let's go first. "

Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? How can I play this demon king? 」

Go down: "You good devil won't do it, what shall I do?" 」

Princess: "If no one hits the devil, I can go."

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement."

Lively: "What are you looking at me for? 」

What: "You want to fuck me? Rogue! 」

How dare you: "I didn't? 」

Me: "What does it have to do with me?" 」

Devil: "Shit! I'm going crazy ... "

Shit: "What am I doing? ...」

Madman: "What do you want me to do? 」

You want me to say, "I don't know anything! 」

I don't know anything: "I don't know! 」

I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」

Someone said, "I didn't call you! 」

I didn't say, "Who called him? 」

Who: "Wrong ... I didn't ..."

I didn't say, "I haven't wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you."

I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? 」

Who: "please ... I didn't say anything."

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" ”」

My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my name is very long ... I will be called ..."

Who: "... I want to leave this troublesome place. "

True or false: "So this is my place ..."

I am nothing &; No: "Stop arguing, we are talking ..."

Don't bother us: "I won't talk ..."

I didn't: "I didn't speak! ...」

I have nothing to say: "-_-\ \ \" ... Let's go out and talk ... "

Go: "I'm sorry ... (wriggle)"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Whoops ... why did you kick me out ..."

Why: "I don't want to kick you out ... listen ... don't cry."

I didn't say, "Oh ... What does it have to do with me?"

None of my business: "What? Did anyone call me? 」

Someone said, "Who wants to call you ..."

Who: "I really have to go ... T.T." "

Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... *V.V*"

None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" ”」

It's none of my business: "... cousins of the same age (or cousins) ... long time no see ..."

For a long time: "I'm not here ..."

Devil: "Are you finished? 」

Endless: "He doesn't have me."

You: "I don't have him."

I just said, "Who said that? 」

Who: "What do you want me to do? 」

Do you want to fuck me? 」

You: "I won't fuck him."

I said, "Who said I wouldn't? 」

Who: "Wrong! I didn't say. "

He said, "What should I do? 」

? "You two are shameless! 」

You two: "I want it! I want it! 」

Face: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I don't want it."

Devil: "Hurry up, or I'll kick people out."

Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "

K: "Who wants to see me? 」

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! 」

He said, "Don't trust me."

Me: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I finally caught one and killed it ..."

One: "Don't arrest me."

Me: "I've had enough, too. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go! 」

Who said, "Look at my eighteen dragon palms! 」

Me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws! 」

Eighteen palms of dragon descending: "What am I to see? 」

Jiuyin Bones Claw: "What am I to see? 」

What's there to see: "Brother, I finally found you! 」

What's there to see? "Brother, let's talk outside."

Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement meeting ..."

It is said that the lich king has suffered from schizophrenia since then.

Do you think this is the end of the joke? In fact, this shows that people are lazy, and this has an ending! Now I'll tell you the ending, don't be moved to tears!

Ending:

It is said that after the devil's schizophrenia was cured, he caught the princess again.

This time, the lich king decided to cut to the chase, to make a long story short, in order to avoid others running out to spoil the game again, and cut to the chase directly. .....

Devil: "Stop struggling! Listen to me and marry me! 」

Princess: "All right! 」

So "I" happily took the princess's hand and walked into the wedding hall, accepting all the blessings, leaving only the demon king with his mouth open like a hippo and his body stupefied. Comments (18|)

