Excerpts from classic jokes

Excerpts from classic jokes and good words are of great help to the improvement of literary level. One's values can be found in excerpts. Abstraction is like collecting treasures. Abstraction is a habit of ten years. I'll watch excerpts from classic jokes with you.

Excerpts from classic jokes 1 Q&A

"If your wife and your lover fall into the water at the same time, would you like to find another plump or petite one?"

"I still can't find anyone who can't swim."

be afraid

In a basketball match, a woman kept threatening the referee. No matter what happens, she always keeps shouting, "Kill that referee!" " "This behavior lasted for an hour.

"Ladies," said a fan, "the referee didn't do anything wrong!"

"He is my husband," she answered. "When he came home last night, I found lipstick marks on his collar."

insult

A Ping, a young wife, opened the door for her husband A Hao with tears in her eyes and choked up and said, "Your mother insulted me."

"My mother?" A Hao was very surprised. "She is hundreds of miles away from our home."

"Yes, there was a letter for you this morning. I opened it."

"What does this have to do with insulting you?"

"At the end of the letter, your mother wrote:' Dear Ping, don't forget to give the letter to A Hao.' "

Couple question and answer

Wife: Does this dress look good?

Husband: It looks good.

Wife: You just perfunctory me and want me to buy it and go home quickly.

Wife: Does that dress look good?

Husband: It doesn't look good.

Wife: You can't bear to buy it for me!

Wife: You can take this bag, too.

Husband: I have four bags. You don't take anything. How dare you!

Wife: Then I still hold you! Your weight 100 kilograms, what I took was much heavier than what you took.

Wife: There are always extramarital affairs on TV now. Will you have an affair?

Husband: No.

Wife: Why?

Husband: I regret having you. I can't have another one!

Wife: I am in a bad mood at work, which will reduce the quality of our marriage.

Husband: I will be in a bad mood at work.

Wife: No, your psychological endurance is stronger than mine. Because you are bigger than me, and your heart is bigger than me!

... years old

One day I came home late. On the subway, a boy was on the phone. When he hung up, he said with emotion, "If we don't get together, Sister Lexus will get old." After receiving the line, an uncle-like man next to him said, "Young man, you still have a chance. Sister Xia Qing is old. " After returning home, the boy talked to his father about it. After a long silence, my father said slowly, "Sister Lijun has left."

marry

A foreigner is trying to learn Chinese, and someone recommended him to watch a blind date program that was being broadcasted a month ago. I happened to meet him after reading the first issue. He took out his notebook, which read: Married? Fight for marriage? Confused? Faint? Requisition of meat? Fight for meat?

He asked me: which two words should it be?

I told him: anything except the first one.

I don't know if I don't shoot

There is a beautiful woman with a lively personality in the company. Once, in a snack bar near the company, she saw a man sitting there watching the ball with his back to him.

Much like a male colleague, I went over and patted him. The man turned around and said unhappily, "I don't know you well."

A little beauty is the kind who doesn't suffer in her mouth. She blushed and said, "I don't know if I'm unfamiliar!" " The man paused, seemed a little embarrassed and whispered, "I'm not a watermelon."

see a movie

The old man went to the cinema to see a movie, and a man and a woman in front of him made out too much.

Old man: Young man, this is no place to make out. Just make out at home.

Man: Grandpa, if you can persuade her to come to my house, I'll invite you to the movies.

Excerpts from classic jokes 2 1. Valentine's day is coming. My brother asked my sister, What flowers do you like? My sister said shyly, I like two kinds of flowers. My brother asked eagerly, which two kinds? I'll give it to you! Sister bowed her head and whispered: if you have money, you can spend it casually! My brother said foolishly, you are so beautiful! Sister asked charmingly, where am I beautiful? Brother said affectionately, good try.

2. The function and the exponential function e's x power are walking down the street, and I see the differential operator far away. The constant function was scared and hurriedly hid, saying, "If I differentiate by it, there will be nothing!" " Exponential function said unhurriedly, "It can't do anything to me, I am the x power of E!" " "

3. A mathematician, biologist and physicist sat on the open-air coffee table and looked at the people coming and going in the shop across the street leisurely.

First, they saw two people walk into the shop. After a while, they found three people coming out. Three friends expressed their views on their major:

Physicist: This proves the uncertainty principle.

Biologists: These people reproduce themselves.

Mathematician: If one more person enters this shop now, there will be no one inside.

A couple separated on Valentine's Day night, and the wife was so anxious that she began to cry: "I have been looking for my husband for 2 hours!"

A female white-collar worker next to her comforted her and said, "Relax, I have been looking for my husband for 20 years. . . . . . "

5. A woman said, "Do you know? I turned my husband into a millionaire! "

Her friend asked, "Wow, that's amazing. What did he do before? "

A: "He used to be a multimillionaire. . . . . . "

6. Wife: "You used to send me roses. Why don't you send me some now? "

Husband: "Have you ever seen a fisherman feed him bait after catching a fish?"

7. "When my wife is angry, she will get angry about things."

"My wife loves things and throws them in my face when she is angry."

8. "Why did you divorce your wife?"

"Because she goes to the bar every night."

"She loves to drink, doesn't she?"

"No.She always pesters me to go home in the bar."

9. "What gift for your wife on Valentine's Day is inexpensive and can make her very excited?"

"Write her an anonymous love letter."