The story about the Three Kingdoms is rather long.

Cao Cao's Tongguan steed was so fast that he had to abandon his robe and be defeated, and he couldn't help sighing in the big tent.

Zhang Liao: "Why is the Prime Minister sighing?"

"hey!" Cao Cao: "I'm thinking, if only Guan Yu were still under my command."

"Yes!" Zhang Liao nodded and said, "If there is a cloud here, Ma Chao should cut it."

"That's not what I meant." Cao Cao only brushed his beard halfway and said, "Today Ma Chao shouted,' Cao Cao has a beard, and Cao Cao has a beard'. If Guan Yu were here ... his beard is much longer than mine, do I still need it to be so miserable? "

2. Kanrogi

Wu Guotai: "People say that Liu Huangshu is extremely ugly, which seems to be all nonsense. You see, Zhong Mou, Liu Huangshu is so handsome and dignified. He is simply a handsome man in the world ... "

Sun Quan: "Mother, you are wrong. That's Zhao Zilong, Liu Bei's general. The one next to him is Liu Bei. "

"Ah?" Wu Guotai: "So, Liu Bei is really ugly."

I told you not to take a handsome guy like Zhao Yun on a blind date with Liu Bei. Take Zhang Fei, for example, to ensure that he is "handsome". )

3. Poor Liu Bei

Sun Shangxiang took Liu Bei's ear and asked, "Do you say that brothers are like brothers and wives are like clothes? What do you take me for? "

Liu Bei: "Madam, don't be angry. Because I was poor at that time, I didn't expect to have new clothes to wear in the future. " In the past, poor people had only one or two clothes in their lives. )

4. Old Huang Zhong

When Changsha was taken, Han Xuan, the prefect, sent veteran Huang Zhong to battle. The two men played dozens of rounds, regardless of the outcome. Huang was suddenly defeated.

Han Xuan: "Why did you lose?"

Huang Zhong: "I forgot to feed the horse. I can't help it I will always forget something when I am old. "

Han Xuan gave his horse to Huang Zhong and ordered him to shoot Guan Yu, but Huang Zhong failed.

Han Xuan said angrily, "Why not shoot an arrow?"

Huang Zhong: "I forgot my arrow again. I can't help it Old will always forget some things ... "

Han Xuan was furious and said, "You old fool, what's the use of me keeping you? Pull it down and cut it! "

Huang Zhong: "Wait a minute, I have something very important to tell you!" " "

Han Xuan: "Say it!"

Huang zhong: "hmm ... it seems ... maybe ... I forgot again."

Han Xuan: "I'm so angry. Pull him down and behead him! " "

Wei Yan: "Han Xuan, you are cruel and heartless. You look down on sages and slow scholars. Take your life! "

Huang Zhong: "Yes, I remember. Han's adult, what I want to say is that Wei Yan has long wanted to kill you, so be careful! "

Han Xuan: "Ah ..."

5. Pound took the truth about Guan Yu.

Soldier A: "Why did General Pang carry a coffin to fight?"

Soldier B: "Don't you know? General Pang became the image spokesperson of XX coffin chain store. " When a star advertises, don't pay attention to his image and don't just spend money. )

6. Empty city plan

Master Sima: "Father, Zhuge Liang's piano is so ugly that I can't stand it."

Sima Yi: "Seven evil spirits! I didn't expect Zhuge Liang to be a descendant of the six-fingered piano demon, so hurry away! " Have you seen too many martial arts novels? )

7. Wang Lang's death

Zhuge Liang: "... today you will fall into the grave. How can you face the twenty-four emperors? ”！ Old thief, stand back! You can teach the rebels to fight with me! "

"Zhuge village people! It is too cautious to bully me. " Wang Lang shouted angrily, "Bring me my quick-acting pills!"

Attendant: "Here you are. Please enjoy your meal."

"I'll argue with you after taking the medicine." Wang Lang ate a whole bottle of medicine in one breath and was about to scold Zhuge Liang when he suddenly vomited blood and died under his horse.

According to expert identification, the cause of death was drug poisoning caused by taking a large number of inferior counterfeit drugs. However, the manufacturer of counterfeit drugs is Chang 'an No.3 Pharmaceutical Factory under Cao Shi Group. In order to cover up the facts, the Wei government finally claimed that the great Wei Situ Wang Lang was "scolded" by Zhuge Liang at the front line of Qishan.

8. Go to the meeting alone

Lu Su gave a banquet in honor of Guan Yu, but Guan Yunchang didn't bring military forces to the meeting, so he made three rounds of drinking.

Lu Su: "Guan, now Jingzhou ..."

Guan Yu: "No ... no problem! Just a few ... a few cities, right? I am always absent ... a word. "

"Thank you very much! This little thing is not a tribute! " Lu Su hurriedly put a red envelope in Guan Yu's pocket and personally put Guan Yu on the boat before leaving.

A few days later, Jingzhou.

Lu Su: "Hou Jun, didn't you promise to return Jingzhou last time? How can you break your word! "

Guan Yu: "Shit! Do you believe what I said when I was drunk? " Remember not to talk about important things on the wine table.