Report | 20 1 0-12-1616: 48 chicken L | level 11. Which is lower, A or C? A is low because ABCD(A is lower than C) 2. A dying man made a will to his wife: "When I die, I hope you can marry our neighbor, Mr. Ed." The wife was puzzled, so she explained, "Two years ago, the cow that this bastard sold me couldn't milk at all. Now I want him to feel cheated!" Dad told the fish that he was often hungry when he was a child. Fish and Fish had tears in their eyes: "Well, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?" My three-year-old daughter often says to me, "Dad, don't you understand what you are planting?" I said, "Yes, you reap what you sow." The daughter said happily, "Then I grow jelly. I want a lot of jelly." The two fathers and sons are violent and never let people down. One day, the father ordered his son to buy meat to entertain guests. When I came back, I met a man who refused to give way at the city gate. After standing for a long time, my father ran over: "Good son, you take the meat first, and I will stand next to you!" " 6- When a swimming pool is built in one place, the staff will mobilize everyone to donate. The staff said to an old farmer, what are you going to donate to this swimming pool? The old farmer said, "I donate two buckets of water!" " Kitten: "My mother is a master and my father is a doctor." . Xiao Xin: "What's the big deal! Kitten: "Who are your parents?" Xiao Xin: "My father is a man and my mother is a woman." "8- A gecko got lost at the gate of the securities company. At this time, a big crocodile just crawled over and prepared to eat it in one bite. In desperation, the little gecko came forward and hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom! "The crocodile was shocked, and then burst into tears:" Son, you just lost half a month in stock trading! "At least one day, a pig said to another pig," If all the pigs in the world are dead, then play a song. " The pig said angrily, "At least there is you!" " "10. Can you develop games? A new colleague came to Happy Paradise, who graduated from a famous university majoring in computer science. The bear was envious and asked admiringly, "Can you develop games?" "Yes, I was the president of the student union when I was at school. I often organize various activities. Developing games is too simple. " "What games have you developed?" "Well, for example, now let's learn from rabbits, like ..." 1 1. The global financial crisis led to inflation. Money is becoming less and less valuable. The boss decided to hold a staff meeting to deal with the current problem. "Comrades, because of inflation, money is becoming less and less valuable. Therefore, we used to pay 100 yuan for meals every month, and after research, it was changed to 200 yuan every month. "12. Wolf cubs are born vegetarians. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots! 13. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull. 14. A man and a woman had an affair and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away, naked, walking in the street to watch. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: aliens with chicken feathers. 15. The white rabbit Q B ran after the big wolf, and the big wolf was indignant and chased after him. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the wolf's little white rabbit? Wolf shame: I'm KAO, so soon? 16. In Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to answer the personality characteristics of a novel character. A classmate loudly replied, "Very manly. 17. The cashier said: No change. Here are two plastic bags for you! 18. A thin man said to the fat man: You are really well-developed, and I am really simple-minded. 19. You said ... Do you like me? Actually ... I like myself. 20. Is this blind man blind? Joke examples don't care about the length, sometimes just a few words can have a good effect, such as: 1 A: My two marriages failed. B: What's the matter? The first wife left. How about the second one? She won't leave. Jokes are made up of words. Most of them are short, and people will laugh. Push the door and bump into my daughter chatting naked. We assume that you are the father (I mean hypothetically). What would you do if you came home and suddenly found your daughter chatting naked and pushed the door into her room? ! " Can you guess what her father usually says now? Let me guess, Goldbach. Answer 1: A very unimaginative father would reply, "Absolutely impossible! Because my girl stipulates that I am not allowed to enter the house without knocking! " Answer 2: A more obedient father: "Generally speaking, before I speak, my daughter will growl at me and shout' Get out!'" "Answer 3: grumpy father: I will rush up and shoot her with a folding bench! I won't let her give me this virtue! " Answer 4: A humorous father: "Why don't you turn on the air conditioner? ！” Answer 5: A father who didn't meet for the first time said numbly, "Come out for dinner after chatting." Or "eat first, then finish eating." Answer 6: A panicked father rushed in and pulled the plug. Answer 7: The father of a money addict: "I'm here to collect the management fee. Answer 8: A goat father: "Daughter, how to charge?" Give me a discount? "At night, the minimum requirements for girlfriends in college dormitories, students often talk about their ideal objects at night. One summer night, the air was sultry and abnormal, and it was difficult for a boy to fall asleep in the male dormitory. Let me help you talk about the requirements for your future girlfriend. Xiao Yang is a very cheerful handsome boy and is very popular with girls. He proudly said, "Well, I'll find someone who is 1.6 meters tall, slim and handsome. "Xiao Wu, who is not very handsome, but is the president of the school literature club, said slowly," I don't have high requirements for my girlfriend, as long as I match her, have a gentle personality and have bright long hair. "Xiao Wang is a man of little literary talent, and he is not handsome enough, but he is good at flattering. He sighed and said, "Well, I have the lowest requirements for my girlfriend, as long as it doesn't affect the city." Finally, only Xiao Wu said nothing in the dormitory. Xiao Wu is short and introverted, and his face turns red when talking to girls. Three other people in the dormitory kept encouraging him that he always refused. Finally, Xiao Yang refused: "We all said, at least tell me your minimum requirements for your girlfriend. "Seeing nothing to do, Xiao Wu blushed, huddled under the covers and squeezed out four words:" Female, alive. "An elegant beauty, holding the child ready to get on the bus! When getting on the bus, the driver found that the beauty's child was really ugly, so he said to the beauty, "It's really ugly! "Belle was very angry after hearing this. She gave the driver a hard look and angrily walked to the back of the car! At this time, a man next to Belle comforted her: "Did the driver bully you just now? It's okay. I'll hold this monkey for you. Go get even with him! "Tang Priest: Amitabha Buddha, poor monk Sanzang, visit Guanyin Bodhisattva. I was shocked to hear that Bodhisattva Gui is the director appointed by the Buddha and is choosing a candidate for the role of Buddhist scriptures. The poor monk came to audition. When we met for the first time, the poor monk went to take a bath first and kept the Bodhisattva waiting. I will do my best tonight.