A collection of classic humorous text messages

Funny text messages should not only be enjoyed by yourself, but also shared with people around you so that everyone can be happy together. Below is a collection of classic humorous text messages that I have compiled for you. Come and have a look with me! Collection of classic humorous text messages

1. My friend, I called you just now and it said: Hello; The caller was drunk, so he sent a text message to greet you. My friend, how much did you drink? How come even the mobile company knew about it.

2. During lunch time, Xiao Ming pushed his bowl in front of Xiao Gang next to him: "Try the rice I brought. Xiao Gang took a big spoonful and put it in his mouth." Xiao Ming added: How is it? It has been stored for two days, can it still be eaten?

3. Dear, I have been paying attention to you for a long time. Your big eyes and pure temperament have fascinated me so much. I like you very much. If I could, I would even say I love you! Unfortunately, your price is too high: the supermarket clerk said that live fish is half as expensive as dead fish! My dear, can you please devote yourself to me quickly? I You don’t have enough money! Have fun every day!

4. Have you heard the story of the tortoise and the hare? Do you want to know the story behind the race? Why did the hare lose to the tortoise? In fact, it is very simple. He was dumbfounded in front of the sign on the finishing tree - he wrote: The one who reaches the finish line first is the turtle!

5. Zhu Bajie asked Yue Lao: "Yue Lao, why did you separate me and Gao Jia Yuelan in the first place?" Yue Lao said: "Hey! You don't understand my painstaking efforts! She is a human and you are a monster. I am afraid that the child you give birth to will be a human monster."

6. Xiao Zhang was fired by his boss, and Xiao Wang asked why. Xiao Zhang said sadly: Hey, there is no way. There are two reasons. The boss said that I can't do serious things, and the boss's wife said that I can't do anything serious.

7. The husband and his wife had a fight. When they came home, the wife was livid. The husband went to play with the cat knowingly. The wife yelled: What are you doing with that pig? The husband said in surprise: This is a cat, not a pig. The wife took over again: I'm talking to a cat, why do you want to interrupt?

8. The teacher asked: Make me a sentence using "What's more?" The student replied without hesitation: "We set up a stage on Huangtu Hill and heard the sound of gongs and drums."

9. It’s cold and the ground is cold, so here are three things to pay attention to in your daily life: ① Be like a pig, go to bed early and get up late; ② Be like a bear, add clothes in time; ③ Be like a kitten, run around when you have nothing to do. My care is sent to you, please check in when you have time and let me know how you are doing.

10. The sleeping cat was awakened by a knock on the door. When he opened the door, he saw a mouse. The cat was furious: Are you looking for death? The mouse said tremblingly: Brother, please do some business. The task is over. There is really no way out!

11. Doraemon met Garfield by chance. The two chatted for a long time. Garfield laughed when he learned that the thing Tinker Bell was most afraid of was mice. Tinkerbell said with a grimace, "What do you know? You wouldn't say that when your ears were bitten off by a mouse, huh."

12. Every Valentine’s Day, you listen to music. The song you listen to is a song by an actress. It is very beautiful and touching. I asked you who it was, and you said it was Liang Jingru, and I knew it. You like Liang Jingru, but every time you listen to the same song by Liang Jingru, I ask what it is, and you say, happy breakup! Man, you are so talented!

13. Taxi Driver He was often fined by the police, and he especially hated the police. One day, his wife comforted him and said: Husband, let’s call the police when we have a baby. If you are angry, you will beat the police when you come back. If you still don’t feel relieved, you will fuck the police.

14. Ask your wife for pocket money. My wife said: Is two hundred enough? I used my fingers to indicate OK. My wife was furious: What? You still dare to ask for three hundred? Go away, you don’t even have half a dime. ?Then he left. I was stunned for a long time, what happened just now? Everything happened so fast, I didn't understand it.

15. The man said: I drink with those women because it is a must for the company to socialize. The woman said: I always talk to you and get angry, which is also my job. I am cremated at work. I'm afraid that one day I'll be transferred to the hospital and I'll have to deliver the baby.

16. The child asked: What does it mean to cook a rabbit after it dies? The mother replied: When the rabbit died, the dog cooked it and ate it. Don’t dogs like to eat rabbits? The child said: Question: How can a dog cook a rabbit? Can it make a fire? My mother replied: This is anthropomorphism, and the rabbit is written as if it were a human being. ?The child seemed to understand: ?Oh

17. A squid was caught by a hunter and begged not to roast it. The hunter said okay and then I will torture you with a few questions. The squid listened. He said happily: Great, let's roast it! So the hunter roasted it?

18. When your child fails to live up to expectations, you always call him a "bastard". This happens every time, because He didn't study well and didn't dare to talk back. But one time, that kid talked back. You said, "You bastard, you still dare to talk back. Did you learn today's lesson?" Your son was very proud and said, "I learned it. I learned it hereditary." . ?

20. Xiao Ming suffered a fracture and was hospitalized. His mother cooked him a large bowl of pork bone soup and told him: Eat whatever you want to make up for it, eat more, and your illness will be cured soon. Xiao Ming said thoughtfully: So that's it. I asked why the neighbor's second dog was so stupid. It turned out that his mother made him drink pig brain soup.