9, seven capture Meng Huo

Zhuge Liang: "Meng Huo, you were captured seven times. Why don't you surrender? "

Meng Huo: "Next time, next time you catch me, I will surrender."

Zhuge Liang: "Why must it be next time?"

Meng Huo: "Next time I do it eight times, eight is' fat', which is my lucky number."

Zhuge Liang fainted on the spot. There is nothing to say to this kind of person, just pull it down and cut it down. )

10, chop Yan Wen Chou

Yan Liang: "Come to Tong Ming!"

Guan Yu: "..."

"What? Speak louder! I can't hear you! " Yan Liang said and took a few steps forward.

Guan Yu: "..."

"Go ahead! Still can't hear clearly! " Yan Liang said, and leaned forward.

Guan Yu: "Well! It is just enough now. " He dropped his sword and beheaded Yan Liang and the horse.

A month later, Wen Chou said, "Who's coming?"

Guan Yu said mysteriously, "Do you know how Yan Liang died?"

Wen Chou: "Oh? Don't know. "

Guan Yu: "Come here and I'll tell you."

Wen Chou leaned in obediently, craned his neck and asked, "How did he die?"

"That's how it died!" Guan Yu said that with a wave of his Qinglong broadsword, he only heard a "click" and the world was at peace!

1 1, care about the shanzhai

Liu Bei: "I'm here to see Mr Zhuge."

Child: "Do you have an appointment?"

Liu Bei: "Ah? No. "

Child: "Mr. Wang is not here. Come again next time. "

Liu Bei had no choice but to go to the cottage for a few days.

Liu Bei: "Is Mr. Zhuge there?"

Child: "Do you have an appointment?"

Liu Bei: "Yes, we agreed last time. I'm going to see Teacher Ge today. "

Child: "OK, Mr. Zhuge is inside. Pay 50 taels of silver for consultation. Go in yourself. "

Liu Bei went in, but did not see Zhuge Liang. When he arrived in Zhuge Jun, he came out and asked the child, "I have an appointment with Mr. Zhuge Liang. Why isn't he here? "

The child counted the money and said unhurriedly, "You only said you saw Teacher Ge. There are many Mr Zhuge here. You can call me Mr. Zhuge in a few years. " (The child is a relative of Zhuge Liang's family)

12, warm wine to chop Hua Xiong.

Cao Cao: "It's good to reach out. This wine is still warm. "

Guan Yu: "Shit! I just don't think this wine is too hot. I cut one. This wine is not cold yet. Forget it. Let's go out and cut another one. " It turns out that Guan Yu likes iced drinks. )

13, Seven Steps Poetry

Cao Pi: "I told you to recite a poem in three steps, or I'll pull you out and behead you."

Cao Zhi: "No, it's too little, ten steps!" " "

Cao Pi: "Four steps!"

Cao Zhi: "Nine steps!"

Cao Pi: "Five steps!"

Cao Zhi: "Eight steps!"

Cao Pi: "Six steps!"

Cao Zhi: "Jumping prices, seven steps!"

Cao Pi: "Deal!"

Cao Zhi: "Good! Boil beans and burn beans, and the beans cry in the pot. This is the same root, why bother to fry! " I've been bargaining for so long that I've made up my mind. )

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan and Cao Cao were flying together, and they suddenly met with an emergency and needed to skydive to escape. At this time, they found that there were only three parachute bags left on the plane. When everyone was nervous, Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan, cleared his throat and said, "Well, if the mountain man can answer a few questions, he will jump. If he can't answer them, he will jump by himself." Others have no choice but to agree. Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought it was very simple and replied, "One." So I took an umbrella bag and jumped. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many moons are there in the sky?" Sun Quan replied: "One." He also jumped with an umbrella bag. Finally, it was Cao Cao's turn, and Zhuge Liang asked, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Cao Caozheng couldn't answer, so he had to jump himself. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea and saved his life. Cao Cao felt very happy. The second time, when four people met an emergency by plane, they still discussed it in the old way. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan and asked Liu Bei, "What was the battle when Zhou Wuwang defeated Zhou Wang?" Liu Bei thought simply and replied, "The Battle of Makino." Zhuge Liang nodded, and Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and jumped down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a moment and said, "About 30,000 to 40,000." Zhuge Liang nodded, and Sun Quan jumped down with an umbrella bag. Cao Cao couldn't help laughing and thinking, "Zhuge Liang, I know everything from ancient times to the present, especially the military." You fell this time. " Zhuge Liang asked, "What's the name of the soldier?" Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard this, so he had to jump himself. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea again and saved his life again. Cao Cao laughed to himself. The third time, the same four people flew, and the plane encountered an emergency. As soon as Cao Cao thought about it, Zhuge Raul tried to fool me again, so I jumped myself to avoid being insulted. So he jumped into the air at high speed and heard Zhuge Liang shout to him, "Meng De, there are four parachutes on the plane today!" " "