21. In your last life, when you were on the Naihe Bridge, Po Meng said to you: As a person, you are a bit short-sighted and are good to everyone; as a monkey, your climbing ability is a bit insufficient, although you I also want to go rock climbing; as a fish, you want to breathe with your lungs, which is substandard? Oh, what should I do? By the way, pig, it is still very suitable for you! As a result, you have become like this? Everyone affectionately calls you You: Bajie, should you be happy every day?

22. The father taught his son: "Son, you must study hard. For you, my heart is broken into pieces, like pork stuffing." ?. The son hurriedly said: "Then you are still breathing?"

23. After receiving this text message, please look to the left at the beautiful woman for 10 seconds, and to the right at the handsome man for 10 seconds, then look up at the sky for 10 seconds, and look down at the ground for 10 seconds. How is it? You must swallow your saliva again. Thank God, thanks to this parenting encyclopedia for guidance, otherwise I really don’t know what to do.

24. Five prohibitions: You are prohibited from pretending to be busy at work and ignoring me, you are prohibited from getting rich and forgetting about me, you are prohibited from not helping me when you are in trouble, you are prohibited from eating chocolate without calling me! You are prohibited from thinking about me when you are free! Please implement it seriously. Happy New Year's Day! New Year's Day blessing text message

25. One day, you said that you bought a long mobile phone, which made people envious. One day, I went to your house and saw you wearing it on your waist. I accidentally pressed it and the TV turned on! Man, your phone has so many functions!

26. The two of us Love! My parents agree, your parents agree, and our seven aunts and eight aunts all agree! Whenever I miss you, my parents will say: Let her come to our house for a few days! When you are bored, But your parents said: Go call that brat and ask him to take you out to play! Why do you think this is, dear!

27. Criminal detention for not reading my text messages and not replying The labor transformation of my text messages. Anyone who doesn't call me is sent to the Arctic to feed the bears. If you contact me by phone or text message from time to time, I will reward you with a 2012 ship ticket to send you out of the earth.

28. A four-year-old boy was holding a three-year-old girl. The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my life?" The little boy said, "Of course." We are not children of one or two years old. Of course I have to be responsible for you.

29. Brother, there is something I must tell you. You are good at everything, but you love to act like a big star. Every time I call you, you don’t answer. If you don’t answer, you won’t answer. Come on, you always ask someone else to say sorry to me for you. Don't do that again. You have to say sorry yourself.

30. Xiao Ming always likes to wear shoes barefoot and never wears socks.

Dad said angrily, "If you let me see you without socks again, I will beat you up!" Xiao Ming was so frightened that he said, "Okay, okay, I promise, I will wear socks and no shoes in the future!"

31. Henan baby asked Henan mother: How to make a sentence for ABCDEFG? Henan mother: A, this B child is from C family? Standing on D with bare feet, EF is not wearing any, and GG is still exposed! Haha

32. I love your eyes, like the bright moon in the sky, one on the first day of the lunar month and the other on the fifteenth day of the lunar month; I love your face, like a big apple, one side is red Fuji, the other is yellow banana; I love Your hair is like willow branches, either in autumn or in winter!

33. In the Chinese class, the teacher took a composition book and said to everyone seriously: This is the composition of? Listen to me Read it, (order) day was Sunday, and my mother took (find) and (socks and socks) to go to (boyfriend)'s house to get married, and there was a strong wind (chaos) on the way. When we arrived, (Male) was not at home, only Lao (Axe) and Lao (Wolf) were sitting on the (pit). Haha, I won’t read it anymore to make everyone laugh.

34. I would like to give you a bowl of soybeans, hoping that you can grind them into healthy soy milk and drink it; I would like to give you nine red beans to express my long-lasting longing for you, lasting? But , I rummaged through my territory and only found one mung bean, so I wish you can see it in the eye! My dear little bastard, be happy?

35. Do you still remember, When you were in high school, your grades were average, except for Chinese. You took another mock test. Before the paper was handed out, you heard that the highest score in this test was more than 140. At that time, you yelled, "You are really not a human being. The test is so high." When the paper was handed out, I found out it was you!

36. Three people were buying breakfast. The first one said: "A fried egg, no yolk." The boss followed suit and fried an egg; the second one said: "A fried egg, no egg whites." ?The boss did as he was told, a little impatiently. When it was the third’s turn, the boss yelled: “What about you? What don’t you want?” The third timidly said: “I? Mine don’t want eggshells” 37. Symptoms of depravity: morning starts at noon; time Basically spent on the computer; serious lack of exercise; addicted to games; uneven diet in three meals. None of these are important, the most important thing is: you haven’t invited me to dinner for a long time!

38. There was a man who was very stupid and could not find a job. One day he went to KFC for an interview, and the manager asked: What do you have? Specialty? He said: I can sing, so he cleared his throat and sang: More choices and more laughter at McDonald’s?

39. On the carnival night, all the programs on the program were performed, but there was no One who can make everyone laugh! Brother, in order to make up for everyone's regrets, the host came on stage and said: Today I will perform for you a unique skill that a man can only perform twice in his life? Hit the testicles with a hammer!? The result is one When the hammer came down, both of them were broken! Only then did everyone realize: It turns out that a man can only perform this unique skill once in his life!

40. My wife sighed: Thank you, husband, for always remembering me for so many years. I never miss your birthday, I love you. Husband replied: Actually, I am afraid of being beaten. Wife: I never hit you. Husband: Your birthday happens to be the day I was spanked by my father all my life.